“Not right now.”
“Then I’ll be on my way.”
I began to walk past them, my hackles up and my blood burning with the raging rivers of violence that I was always struggling to control these days.
“Tell Darlene and Wayne I said hello, though, won’t you?” he called out. “And tell them that I’m watching their son very closely while he causes trouble in my town.”
My frown was immediate, and I turned to look back over my shoulder, stopping in my tracks.
“Shall I give them your first name, or should I refer to you as the middle-aged, balding cop who thinks he’s running the big, bad city like he’s some kind of Judge Dredd?”
Joel’s father’s face fell immediately, and he squared his shoulders.
“Careful,” I warned him. “We wouldn’t want to cause a public scene now, would we? You’re not on duty tonight, and from what I remember about the good Queen’s rules in this country…” I tsked and shook my head. “Those who carry a badge and break the law fall the hardest.”
“Are you threatening me, you little—?”
“Dad,” Joel interrupted, grabbing his father’s bicep to hold him back.
“Me? I’m just minding my own business, taking a walk home, talking to two people who seemed really interested in talking to me.”
“That big mouth is going to get you in a lot of trouble, boy.”
“Or it could get me the top cop job of little old Southwold. Seemed to work out well for you.”
“That’s my father you’re talking to, Hunter. You watch your fucking mouth,” Joel spat, taking a step forward, only for his dad to hold him back this time.
“Or what?” I scowled. “He’ll arrest me for backchat? Go fuck yourself, Atkins. Find some cheap Daisy-type girl to sink your dick into and leave Lilac and me alone.”
“You’re making an enemy out of the wrong person, son,” Joel’s dad growled.
“I don’t have time for hate or enemies, but you have fun with that.”
I turned to leave, pushed my balled-up fists back into my pockets and sunk my chin into the collar of my coat. I kept walking until their hushed voices drifted away.
I’d been staring at Lilac’s bedroom window, unable to make myself go to her when the front door to my home opened and out came my dad.
“Toby?”
There wasn’t a precise date in my mind as to when it began to happen, but we were drifting apart. I couldn’t remember the last time we spoke about anything the way we used to. He was the one I could sit up talking to until midnight when Mum was deep in sleep, and all I craved was a hug and a bar of chocolate. He was the guy who helped me hide the broccoli I hadn’t eaten during dinner, slipping it off my plate and on to his when Mum wasn’t looking, offering a wink as his way of saying, I’ve got you, kid. Now he was just someone I had to call Dad. I barely knew him anymore.
“Hey.” I turned to look up at him on the top step.
“What are you doing out here?”
“Just taking a minute.”
“Bad night?”
“No. Just needed some air.”
“Me, too.”
He came towards me, his hands sinking into his trouser pockets, much the same way mine always did, shoulders hunching forward. Dad’s eyes looked more aged than I ever remembered them being, his skin weathered and dry. But he was still my dad. Still the man who’d brought me into this world and loved me, provided for me, stuck around despite the stress of Mum’s health.
“You need to escape, too, sometimes?”
“You know how it goes.” He shrugged a shoulder. “We’re all human.”
“Everything okay in there?” I gestured to our house.
“All is calm on the western front.”
“For once.” I smirked.
“You know how it goes,” he said again.
“We all do.” I blew out a breath and watched it turn to a white cloud in front of me.
“She’s a remarkable girl,” Dad said in a most un-Dad like way. “Lilac, I mean.”
I turned to him and met his sad eyes. “I know.”
“From an exceptional family.”
“I know that, too.”
“Don’t overthink things.”
“Like what?”
“Like how you worry that she’s too remarkable for this corrupt, cliquey little town. How she’ll leave, and you won’t be able to follow her because you’ll feel obligated to stay with your mum.”
I swallowed harshly. Truths were harder to hear when they smacked you with surprise.
“Too soft and mushy?” he asked me with an embarrassed smirk. “Sorry.”
“What do you mean by this place being corrupt?”
Dad looked over at Lilac’s house, rocked back on his heels and let out a cold puff of air. “It’s Southwold, Toby. Everyone knows everyone, and if you put one foot out of line or over the line, the entire church community and all their associates know about it within thirty minutes. You’re either in the clique or you’re not, and if you’re not, it may as well be the year 1574 around here because in their minds you’re a witch needing to be burned at the stake anyway.”
“Well, we’re all damned to burn then. Probably thanks to me.”
Dad chuckled to himself again. “You think you’re the only one with a reputation around here?”
“You?” I asked, wide-eyed.
“I’ll never tell.” He winked. Winked. And then he turned to leave. He’d almost made it back to the front door when I found myself calling out to him.
“Dad?” He looked over his shoulder and stared at me. “What do you know about Joel Atkin’s dad?”
I expected him to say who or look confused, but the minute the words Joel Atkin’s dad came out of my mouth, the warmth on my father’s face disappeared, only to turn to angry stone like I’d just flicked a switch. Like his emotions were that easy to turn off.
“Marty Atkins?”
“That’s his name? Marty?”
“Short for Martin. Martin Atkins.” Dad reached up to grab the door handle, and he turned to give me his full attention. “Is he bothering you?”
“Why would he be bothering me?”
“Because that’s what Marty does.”
“So, you know him well?”
Dad’s eyes flickered to the ground before he looked back up at me and paled. “The only thing I know about him is that he’s no friend of ours. If he bothers you, you tell me straight away, and I’ll deal with it. You understand?”
I nodded, more confused than ever. “I saw him tonight.”
“Where?”
“Outside Sole Bay, just after my shift. He waited for me with Joel. He asked what you were called.”
“Me?”
“He asked about Mum, too.”
Dad took a moment, trying to school his face before he spoke again. “Anything else?”
“No,” I lied.
His hand tensed around the door handle. “Do me a favour, Toby: don’t mention this to your mother.” His eyes burned into mine with a silent plea that I heard all too clearly.
“Won’t say a thing, but… should I be worried?”
“No. I’ll handle him.”
“How?”
“None of your business.” Dad jerked his head in the direction of the Clarkes’ home. “Now, go inside to your girl, before you catch your death from this cold.”
It took me a few minutes to be able to tear my eyes away from that door when he went back inside and locked up for the night.
I had a million new questions racing through my mind, bouncing off all the walls and echoing around in a flurry. It was only when I sank down next to Lilac and wrapped my arms around her chest as I pressed myself to her back that all that noise drifted away completely, allowing me to fall asleep and dream…
Dream of a day when I got to give the Atkins family what they deserved and keep everyone I loved away from them
A dream where I had nothing to worry about in this life
but where in the world to take my girl on her next adventure. A dream where we were both free. Together.
TWENTY-TWO
Lilac
The two of us lay sprawled out on the plush bed of the hotel room we were staying in, staring out through the window that looked over the stunning lake. We were only an hour away from home, but it felt like a whole new world. Toby had saved hard to take me away from Southwold for our first ever trip together, and all I could think about as I curled beside him was, how did I get so damn lucky?
“This is the most beautiful place I think I’ve ever visited.” I sighed, turned my body to his and rested a hand on his chest.
Toby’s arm curled around me, while his other remained tucked behind his head. “Maybe we should take a walk outside now,” he suggested quietly, his breaths washing over my hair.
“Two more minutes.”
“You said that an hour ago.”
“Indulge me.”
“Like I ever do anything else.”
The knock on our door had Toby gently peeling me away from him and making his way across the room. When he opened the door, an older man wearing a smart white shirt and a burgundy bow tie smiled at Toby, and then his kind green eyes took a peek my way, too. I immediately sat up on top of the bed and pulled my knees to my chest, smiling in return. The man had a head full of smoothed back white hair and matching facial hair, too. He looked kind and gentle.
“You both settled in?”
“Yes, thank you,” Toby answered.
The man nodded. “Well, I just wanted to welcome you to our little bed and breakfast. This is your first trip away together, I take it?”
“Sure is.” Toby gave him a nod in return.
“I thought so. You’re both fresh-faced and young looking. We normally get the older generation around these parts.”
“We won’t be any trouble, sir, I can assure yo—”
The man held his hand up and widened his eyes. “Never even crossed my mind. That’s not why I’m here.”
“Oh.” Toby’s shoulders relaxed. I hated how he assumed everyone was always ready to attack him or expect the worst. He was so good—too good for a world that only wanted to draw the bad out of everything and everyone to prove a point.
“My wife and I just wanted to invite you down to the bar later tonight. We’re having a festive family night. A few of the locals come along, we all wear Christmas jumpers, drink mulled wine…” He paused and gave us a knowing look. “Because at Christmas there are no age restrictions on mulled wine drinking.”
A chuckle slipped through my lips before I bit it back and smiled at the man.
“My wife loves to play the piano and sing a few songs. We know it may not be your kind of thing, but the invitation is there. We didn’t want to leave you out just because you’re a few generations hipper than us oldies.”
“Thank you,” Toby answered, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly before he spun on his heels and looked at me. I could see the silent ‘it’s up to you’ look he was giving me.
“Sounds wonderful,” I said to the man. “Thank you for thinking of us. You had me sold at mulled wine.”
He gave us the details and turned to leave, but not without shaking Toby’s hand and giving him the respect he deserved. Age was just a number, after all. Old men could act like children and children could act like old men. Character makes us all, not the year we were born.
“How nice was he?” I blew out when Toby fell back onto the bed beside me, propping his head up with his hand and giving me his full attention.
“We don’t have to go, you know.”
“I want to.” I copied his pose and lay on my side, too, moving so there were only a few inches between us. “I just wish I’d brought my camera along. I have a feeling this place is going to deliver a lot of memories I’d like to have kept with me forever. This is the first time we’ve ever gone away from Southwold. I feel so grown up and… free. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could be this free forever?”
“You want to see the whole world, don’t you?”
“All of it. Every inch.”
“You should.” His smile slipped a little before he fixed it back in place, but he couldn’t act, and it only made his face look tight.
“Only if I get to do it with you.”
“Let’s just focus on this weekend for now, yeah?”
“I don’t want to miss a moment of it. I don’t ever want to forget a second, which is why I wish I’d brought my damn camera.” A small growl of frustration slipped free.
Toby smirked, his eyes twinkling as the sun shone through the window, putting him in the direct spotlight of the daylight.
“What?” I knew that look.
“Check your bag. Your camera should be in there.”
“You didn’t?” I gasped.
“Actually, Aunt Coral did.”
“You little sneaks.” I laughed, jumping off the bed to go and investigate. Sure enough, my camera was tucked away inside. I pulled it out, my grin huge as I held it in the air and stared at my boyfriend. He looked smug, and rightly so. “When did you speak to Aunt Coral without me knowing?”
He cringed. “She came and found me. She wanted to know if I needed any help with sorting any of the finer details out for this trip. You know, restaurants, places to visit… cameras.”
“Condoms?”
“Fuck, no. Thank God.”
I chuckled, shaking my head as I moved to the bed, unravelling the camera strap and wrapping it around my neck carefully. I fell to my knees on the mattress, spreading my legs to hold my balance before I clicked the camera on, held it to my eye and looked at Toby through the lens.
He didn’t move. He just stared at me and held his position.
I clicked once, then pulled the camera away to look at him on the screen.
My grin felt like it was ready to break my porcelain cheeks. He and that very moment had become immortalised. That feeling was a powerful one. It provided a sense of security. A sense of forever. A sense that I’d never lose him because I’d always have that image. I’d always have our now.
“Did Aunt Coral give you one of her lovey-dovey pep talks while she was there?” I pushed the camera back to my face so I could stare at him through the lens again.
Toby grinned, and I clicked the button a second time.
“I thanked her, told her I had most things covered and said I appreciated her taking the time out to think of us.”
“Always so polite. What did she say to that?” I tilted the camera on an angle to get another shot of him.
“Hang on. Let me get this right. Erm. That’s it. She said, ‘The worst thing anyone can do is patronise the power and importance of young love. It’s what so many lives are built upon.’”
Toby’s face turned serious, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly as he stared directly into the lens.
I clicked quickly, wanting to capture every side of him, and then I lowered the camera and stared into his crystal clear eyes.
“Lucky us,” I breathed. “Having such a solid foundation to start the rest of our lives with.”
“Lucky us.” He smiled again, unleashing all of his magic.
The night away was more than I could ever have expected. We walked for miles, and Toby encouraged me to take pictures of anything that made my head turn. He didn’t think I was silly when I wanted to stop and take a shot of a formation of tiny rocks that had collected around the base of an enormous, old Oak tree. He didn’t roll his eyes when I marvelled at the lonely leaf still clinging to the almost barren branches around it. He never asked me to hurry up when I bent to capture the ripples of the lake over and over again. Toby stood behind me, his hands in his pockets, and he waited patiently with a smile on his face. He even let me use him in a whole bunch of shots, whether I was making him stand by the water so I could get an image of his silhouette against the low-lying December sun, or whether I made him walk up ahead so I could capture a frame of the green, murky woods aroun
d him as he trekked along the pathway.
He let me do whatever I needed. He let me be me.
We spent the night with the owners of the B&B and their friends, people who made us feel welcome, even though we were strangers. Toby even encouraged me to sing along when the owner’s wife played the piano, and I caught him staring at me with a look of amazement as I hit the higher notes among a gathering of people I didn’t know. I sang old Elvis love songs and learnt new lyrics I’d never before known.
We made love with the curtains open that night, allowing the moonlight to trickle through and the visions of the lakeside hold our attention before we drifted to sleep.
If our love was a movie, that time away with Toby was the epic love scene. The crescendo. The part where everything just makes goddamn sense.
During the drive back to Southwold the next day, I couldn’t stop staring at the way Toby’s face seemed lighter than ever before. The time away had done him good—that was obvious. I made a mental note to try and do this with him more often, but next time I’d be the one surprising him. I wanted to show him the world—a world he’d never imagined existed beyond his mother’s troubles, Crooked Mount, or our past mistakes. I wanted to show him adventures and life. He deserved that.
“I want to take more road trips with you,” I told him as I leaned my elbow on the passenger door and propped my head up with my hand.
“Yeah?” His brows rose as he watched the road ahead, one hand on the steering wheel, the other resting on my leg. “Where we going?”
“Well, while we’re still in college, I think we need to stay in England. You know… not wander off into the wild without getting our qualifications and stuff.”
“That’s smart.”
“And we’d need to keep it cheap because we’re students and students are always broke.”
“Obviously.” He nodded once.
“We could do a random tour of English towns. Stay in cheap B&Bs. We could gatecrash weddings at fancier hotels, pretending we know the bride and groom. We could dress up real slick and eat their buffet food and steal all their chocolate fountain marshmallows.”
A Girl Like Lilac Page 19
