When I venture out, Sunny’s in the kitchen cutting fruit. Actually, cutting is the wrong word. She’s hacking at it like she’s trying to machete her way through a forest, not slice a melon. Violet’s sitting at the island, her head resting on the counter, a glass of juice in one hand.
“Morning,” I say.
Sunny raises her knife in greeting but doesn’t turn around.
I take a seat beside Violet. “Feeling rough?”
“Shhhh. Too loud, Horny Nut Sac.”
“That bad, eh?”
“I killed half my brain cells last night.”
“I guess it’s a good thing you’re smart, and you can afford to lose a few.”
“Not smart enough to avoid shooters, apparently. They’re a lot like anal: it seems like a good idea at the time, but the actual execution and the aftermath aren’t really all that awesome.”
“Uhh…” I’m not sure I want to know more about that statement, including whether it’s from actual experience or just Violet being Violet.
“Not that I’ve had anal. I mean, obviously Alex wants to go where no man has gone before with more than a finger, but I’m still on the fence.” She moves her head a little and tries to get the straw in her mouth.
“I’m pretty sure that overshare was meant for Miller, not me.”
“Meh. You’re almost like an extension of each other for me now.” She takes a small sip of her juice. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. But I reserve the right not to answer.”
“You ever try to get into Lily’s fire exit?”
“What?”
“Her access-denied hole. You ever try to pirate her door number two?”
“You’re asking if Lily and I have anal? Don’t you think it’s a little early in the morning to talk about this?”
“It’s never too early to talk about an Area 51 breach. Besides, I’m doing research. Based on the domes you two were using when you first started dating, I think you and Alex have comparable junk.”
“Yeah, I’m not answering that question.”
“That’s fine. I’ll ask Lily later.”
“Ask me what later?” Lily’s hair is still bed-messed. She’s wearing a pair of shorts and a tank. Based on the way her nipples are poking at the thin fabric, she’s not wearing a bra.
“Area 51 access,” Violet says. “Does Balls have it?”
“I’m not talking about that.” She raises her arms over her head and stretches up on her toes, exposing a sliver of stomach I want to lick. “Thanks for making sure I was watered before I fell asleep last night.”
“I wouldn’t want you to feel like this one.” I thumb over my shoulder at Violet, whose eyes are closed again.
She grunts. “Alex fed me aspirin before bed, but I don’t think I drank enough water.”
I pull Lily between my legs and skim her sides, accidentally brushing a nipple on my way up. She grabs my hand, but I’m fast, so I snag her wrist and drape her arm over my shoulder, pulling her in closer. At the tip of my chin she puts her ear to my mouth. “I can see your nipples through your shirt.”
“I can see yours, too,” she whispers back.
I glance down to check if that’s true. She pulls the arm of my tank to the side so one peeks out.
“Mine aren’t nearly as exciting as yours.”
“Can you two foreplay somewhere else? I’m trying to be hungover in peace,” Violet mutters.
Lily backs up a step. “Need any help over there, Sunny?”
“Nope.”
Lily gives me a questioning look, and I shrug, because I seriously have no idea. Sunny’s not usually one to be bitchy. That doesn’t seem to be the case this morning.
“Maybe Miller’s in the doghouse?” I whisper.
If he came to bed drunk, that could explain her less-than-sunny disposition.
Sunny crosses to the fridge and yanks on the door. She roughly opens a crisper, and the contents spill out all over the floor.
Violet groans and covers her ears. I jump up to catch the runaway lemons and a bag of grapes. Sunny bursts into tears.
Lily rushes over to put an arm around her. “Are you okay?”
“I think I’m going crazy!” she sobs.
Lily rubs circles on her back. “It’s just the hormones; you’re fine.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Last night Miller came to bed smelling like campfire and hot dogs. I haven’t eaten a hot dog since we went on that tour of the meat-packing factory when we were in grade three, remember that?”
Lily nods. “Of course I remember.”
“And they showed us how hot dogs are made? They tried to make me eat one, and I threw up all over the table.”
“It set off a chain reaction, and six other kids threw up too.”
“It was horrible. I was so traumatized. I had no idea what was in a hot dog.”
“I know you didn’t,” Lily says soothingly.
If Sunny wasn’t crying, I would be killing myself over this.
“Well, last night I liked the smell of hot dogs on Miller even though I know what they’re made of. It’s not even real meat! It’s leftovers. Every time Miller barbecues, I want to get him naked and lick the flavor off his body. I kissed him after he ate that steak last night without even making him brush his teeth first. What’s happening to me?”
“It’s probably your body telling you you need more iron,” Lily says.
I stay crouched on the floor, picking up scattered grapes and trying not to laugh.
“I wouldn’t even let him brush his teeth before he came to bed last night, and then he fell asleep on me before we could have sex!” This incites a fresh round of tears.
“I fell asleep on Alex while he was licking my beaver last night. He’s pretty mad at me for that,” Violet offers.
Okay. “I’m just gonna go—” I set the crisper on the counter with the beat-up fruit. This isn’t a conversation I need to be part of. Or want to be, for that matter.
I round the corner and find Lance outside, sitting on one of the Adirondack chairs. “I’m surprised you’re awake.”
“I’ve been up for a while. I was gonna go in and make coffee, but then I heard girl-crying and figured it was safer out here. Everything okay?”
“Yeah. No. But it’s hormones or whatever. Sunny’s having meat guilt.”
He clasps his hands behind his head. “Do I even want to know?”
“Probably not.”
“We’ll just let it go then. You think it’ll be clear to go in soon? I could really use coffee.”
“I’d give it another ten minutes. I don’t know how long pregnant crying fits last.”
Lance shakes his head. “I can’t imagine dealing with that. Miller’s gotta be some kind of saint to handle all the tears.”
I lean against the deck railing and consider that. “He’s a patient guy, and Sunny’s usually even, you know? People will put up with a lot from someone they care about, especially since this seems to be outside of her control.”
“Yeah, I can see that. I guess I’ve never had anyone give enough of a shit about me to want to put up with my crap for more than a few weeks.”
“That thing with Tash went on for a lot longer than that.”
“It was just about the fucking, though—and the mind fuck for her—so it doesn’t really count.”
His phone beeps. He checks the screen and sighs. “Speaking of.”
“You should turn that shit off while you’re here. Put it out of your head for a couple of days.” Kind of like I’m avoiding any additional calls from my dad since my phone is still in the truck.
“That’s the problem. She’s burrowed her way right in there like a fucking termite, and I can’t get her out.”
He flips the phone over so it’s face down and he can’t see the screen. It buzzes again with another message, but he ignores it.
“Hey, you find your phone last night?” he asks.
“No. Shit. I should have a
look in the truck. There’s some stuff on there I don’t want anyone else to see.”
“What kinda stuff?”
“Just personal shit.”
He pushes out of the chair. “I’ll give you a hand.”
I can’t believe he’s not feeling like a bag of shit considering how much he drank last night and how little he’s slept.
We walk around to the truck and open the doors. I check all the compartments while Lance looks under the seats.
He holds up a box of condoms. “You still using these?”
“Nah. Lily’s been on the pill forever. She’s really good about taking it on the regular.”
“Wasn’t Sunny on the pill when she got pregnant?”
“Yeah, but she had some kind of sinus infection and was taking prescription meds. Apparently they interfere with the pill, and they should’ve been bagging it.”
Lance whistles. “Fuuuuck. I didn’t know that.”
“Lesson learned, I guess?”
“That’s a big-ass, permanent, motherfucker of a lesson.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “But Miller’s rolling with it, and so is Sunny.”
“You don’t worry Lily’s gonna want the same thing?”
“Not right now. Her mom got knocked up at eighteen. I don’t think Lily’s interested in repeating the cycle.”
“Fair enough. Sorry. I didn’t mean to get personal on you.”
“It’s fine. It’s not like I haven’t thought about it.”
Lance tosses the condoms into the glove box. “Just in case you decide you need them.”
“Good call.”
We switch sides and go through the entire truck one more time, but come up empty-handed. I’m starting to panic a little. My phone has all my contact info in it, not to mention some other things.
“Maybe it’s in your room?”
“Yeah. Maybe. It’s worth another look.” Lance closes up the truck, and I sneak back inside to give our room another pass.
The girls aren’t in the kitchen anymore, but I don’t stop to find out where they went. I take the stairs two at a time. I check in all the obvious places first: under the bed, in the bed, in the dresser drawers. When I still don’t find it, I dump my bag out, rummage through the contents, and check all the pockets, but still nothing. Maybe it ended up in Lily’s bag.
I dump hers out on the bed and sift through the frilly, lacy lingerie she has yet to model for me, or let me take off with my teeth, but still no phone.
There are a few extra pockets in her bag, so I unzip those, turn it upside down, and shake it. A bunch of things fall out on the bed. Included is the little vibrating bullet I found in her nightstand drawer a few months back. It comes in handy when I want to torture her with orgasms. Three small bottles of lube—one water-based, one flavored, and a new black one—also litter the comforter. I love how prepared she is, like a regular sex girl scout.
But the item that makes me immediately hard is also brand new and still in the package. Lily bought a butt plug. A fucking hot pink butt plug with a crystal at the end. I try really hard not to imagine what she’s going to look like, sound like, feel like when I’m using it on her, but it’s impossible. Not once have I ever mentioned wanting to go there with her—though of course I do. I’m a guy. With a dick. I want to put it wherever she’ll let me. My motto with Lily has always been: unless she brings it up, I don’t.
If she has this, I have to assume, logically, she wants me to use it on her. My hard-on throbs as I consider how amazing that’s going to be—and then there’s the video I’ll make with my phone.
Which I still can’t find.
Fuck.
I will my hard-on to go away. It doesn’t want to. Now it wants to get inside Lily. Now it wants me to do dirty, nasty things to my gorgeous girlfriend’s ass.
But first I need to find my goddamn phone.
I jam Lily’s clothes back in her bag. All the little toys go back in the pockets, except the plug. That I set on top of her clothes and zip up the bag. I want her to know I know she has it. Then I once again will my hard-on to fuck off until I can sort out the missing-phone issue.
“Hey, I’ve been looking for you!” Lily wraps an arm around me from behind. “Wow. What’s going on here?” She gestures to my clothes strewn all over the unmade bed.
“I was looking for my phone.”
“Oh. Any luck?”
“Nope.”
“Have you checked the truck yet? I thought you left it in there. I forgot my phone charger at home. We can get yours and have a look while we’re out there.”
I turn and tuck her hair behind her ear. I don’t tell her I’ve already been through the truck twice. I want to have one more look before I let the real worry take hold. “Sure. Let’s go.”
She threads her fingers through mine. “After brunch we should come up here and have a nap.”
“By nap do you mean we should get naked and give each other orgasms?”
Her smile is devious. “You’re such a mind reader! That’s exactly what I meant.”
“I love your version of naps.” I kiss her shoulder and tug on her hand. I have a feeling if I don’t find this damn phone, the orgasms will not be happening. “Sunny’s okay?”
“Yeah. She’s fine. Well, as fine as she’s going to be until she has that baby. Let this serve as a reminder: never let me forget to take my pill.”
“You took it yesterday, right?”
“Oh, yeah. I have three alarms, and I carry a spare pack with me at all times. I take no chances.”
I pat her ass and follow her down the stairs. “That’s my responsible girl.”
Lance and Alex are playing Frisbee with Charlene and Darren in the side yard. Andy chases after the disc with Wiener running between his feet. The little dog snatches the Frisbee when Andy manages to catch it. Violet’s lounging in a chair with huge sunglasses and a sombrero pulled low, and Miller is rubbing suntan lotion into Sunny’s shoulders. Titan is curled up at her feet.
“Any luck, bro?” Lance calls out.
I shake my head. “Gonna check the truck again.”
“Again?” Lily asks. “I thought you hadn’t checked yet.”
“It doesn’t hurt to have another look. I wasn’t all that thorough. Don’t worry. I’m sure it’s in there. I mean, where else could it be?”
“Right? It’s not like you could’ve lost it.” I hear a hint of nervousness in her voice. “When was the last time you had it? You took pictures at the convenience store. Did you use it after that?”
“I don’t know. Maybe?”
“We should try calling it,” Lily suggests after we’ve been through the entire truck, top to bottom, three more times.
“That’s a good idea.”
Lance has his phone handy, so he gives mine a call. It goes to voicemail right away, which means the battery is dead.
“Should we call and report it as lost?” Lily chews on her thumb. “I mean, you have a lot of personal information on there. Maybe some things we wouldn’t want anyone else to see?”
“Wait a second, don’t you two make sex videos on your phones?” Violet asks.
I liked it better when she was nursing a hangover and being quiet.
“They’re not sex videos,” I counter.
“Really? The one I saw sure looked like a sex video to me,” she says.
Lily turns to Violet, incredulous. “Seriously? What the hell happened to the vault?”
Now it’s my turn to be pissed. “You showed Violet our private videos?”
“Only the first one you ever made. You remember the one when you woke me up because I fell asleep on you? I thought it was sweet.”
“Oh, I remember.” For a moment I’m caught up in the memory of that sex-filled night.
“Hold the fucking phone, you two make amateur porn?” Lance looks caught somewhere between a boner and a laugh.
He’d better choose neither.
“It’s not porn,” I snap.
�
�You have sex and film it, though?” he asks.
“Just on my phone. Or Lily’s sometimes. They’re little clips. It’s not like they’re hour-long marathons or anything,” I explain.
“Wow. I mean, shit.” Lance blows out a breath and nods his approval to Lily. “You got balls, girl. And I don’t mean this guy.” He points at me, and then motions to his junk. “But, like, lady balls.”
“Will you shut the fuck up right now?” He sure as hell isn’t helping the situation.
“Yeah.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels. “I can do that.”
“Okay. Let’s not panic, yet.” Lily holds up her hands like she’s silencing people, except no one is talking. She looks at me. “You erased all the videos on your phone, right?”
“Uhhhh…” I think for a few seconds about what pictures and videos might still be on there. My hesitation must be too long.
“You erased all the videos, right, Randy?” she asks again, more forcefully.
“Well, uh, I…” I stroke my beard. “I didn’t erase the one from the changing room yesterday.”
Her eyes are wide and doe-like. “Is my face in that one?”
“I don’t think so.” There are too many people looking at me to be able to remember the details. My plan had been to get her off and then use the video to help my own situation. Also, Lily in her skating outfit with my fingers all up in her is fucking gold. But not if someone other than me is watching it.
She’s gone from calm to high-pitched. “You don’t think so?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Oh my God. Are there any other pictures I should worry about on there? Or videos?”
Lily is approaching an official freak-out. Both Miller and Alex look like they might want to beat me with their hockey sticks.
I tap the bridge of my nose. I don’t know whether or not I should be honest, because I’m almost positive there are a few pictures of her without clothes on from last week. Or maybe just a thong. “Maybe one or two?”
Pucked Under (Pucked #4.5) Page 8
