by David Carner
“Jim, I know you think this is on you, but that isn’t the case,” said John. “Veronica, or Lisa, or whoever she is. That’s the person behind all of this.” John put his hand on Jim’s shoulder. “You’re a good man, Jim. Never forget that.” Jim nodded. John got in the car and headed down the road toward the interstate. As the town disappeared in his rearview mirror, all John could think about was how at least six deaths were possibly responsible by something the current first lady had done.
“John, when you find a case to come back with, you find a case to come back with,” John said to no one in particular.
Chapter 55
As John headed down the road, he began to wonder where he was going. His flight wasn’t leaving until tomorrow night. He could simply go to a hotel near the airport and relax for a few days. The other option was for him to go see his parents. He looked over at the seat beside him halfway expecting to see Sam. She wasn’t there. John wasn’t sure if he was glad, or not, that she wasn’t. John sighed, entered his parents address into the GPS, and turned on the satellite radio. John headed down the road, ready for the two and a half hour drive.
Two hours later, as he got off the interstate and turned away from town, nervousness began to gnaw at him. He assumed his parents would gladly see him. What if they wanted nothing to do with him? John tried to shake that thought from his mind.
He passed the high school on the outskirts of town and turned onto the road that would lead to his parents’ house. As he looked over the countryside, he turned nostalgic of the people that lived there when he was growing up. He turned off the main road a couple of minutes later and drove past the church he grew up in. John navigated the car through the twisty, windy road. He topped a hill and turned his car onto the last turn before he came to his parents’ house. He drove down the road and started down the hill. He made the turn at the base of the hill to his parents’ farm. As he pulled up into the drive, memories overwhelmed John.
John parked the car, turned off the engine, and got out of the car. The side door of the house opened, and there was his father. His father raised his eyebrows in surprise and headed down the walk toward him. His dad stuck out his hand toward him. “Bubba.” His father said. It was a joke between them from John’s teenage years. Henry, John’s father, called John “Bubba,” and John called his father “George.” They had gotten those names from a cartoon the two had been watching one Saturday morning when John was growing up waiting for a Cats game to start. “George,” John responded. John caught his father in a bear hug, and his father was taken off guard for a second. His father hugged him back, and patted John’s back. John was near tears.
“George . . . Dad . . . I’m sorry,” John tried to say without losing his composure.
“It’s alright, son. It’s alright. Welcome home.”
Chapter 56
John and his father walked inside. He heard rustling farther on in the house.
“Henry,” John’s mother called. “Is someone there?”
“It’s John,” Henry simply replied. John’s mother burst around the corner of the kitchen and came into view. Tears were in her eyes. John tried to speak, but couldn’t. He simply walked across the room and hugged his mother.
“I’m sorry, Mom, for what I said to you at the funeral,” John said.
John’s mother pulled away from him and looked at John. “As well you should, Young Man!” His mother admonished. She smiled at John and hugged him again. “John, you went through something Henry and I have never experienced and couldn’t imagine living through. What happened that day is forgiven, and forgotten.”
John smiled at his mother. His parents invited him into the living room. John walked into the living room and looked around. It was like he never left. He sat on the couch and answered all of their questions of what had been going on in his life. They were somewhat disappointed he had left the FBI, but very excited about him working on the current case. They talked for a couple of hours and it was starting to get late. John stood up to leave.
“And just where do you think you’re going, Young Man?” His mother asked.
“I figured I had better get into town and get me a room,” John answered.
“John Fowler!” His mother exclaimed. “You sit down right this second. You’ll stay here tonight and that will be the end of it!” John looked over at this father. His father was sitting in the recliner, leaning in toward the couch listening to and joining into the conversation when he had something to add. When John looked over at him, his father straightened and shook his head.
“You heard your mother. I’m not getting dragged into that fight. No matter how it would end, I would lose,” Henry said. John smiled. Over three years and things hadn’t changed at all.
“Besides,” said his mother. “You have to tell me how you and Jessica are doing and when you plan on getting on with your life and marrying that girl.” John’s mouth dropped. Henry barked a laugh. John’s mother walked into the kitchen. “I’ve got some homemade pimento cheese, John, would you like a sandwich?” John, with his mouth still opened, turned toward his father. Henry smiled. He leaned in toward John and spoke where only John could hear him.
“Bubba, you better answer her . . . and tell her if you want the pimento cheese as well.” Henry leaned back, smiling broadly.
“Yes, Mom, I’d like a sandwich,” John answered. John shook his head, chuckling to himself. As much as things had changed since Sam’s death, the more they had stayed the same.
Chapter 57
John walked into the kitchen as his mom was making him a sandwich.
“Mom,” said John. “Let me do that. I’m almost forty years old.”
His mother ignored him and continued making the sandwich. “John, I’m your mother. If I want to make my baby boy a sandwich, then I will. If I don’t want to, I’ll tell you to make it yourself! Now shut up and eat!” She placed the sandwich on a plate and handed it to him. John took it to the table and began to eat. His mom sat down at the table and watched him. John put down the sandwich.
“How do you know about Jessica, Mom, and what exactly do you mean when am I going to marry her?” He asked.
“After the funeral that day,” his mother began. “Jessica came up to me and said she was a friend of both you and Sam. She said you didn’t really know about her and Sam’s relationship. She also said that you were suffering from alcoholism due to you being undercover. John, she told me everything.” His mother looked away for a minute. When she looked back she had tears in her eyes. “John, she has been the only contact I’ve had with you for three years. I haven’t seen you since you were drunk at your own wife’s funeral!” John felt about three inches tall. He started to speak, but his mother stopped him.
“John, we didn’t know what was going on. She took us to dinner after you left and explained your undercover work and how you had to get into the mob. She said one of downfalls of going undercover is some cops or FBI agents succumb to drugs and alcohol. John, I understand why you did it, and I understand why you were so hurt. Jessica told me how she was the one to interview you over the death of your wife. She said she couldn’t reveal a lot of what happened, but the gist of what she said was you blamed yourself for Sam’s death. John, it’s not your fault.”
“I know that now, Mom,” said John quietly.
“Good,” said his Mother patting him on the shoulder. “Have you forgiven Jessica?” John nodded. “Good! Now what is going on with you two?” John about choked.
“Mom,” John began but didn’t know what to say. His mom smiled.
“John,” began his mother. “This woman has talked to me about you for three years. Do you know she was talking to me one night and she was upset about dating Chit?”
“You mean Chet?” asked John.
“Oh yes, that’s what I meant.” John laughed; his mother shushed him and continued. “She told me she was worried that she was dating him to find out about you.” John groaned.
“Mom,” Jo
hn began. “I do not want to discuss my love life, or lack thereof, with you. I don’t know what to do about Jessica. I loved my wife, and I made her miserable because of my being undercover.” John’s father had been listening in the doorway.
“Do you think our marriage has been unicorns and dandelions?” His father asked. John was shocked. “For being a great detective, you’re an idiot sometimes. People make each other mad and upset. It’s part of life. What makes marriages work is to work through the problems. What you’re hung up on, if you want my opinion, and I’m gonna give it to you whether you want it or not, because you need to hear this; you’re problem, John, is you two were having trouble and then she died.” Henry paused. John looked down at the floor, ashamed. He had spent three years beating himself up over what happened and an afternoon with his parents gave him more clarity than anything had since Sam’s death. Henry continued.
“You had a drinking problem, Son. Were you going to do something about it?” Henry asked.
John took a deep breath fighting back tears. “I was going to her that night to tell her I was joining AA and would leave the FBI. I was literally a block away from the apartment to tell her all of this when I saw it blow up.”
Tears welled up in John’s eyes. His mother got up and hugged him from the left side while his father put his hand on John’s right shoulder. They were quiet for a few moments. His mom let him go, and sat back down. His dad pulled up the chair beside him and sat down. His mom spoke.
“John, what happened was terrible, but from what I know of Sam, she wouldn’t want you to be alone if being with someone else would make you happy. Does she? John, does Jessica make you happy?”
“Mom,” John began. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I trust myself enough to put Jessica through the mess I would be if we began dating.”
“You’re not even dating!?!” His mother exclaimed. “John, have you been on a date since Sam died?” John shook his head no. “JOHN EDWARD FOWLER!!!” Henry tried to calm his wife but she waved him off. After being married for over forty years, Henry knew when to let her go. “What would Sam say!?! Would she want you wallowing around in depression?? Would she want you to just exist?? Well??” Edna was fired up. John knew he was defeated. He smiled at his mother. “John, you take that girl out on a proper date!”
“Yes, Mom,” John said smiling. His mother nodded. “Mom, I’ve had a long day. Do you mind if I hit the bed?” Edna smiled and got up to check his bedroom to make sure it met her satisfaction. Henry got up and was chuckling. John sat there for a minute.
“Home sweet home,” John said out loud to no one.
Chapter 58
John got up the next morning. Showered, dressed, and went outside to look over the farm. His dad hadn’t worked the farm since before Sam had died. Henry had become disabled due to a disease he had contracted when John was eight. Henry walked out and was talking to John about the changes on the farm. John looked over where the grain bins used to be. His father sold them a few years ago. The barn was starting to fall apart. Henry told him the barn hadn’t contained any hogs in years.
“Dad,” John asked, “Do you think I can lead a normal life with Jessica, given how my life with Sam ended?”
“John,” said his father. “You’ll never know until you try. You know you’re not as damaged, or messed up as you think you are.” John looked at his father. “You have a problem, and you know about it. You’re better off than many people. So many people have problems and can’t admit it. So you struggle with it every day.” Henry shrugged his shoulders for effect. He turned toward John. “Many people struggle with things every day. You have to live John; this life is too short.”
John spoke, “Dad I’m sorry for not coming home sooner.” His father looked at him, and drank from his coffee mug. He lowered the mug and looked out over the farm.
“Bubba, life is also way too short to apologize for a bunch of stupid mistakes made at bad places in our lives,” said Henry. “We’re family John, and family tends to screw up with family. Now don’t you need to be getting to the airport?” John nodded. He hugged his dad and started back toward the house. “John,” Henry called after him. John turned and Henry walked up to him. “What about Sam’s death? Has it ever been solved?” John looked down at the ground. John kicked the ground and then looked back at his dad.
“Dad, there is a file on her, and I have been offered full use of the FBI if I decide to pursue the case. The problem is, Dad, I’m too close to it.” Henry nodded.
“John, sometimes there are no answers. You know yourself better than anyone else. If you don’t think you can do it without it causing yourself problems, specifically if it would lead you back to drinking, then you don’t need to do it.” John nodded. Henry put his hands on John’s shoulders. “Son, she would understand. I mean that about everything.” John nodded. “Son, ASK THE GIRL OUT!” John roared with laughter. Henry had a wide smile across his face and his eyes were dancing.
John walked back up to the house, and hugged his mom and his dad. He got in the car and headed back to the airport. It was a long drive. He needed it. He needed to decide what he was going to say to Jessica when he got home. He pulled out his cell phone and called her.
“Jessica, it’s John,” said John.
“Well thanks for that,” she replied. “I mean this thing called caller ID did say you were John, but it could have been a stalker that wanted to ravage my body . . . of course you could be that stalker.”
John swallowed. He knew she was just carrying on in their usual banter, but he didn’t have it in him to do that right now. John summoned up all his nerve.
“Jessica,” he paused. “Jessica I need to talk to you. May I come by your place tonight when I get back into town?”
There was silence on the other end. John felt like his heart was about to thump out of his chest. On the other end of the phone call, Jessica was grinning like a Cheshire cat. She knew John was trying to be sincere. She knew that she shouldn’t torment him, but she wanted to dish out a little of what John had dished out over the years.
“Are you planning on ravaging my body?” She asked coyly. John nearly wrecked the car. He laughed. He couldn’t help himself. He knew she was trying to give him grief. John only knew of one way to combat this. Fight fire with fire.
“Well, I didn’t have it on the agenda, but if that’s what it takes to seal the deal, then I’ll see what I can do,” he replied. Jessica knew she shouldn’t go any farther, but sometimes, you do things you shouldn’t.
“Great, I’m sure it will be like most men who talk a big game. I’ll be thoroughly disappointed,” she said. There was silence. Jessica silently chided herself. She knew she had gone too far. What she heard next caught her completely off guard.
John spoke barely above a whisper. “Jessica, if you should ever get the privilege of there being a you and me, I will personally guar, an, tee,” he stressed each syllable. “The last thing in this world you will be is disappointed. I’ll see you tonight.” John hung up. Jessica sat on the phone staring into space. She began to fan herself with the hand not holding the phone. “Oh my,” she said. She let her mind begin imagining. “Oh.” “My.”
Chapter 59
Jessica was standing in the FBI building in New York, looking at her phone. John’s call had ended five minutes ago. She had been leaning against a desk talking to John. She stood up and walked out the door to the elevator. She rode the elevator upstairs. She got out of the elevator and paused. What she was about to do might very well end her FBI career, but she had to though. She had to follow the proper protocols and tell what was going on. Whatever happened; she would deal with the consequences. She summoned all her courage and walked down the hall and into Trip’s office.
“Trip, I may be about to enter into a relationship with another FBI officer. Well, he’s not technically a FBI officer now, but after this case is over, I think he will be.” Jessica was mad at herself. She was rambling. No one made her ramble, especi
ally not that John Fowler. She smiled inside. Yes he did. She got herself together and continued. “I have no idea what all it is going to entail, but I need to report this.” Jessica stood there waiting for Trip’s response. Trip continued to work on paperwork, oblivious to Jessica’s presence. Trip looked up and seemed startled to see her.
“Jessica,” Trip said. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something. I was reading some things out of Washington the other day. Do you know that if no one reports a relationship between two people I cannot get in trouble if they were to continue to work together? So, say someone was to date someone. Let’s say you and John, if he were a FBI agent, were to date. Let’s just say, for fun, you two date and I never, ever, EVER was told about it. Do you know there would be nothing I could really do? I mean, if I found out on the day of the wedding, I guess I could come to the ceremony. At that point, I really don’t see how I could tear apart their team. In other words, AGENT, if you were to enter into a relationship with someone, I don’t want to hear about it, especially since I never heard you might be in a relationship. ARE WE CLEAR?” Jessica nodded. She started to leave.
“Jessica,” Trip said quietly. She turned around to see a smile on his face. “Good luck.” Jessica smiled and left Trip’s office. Trip smiled thinking it was good that things were looking up around the office. A shadow darkened his door and there was a knock. Bruce stood there. Trip felt his smile leave.
“Bruce.”
“Trip. Everything alright?” asked Bruce.
“Everything is fine, Bruce,” said Trip.
Bruce smiled. “That’s good to hear. Thought I heard shouting. Guess I was wrong. Have a good day, Trip.” Bruce waved and headed down the hall without waiting to see Trip’s reaction. Bruce walked down the hall. So John had a new girl. Bruce had hoped that John would drink himself into a stupor and walk out into traffic after Sam had died.
