One man’s fun was another man’s salary. I had no problem with working hard.
I made several runs back into the pub, pushing past the growing crowd of regulars and a few tourists as carefully as I could. On my last trip outside to collect the remaining few glasses, I thought I heard someone say my name. With four empty pints in my grip, I turned and looked all around me, my eyes narrowed as I felt a chill creep up the edges of my navy blue, short-sleeved work shirt.
“Such a paranoid dick,” I mouthed to myself.
I turned back to make my way inside, only to come face to face with a solid wall of muscle in front of me.
Four arms. Two chests. Two heads. Four eyes.
All staring at me with a challenge written on their faces.
“Chris. Joel,” I acknowledged with a nod.
My whole body roared to life with a need to stand firm, but Lilac’s quiet voice in my mind asked me not to fight or bite. I listened.
The two of them were shoulder to shoulder. Chris looked unsure like he was acting, pretending to be a door bouncer, not knowing where to rest his limbs, while Joel had gone for the pose that would make his muscles look bigger than they were—arms crossed over his chest, his fists tucked under his biceps.
Idiot.
“Hunter,” Joel said with an edge to his voice. “Not seen you in a while.”
“Missed me?”
“Not even a little bit.” Joel smirked. “Ribs all healed?”
“Never better.”
“Nose?”
“Oh, I’m getting all the TLC I need.”
“I bet you are,” Chris growled.
I raised a brow and studied my old friend. He was older than me, but a fraction smaller now. His anger definitely outweighed mine, however. It shone brighter than his red hair and defiant eyes.
“Careful, Chris,” I warned him.
Joel’s head fell to one side. “Even your friends hate you now, Hunter. Is there anyone left in this town who likes you?”
“Not many,” I sighed, glancing between the pair of them. “But one does. The only one I care about.”
Chris’s body tensed again, and I glanced down at the balled-up fists hanging by his sides.
Pretending Joel wasn’t even there, I shook my head and stared into my old best friend’s eyes. “You’re hanging around with this guy now? The guy you used to hate more than I did? That’s what you’ve become?”
“Don’t hate me just because I have friends.”
“You don’t have shit but acquaintances and teammates who help you keep track of your score. Because that’s what you’re doing now—playing a game.” I leaned closer, glad I had a bunch of glasses in my hand to stop me from grabbing hold of his shirt and shaking some sense into him. “Guess what? You’re losing.”
“You need to watch that mouth of yours.”
“Or what?” I challenged, my eyes shining with confidence.
“There are two of us,” Chris raged weakly.
“And?” I laughed. “You think this guy gives a shit about you? That he’d stick around if I beat your arse? Christ, Chris, Joel’s only here with you to help you piss me off. Pity for both of you that I stopped caring a long time ago.”
“You son of a—”
Joel’s hand slapped hard against Chris’ chest, holding him in place. “Not yet, mate.”
“Mate,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes.
“To think I always stuck up for you,” Chris said through gritted teeth.
“Until you swooped in and played the hero when you knew I couldn’t be there for her.”
“She deserved someone who would treat her right.”
“Lilac deserved whoever the hell she wanted, not who could manipulate her when she was weak.”
“She doesn’t even know you. Not the real you.”
“Don’t hate me because she couldn’t fake it with you. Hate yourself for expecting her to. You, more than anyone, should know a girl like her deserves the best life she can get. You aren’t it.”
“Fuck you,” Chris spat.
My mouth curled up at one side as I narrowed my eyes at him. “Get out of my way, you pair of clowns. Go and find someone else to hand your shit out to.”
I took a step closer, making it known I had no fear of going through them, even though I could have gotten around them a whole lot quicker. They were trying to put a wall up in my life. I would always be ready to bulldoze that fucker down.
There was a brief standoff—one that probably felt longer than it actually was—before the two of them parted and let me pass through.
How I made it back inside without any damages, I had no idea. And I wasn’t just talking about the glasses.
As soon as I got to the bar, I slid the empties on the counter, grabbed the edge of it with both hands and let my head sink down as I tried to collect my breaths.
“Well handled,” Duke offered quietly beside me.
I glanced his way, looking over my arm at him.
“Risky, but strong,” he continued, taking a sip of his bitter. “Fear not your thing?”
“I feel fear,” I breathed out.
“When?”
I studied him and frowned but didn’t answer.
“All you have is emotional fear, no physical. Out there, with people, things, situations, you’re not scared of anything. You’re not scared to throw yourself under the bus. Be careful with that, kid.” Duke glanced my way, his eyes full of never-before-seen concern. “Be real careful with that.”
Then he slid from his barstool, pulled on the lapels of his beige blazer, and headed out of the door.
“Everything okay?” Caleb asked me, resting his weight on one arm as he leaned over the bar. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I’m good, Caleb.” I nodded, pushed up off the counter and sliding my hands through my black hair. “Just chatting to Duke.”
“That old boy will keep you there for hours, filling your head with riddles and old tales, Toby.”
“Not a bad way to spend time.” I looked around the pub, seeking out trouble and finding none.
“It is when you’re meant to be working.”
I sighed, turning back to face him. “Sorry, boss.”
“You sure you’re okay?” He frowned.
“Never been better.”
She loves me.
TWENTY
Lilac
My favourite thing to do with Toby was make music. Whether we were in his room or mine—usually mine because of his need to be around all things happy and light—time flew by, filled with lyrics and sounds that echoed like heartbeats and tingled like tickles.
For once, we were in his room. It was a Friday night in cold, late November, and the weeks were passing too quickly. As much as I loved being with him, the minutes and hours whizzed by like gusts of wind. I was aware how fast life could go.
Toby was sitting on the edge of his bed, while I sat cross-legged on his carpeted floor, looking up at him like the total groupie I was. He shone like my little superstar, balancing his trusty guitar on his thighs.
“You seriously telling me you don’t know this song?” He frowned, pushing his beautiful glasses up his nose. I took a moment to glance down at his bare chest, and the way the subtle abs in his stomach rested against the waistband of his Levi jeans.
I get to kiss that.
“I don’t know it.”
“How is that even possible?”
“Remind me.” I squinted and shuffled on my bum.
Toby glanced at his guitar, strumming a few of the chords before he let his gravelly voice take over. He didn’t like to sing too much. He said he wasn’t perfect. I wished he could hear himself the way I heard him. He sounded like crushed velvet and made me want to lie back and smoke. I’d never smoked a cigarette in my life.
When he’d finished the chorus, he looked up at me: waiting and expectant. “Anything?”
“Nope.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Wait a minute.”<
br />
“Yes?” I raised my chin, giving him my best angel face.
“Come here.”
I went to him immediately, crawling across the floor until I was on my knees in front of him, my hands resting on his legs.
“Everyone knows this song.”
“They do? Huh. Must be the way you sing it.” I grinned shyly.
Toby’s eyes sparkled with delight as he reached up and ran a finger over my bottom lip. “I sing it slowly. I like to do all my favourite things slowly.”
Those words mixed with my desires, ready to release that exploding ball of need in my stomach.
“Sing it to me again,” I whispered. “Let me rethink.”
His tiny smirk was barely there when his eyes met mine, and he started to sing softly, the words of Cutting Crew’s, Died in Your Arms Tonight falling from his plump lips.
I knew the song, all right. It was one of Aunt Coral’s favourites. The very fact that Toby not only knew it but sang it so damn well, had me believing we were always meant to be even more than ever before.
Only when he sang the lyrics that said he should have walked away did my smile falter. But then he hit the second verse, and his eyes came alive in front of me behind those glasses of his.
I reached up and removed them, slipping them onto the bed beside him.
The two of us sang about how we died in each other’s arms that night, and we sang it together, and I started to realise that every song I got to experience with this guy instantly became my new favourite. Anything that came from his mouth had me tangled up in knots. His music was no exception.
I leaned forward to kiss him, cutting off his breathy whispers with my lips. The two of us kept our eyes open, and the guitar sat between us, but I couldn’t ever think of a time in my life where I’d felt closer to anyone before.
“I love you,” I said quietly.
Toby’s lips froze, and his eyes widened, but I had no regrets. Not one. The weight of those words falling free was a blessed release.
“I love you,” I said again, my mouth curling up against his. “I know you heard it the first time, and I love you even more for not making me repeat it until I was ready, but now I’m so ready, I feel like I want to say it on repeat for forever, because… I love you.”
His eyes lit up. “I love you, too,” he said in a smoky voice.
My heart throbbed at his admission. It ached with the right kind of pain. Like a full belly on Christmas day, filled with so much goodness, warmth, and happiness.
Toby slid the guitar from his legs, resting it against the bed before he pulled me into his lap, my legs straddling his thighs and wrapping around his back, my arms around his neck.
He was all black hair and blue eyes, tanned, toned skin, and he was all mine.
“Those words from your lips,” I began, running my nails down the back of his neck, enjoying the feel of the gooseflesh that came to life beneath my fingertips. “Say them again.”
“I love you.”
I dropped my lips down to his and enjoyed the soft, gentle kiss we got lost in. The kiss seemed to last forever, and I was just about to push him back onto his bed and taste more of him, when a thunderous bang echoed throughout Toby’s house, making me jump and snap my head to the door.
His arms tightened and pulled me closer.
“What was that?” I asked quietly.
He didn’t answer.
“Toby?”
“Lilac, let me take you home.”
“Why?” I turned back to look at him. Within seconds, he’d turned from warm and tender to cold and rigid. “What’s wrong?”
He shuffled me off him as carefully as he could, but the tension was rolling off him in thick, foggy waves. “I have to get you home, quick.”
“Toby,” I said his name, making it sound like a stranger’s. I stood there helpless as he strode to his wardrobe, opened the door and pulled out a hoodie. He slipped it over his head, down his arms and body, bouncing on the balls of his feet to let it fall into place.
“Get your shoes on.”
“Is it… is this about your mum?”
“Probably,” he answered as he looked around for his trainers.
Another bang echoed down the corridor to Toby’s room, followed by the voice of a man.
Toby’s father, Wayne.
“For fuck’s sake, Darlene. I’m right here! You can’t keep doing this,” Wayne roared.
Bang.
“Shit,” Toby muttered under his breath, shoving his feet into his trainers and striding over to the window. He pushed it up, looked at me, chucking his head in the direction of my bedroom across the garden.
“Now, Lilac,” he ordered softly.
I stared into his uncertain eyes, unblinking as I watched him try to remove me from this part of his life. He had no idea how badly I wanted all of him.
“No.”
“Lilac, please.”
“No.” I shook my head and backed up so I was closer to the door. Closer to the fight that was taking place beyond his bedroom walls. “I’m not leaving.”
He frowned, glancing in the direction of the place where his mum and dad were arguing before he looked back at me and shook his head. “Now is not the time to play these games, Lil.”
Lil. I loved it when he called me that, but not then. Then he made me sound like someone that annoyed him.
“Why is now not the time? Because your family is being normal? Because they’re arguing? Because you don’t want me to see who they are without the fake smiles on their faces or the false happiness almost everyone pretends to wear these days?”
Another bang, followed by the wailing of Toby’s mum as she began to sob.
“That…” Toby pointed towards the sound, “is exactly what I want you to avoid. You have no idea what goes on in this house.”
“Because you never let me see. You never tell me. You never let me in to help.”
“I don’t need your help.”
That shouldn’t have stung as much as it did. I found myself taking a step towards him, anyway. “Yes, you do.”
Toby shook his head and ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. “Don’t push me on this.”
“Don’t push me away.” I raised my brows and took another step closer. “You don’t have to suffer through this alone. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. You don’t have to hide from me anymore.”
Toby’s brows knitted together as he watched me. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I love you.” I smiled. “And you love me.” I smiled brighter. “And because I don’t need a reason to want to stand by my boyfriend’s side when things are difficult for him. I’m not just the flowery girl who twirls around in her garden and takes pictures of bugs and dirt anymore, Toby. Look at me…” I gestured to my body, to the fully-grown breasts I carried, to the curve of my waist, to my long legs. “I’m a woman now. Let me stand by my man when he needs me.”
Another bang—only this time louder—had Toby’s shoulders flinching as he looked at the door behind me.
“I know something is wrong with your mum. I’ve known it for a long time.”
Toby looked back at me and set his jaw tight.
“You don’t have to suffer alone or push it to the back of your mind when you’re with me.”
“Yes, I do,” he ground out. “Nobody would understand.”
“They won’t if you don’t help them to.”
His eyes searched mine for any sign of a lie or a game before I saw his shoulders relax. “Please… let me get you to your house. Let’s go to your room. We can talk there.”
“And will you? Talk…?”
“I’ll do anything for you, Lilac,” he whispered.
That was all I needed to move. I reached out to grab the hand Toby offered to help me climb through his bedroom window, but I’d only managed to hook one leg over before his bedroom door flew open, slamming against his wall with an almighty thud.
The two of us looked up to see Dar
lene standing there. A woman only held together by skin, the rest of her broken into a thousand tiny pieces, and she looked as though she couldn’t figure out what belonged where anymore.
“Toby,” Darlene croaked. Her eyes sought him out like he was what she needed to breathe again.
I felt my boyfriend’s hand tighten around mine like he didn’t want to let me go, before he broke from me entirely, leaving me straddling the window ledge, too scared to move or make a sound.
“Right here, Mum,” he said as he made his way over to her. “Right here.”
“You’re here,” Darlene sighed with relief. Unrelenting tears ran down her already streaked face. “No one’s taken you away from me. You’re still here.”
“Here.” He nodded.
“You haven’t left me yet. We’re still together.”
“I’m never leaving,” he assured her, but I heard the uncertainty of that in his voice.
He’s never leaving.
Darlene reached up to cup his face the second he was in front of her, and she took in every inch of him, absorbing his eyes until her breathing began to even.
“You’re just like him, but you’re so different, too,” she breathed out.
Toby reached up to grab her wrists. “Who?”
“Your father.”
“How am I different?”
“You make me feel calm. He makes me feel angry. So angry.”
“Mum,” Toby blew out. “Dad loves you. We all love you.”
“Your dad is a bastard.”
I hadn’t meant to hitch in a breath, but the second I gasped in surprise, Darlene’s attention snapped from Toby, and her sharp eyes found mine across the bedroom.
The silence that lingered as she studied me made my skin crawl and my blood run cold. A switch flicked in her mind, and everything that was soft just a moment ago had suddenly become hard.
A Girl Like Lilac Page 17
