“So you think Miranda will be interested in this?” I ask.
“You have to bring it up at your student council meeting.”
“Billy, we don’t pass laws and things like that.”
“What you have to do is give a speech about it, then you say you want to petition Congress and the president. If this Miranda is the kind of girl I think she is, she’ll eat this up, and before you know it, you and Miranda will be partnered up to stop global warming.”
Well, I take Billy’s advice and we work together on a pretty big speech about the globe and climate and rain and the sun and just about everything you can imagine. Last night we put the finishing touches on it and by the time we’re done it’s pretty late but I’m so excited I can hardly sleep.
And then when I get to school I’m so nervous about the speech I keep feeling like I have to go to the bathroom. But of course, just my luck, there’s no toilet paper in the boys’ room.
So that’s why I’m really nervous standing in front of the student council about to give a big speech. Maybe even more nervous than when I took the foul shots. But when I look at Miranda and see her waiting to hear what I have to say, with her big brown eyes smiling at me, well, I feel like I can do just about anything. Even if I do have to go to the bathroom.
And then, just as I’m about to speak, I mean right after I clear my throat, I hear a lot of noise coming from outside the auditorium.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” I begin. And then I smile right at Miranda and say, “Madam President.” But Miranda is looking at the door. Everyone is. The noise is getting louder. And then we hear people chanting.
I start over again and bang! The auditorium doors fly open and in comes Sam Dolan and about thirty other guys. They’re chanting something about toilet paper.
Well, that’s the end of my speech and the end of the student council meeting. By the time things come to order, Mr. Porter leaves with Sam Dolan, and I look around but can’t find Miranda Mullaly.
Duke
My only purpose at the student council meeting today is to schedule when Miranda and I will meet to finalize plans and put on the final touches for the Valentine’s Day dance. It’s only nine days away and I can’t wait.
But nothing works according to plan. As Jonathan Swift20 wrote, “When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign; that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.” In this instance, yours truly is the genius, and Mr. Lichtensteiner, Penn Valley’s poor excuse for a vice principal, is one of far too many dunces.
The meeting started when Chollie Muller asked for the floor so he could address the student council about a most pressing issue, an issue apparently keeping him up at night. And just as Chollie was to open his speech, he was interrupted by Sam Dolan and a group of ne’er-do-wells and hooligans complaining about toilet paper.
I jumped from my seat and banged my gavel, preparing to protect Miranda, our president. Mr. Porter took Sam and left the auditorium. The rest of the rabble continued to chant that they wanted toilet paper or death, thus making a farce of Patrick Henry’s21 important speech.
As the mob continued its “demonstration,” I turned to Miranda to confirm our plans for the dance and I could see in her eyes she was demoralized, distraught, and disgusted. This is public education for you. I summoned Knuckles and Moose to stand between Miranda and me and the mob.
By the time Mr. Porter returned, there was toilet paper for everyone. Sam was carried out on the mob’s shoulders like a hero, and toilet paper was flying through the air.
Silence descended upon the room when they left. Chollie was still standing at podium, looking as confused as ever.
Mr. Porter looked at his watch.
“I guess that’s all the time we have for today.”
Miranda
Mr. Porter
History Teacher
Penn Valley Middle School
Dear Mr. Porter,
What occurred this afternoon at the student council meeting was beneath the standards of this or any student council. As president of the Penn Valley Middle School student council, I am entrusted by the student body to look after their best interests and propose ideas to improve the school and the learning environment. The outburst at the meeting this afternoon, and your reaction to it, was disappointing.
You may find such occurrences acceptable. You may even find such outrageous behavior funny. I, however, do not.
I hereby resign my position of student council president, effective immediately.
Regards,
Miranda Mullaly
To: Erica
From: Miranda
Date: February 3, 2016 8:43 PM
Subject: What was that?
———————————————————————————
E,
I’ve decided that I’m finished with the student council. I just wrote a resignation letter to Mr. Porter (which I’ll probably have to read to him!).
Anyway, after the toilet paper thing today I’ve just had enough. And this gives me a perfect chance to get out of the Valentine’s dance check-in, which I still hadn’t told him I was not going to do.
Here’s what I won’t miss:
Looking at the dandruff fall from Mr. Porter’s hair and beard.
Being in yet another room with Duke Samagura.
Being the only one (besides you!) to work on any of the projects we sometimes get around to doing.
Setting up for dances.
Here’s what I will miss:
Nothing! Hah!!
See you tomorrow!
M
PS Can’t wait for the dance!
12
Freewriting
Sam Dolan
February 11th (almost Valentine’s!)
English 8A
Mr. Minkin
Suggested Writing Prompt: What event are you most looking forward to in the next year? It could be as far away as a year or as soon as tomorrow. Why is this occasion so important to you? How can you best prepare yourself for this event? Explain.
Hey Mr. Minkin,
This is a great question. And there sure are a lot of things I’m looking forward to. I know this is a writing assignment, but I have to write out a list because I have so many exciting things coming up in my near future:
1. The Valentine’s Day dance
2. The spring musical
3. Summer break. Hopefully Foxxy won’t spend every second with Holly Culver.
4. Starting high school (and not having to see Lichtensteiner every day!)
5. Not having to do writing prompts—only kidding!
Before I get into the dance (which is what I’m most looking forward to) you should also know I’m pretty excited about the musical. Who would’ve thought it could be so much fun? I’ve never been into singing and dancing except as a joke, but it really ain’t so bad. I even like some of the songs. For being old and all, they have pretty catchy melodies and I can’t get them out of my head.
And then there’s the number I’m going to do with Miranda Mullaly called “Steam Heat.” We haven’t started working on the dance steps but Miss Kerrigan says it’s one of the biggest scenes in the whole show. So I got that going for me.
This brings me to the really big event I’m looking forward to: the Valentine’s Day dance.
I have it all planned to dance with Miranda when there’s a slow song. I’m kind of bummed that I have to go with my sister, but at least I know I won’t be late because Sharon is one of these people who plans everything ahead.
And here’s the best part. I know Miranda is excited to go to the dance because she told me yesterday. I haven’t been talking to her a lot in the morning because I know how miserable girls are at that time and she probably isn’t in the mood to talk. And every tim
e I do get a chance to strike up a conversation, Erica Dickerson comes along and sticks her nose in. But yesterday I saw Miranda all alone at rehearsal and I chatted her up.
For the first time I felt confident about talking to Miranda. Because of Sharon, I now know how to talk properly about the theater. You say “musical” or “show” instead of “play.” And “Steam Heat” is a number and not a scene. And you don’t practice like a sport. You rehearse. So I was very excited to talk with Miranda, if you know what I mean.
She was waiting at the side of the stage (stage left if you’re a theater person) watching Duke and Sharon go through their dance steps.
Me: Hiya.
Miranda: Hello.
Me: This is really fun, isn’t it?
Miranda: Yes.
Me: I’m really glad I’m in the musical this year.
Miranda: Uh huh.
Me: That was some kind of student council meeting last week, wasn’t it?
Miranda: It wasn’t what I expected, if that’s what you mean.
Me: (Pause) I guess life is kind of unpredictable.
(Miranda huffs at this, the way Lichtensteiner does. I quickly change the subject.)
Me: The Valentine’s Day dance should be fun, heh?
(Miranda turns to me and smiles.)
Miranda: Oh, I can’t wait for the dance.
When you add that I’ve finished the first Twilight book and will have plenty to talk about with Miranda, yeah, you can say I am really looking forward to the dance.
And so is Miranda Mullaly!
Duke Vanderbilt Samagura
11 February 2016
English 8A
Mr. Minkin
Suggested Writing Prompt: What event are you most looking forward to in the next year? It could be as far away as a year or as soon as tomorrow. Why is this occasion so important to you? How can you best prepare yourself for this event? Explain.
Sir:
Obviously I’m most looking forward to not having to waste my time on your inane writing prompts.
That said, I’m actually looking forward to a few things, which is rare in this emporium of mindlessness known as Penn Valley Middle School.
Let me indulge you.
I am looking forward to The Pajama Game.
I am looking forward to leaving Penn Valley.
I was also looking forward to the Valentine’s Day dance but now, thanks to Miranda’s resignation, I will not be working the door with her. Now I have to rely on a candy-gram to appropriately express my feelings and set the tone for the dance.
And now I have to work alone with your vapid colleague, Mr. Porter, who will probably bring his bore of a wife.
Chollie Muller
February 11, 2015
English 8A
Mr. Minkin
Suggested Writing Prompt: What event are you most looking forward to in the next year? It could be as far away as a year or as soon as tomorrow. Why is this occasion so important to you? How can you best prepare yourself for this event? Explain.
Dear Mr. Minkin,
I’m really looking forward to the Valentine’s Day dance this Friday.
I’m so lucky I have my awesome big brother to help me, too. We have a whole plan for the night.
You know how they split the gym in half with the partitions so you can either play basketball or dance? Well, last Halloween I played so much basketball I hardly even knew there was a party going on. And I didn’t even get any pizza!
But this time there will be no basketball. In fact, Billy has been coaching and preparing me. He has even given me a list of songs to ask the DJ to play. About halfway into the evening, I’m going to ask him to play “Stairway to Heaven” and then ask Miranda Mullaly to dance with me.
Billy also says not to talk during the song, which is a really good thing because I think I would stutter if I had to talk and dance at the same time.
And then there’s a tricky part with the song, because it starts off slow and then speeds up. Billy says to just sway my hips a little during the fast part and everything should be fine.
I’m also looking forward to the pizza at the dance.
And eventually baseball season.
I know this sounds crazy, but I’m sort of looking forward to the play ending. It’s crazy because I wanted to be in it so much. But now that I’m in it, I’m practically having a heart attack every day. I only have one stupid line to say and I can’t remember it. And I’m really not much of a singer and they want me to sing a line during this “Hernando’s Hideaway” thing. And I hardly get to see Miranda Mullaly during the play practices. So it’s all sort of a mess.
Anyway, I guess I can just say I’m looking forward to the dance tomorrow night. It’s my big chance and with Billy’s help, nothing can go wrong.
Miranda Mullaly
February 11, 2016
English 8A
Mr. Minkin
Suggested Writing Prompt: What event are you most looking forward to in the next year? It could be as far away as a year or as soon as tomorrow. Why is this occasion so important to you? How can you best prepare yourself for this event? Explain.
Besides leaving Penn Valley forever, I am, believe it or not, most looking forward to performing in the spring musical. At first, I must admit, I was terribly upset about not getting the lead. When I saw Sharon Dolan’s name up on the board I did everything in my power to keep from crying. But now as I watch Duke Samagura order Sharon around, and watch how closely they have to dance together and sing their duets, I actually feel lucky that I didn’t get the role.
Gladys isn’t too bad a part. I get to sing a lot, and the “Steam Heat” and “Hernando’s Hideaway” numbers are great fun, even if I have to dance with Sam Dolan. It’s so obvious he’s never danced before, and poor Miss Kerrigan might have a nervous breakdown before it’s all over.
I’m also looking forward to the summer. I find out at the end of the month if I’m accepted into the writing program at Penn that I applied to. It seems like the perfect program for me, but it’s awfully competitive. All I can do now is cross my fingers and hope for the best.
Oh my goodness, I almost forgot. I can’t wait for the Valentine’s Day dance.
13
Valentine’s Day
CHOLLIE
I know it sounds hard to believe, but I think Billy’s more excited than I am about the dance. He gives me all kinds of great advice as I get dressed.
Here are Billy Muller’s Steps to Success.
Step 1: Keep an eye on Miranda at all times. But don’t smother her, and make sure she doesn’t see I’m watching her.
Step 2: Get out on the dance floor. Chicks love dancers.
Step 3: Request “Stairway to Heaven” from the DJ. When the DJ plays my song, I ask Miranda to dance.
Step 4: Always smile and look like I’m having a good time. But don’t smile too much, or she’ll think I’m crazy.
Step 5: Be sure to dance the last dance with Miranda. Apparently, a girl will always fall in love with whoever the lucky guy is she’s dancing with at the end.
When we drive up to school, he starts going over the steps all over again, which is pretty helpful. Boy, the university lost a good guy when they tossed out Billy.
“Remember,” Billy says as we pull up to the school, “you request ‘Stairway to Heaven’ by Led Zeppelin. Got it?”
“‘Stairway to Heaven’ by Led Zeppelin,” I repeat.
Billy looks at me and smiles, then he takes a little bottle of cologne from the glove compartment and rubs some on my cheeks.
I hop out of the car but Billy calls me back and gives me some breath mints. He thinks of everything.
As I’m walking up to the school I’m feeling really good about myself. The basketball game feels far in the past. In fact, the schoo
l newspaper had a great article about the game today and I wasn’t even blamed for the loss. And the whole thing with the student council and the toilet paper doesn’t bother me at all anymore. In fact, I think it’s kind of funny, and that puts a big smile on my face when I walk into the school.
The first person I see is Duke Samagura. I thank him and shake his hand because he was the one who wrote the really nice article in the school newspaper that didn’t blame me for the loss. What a good guy.
Then I go right to the gym. It’s really kind of cool, being in school at night and seeing everyone dressed a little nicer. And it’s sort of mysterious going down the steps into the gym because there are balloons and streamers and red hearts, and you wouldn’t even think you were going into the gym except for the smell that everyone’s always complaining about but that I kind of like.
Music’s playing, and it’s so dark I’m afraid I’ll trip over someone. No one’s dancing yet and when I look across the dance floor, I see the light from the other side of the gym. The gym is split in half like last year. I look over on the other side and they need a fifth guy for the next game, and I figure this would be a great way for me to blow off some steam and not bother Miranda Mullaly too much.
Well, as I’ve already said, I’m a pretty good basketball player, and of course my team, with the help of Bobby Klotz crashing the boards and Colin Cromwell playing the point, has the floor for quite some time. In fact, I can’t believe it when I look up at the clock in the gym and it’s almost over. I miss the whole dance, if that’s possible. I feel like one of those guys who accidentally travels through time.
I can’t let my teammates down, so I keep playing until finally our game ends on a putback by Klotz. I shake hands really quick, and then I rush off to the other side of the gym and look for Miranda Mullaly. I’m nervous about going up to her and asking her to dance, but I’m really ready to do it.
I look around and I look around and I look around, but I don’t see Miranda Mullaly. There are about twenty couples on the dance floor and I do my best to see if Miranda’s out there with someone, but I don’t see her. I rush up to the cafeteria and she’s not there, either. So I run around the gym and I can’t believe it. Miranda Mullaly is nowhere to be found.
Me and Miranda Mullaly Page 7
