I watched, committing every moment to memory, as the unsure girl who’d always wanted to say no to all the men before me suddenly came to life and said yes on repeat. Yes, yes, yes, begging me to move harder and faster until her world crashed around her in an almighty explosion of long overdue pleasure.
I came with her, collapsing into a new world I’d never imagined existed before. A world where I was the boy the magic girl gave all her yeses to.
SIXTEEN
Lilac
You’re never going to be happy.
I couldn’t remember the first time I told myself that, but over the last year, the thought ran through my head a lot. Now I knew what I should have been thinking was, you’re never going to be happy until you’re back with Toby.
I stared up at his face, his narrowed eyes, his parted mouth, and I watched him as he tried to catch his breath. I was happy now. Right there and then with him, I was happy. My fingers fought through the dark lengths of his hair as we stared at one another.
“Say something,” I whispered.
“Give me a second. I’m just trying to breathe.”
I grinned too brightly.
“We just...”
“Yeah.” I tilted my head to one side on the cushion. “It was perfect.”
He tried to contain his smile of victory, but it was useless. The smirk turned into a delighted grin within seconds, until the two of us began to laugh freely. With a grunt of dissatisfaction, he pulled himself out of me as carefully as he could. The sharp sting I felt wasn’t because I was in pain. It was from the loss of him the second he began to stand. I opened my mouth to complain, but the dull, heavy sound that echoed around the beach hut interrupted us at once.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
My hands flew to my body to cover myself up, but I was quickly pushed back in place, and Toby was lying on top of me again within seconds, his hands grabbing the nearest blanket he could find to throw over himself and cover his bare bum cheeks.
“We know what you’re doing!” cried a group of boys from outside the front porch, their laughter tearing through the air like a rumbling tornado.
“Fuck,” Toby cursed under his breath, his head snapping in their direction.
I froze, my mouth hanging open, unable to move or do anything when I saw a small boy—probably in his early teens—run up to the window one last time, throw his hands behind his head and begin to thrust and moan.
“Motherfu—” Toby’s hands were everywhere, pulling blankets down over me before he managed to secure one around his waist, jump up from the sofa and march towards the door, yanking it open suddenly.
The cool night air hit me, causing me to curl up in the fort of blankets and watch as Toby charged to the top step of the porch. I heard the scurrying of shoes followed by a cacophony of pre-pubescent laughter.
“Get out of here, you little arseholes!” Toby shouted.
Not even my embarrassment could stop me from chuckling to myself, watching Toby standing there in the moonlight, his entire upper body completely naked and shining.
I’d just made love to that—to him. Strong muscles flexed in his back as he planted his hands on his hips. His biceps were now marked from my grip, his skin covered in little pink lines from the way I’d clawed him.
He reached up to scratch the back of his neck, still shaking his head as he watched the group of boys run away.
“Little dickheads,” he muttered to himself.
When he spun on his heels and glanced over his shoulder at me—one hand still resting on his neck while his other was planted firmly on his hip—everything tightened again. The playful roll of his eyes followed by the slow, seductive smile that crept into his cheek had my skin tingling and my lips missing his warmth.
“Toby Hunter?” a manly voice said from somewhere outside.
Oh… shit.
Toby’s attention spun back to the bottom of the steps before he reached back for the door and began to pull it closed behind him, cutting me out, or hiding me from whoever was down there.
“What are you doing out here at this time of night?” the man asked again, his voice more muffled as I sank into the blankets as much as I could.
“Nothing,” Toby answered calmly.
“It doesn’t look like nothing. Where are your clothes?”
“In the beach hut. I was just…”
“Mind if I take a look inside?” the older voice asked.
I glanced through the window carefully, watching as Toby held out his hand and shook his head. “Not today, officer.”
Officer? You had got to be kidding me…
“A friend of mine’s getting changed in there. She needs her privacy.”
“She?” The judgement dripped from that single word like slow-melting oil.
“Yes. She. Just a friend, nothing more. We went for a late-night swim.”
I didn’t let that friend statement bother me. I wasn’t that insecure and stupid. I’d felt the way he’d just touched me, and I’d seen the way his eyes had penetrated mine. I sank into the blanket, pressing my lips against the slightly itchy fabric, trying not to give myself away.
“You’re getting quite the reputation around here, Hunter.”
“For what? Late night swimming?”
“For being a trouble causer. A nuisance. Southwold is a quiet, seaside town…”
Toby sighed. “I haven’t done anything wrong. This is private property.”
“Not when you leave the curtains open and allow it to become a public show.”
There was a pause—a heartbeat where I felt Toby’s heart tug on mine as if to say stay there, say nothing.
“Fair point,” was all Toby ended up saying.
“Get yourself home, Hunter, or close the damn curtains so the kids don’t get all riled up… before I have to arrest you for the third time.”
“Yes, sir.”
A nod of the head later and Toby walked back inside, not saying a word as he kept his eyes to the floor, shut the door behind him and pulled the curtains closed in one dramatic yank. His back was to me as he held his chin to his chest. The muscles in his young back looked smooth and prominent, tinged with little pink blemishes of me.
For a split second, I thought the last few minutes had ruined one of the best days of my life. But then Toby’s shoulders started to shake, and his head began to bob as his laughter grew and grew, bouncing around the space between us.
With the blanket still pressed to my mouth, I let my amusement drown in the material of it, my own body rattling effortlessly as my eyes glassed over.
Then he came to me quickly, sliding his hands under my blanket and body, cocooning me to him until he’d somehow spun me around on the sofa, so I was lying on top of him.
“Why is everything with us so damn dramatic?” he asked, still laughing.
“Just special, I guess.”
“Only us.”
“Only us,” I repeated, dropping him a kiss on the lips I couldn’t keep for myself anymore. Toby’s hands rose to my hair, and he smoothed it back over my shoulders repeatedly, the soothing action making my eyes roll in the back of my head and my body hum with appreciation.
“Every time I’m around you, I somehow end up having to explain myself to a cop.”
“Obviously I’m a little more dangerous than either one of us realised.”
“I’ve always known you’re dangerous, Lilac.”
“Oh, yeah? Then why aren’t you scared?”
“Who says I’m not scared?”
I shook my head. “Don’t be. I’m a pussycat.”
He huffed out a laugh but didn’t respond. His fingers worked on a cycle, combing through my hair, lulling me into a sense of contentment that made me sleepy. I dropped my head to his bare chest and listened to his frantic heartbeat. It made my smile ache. I loved hearing the way I made his body sing. Me. Just a girl with a big heart, big dreams, and big desires.
“Are we going home tonight?” I asked him as I stared at the wal
l.
“Do you want to?”
“I really don’t.”
“Then we’ll stay here. Do you need to call your mum?”
“Probably.”
I heard the smile in his voice when he spoke. “Don’t get me in any more trouble.”
“I’ll send her a message. She’ll be fine. But it’ll have to be later.”
“Why?”
I snuggled into his chest even more, savouring the wave of his aftershave as it washed over me, soaking every moment and every flicker of heat his body shared with mine. “Because I’ve never been happier than I am right here in this very moment, so let me enjoy it for a bit longer because when you find this kind of happiness, you have to cling to it. Drag it out. No interruptions. Let’s just… be.”
I felt his lips press softly against the top of my head before he curled both arms around me and held me to him tighter.
Then we just were.
Toby and I spent the entire night with nothing more than a blanket wrapped around us. Sometimes we’d sit on the floor, the bottle of champagne in between us as we took turns to sip from the same glass. He would lean over after taking a drink, press his warm, wet lips to mine, and pour his mouthful of bubbling champagne onto my waiting tongue.
We talked about everything and anything. When the night wore on, and we were confident that all our uninvited guests had disappeared, Toby opened the curtains again, and we watched the waves of the ocean being lit up by the lonely moon. Sometimes we sat in silence, his arm around my shoulder as I rested my back against his chest and let my limp head fall on him. Other times I’d find his hand roaming again, his fingertips tiptoeing down my skin and bringing it to life.
I was sore. Very sore. The more time that passed by, the more the ache grew. That ache soon turned into desire, a need to do it all again, and before long we found ourselves in a tangle of blankets and cushions on the wooden floor.
The sun was shining by the time we finished making love for the second time, and I had to wonder how the night had gone so fast and so perfectly slow all at the same time.
When the first sign of human life began to trickle along the beachfront, the two of us got dressed, made the beach hut look tidy, and went to sit out on the top porch step.
With our arms pressed together and our bodies huddled in, Toby slipped his hand into mine and squeezed it tightly. We watched the dog walkers drift by, early morning swimmers stretch their limbs before diving into the cold waters, and a few of the beach workers wander on down to their little gift stores or food vans.
“Do you feel different?” I asked him as I looked at the sea through squinted eyes.
“Yeah.” He sighed, his fingers digging into mine. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this calm before.”
“Calm?”
“Relaxing isn’t easy for me.”
“Why?”
“I…” Toby paused, narrowing his eyes and exhaling slowly. “I don’t know. I always feel like there’s something I should be ready for.”
“Like an enemy?”
“Maybe. Or Maybe I’m just wired in a way that makes relaxing hard.”
“I had no idea.”
“Me, neither. Not until this moment right here when I finally know what it’s like to feel so peaceful.”
“At least I know what to do every time you lose your temper from now on.”
He smiled a flat smile and glanced at me from the corners of his eyes. “I don’t lose it that often.”
“I hate violence, usually, but…” I rubbed my lips together and let my attention fall to his mouth. “When you defend me the way you do, it makes me feel…”
“Scared?”
“Safe.”
He blinked once, and I saw the way he swallowed discreetly. “That’s okay then.”
“You’re embarrassed?
“No.”
“You so are.” I nudged him, but before I could bounce away, he’d cupped my cheek with his free hand, pulled me in and crashed his lips to mine. My shoulders relaxed instantly, enjoying the heady taste of everything that was intoxicating about him.
“God, I could kiss you all my life,” he muttered into my mouth, letting me taste his words.
“I want you to.”
My stomach roared with hunger right on cue, and Toby pulled away, glancing down at it with a raise of his brow.
“Ignore that,” I told him, but he wasn’t having any of it. I’d barely blinked before he had me standing, locked up the hut, and was towing me down the beach towards a cafe that was just opening its doors.
Once inside, I sighed dramatically.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, holding a seat out for me to take.
“Nothing.” I lowered into it. “I’m just sad it’s over.”
He stood next to me, not moving until I looked up at him through my downturned eyes. His grin broke free before he leaned down, gently pushed the hair away from my ear and whispered, “You know it’s only just begun, right?”
SEVENTEEN
Toby
The way she wrapped her fingers around her mug and curled it closer to her chest reminded of the way she’d held onto me. The way she licked her lips took me right back to when her head was thrown back in pleasure, her tongue running across her bottom lip before she bit down on it. The way her legs shuffled in her seat brought on the memory of her trying to shimmy beneath me as I held her down and licked her into submission. I couldn’t stop smiling, and Lilac knew she was the reason why.
“You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?”
“Sure.”
She raised her brows and waited, her fingers dancing over her cup of tea.
I scrubbed at my face furiously then looked back up at her with helpless, pleading eyes, dropping my palms onto the table with a thud.
“Sorry.”
“Something else occupying your mind?”
“As a matter of fact, yeah. I think I’m a bit Lilac drunk.”
“Lilac what?”
“It’s like my head’s spinning, replaying the night we just spent together. The whole twenty-four hours.”
She leaned forward, placed her cup down and flattened her hands on the surface of the table, pushing her fingertips against mine. “Which bits were you replaying just now?”
“Making you come against my mouth.”
It was brazen, and it was crude, but at least I was fucking honest. Lilac glanced from side to side, and the rosy blush in her cheeks burst to life, sliding down her neck. “Nice boys shouldn’t talk like that.”
I leaned forward until there was only an inch between us. “Nice boy?”
“You’ve always been nice to me.”
“You’re my anomaly.”
“That can’t have been the first time you’ve…” She trailed off.
I nodded slowly, closing my eyes to truly appreciate the visuals soaring through my mind before I opened them again and flashed her a smile.
“Wow.” She shuffled around in her seat, glancing sideways again before she dared to lean in even closer. “Do you think we might do that again… soon?”
“Whenever you want, wherever you want until you say stop.”
“I’ll never say stop.”
“I have a feeling you’re going to be the highlight of my life, you know that?”
“Quit trying to get in my underwear, Toby. You don’t even have to try anymore.”
That was all I needed to hear. I paid the bill in a hurry, grabbing her hand as we left the cafe.
I could feel Lilac’s eyes burning holes into my face as I stared straight ahead, struggling to maintain my smile. Her excitement mirrored my own, and that was a special feeling for someone who had just spent the last twelve months in his dark room pining for the girl of his dreams as she slept only metres away from him.
I squinted ahead, sighed, and pulled Lilac closer. “I have something to ask you.”
She gripped my bicep with her free arm and leaned into me. “Ask away.
”
“What are we going to tell Chris?”
“Chris?” I didn’t need to see her frown to know it was there.
“Well, I figure you’ve got about thirty seconds to decide what you want to tell him before he confronts us.”
Lilac’s attention turned to focus on the very thing I was now narrowing my eyes at. Chris was out walking his mother’s dog, getting closer. Even from a distance, I could see the anger burning in his eyes at the sight of Lilac pressed against me.
“Oh no,” she whispered.
I squeezed her tighter, pulling her closer.
“Please don’t fight him,” she quietly pleaded before he got close enough to hear. “Please don’t hit him.”
Was that what she thought I would do every time we came up against something which threatened to burst our bubble?
“I won’t,” I reassured her, swallowing down to douse the flickering flames of anger that were bubbling to life. I had no idea why that anger was there. I had no idea why just looking at Chris’s face made me want to hurt him.
Because he hurt you first.
Yeah. That’ll do it.
“The look of love,” Chris snarled, shaking his slightly bruised head as he came to a stop in front of us, one hand wrapped around the end of a stretched-out lead.
“Chris,” Lilac acknowledged.
Even though I wanted Chris to feel the pain I’d felt when I first found out he was seeing my girl, a part of me, surprisingly, wanted to spare him now, so I exhaled slowly, not saying anything as his attention turned to Lilac who was clinging onto me for dear life.
“You couldn’t even wait a week?” he asked, pain shining from his creased-up eyes.
“It wasn’t like that.”
“Sure looks like it.”
“Chris, don’t be—”
“Stop it, Lilac. Stop saying my name like you’re sorry when it’s clear to see you’re not.”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
A Girl Like Lilac Page 14
