by Isabel Wroth
Cassie cut him off with another shrill shriek of frustration, sure her hair was about to turn as red as Clary’s and catch fire from how mad she was.
“Then what the hell is your problem? I’m a grown damn woman, alright! I know when I’m hungry. I know when I’m tired. I know that I’m dirty and covered in dust. I’m BUSY getting shit DONE! Or I would be, if you blockheads would quit interrupting me and treating me like a patient at a mental hospital! I swear to god, the next one of you to come in here, I will rip your god damn head off with my teeth. Now. Get. Out.”
“The situation is worse than we thought.” Cassie heard Zarak’s voice. Wondering where the hell the big guy had gone, she leaned around Matem and nearly fell off the chair to see both Zakar and Falken rushing towards her.
The very next thing she knew, Falken was shoving Matem out of the way to scoop her off the chair and shouting instructions at the warriors to begin exit preparations. No, ‘I missed you.’ No, ‘hey, I’m sorry for being such an asshole.’ No, ‘How’s the work going?’ Zip. Nothing.
“I’m not finished with my research-” Cassie flinched when Falken hugged her hard enough to bruise, hustling towards the entrance of the fortress.
“I have you, Cassie. Everything will be alright. Here,” he shifted her enough to shove her face into his throat. “Breathe deeply of my scent. Let your beast calm, my one. The blood-lust will ease, it must.”
“Blood-lust?” Cassie’s question came out muffled from against Falken’s neck. She struggled for breath, struggled to lift her head and look at her mate to demand to know what the hell he thought he was doing. But he clamped his arms and hands down on her so hard that she worried she was going to pass out from lack of oxygen.
“It will be alright, I won’t let you go.” Falken vowed to her. To someone else he said, “Do it.”
Before Cassie could respond or ask what the hell was going on she felt a sharp pain in her thigh. A stabbing pain, and then it was lights out.
Five
Sounds were muffled, her eyes wouldn’t focus, her lips felt too thick to speak. Her tongue, dry and swollen in her mouth. Cassie felt like she was clawing her way up from the bottom of the engine room. She hadn’t felt so awful since that time she had drunk herself into a stupor so she didn’t have to be present for her betrothal ceremony.
She heard an inarticulate bit of speech come from somewhere beside her, felt a sharp stab to her neck and, like a balloon popping, she was fully awake. Senses online and fully functioning, hangover to end all hangovers gone, just like that.
Cassie blinked a few times against the brightness of the room, Falken’s worried face coming into view first, then Gwen’s scowling one, Ga’rae’s neutral expression, and Ilaria standing off to one side observing it all with a thoughtful frown.
She recognized the carved stone walls of the infirmary on S1 almost immediately. Cassie remembered having been in the process of ripping Matem a new asshole for interrupting her again, when Falken had blown in to snatch her out of the archive. Ranting on about blood-lust and how he would not allow her to succumb to it.
Cassie definitely remembered the first stab of a pressure syringe having followed Falken’s command to give it. Like she was some rabid animal needing to be controlled.
“Cassie?” Falken gave her hand a gentle squeeze. He sat beside her on the infirmary table, the cautious, concerned uttering of her name had Cassie drawing in an unsteady breath.
She was familiar with the ungodly feeling of devastation and betrayal that exploded through her. Far too familiar with it. She just hadn’t expected to feel it in reaction to Falken. Sure, Cassie had felt disappointed. Rejected by him. Unwanted even.
She had felt anger and suspicion towards her Sarazen mate, but she had not expected this. Though why she had thought life would be so much different now that she was off the Aria and in possession of a primal beast, Cassie didn’t know.
Stupidity, most likely.
Stupid to think the days of feeling those razor blades slicing her insides to ribbons were over.
Stupid to have thought that maybe, just maybe Falken would be different.
It was all too easy to fold herself back into her protective shell. All too easy to resurrect her walls and mentally strap on her impenetrable armor. Easy, and yet so painful even her beast shuddered inside her. Calmly, quietly, Cassie lifted her chin and met Falken’s eyes. Thrilled when he flinched in reaction to whatever her expression was.
“You drugged me.” Cassie didn’t accuse. Didn’t raise her voice above a conversational tone, but the ice was back and colder than ever.
Falken clenched his jaw for a second, but nodded. “It was necessary. The blood-lust-” He raised his other hand from her hip, clearly intent on brushing her hair back.
Cassie didn’t move a muscle. “Don’t. You. Dare.” she enunciated, and Falken froze mid movement. She jerked her hand out of his and folded her fingers together in her lap, refusing to back down or allow herself to quiver with the depth of pain and anger burning inside her.
“Why was it necessary to drug me?” Cassie asked, still calm and collected.
“You were in the thrall of blood-lust.” Falken stated. Clearly, one hundred percent sure that was true.
“Bullshit!” Gwen snapped from her other side.
Cassie made a studious noise and frowned, hooking a thumb at the short redhead. “What she said.”
Falken hissed a sound of frustration, raking his hand through his hair. “Cassie, my one. You were speaking to the air. To no one. You weren’t eating or sleeping. Snapping at the warriors assigned to protect you as though you were protecting cubs instead of books. Matem said you hardly even left the records room to relieve yourself. Or bathe. These are clear symptoms of what being separated from your mate can bring. Prolonged absence causes your beast to rage and fall to the blood-lust.”
Cassie ran her tongue under her teeth, catching the tip on one of her fangs. “So let me get this right. Matem reports to you that he feels I’m not acting or behaving the way he assumes is ‘normal’, and you drop everything to race across the solar system to my side, where you then proceed to drug me into a coma, based on that assumption. Is that what you’re saying?”
Falken opened his mouth to answer, but Cassie threw up a hand to stop him and looked at Gwen for help. “Is that what he’s saying?”
Gwen nodded slowly, looking every bit as pissed off as Cassie was feeling. Cassie sucked in a breath through her teeth and glared at Ga’rae. “Medically, how would you rate my physical state?”
Ga’rae cleared his throat uncomfortably, frowning now with a trace of disapproval. “Perfectly healthy.”
“I assume as I’ve been drugged for the last three days or so, my mental evaluation is forthcoming.” Cassie arched an eyebrow at the other male, and Ga’rae gave a short nod.
“Well,” Cassie huffed, turning her attention back to Falken. “Let me assure you, warrior. I. Am. Fine.”
Falken’s frown deepened at her deliberate usage of the word, ‘warrior,’ and not, ‘mate’. Though her tone most likely suggested the obvious that she was calling him an asshole.
“I am not on the verge or anywhere near blood-lust, you arrogant son of a bitch. Neither have I been speaking to myself, not that any one of your warriors would listen to me when I tried to explain that to them. Which by the way, for a race of advanced beings, beings who travel the universe and encounter all manner of other species of aliens, you are exceedingly close-minded to the idea that there are beings you can neither see or hear.
“Case in point, Ilaria. A Matavei, who is over there in the corner, watching you be a complete dick and taking notes. Her people put themselves into stasis to allow their minds to separate from their bodies in order to energetically travel the stars to observe and gather information on other races of intelligent life. What she’s doing on this planet observing you people is beyond me.
“The reason I have not been eating or sleeping, or bathing for that
matter, is because those warriors you sent to spy on me and report back to you, kept interrupting me. I was starting to wonder whether or not you had sent them to do just that, in an attempt to stop me from gathering the information I needed, just in case it would make you look bad. I realize now that was ridiculous of me, because I don’t need to make you look bad. You do that all on your own. I have had some of the most soul crushing experiences and betrayals at the hands of people who claimed to care about me, but I have to tell you, I didn’t expect another one from you.”
Falken’s face paled at the last hiss of her little tirade. His eyes tracking back and forth over her face while he just stared incomprehensibly at her. Cassie shook her hair back as tears threatened to fall, unwilling to shed one more. Not for Falken. And never in front of others.
To Ga’rae, Cassie said, “I’ll have that mental evaluation now, then I’d like to speak to Tarek and Clary about what I did manage to find in the archives. Alone.”
At her decisive final word, Ga’rae glanced at Falken before nodding tightly. “I do not believe the evaluation is necessary.”
Cassie could have kissed the enormous medic. “No, I want one. I don’t want anyone to later claim I had a moment of insanity due to some kind of female hysteria.” She threw back the blanket covering her and stood up, forcing her knees to support her despite the fact they felt rubbery.
The traitorous part of her that had fallen so foolishly in love with Falken urged her to soften when he stood up and reached out to help her. That foolish part needed to wake the hell up and take off the rosy-colored glasses.
“Don’t.” Falken flinched again at the ice in her tone. “Touch me again and I’ll show you blood-lust.” Cassie walked out of the room with Gwen, head held high, refusing to answer when Falken called after her.
*****
The mental exam was over rather quickly and when it was done, Cassie asked for a few minutes alone. Gwen and Ga’rae shared that look. The one that most of the mated pairs did when they spoke to one another among that oh so special Sarazen bond. A muscle above Cassie’s eyebrow twitched with jealousy, but the pair left before noticing.
Without anyone to see, Cassie crumpled into a sobbing heap on the table. Needing a few good minutes of unrestricted grieving to get through what she needed to get through next. A soft hum of familiar energy slithered across her hair. Down her shoulder and arm to buzz across her hand.
“I think I begin to understand why you will not allow yourself to trust your mate.” Ilaria murmured in her ear.
Cassie managed a wet, mirthless chuckle. “Oh yeah? What gave it away?”
The buzzing energy continued to soothingly move up and down her side. Comforting and warm. Tender even. Warm enough to soothe and ease some of the tension gripping Cassie’s body.
“Many things. His intentions are true to you, Cassie. He cares deeply for you.”
“He has a really terrible way of expressing it.” Cassie choked out, half gasping for her next breath as her chest continued to feel like it was being hollowed out.
“So I see. I understand now, what you meant when you told me why bother letting any other care for you. When no one cares for you better than yourself. Here I had thought I understood the feeling of loneliness.”
As she approached Tarek’s office, Cassie did her best to pull herself together and retreat back behind her wall of ice and steel. She thought it had worked as she presented the information she’d found in the archives. Reported the deaths of the Records’ Keepers and the information she had on the Matavei people. Unsurprisingly, Tarek hadn’t ever heard of the Matavei, but at least he didn’t immediately dismiss Cassie’s account of Ilaria’s existence.
“Surely, there’s some kind of device we have that could allow this being to communicate with all of us.” Tarek grunted, looking around the room, eyes darting to every corner with speed and suspicion.
Ilaria giggled from her place at Cassie’s side, and for a moment, Cassie thought Clary might have heard it. Clary’s head tilted to the side and a small frown pulled at her brows. But then the Asho’na rubbed a hand on her monstrously large belly and shook her head as she glanced at her mate, clearly having answered Tarek’s silent question.
“If there isn’t, I’m sure Tara could make one.” Clary said with a confident smile.
It seemed, thankfully, the ruling pair were completely unaware of the seething, bone searing jealousy burning in Cassie’s chest.
“I’m sure she can. I’ll go ask her. May I be excused?”
“Not so fast.” Clary’s tone hardened, and Cassie rolled her lips together to keep from hissing. Certain she knew what was about to happen. “Gwen gave me a quick breakdown on how you got back. Anything you want to add or say?”
In reaction to Clary’s nudging and meddling, Cassie couldn’t help it. “I want a divorce.” Unsurprisingly, Clary’s jaw dropped in shock.
“A what?” Tarek grunted, looking from her to Clary for explanation.
Clary stammered as she explained. “It’s a um, human term. A divorce is a dissolution of marriage. Bond breaking, basically.”
Cassie was certain she hadn’t seen Tarek rendered speechless before. His mouth even fell open a little, spluttering before he managed to choke out a - “What?”
Cassie felt her cheeks turn hot with embarrassment in reaction to the guy’s incredulous expression, but she couldn’t un-ring the bell.
“Against my will, Falken drugged me and brought me back here. He didn’t ask me if I was alright beforehand. He didn’t even attempt to gauge for himself whether or not I had gone insane. He actually didn’t speak to me at all, which, as you observed in the last outburst I had in this room, is not uncommon.
“Falken makes it plain that he cares little for my thoughts, feelings, or opinions with his actions. To my embarrassment, the more time I spend around the pair of you or any of the other hybrid mates, the more jealous I get as I see the evidence of what an actual bonding looks like.”
The couple in front of her shared a look of concern and discomfort. Tarek tried to be gentle about it, but he was blunt as ever.
“Once a bond is made, Cassie…it cannot be broken.”
Cassie made herself face down Falken’s best friend and lifted her chin bravely. “What bond? The one where Falken and I are supposed to communicate silently across any distance? Yeah. We don’t do that. Or that bond where he’s supposed to be able to calm my beast? Nope. Don’t do that either. Bonding takes trust. How am I supposed to trust someone who drugs me because of what other people have told him, and not because of an informed assessment he’s made himself?”
“She’s got a point.” Clary murmured after a tense silence.
Tarek whipped his head around to stare down at his mate incredulously. “What?”
Clary shrugged, rubbing her hand in a circle over her belly. Shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot as she pressed her other hand into her low back. “I’m surprised Cassie hasn’t ripped Falken’s balls off. If you drugged me because someone else told you I’d gone crazy, and I hadn’t actually gone crazy, then hauled me off to a medic to prove how crazy I was, I’d want to kill you too.”
“If you had become crazed, I would be able to sense it along our bond.” Tarek stated stubbornly.
Clary raised her brows at him as though he had just made her point. After a second, Tarek scowled and wrapped an arm around Clary, tucking her against his side as though his hold on her could keep her close and connected to him. Cassie felt the power in his stare, the urge her beast gave to lower her eyes in respect for the powerful male.
“What is it exactly you wish of me, Cassie?” Tarek finally grated out.
Cassie struggled to keep her eyes up. To keep her voice from quavering. “I want to go about my business as a single entity, no longer encumbered by a mate who places his trust in others and not in me.”
For long, uncomfortable minutes, Tarek just stared at her. Like he was waiting for Cassie to take it back or something
. Tarek finally huffed out a breath and looked less like the pride ruler, and more like a man concerned for his friend.
“I must think more on this, Cassie. Such a thing, a dissolution of a bond…it has never been done before.”
Six
Falken paced back and forth in the smaller chamber adjacent to Tarek’s study, almost rabid with agitation.
Cassie had asked to meet with the ruling pair alone, her eyes so cold and detached he felt as though ice had formed on his skin. The warmth was now completely gone from her expression when she had looked at him. Whatever bond Falken had thought he had with Cassie, he had seen no trace of it in the glacial coldness of her eyes. No trace of care or love.
He rubbed at the tightness in his chest to remember how forcefully Cassie had accused him of betraying her. In hindsight, he admitted he had grossly overreacted to the idea that Cassie had been entering into those first excruciating stages of mate sickness. Of blood-lust. But considering the tone of their previous conversation, Falken hadn’t hesitated to think otherwise.
With a frustrated hiss, he spun the other way. How could Cassie truly believe that his every waking moment wasn’t devoted to her? That every moment he spent away from her was a moment he was doing all in his power to keep her safe?
Falken’s beast growled furiously inside him, digging furrows through his soul as the images of Cassie’s disbelieving expression flashed across his mind. Her pained look after having woken in the infirmary to realize Falken had allowed Zarak to tranquilize her.
Her total withdrawal from him as she stated her desire for the invasive mental examination to prove her sanity. A soul crushing experience, Cassie had said. One of many.
What had he done?
“You’ve been my most trusted friend for a long time, Falken.”
He jolted at the sound of Tarek’s voice. Falken hadn’t even heard the Asho coming, or smelled his unique scent. So deeply entrenched in his disbelief anyone could have come upon him. Sloppy.
“Asho, I did not hear you approach.”
