A surge of emotion bowled him over. Her humor was a delight and a relief. He pulled her into the circle of his arms, not caring if his lust made itself felt against her thighs.
“We have things to talk about, Tracy,” he said, pressing his chin against her temple. His hands coursed over her back. “I’m attracted to you. You must know that by now.”
“I know.” Her own voice was choked, too.
“Do you?” He brushed a kiss along her ear and felt tongue-tied. Damn it, he’d never bothered to ask a woman before. He was used to having sex with girlfriends when things took their natural course. Why was it that Tracy had him wanting to jump through hoops to make everything just right for her? It wasn’t a casual affair he wanted here. He wanted her respect. He wanted to be her white knight.
“I want you,” he finally admitted.
Her breasts hardened against the material of his T-shirt, and he gently pressed her against his burgeoning loins. “I want you, Tracy,” he repeated.
“Hmm,” she murmured against his neck.
Hope surged in him.
For answer, she lifted her head and half parted her beautiful lips for a kiss. He gladly responded. They embraced each other madly, heatedly. His need hardened, and he moved his hips against her. His hands found their way under her T-shirt to press against the athletic bra she wore.
“Matt,” she said breathlessly.
She pressed her hands against his chest. “I...can’t”
He stopped his caresses instantly, removing his hands from her breasts and gripping her arms instead. His chin pressed down heavily on her lowered head.
“Why not?” He struggled with the urgency he felt. “I care about you, Tracy. We could...”
He swallowed, confused. He hadn’t had time to plan what he wanted to say. “We’d be good together.”
“I know.”
He heard the choke in her voice, saw regret written on her face as she turned away and sniffed as if she were about to cry.
“What is it?”
He reached for her again, but this time he gently held her back to him, wrapping his arms around her waist in a comforting, protective manner and swaying with her, back and forth. They weren’t going to make love today. Not until she was ready. But he realized in the depths of his soul that he cared about her. That she was becoming part of him.
“Is it Scott?” he said in a rumbling voice. “Does he still stand between us?”
“I...yes...no...” She was obviously struggling to sort out her own emotions. “It’s very hard to explain.”
She turned around again and faced him, looking earnestly into his face. She lifted a hand and brushed some of his hair off his forehead.
“You were his partner,” she said with emotion in her voice. “And I was his wife. That’s a little uncomfortable, as it is. And...” She hesitated, dropped her eyelids to cover her eyes. “You have the same profession.”
He could tell she had things she wanted to tell him but was too afraid. “Go on.”
“I just don’t know if I can do it,” she said.
“Do what?”
“Be with...another cop.” She dropped her head, as well, and let her hand slide down to his chest.
It was what he’d expected. His hopes plunged, but he continued to hold on to her for a moment before he let go. “I see.”
She hadn’t been entirely happy with Scott and didn’t want to repeat that life-style. How could he blame her? He walked toward the middle of the room, blowing air out through puffed cheeks and rubbing the back of his neck. She wasn’t ready for an intimate relationship with him because he was a cop.
“I’m sorry, Tracy,” he said without turning around.
This time she came to him. She moved up behind him and pressed her body against his back. Her arms encircled his waist. She laid her head against the base of his neck. “Me, too.”
He didn’t want to move. He wanted her to stay there forever, close to him, her body warm against his. Finally, he turned, reached around and squeezed her shoulders with one arm. His other hand caressed her cheek.
“You don’t want to get involved with a cop because you’re afraid that every morning when I go to work, I won’t come back that night.”
She sighed and nodded. “I just don’t want to get something started that we wouldn’t be able to stop. There’s too much at stake.”
She took a step away from him, reached the desk and pressed it with her fingers.
“You mean the custody suit with Andrew Leigh.”
“That, and being threatened.” She turned her deep brown eyes on him again. “I can’t live like this.”
“I know.” He felt a tightness in his throat and restrained himself from reaching for her again. “Okay. Then we have to do something about it. When matters are settled, we’ll talk about this again.”
He thought he saw a blush rise in her cheeks as she pressed her lips together and nodded.
“Let’s go, then,” he said. “There’s something we need to check out.”
Before he let Tracy come out onto the porch, he did a sweep of the neighborhood with his eyes again. Nothing moved. The woman pulling weeds had worked her way down to the flower beds at the curb. She looked up and waved at Tracy as they walked to the car.
As TRACY FASTENED her seat belt, she still throbbed from Matt’s sexy presence in the car. Now that she’d sampled the feel of his hands on her and the hard muscles of his thighs and arms, her body ached for more. Next time she might not have the strength to say no. Letting the hot wind blow in through the window, she didn’t mind how it tangled her hair. She needed the warm summer wind to distract her roaring blood.
Matt Forrest is just another SWAT team cop. Never mind that he was going after whatever and whoever threatened them. Never mind that she felt safe when she was with him, would trust her life to his skills and experience. Never mind that he seemed to like children and that he had a reputation for being steady and reliable. He wanted to take her to bed and she wanted him. She knew they would have intense pleasure there.
As she viewed his healthy, fit body out of the corner of her eye, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that making love with Matt would exceed her wildest dreams. But she could not reconcile that act with what would follow. The logical part of her did not want to burden him with her financial dilemma or with Jennifer’s health problems. After the first sexual rush, then what? Life would become a grind for him just as it had been for Scott. Scott had turned away from family life because he couldn’t deal with having a sick little girl. He’d wanted a boy he could play football with and take to hockey games. He hadn’t been able to cope, and so had buried himself in work.
Would Matt do the same? Given the fact that a sexy, attractive man like him was still single, she had the feeling that he, too, had shied away from further relationships after his last girlfriend had dumped him. Had the woman wanted more of his time than he could give? Was that why she found someone else? As they rode through traffic, Tracy didn’t give any indication of what she was thinking.
They parked in the underground garage at the police administration building. Walking into the precinct, Tracy didn’t feel as self-conscious about being with Matt as she had before. New personnel didn’t recognize her anyway, but as they passed through the corridors, some of the old-timers spotted her and smiled or nodded. She returned their greetings, having gotten over the sensation that she was a secluded widow.
The next minute, Matt took hold of her hand and didn’t let go. She looked up at him in surprise. Although the sizzling feeling that raced from her heart to her toes was dizzying, she wondered why he chose this moment for such a public display. The handhold could mean only one thing, that they were together.
Her heart looped around like the roller coaster at the amusement park. It was pleasurable to hold Matt’s hand, and she matched his grip with her own. But she had to caution herself against wanting more from him. A relationship wasn’t possible, she had to keep telling hersel
f.
On the fourth floor, Matt swung left into the office of staff assistance. A chest-high counter separated them from an open room with windows opposite. Three women worked at computer stations stacked high with papers.
“Hi, Mindy,” Matt called to one of them.
“Hello, Matt.”
A middle-aged woman with short gray hair swiveled in her chair. When she saw Tracy, she wrinkled her brow as if trying to place her, but gave her a pleasant smile.
“Do you know Tracy Meyer?” Matt asked. “She was Scott Meyer’s wife.”
With thirteen hundred cops on the force, personnel staff could hardly be expected to remember all of them. But when one of their own was killed in the line of duty, all attention was directed toward the officer’s family.
Recognition dawned in the other woman, who nodded. “Oh, yes, of course. What can I do for you?”
Matt grinned at her sheepishly, as if half-embarrassed by the obvious fact that he was now seeing Tracy. As she watched him put on his act, she was amazed. It made her wonder if he would really behave this way if they were lovers. The tingle that rippled through her at the thought seemed beyond her control.
Then he frowned seriously and cleared his throat. “I’m helping Tracy finish up her husband’s affairs.” He glanced at her with a look of caring and concern. “Minor details that she didn’t get around to just after Scott’s death.”
Tracy nodded, confirming his story, unsure where he was going with this.
He wrinkled his brow at Mindy. “We can’t seem to find his bowling ball. He was on one of the teams in the league last year, wasn’t he.” It was more a statement than a question.
Mindy stared at him blankly for a split second, then creased her brow. “I don’t remember, Matthew. Let me check the lists.”
Tracy’s pulse jumped, and she and Matt exchanged glances. This was what they wanted. She kept a neutral expression as Mindy slid open her bottom drawer and fingered the files. When she pulled one out and flipped it open, Tracy could feel Matt straining over the counter. Then he did better than that. He pushed open the swinging gate that marked off the public area and walked in as if he belonged there. He stood behind Mindy’s chair looking over her shoulder so that she couldn’t turn around.
“He played on Tuesday nights,” he said as if reminiscing to himself. “Did many of the teams in the league play then?”
Tracy didn’t feel comfortable following him, but waited. From her position with her elbows on the counter, she could just barely see the papers Mindy was shuffling. Finally, the woman and Matt both stared at a piece of paper with names in several groupings. Matt was taking his time, obviously looking for the one he wanted.
Mindy shook her head. “His name isn’t here. Are you sure he played?”
Matt grunted, picking up one of the lists and studying it. “I was sure he did.”
Then he shook his head doubtfully. “Maybe it was a different year I had in mind.” He chuckled again. “We were going bowling tonight and could only find one ball in the house. I thought maybe he left it with his gear at the SWAT unit, but I didn’t find it there. That made me wonder if I was wrong about him playing last year. So, while I was here to check on something, I just thought I’d stop by.”
Mindy seemed to fall for the story. At that fortuitous moment, her phone rang. While she answered it, Matt spent a few more minutes looking at the names on the page. There were obviously too many to memorize. He spied a photocopy machine, and Tracy felt her adrenaline pump. Surely he wouldn’t try to copy it in front of the staff.
Evidently deciding not to, he replaced the paper on Mindy’s desk. Not waiting for the woman to get off the phone, he shrugged congenially, waved at her and strode back through the swinging gate. Then with his hand on Tracy’s elbow, he steered her out.
They didn’t stop anywhere else, but hurried down to the car where he pulled a pen and pad of paper from a pocket in his visor. He quickly wrote down the names he could remember, pausing once or twice. When he had exhausted his memory, he handed it to her.
“These are the men he must have been watching last year at the bowling alley. Some of them were on the list he made on the blotter.”
She shook her head over the list. “What could they have been doing that got him into trouble?” She lifted her eyes to Matt. “If he suspected some kind of corruption, wouldn’t he have reported it to internal investigations?”
Matt rested his elbow on his rolled-down window and rubbed his chin with his fingers. His face took on a grim look, and he finally met her gaze. She could tell by his look that he hesitated to say what he was thinking.
“What?”
His hand reached over to take hers and squeeze it. “He would report it unless he had a reason not to.”
His meaning pierced her heart like a .38-caliber bullet. “You mean, unless he had something to hide himself.”
Matt nodded slowly. “I’m not accusing him of anything. It’s just a possibility.”
The air seemed to rush out of her chest, and she slammed back against the seat. “Scott, a dirty cop? I can’t believe it.”
But she had to confront the hard truth of her relationship with her deceased husband. It hadn’t been as close as it should have been. She hadn’t known him as well as she should have when she married him. She’d bonded with Jennifer because Scott had begun to withdraw into his own world. She realized now that, had he lived, the marriage probably wouldn’t have lasted. She swallowed a lump in her throat.
Matt kept a respectful distance. “I’m sorry.” His own voice was hoarse. “I know how you must have felt about Scott. He was my partner, too. I didn’t think he was dishonest.”
“Maybe he wasn’t,” she croaked out.
Matt squeezed her hand again. “I hope not. I’m sorry I brought it up. But if we’re going to get to the bottom of this, we have to consider everything.”
She tried to arrange her tumbling thoughts into a semblance of order and looked wide-eyed at him. “What next?”
He drew in a breath and exhaled it on a long sigh. His hazel eyes held a longing look as if he wished they weren’t caught up in something so deadly that they had no time to explore the feelings passing between them. His look made her lower her eyelids. She felt suddenly naked under his gaze, more vulnerable than before. She hadn’t asked for this, and she’d sworn she’d never fall in love with another cop. Confused emotions tugged at her, and she tried to inhale deep breaths to control herself.
Matt straightened up and faced the front, and the moment passed. He rested his powerful arms on the steering wheel and glared at the row of cars facing them.
“I need to pick up some gear. You’d better wait here.” He glanced over at her. “In full view of people coming and going from the entrance to those elevators, I don’t think anything will happen to you. But don’t move, okay?”
She nodded, but didn’t ask where he was going. He hopped out and pulled a black leather bag from the back.
“Be back in a minute,” he said, slapping the open window on the driver’s side with his hand.
Then she watched him walk nonchalantly to the glass doors, push them open and disappear into the bowels of the building when the elevator came. Feeling slightly nervous in spite of Matt’s reassurances, she glanced around. A few police personnel came and went. Car doors slammed. Nothing seemed out of order.
Running out of things on the outside to keep her occupied, she began to study Matt’s car. It was a reflection of himself, she thought. The same masculine, outdoorsy scent permeated the vinyl seats and upholstered interior. She closed her eyes and imagined his arms around her again.
She was sharply awakened from her reverie by the sound of the door opening, which caused her to jump. Matt tossed the black bag in back, shut the door and scooted into the front seat. He didn’t waste any time getting away.
They didn’t speak as they drove east on Fourteenth Avenue. Only when they’d left the dense Capitol Hill area behind them and crosse
d Colorado Boulevard did Matt say anything.
“You doing okay?” he asked her.
“Yeah, just mulling things over.”
He nodded in understanding.
The single-family dwellings that lined this street sat on small lawns shaded by tall, old leafy maples and oaks. They passed a small residential shopping area, then took the jog across the wide Monaco Parkway.
Once in Rene’s neighborhood, Tracy glanced at Matt. “What’s in the black bag?”
“Something I needed for some work I have to do tonight.”
“Do I get to know what that is?” She could tell from the tense muscles in his cheek that he was going to do something off limits.
“No need,” he said. He gave her a swift glance. “There’s one name on that list that gives me a bad feeling.”
She didn’t need to ask. “McAllister.”
He nodded, but didn’t say any more. Finally, they came to the Bakers’ driveway. Paolo barked as if he were ready to chew their legs off, until they got out and went to the fence. Recognizing them, he simmered down to an exposure of sharp teeth and a growl, his tall, pointed ears forward and alert.
The house was empty, and Tracy experienced a sudden attack of worry. It wasn’t time for anyone else to be back home yet, but she realized she wouldn’t rest easy until Jennifer walked through the front door.
Matt reached into the refrigerator for a bottle of seltzer water and poured out two glasses. The bubbly liquid helped cool them off, then he pulled out a chair and indicated that Tracy should sit down. He did the same. His gaze on her face was riveting. But in spite of the invitation in his eyes, she saw something else there. A predatory look like a hawk about to attack.
But before he could voice what was on his mind, the doorbell rang. Matt got up. “Stay here,” he told her.
She didn’t miss the way he glanced out the kitchen windows at the backyard before he walked down the hall to see who was there. She herself moved away from the windows. Then she swore to herself. She hated this. She hated hiding out, and she hated the entanglements that had drawn them into danger. She waited as Matt disarmed the security alarms and opened the door. Then she peered around the corner to see him talking to a man in a gray sport coat and open-necked shirt.
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