But then I looked up and saw Chris standing in front of me.
My old friend, Chris, now completely unrecognisable.
My eyes trailed up his body, taking in the thick, navy duffle coat, the tightness of his shoulders, and his strained neck.
He stared down at me, and I stared back at him. I couldn’t look at him with the same disgust I looked at Joel because at one time Chris had been good to me. I thought I could have learned to love him… or at least cared for him a great deal. The look I was giving him was one of sadness, regret, and a silent prayer for him to not turn into the one thing he used to hate: a bully. A Joel Atkins.
The longer we looked at each other, though, the more I realised Chris was a lost cause. His gaze was blank. Uninterested. Bored, cold, and determined.
“Chris,” I eventually whispered. “Move.”
“Make me,” he whispered back.
I stepped to the side to go around him, but he moved with me. I stepped the other way, and he did the same again, and suddenly I couldn’t feel the bite of the winter winds as much anymore. I couldn’t feel the sting of the needles or the way it felt strong enough to knock me off balance. It just took me a second to realise that the reason I couldn’t feel its attack as strongly was because I had Chris standing right in front of me and Joel practically pressed against my back. They were two human shields, locking the world out.
Locking me in.
The panic rose in my throat like an old, dirty, clogged up rag I couldn’t breathe through.
All my bravado was gone.
“Let me go,” I said quietly one last time.
Chris tilted his head to one side, looking like a demented killer on the loose, and he blinked before he turned his bottom lip down and sighed. “Wish I could, Lilac. Wish I could. But every time I try to let you go, something inside of me tells me you didn’t pay enough for what you did.”
“Pay?” I frowned.
“You’ve waltzed around this town since you were little, making us all think we had a shot. You play innocent, baby, but you’re nothing more than a cute dress-wearing, flowers-in-her-hair, pretty little dick tease. You lost me my friend. You’ve made Joel look like a leech, and me look like a loser, and yet, you somehow think you have a right to be set free.” Chris leaned forward. “Doesn’t seem fair, does it?”
Joel’s chest was now pressed against my back, causing me to stiffen and swallow the pain in my throat.
“I didn’t mean to…”
“I hate it when she plays dumb,” Joel breathed into my ear. “Don’t you, Chris?”
“More than anything,” Chris answered robotically.
“Please, don’t hurt me,” I begged. Begged. It was broken and pathetic, but I begged.
Chris’ hand lashed out at once, striking me straight across the cheek until I had spots in my vision. Then he lashed out the other way, sending my head snapping back in the other direction. Spit flew out of my mouth, and for a single, weak moment in time, I thought I was about to die.
I stared at the wooden beams of the pier, hoping desperately to clear the fog in my mind. Hands grabbed my arms, holding me in place.
Joel’s quiet laughter rumbled behind me.
Chris was silent.
“Take it, Chris. Take what she owes you,” Joel encouraged. “No one will ever know, and it isn’t like she’s still a virgin. She’s been fucking Toby for months, any chance she gets, like the dirty little whore she is. You put too much work into this ungrateful little bitch.”
Chris grabbed my chin, pulling my face back to his, but all I could smell was blood. Blood that I didn’t know was my own until it rushed out of my nose, over my top lip and fell into my mouth.
“Tempting,” he breathed down on me, moving closer.
“Do it,” Joel urged.
I closed my eyes, saying a silent prayer to Toby before I looked up at Chris and mouthed my final words. “Don’t do this.”
Chris curled his lip, squeezing me tighter. “I wouldn’t touch your filthy fucking body if you paid—”
Smack!
It seemed to happen in slow motion. Chris’ eyes went wide and still for a split second before he stumbled to the side, losing his grip on me completely. Then everything happened fast, like a scrappy brawl in the middle of an intoxicated crowd, or a pack of animals tearing into each other in a bid to survive. I flinched, my body tightening, and I closed my eyes, holding my balled-up hands by my sides as I waited for another strike to the face from my attackers.
“You sonofabitch!” Toby roared.
Smack!
But instead of cold fear, heat flooded me. Heat took over the moment I heard Toby’s voice, despite his fierce aggression. My saviour was here. He’d arrived to protect me.
He came back.
“Not today, motherfucker,” Joel growled, and I heard flesh on flesh, pounding away endlessly at one another as grunts of attack and defence rained over me.
“I’ll kill you. Fucking kill you. And your dad. I’ll kill both of you,” Toby growled so menacingly, my eyes flew open, and I spun around on the spot to see if it really was him.
As soon as I saw, I wished I’d never looked.
Toby had Joel’s body pinned between his thighs, and he was driving his fists into Joel’s face like he was nothing more than a ragdoll. Joel’s head bounced and bounced and bounced off the wooden beams, blood spurting everywhere like splattered paint off the end of a brush.
“Toby!” I cried, rushing forward.
I’d barely taken two steps when Chris launched himself at me from the ground, grabbing my ankle and tripping me up, sending my face smacking down against the ice-cold wood of the pier.
My scream called to Toby, pulling him from his attack.
“Lilac,” he grunted, ending his tirade on Joel’s face, pushing himself off Joel’s limp body, and coming to lift my head into his lap. “Fuck, Lil. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m so sorry.”
“Toby,” I groaned, reaching up to rub my head which now had a lump the size of a golf ball on it. “Get out of here. Don’t let them win. Don’t bite. Don’t let them provoke you…”
“Like hell I’m leaving you.”
“You’ll get arrested again,” I hissed, the pain of my head slicing through me.
“I don’t give a shit.”
“But I do,” I whispered.
Toby pulled me farther into his lap, and it felt like his soothing hands were everywhere, checking my chest, my shoulders, my throat, my arms, my fingertips, before he let his palm trace over the harsh pink on my cheeks.
That’s when he began to shake.
It was uncontrollable, and I knew I was losing him.
“I can’t lose you,” I mouthed, but no sound came out.
I rolled over, pushing myself up until I was on my knees in front of him, blinking away the spots in my vision and trying—desperately trying—to seem okay, even though my body wanted to pass out and go to sleep against him.
“Look… look at me!” I croaked, but my command was clear. Toby’s eyes were wild. His jaw was rigid as he worked it back and forth, angry breaths falling from him in bull-like grunts.
“Get out of my way, Lil.”
“No. They want you to hurt them. They want you to get in trouble.”
“It’ll be worth it.”
I shook my head. “Only for a minute. It would only be worth it for a minute, Toby.” I kept my voice soft, trying to bring him back to me. “If you get arrested again, you’ll get taken away. You know you will. It’s what Joel wants. It’s what his father wants.”
At the mention of his father, Toby froze, his eyes getting wider and his jaw ticking harder.
“I know about him,” I whispered as I leaned in to cup his cheeks. “I know who he is, what he did.”
Toby frowned, his eyes searching mine.
“Darlene told me everything after you’d gone.” I blew out a slow breath and rubbed my thumbs over his cheeks. “Please… don’t let him win again, Toby. Let�
�s walk away right now. We can go to the station. We can file a report against these two. We can help your mum do the same to her attacker. We can help her, help your brothers, help Wayne. We can do things right.” Toby swallowed, not melting one bit. “Let’s do things right. We have too much to look forward to allow these idiots to win.”
Joel groaned somewhere behind us.
Chris scrambled to him on his hands and knees.
All I could focus on was Toby.
From the corners of his eyes, Toby followed the other two, making sure they were damaged enough to stay down or away.
“Toby,” I pleaded softly. “Let’s get out of here.”
He looked back at me and blinked. “I want to kill them, Lil. I can feel it. It’s rising, not fading. I could throw them off this pier right now and never look back because they tried to hurt you.”
“Tried,” I emphasised. “They didn’t succeed.”
“The marks on your cheeks and the lump on your head tell me otherwise.”
“The marks on my heart are what matter. If you don’t walk away now, those marks will never heal.”
And just like that, his shoulders softened, and his balled-up fists began to uncurl.
“Only you,” he sighed. “Only you could stop this.”
“I’m right here with you.”
“We go to the police,” he said.
“I’ll be by your side the whole time.” I nodded.
“Together.”
“Always.”
Toby swallowed again before he slowly began to stand. He held his hand out for me to take and pulled me up against him, pressing my head against his chest. I listened to the beating of his heart, and I knew he hadn’t been exaggerating when he said his need for vengeance was rising. That heart of his was drumming to the beat of death. It sounded like the drums before a public execution, which made me want to get him as far away from it all as possible.
“Let’s go,” I urged, grabbing his hand and pulling it down between us.
Toby’s eyes lingered on his old friend and his oldest enemy.
“Either of you ever touch her again, and I will fucking kill you… consequences be damned,” he spat at Chris, who was looking up with hate in his eyes as he held Joel’s head in his hands. “There are no more warnings after this. On your head be it.”
Then we turned our back on them and began to walk away.
Toby wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me in, resting his head against mine as we limped forward.
And for one blissful moment, I thought we were avoiding a fate worse than death.
For a moment.
Just a moment.
I had hope.
Toby’s presence all around me made everything foggy, and he was too busy feeling the weight of me nestled against him.
Neither one of us heard Chris charging forward.
We didn’t hear his roar of anger until it was too late.
Until he’d launched himself on Toby’s back, breaking us apart, and clinging on like a wild animal, all flailing fists and curse words.
The shock sent me stumbling back into the building at the end of the pier, my hands flattening against the wood before I righted myself, blinked away the dizziness, and saw my worst nightmare playing out before me.
Toby was bent over, tugging at the deathly hold Chris had around his neck. He spun wildly, trying to free himself of the body on his back. Chris was spewing hate, so much hate, calling Darlene a crazy whore, calling me a used-up piece of filth, yelling that Toby was words I could never repeat. He was jabbing him where he could, trying to stick his fingers in his eyes, but never relenting on his chokehold. It took me a while to realise that Chris’s hate was causing him to squeeze the life out of Toby, who was currently turning purple.
Chris was going to kill him.
Toby was going to die.
My desperation rose like Toby’s anger, and without thinking, I let the adrenaline in my terrified heart bring me to my feet, and I charged forward, screaming my boyfriend’s name. I charged and used all the strength I had to launch myself at Chris… but his grip on Toby was too tight. My push sent them both hurtling to the side. Toby’s body landed against the railings with a thud, and he leaned into it, causing Chris’s body to hover over the edge of the railing, with only Toby’s neck to cling onto to stop him from making the thirty-foot drop to the sharp rocks and choppy seas below.
As Chris’s grip tightened—his eyes wide and scared—Toby’s face began to turn blue. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and his knees buckled like he was losing his fight.
Losing air.
Losing life.
I didn’t stop to think. I continued to pull and tug and push and shove at Chris, and with one last punch of desperation, I screamed a blood-curdling scream, and I hit Chris sharply in the throat with all the power I had.
And just like that, he set Toby free and fell away, slipping into the inky sea, the sound of his last cry ringing out like a lost goodbye before we heard the smack of his body hitting the rocks below.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Toby
Whenever I played my guitar, I’d sit there in the isolation of my room, and I’d sing about love on a regular basis. I’d listened to every lyric, beat, rise and fall of a singer’s voice and thought I knew every artistic expression there was for loving someone. When it comes down to it, when a gun is held to your head and you have to prove what love is… that’s when you realise it isn’t something you can describe. Love isn’t a song lyric. It isn’t a poem or a fucking romance novel. Loving is in the doing. It isn’t about the words, only actions. Love is sacrifice.
While I clung to my throat and desperately tried to drag oxygen back into my body, Lilac stood beside me, frozen with fear. Her eyes were wide, unblinking as she stared at the very spot Chris had just fallen.
I could barely use my legs, I’d become so weak, but I forced myself to move, my only motivation being the love I had for her.
“Lilac,” I croaked, stumbling forward.
Chris was probably dead. And if he weren’t already, it wouldn’t be long. The guy had never been a good swimmer. The fall, the rocks, and the ice-cold December seas of the East Coast weren’t something you could mix, dive into, and come out of alive. I should have been scared at the thought of him down there, not breathing. Gone.
I wasn’t.
I only had one fear…
“Lilac,” I cried again through a strangled voice. Sharp knives of terror scraped away at my swollen throat. I rubbed my neck and pushed up to my feet. It took me a moment to steady myself. When I glanced at Joel, he was still out cold.
There was no getting out of this. One probably dead. One beaten to a pulp.
My head fell back, and I looked up to the sky, searching it for a miracle and finding nothing but a taunting dark space that only served to remind me that I was small and something more significant was just around the corner.
“Toby.” Her whispered voice brought me back and no sooner had she spoken my name did we hear another commotion at the bottom of the pier. An elderly couple stood there, nudging each other and pointing our way. Had they seen the whole thing? Had they seen the accident? The way Joel and Chris had been trying to attack Lilac first? My threats to kill them? Had they seen me charging down the pier before I’d even reached Lilac, vowing promises of death on both Joel and Chris?
Had they seen me using Joel’s head like a fucking bouncy ball?
It didn’t matter. The truth never mattered. I knew what I had to do now and the thought of it made me sick. All my choices were gone, buried at the bottom of the ocean with my old friend.
When the elderly couple saw us looking their way, the two of them scrambled back to the promenade, and I forced myself to put things in motion. Lilac turned back to me, a ghost of her former self. She was lost now, and it was up to me to help her find herself again. My life had already been blown to shit. There was no way I was going to let hers go that way, too.
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br /> I took a step towards her, still panting for breath as I brought my hands to her shoulders and bent at my knees so our eyes were level. My throat burned, as did my chest, but I tried like hell to calm my breathing.
“Chris,” she whispered, horrified.
“Doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “None of that matters. You saved me.”
“He… h-he was going to kill… you.”
“That’s right, baby. He was.”
“You were turning blue.”
“I know.”
Her body started to shake violently. I could see every thought she was having flying around behind her panicked eyes, and I wished with all that I had that I could go back and run to her after finding out about my mum instead of running away. But I couldn’t change the past. All I could do now was determine her future.
“He was going to kill me,” I said as I exhaled slowly, my voice croaky as hell, throat burning from the grip he’d had on it.
“Then I… I killed him.” Her voice was barely there when she said it, and tears pooled in her eyes.
“No. You saved me. I need you to focus on that, Lilac. Chris wasn’t going to let go. He was going to crush my throat. He was doing a pretty good job of it, too. I couldn’t breathe. You need to focus on the good thing you did because if you hadn’t done that, I could be dead instead of him.”
Her face twisted. “Don’t say that.”
I pulled her to me, pressing her head against my chest and stroking her hair. “Feel that heartbeat. That’s because of you. It’s still there because of you.”
Her shoulders shook, and I knew she was crying.
“Do you think the police will believe me?” she asked weakly.
I closed my eyes, feeling my own tears rise. This was the part that was going to hurt us both.
“No,” I whispered.
Lilac pulled back, her eyes snapping up to mine, but I kept my grip on her, holding her as close as I could while I looked down at her.
“Joel is unconscious, Lil. There’s blood everywhere. I did that. The proof is on my bust-up knuckles and the fact that I wouldn’t deny shit if they asked me anyway.”
“What?” she breathed.
A Girl Like Lilac Page 23
