Tanya replaced the receiver, all her anxiety for Diana—which Adrian had helped to diminish last night—returning in full force. Diana must have gone somewhere. She couldn't be wandering around the countryside like a lost sheep.
She was halfway up the stairs when she thought of Roger. Could Diana have gone to him? It was not the sort of action the girl would normally take, but then she had been far from normal yesterday. Quickly Tanya ran downstairs again, stopping on the last step as Adrian came out of the breakfast room. Only the slight raising of his eyebrows gave away his surprise at seeing her in a state of dishabille. Until this morning she had never left her bedroom without being fully dressed.
"You're just in time to join me for breakfast," he said.
"I haven't come down for breakfast. I want to phone Roger."
"What for?"
"In case Diana's there. She might have gone to him."
Only when the words were out did Tanya realize that until this moment she had never given Adrian an inkling of how Roger and Diana felt about each other. With this knowledge came the more unpleasant one that Adrian might well think she had deliberately fostered a romance between the two in order to get Diana out of the way.
"Are you telling me Diana and Poulton are in love with one another?" Adrian demanded.
"I know Roger loves Diana," Tanya replied, "and I'm almost sure she feels the same way."
"Has she said so?"
"Not in actual words but… but… there are feelings Diana has tried to hide. That's why I wanted to ring Roger."
"If Diana's tried to hide her feelings, you should respect them," Adrian said coldly. "And if she were with Poulton and wanted you to know—she'd have called you herself."
"Then what should I do?"
"Nothing—for the moment. Have some breakfast first and then we'll think again."
The warmth of his hand on her arm penetrated the silk of her dressing gown and she longed to throw herself against him and feel the strength of his hold. Instead she pulled sharply away from him and walked into the breakfast room. Silently she watched as he poured her a cup of coffee, carefully cut and buttered a roll and put it on a plate.
"Eat up," he counselled gently. "It will help you to feel better. How long have you known?"
"Known what?"
"That they're—that they were in love?"
"I've suspected it for some time. Diana's still fighting it but Roger admitted it a little while ago."
Adrian sat down and regarded her intently, his expression sad. "Poor Tanya, you haven't been lucky in love, have you? You mustn't…"
"I was never in love with Roger," she cut in on him, determined not to have his sympathy. "He was—he still is—my friend. Nothing more."
Adrian's look clearly showed he did not believe her and her determination grew.
"I'm not interested in marrying anyone else for the moment. And when I do, it won't be someone who will remind me of my association with you!"
The rise of color that washed Adrian's features told Tanya she had succeeded in convincing him she did not love Roger and equally important, that she did not love him either.
"To return to Diana," he said tonelessly. "If she loves Poulton—as you say—she may well have gone away for a few days in order to think things out."
Tanya allowed Adrian's words to comfort her but later that morning, when he had left the house with Dick to inspect a couple of home farms, her earlier fears returned. It was true Diana was sensible, but when a woman was overwrought and believed she loved but was unloved in return, she might do something silly.
On an impulse she picked up the phone to call Roger, and had half dialed his number when she put down the receiver. To ask him bluntly if Diana was with him might not be the most tactful thing to do, whereas if she went to see hm she might be able to find out.
She was breathless from running by the time she reached Roger's house and she paused for a moment to catch her breath. The one thing she did not want was to arrive here looking anxious. There was a sound of activity behind the door and, afraid it would open and her presence be discovered, she quickly knocked.
The door was opened by Roger. He looked startled, as well he might, for she had never called on him since taking over her role as Adrian's wife. Then he recovered himself and smiled.
"What a lovely surprise. I take it it's a social visit?"
"Yes." Her voice was low. "May I come in?"
"Of course." As he went to lead her to the sitting room, she drew back.
"I'd like to talk to you alone."
Silently he held oj)en the door of his study. "I thought there was something up," he said. "Out with it."
Tanya wondered how she could find out if Diana was here without actually asking, but her mind seemed frozen and subtlety was impossible to achieve; particularly when Roger repeated his earlier comment.
"Out with it, Tanya. What's wrong?"
"It's Diana," she said swiftly. "Is she here?"
Roger's astonishment could not have been simulated and it gave Tanya the answer she had feared. It also increased her fear for Diana's well-being.
"Why should she come here?" he demanded. "If this is another of your schemes to get us together—"
"It has nothing to do with me," Tanya said hastily. "But Diana's disappeared."
"Disappeared?"
"She's gone. She quarreled with her father yesterday and ran away. No one's seen her since."
"What made you think she came here?"
"Because you were the reason she quarreled with her father."
"Now look," Roger said forcefully, "if you're making that up-"
"It's the truth. Her father as good as told me so when I spoke to him."
Roger paced up and down but could only take a couple of steps in either direction, which served to increase his impatience.
"Are you sure no one knows where she is?" he asked again.
"Positive. When I asked Lord Biddell to call the police, he said he wasn't worried."
"He's too full of his own importance to worry about anyone!"
Tanya felt obligated to defend the old man. "He said Diana rushed off in a tantrum and that she'd come back as soon as she'd cooled down. He could be right.''
"He could also be wrong. I’ll go and see him myself. If he doesn't report it, then I will."
"Would you like me to come with you?"
"No. It's better if you don't get involved."
Hoping Roger and Lord Biddell would not come to blows, and wondering yet again whether she had done the right thing in going to see him, Tanya let Roger take her back to Park Gates, and even before she had opened the front door, he had driven away.
But it was an icily calm man who finally walked across the floor of the huge library to come to a stop in front of the massive desk behind which Lord Biddell was sitting.
"Come to try and get my vote?" the older man asked.
"I'm here because of Diana. I'm worried about her."
"Are you indeed! And what gives you the right to worry about my daughter?"
"The right of a man who happens to be concerned for her safety. I know she didn't come home last night and so-"
"That foreign gel told you, I suppose?"
Roger's jaw clenched but he still retained his control. "I think you should go to the police."
"And if I refuse?"
"Then I'll go to them myself."
"Will you, be damned!" Lord Biddell roared. "How dare you interfere in family matters? I've a good mind to have you thrown out!"
"That's just the answer I expected from you," Roger said scathingly. "You're so concerned for your own status that you don't give a damn for your daughter's safety!"
Lord Biddell's face was so suffused with color that he looked as though he were about to have a stroke. With a great effort he recovered himself and, pushing his chair away from the desk, rose to his feet. "If you're not out of here in two seconds," he thundered, "I'll throw you out myself!"
"Father!"
The two men swung round, surprise uppermost in" their expressions as they saw Diana at the doorway.
"Where the devil have you been?" her father roared.
Without replying, she looked at Roger. "Why are you and father quarreling?"
Roger went on staring at her as if he could not believe his eyes. "Where have you been? Are you all right?"
"Of course I'm all right. But I'd like to know what's been happening."
To Roger's ears her voice was so unbelievably calm- as if she'd only been out for a stroll instead of having disappeared for nearly twenty-four hours—that he lost his temper. "Nothing's been happening. Nothing except that Tanya was worried sick in case you'd had an accident and I came here to persuade your father to call in the police."
Diana blanched. "The police? But I___________ " She looked dazed.
"I'd no idea anyone would worry about me."
"Because you've got no feelings. You are your father's daughter all right! But next time you run off somewhere, have the decency to let Tanya know. Whatever you may think of her, she happens to be damn fond of you!" He strode forward, pushed her roughly out of the way, and a second later banged the front door behind him.
Diana drew a shuddering breath but did not move until the sound of Roger's car died away.
"Well," her father said. "I'm waiting for an explanation."
"I went away to think things over."
"And left me to be the butt of that impudent young bounder! I've never had anyone talk to me like that." He paused, arrested by the expression on his daughter's face. "What are you looking so pleased about? "
"I wish I'd been here when Roger was speaking to you."
"Where were you?" her father persisted.
"With cousin Margaret."
"Why didn't you let me know?"
"Because I didn't want you coming after me or bellowing at me down the telephone. I wanted a chance to think things out for myself." Diana looked him fully in the face. "I'm leaving home."
"You'll do no such thing! This is your home and this is where you'll stay.''
"I won't. I'm tired of being treated like a child. I want to live my own life and I can't do that if I stay here."
Lord Biddell's skin took on a dull shade of puce. "Who do I have to thank for this? Adrian's wife or Poulton?"
"It has nothing to do with either of them. It's my decision and no one else knows about it."
"And where do you intend to live while you're making your own life?"
"With cousin Margaret. At least till I've decided what to do."
"You'll have to decide pretty quickly. The minute you walk out on me, I'll stop your allowance.''
"I assumed you would." Diana's hands were trembling and she hid them in the pockets of her dress. "But it won't make me change my mind. I'm going to earn my own living."
"You wouldn't even know where to start! The next thing you'll be telling me is that you've taken a job scrubbing floors!"
"At least it would be honest work."
"It's Poulton," Lord Biddell thundered, his brief good humor vanishing without trace. "He's the one who's made you think in this way. You were perfectly happy until you started seeing him again."
"It has nothing to do with Roger." Diana's face was strained but her manner determined. "For the first time I've made a decision for myself. I don't expect you to believe what I'm going to say now, but I want you to know that I—that I still love you and—and that I don't want to hurt you if I can help it. But I've got to live my own life."
Lord Biddell pursed his lips and Diana waited, hoping for a sign of understanding.
"I can see I can't make you change your mind," he said at last. "You've got the bit between your teeth and the only thing for me to do is to give you your head. Go and get a job if you can. Try and stand on your own feet. You'll soon come running back to me."
"Never!"
"Yes, you will. You don't know what it's like to live on a few pounds a week—not as pocket money, mind you, but as living money."
"I'll learn," she said shakily. "It may be hard but I promise you I'll learn." She went to the door and then looked at him again, willing him to show he understood what she was trying to do. But he stared at her implacably, then painfully, arthritically settled himself back in his chair. Only then did she waver, longing to run over and tell him she would never leave him alone in his old age. But if she did she would be lost; lost not only for the present but also for the future. With a heavy sigh she turned and closed the door behind her.
In her room, she quickly packed her clothes. Roger's flowers stood in a vase on the dressing-table and she bent over them. Was it only yesterday that she had received them? Beneath the vase lay his card, and although she knew the words by heart, she read them again.
"Don't be like the violets that grow best when in the shade, but be like the roses that open themselves wide to the warmth of the sun."
Well, she would show him she was no violet! But when she had shown him, what then? To Roger she would always represent a way of life he despised. Even if she made a life for herself, he would always see her as a poor little rich girl playing at being independent. How easy it was to visualize him in the years to come; following a successful parliamentary career with a sensible, politically minded wife who would help him; a woman from the same background who would understand his way of thinking and agree with it.
But she was not taking this step because of Roger. She was doing it for herself. That was something she must never forget.
Back at Park Gates, Tanya waited in a fever of anxiety for Roger's call, but when a call did come for her it was from Diana.
"I'm sorry you were worrying about me, Tanya. I hadn't realized it until Roger told me."
"You've seen him?"
"Yes. He was with my father when I got home."
"Is he still with you?"
"No, he left." There was a pause. "I'm leaving home," Diana went on. "I'll be staying with a cousin for a few weeks until I find a job."
Tanya was lost for words. This was not what she had envisaged for Diana and Roger. What was the matter with them that they could not see they would only find happiness together?
"I'll call you when I've settled down," Diana said. "Then you can tell me whether you think I'm making a success of my life."
"I am sure you will make a success," Tanya replied. "But I had hoped you and Roger—"
"Let's not go into that," Diana cut in, and with an abrupt goodbye, put down the telephone.
Tanya stared at the receiver and wished it were Roger's neck, so that she could wring it for him. How could he let Diana go? Why hadn't he told her he loved her and asked her to marry him? Shaking her head, she went into the library, stopping in dismay as she saw Adrian there.
"I didn't know you were back." She went to walk out but a movement of his hand restrained her.
"Must you go? " he asked.
"I want to wash my hair."
"It looks fine to me." His eyes rested on the golden strands. "Beautiful, in fact."
She averted her head. "Do you wish to talk to me about anything in particular?"
"Does it have to be something in particular before you'll agree to keep me company?"
"I'd rather you didn't ask questions like that." Both her voice and her face were stony.
"You can't even pretend to like me, can you?''
She almost laughed at his question. Like him! What an inadequate word it was to describe the storm of love which the mere sight of him aroused in her. But with a calm for which she congratulated herself, she said:
"If you intend talking to me about the election, I will stay. But if you want to talk about the past, I will go."
"I'm not interested in the past," he said. "Only the future."
"My future will begin the day I leave here."
Silently he reached out for a silver cigarette box.
"Aren't you smoking a lot?" she said involuntarily.
"I'l
l stop once the election is over.''
"What will you do if Roger wins? "
"Go back to managing my estate. I'm by no means sure I'd want to fight another seat."
"Why did you agree to stand for parliament in the first place?"
His hesitation was perceptible. "Would you consider it weak of me if I said I'd been influenced by the people around me?"
"We are all influenced by the people around us," she said flatly. "But the mark of a mature personality is to be able to make one's own decisions. Like Diana," she added, deliberately changing the subject. "She came back home."
"Where was she?"
"With a cousin. She's going back to stay with her until she finds a job."
"How much of that was her decision or yours?" he asked sarcastically.
"It was hers. One can influence but one cannot implement. The decision to leave home was Diana's entirely."
"She isn't trained for anything," he said.
"She is strong and she has a pair of hands. There is no disgrace in using them to earn your living. It is what I will do."
"You've no need to—" He saw the look in the violet eyes and bit back the rest of his words.
"Please excuse me, Adrian," Tanya said. "I really do want to wash my hair."
Left alone, Adrian stared moodily into space. In his mind's eye he followed Tanya to her bedroom, watched as she undressed and wondered if she still had the habit of carefully folding away her clothes but always leaving her stockings in a cobweb heap on the floor. A smile touched the corners of his mouth and his eyes grew tender as he imagined her unpinning the heavy coil of golden hair and letting it fall in a cloud to her waist.
It was impossible for him to believe there had ever been a time when he had stopped loving her, and he had forcibly to remind himself that he had managed to put her out of his mind sufficiently to become engaged to someone else. With hindsight he knew he had been prompted by a self-defense mechanism; a determination to forget the woman he had loved and who had divorced him—or so he had believed—by making another life for himself with someone else.
Now he knew how foolish that hope had been. No matter with whom he had lived, Tanya would always have haunted him. As she would continue to haunt him for the rest of his life.
Rachel Lindsay - Unwanted Wife Page 13
