“I hear you there,” Greg said. “I really didn’t think I used mine all that much. Boy was I surprised. And it’s so strange how often I thought to check it.”
“I know, right?” Eric said. “I’m really beginning to wonder how much I don’t trust the weather. I bet if I thought to check it for the weather once, I did a hundred times. I even woke up at like 3 a.m. one night, and I was like, ‘Wonder what the weather’s going to do tomorrow?’ And the crazy thing is, I already knew!”
“I’ll tell you one thing,” Caleb said, “you definitely notice how often everyone else is on theirs when you’re not. We’d be working, and I’d look around, and three people are swiping on their cell phones. I mean, what are we even doing that’s so important?”
“Good question,” Greg said. “It was weird. The other day we had a meeting, and I decided to leave mine in my desk. You wouldn’t believe how many people I actually talked to that I never talk to normally. Not that I’m trying to ignore anybody, but I guess when you have your nose in your phone, you miss a lot of things.”
Eric nodded. It was the one thing that had been seeping slowly into his spirit all week. “This is going to sound awful, but…” He straightened on his elbows. “When I put the thing down, I started talking to Ja and trying to talk to Dani. I’m not sure how I got so disconnected with them, but at first, Jaden and I didn’t even really know how to talk to each other. It was like she knew I was either too busy to listen or that I wasn’t listening anyway. But this week, I made it a real point to do things with her while I was at home. We colored and did dishes, and one night we even tackled subtracting three numbers. I gotta tell you, that’s a lot harder to learn than I remember. But she got a hundred on the paper, and she was all excited about it.”
“The thing I’ve noticed is how much Sage does,” Luke said. “I mean, I used to come home and say, ‘So what’d you do all day?’ I wasn’t being mean. I thought I was trying to find out how her day was. I still don’t know much about her day, but her nights? It’s crazy. She’s doing laundry and helping the boys with homework and cleaning the kitchen and talking to Jaycee on the phone. I can’t say that was all because I put the cell phone down, but I did try to help her with some of it this week. I think she wondered if I was trying to get on her good side or something.”
Caleb laughed. “Rachel actually asked me if things were going okay with Attabury and everything one night. It took me ten hours to figure out why she’d asked.”
“I read a book this week,” the pastor said, and when the others laughed, he held up his hands. “I know. Don’t say it. I always read a book, but what this one had to say was really interesting especially in light of this discussion. It talked about how our souls are designed to be needy. They are designed to feel empty without something to fill them. So feeling that, we try to use the things of the world to fill it. But the reason it was designed to be empty was that we would have a yearning for God. I think this stuff we’ve talked about, the alcohol, drugs, food, cell phones—the addictions that take over our lives—they are all manifestations of us trying to fill the soul, or to distract it from how empty it feels.”
“I’m a lot older than the rest of you young bucks,” Greg said. “I’ll be retiring in a year or two. My kids are grown and gone. And really, I’m looking around and saying, ‘What is the point of this? What is the point of my life? When I was your age, I thought it was to make enough money, have the right job, that kind of thing. But now that I have some money and a good job, I see those things really don’t ‘fill the emptiness’ as you say.” He nodded at the pastor. “What really does is this stuff.” He swirled his hands at the rest of them. “It’s helping out the new guy in our office and seeing him really come out of his shell and start contributing. It’s going with Em to Wilmington to shop for the birthday presents for the grandkids. I mean, I’m not much of a shopper, but I really enjoyed just us spending some time together for a change. I don’t think we do that enough. Maybe we kind of got out of the habit or never really got into the habit, but now I see that this time with her is not going to last forever. And when it’s over, it’ll be over. Period. End of story.”
“The other day I heard something on the radio,” the pastor said. “It was something about how in one of the Gospels, Jesus heals a man who I think was possessed. The man then wants to follow Jesus, but Jesus tells him instead to go home to his family and tell them the good news of what has happened to him, how Jesus healed him. The announcer guy then said something like, ‘We think our job as Christians is to reach the world with the message of Jesus’s love for them, but reaching the world really needs to start with loving those closest to us. We need to start there.’”
“Let me guess,” Eric said. “That’s our assignment this week?” He was already wondering just how he was going to accomplish that. Jaden, yes. But Dani? That was a different story altogether.
“I think so,” the pastor said.
The wallpaper and color samples were spread all over the Wests’ table. The kids were playing in the living room while the television babbled about some fruity treat that was low in sugar and kids just love.
“What do you think about this?” Rachel asked, pointing to a wallpaper print that was a gold damask.
Dani shook her head. “Looks like it should be in a palace somewhere.”
“Well, you’re supposed to be the king of the castle, right? Or the queen.” Rachel kept paging.
“I kind of like this color. Maybe for Ja’s room.” It was a very pale blue. “It’s soothing but happy.”
“Soothing but happy,” Rachel repeated. “How about something like this?” This wallpaper looked more like a tree at sunset.
Scrunching her lips, Dani shook her head. “Too modern.”
For another minute Rachel paged. “So, what are you looking for? Like what colors do you like?”
It was a question Dani hadn’t really considered. “Well, our house was already done when we moved in. In fact, that’s one of the reasons we chose it—because it was all already done. We literally moved the furniture in, bought a few new pieces so it would look right, and we were finished.”
“So something that’s no-work. Got it.”
“I like things like this.” Dani spun the book she was holding with a saying written on the wall. “But then I think, ‘Could I live with that forever? Would anyone else like it? Or would they walk in and go, ‘Why’d you do that? It looks terrible.’”
Page. Page. Page Rachel went. “Okay, then who are we trying to please? You or them?”
That stopped Dani. “Huh?”
“I know when the guys did my house, there were things like… I didn’t want hardwood floors. Hardwood look? Yes. But not on the floors. With little kids. I just didn’t think it was all that practical. Caleb about had a fit, but I knew it had to be right for me.” She paged again. “Not that I’m great at that. It’s just I think your house should be you not whatever happens to be in House Beautiful at the time.”
Funny, Dani had never really thought about it like that. Her perception of the pictures in the books changed just slightly. “When you say it like that, I don’t know. I think, ‘What do I even like?’ I mean like this.” She held up a picture of a living room. “It’s pretty, and part of me would love it. But white furniture? Who would want white furniture? It’s gorgeous in the pictures, but…”
“And this.” Rachel held one up of an ornately decorated bathroom. “Love it in the picture, but can you imagine cleaning that?”
“Tell me about it. We got an all-glass shower door at home. It was beautiful when we moved in, but trying to keep that thing clean? It’s ridiculous, and do you think Eric will wipe it down like I’ve told him to a million times? No way.”
“Well, you know why, don’t you?”
That puzzled Dani. “Why?”
“Because you’re the one that’s going to clean the thing. He doesn’t have to worry about it.”
Dani laughed, again not having t
hought of it that way. “When we were first married, he would make me waffles every weekend. Every weekend…. Loved those waffles, but trying to clean that stupid waffle-maker afterward? Forget it. One time I told him if he really loved me, he’d clean the thing. Guess what?” She nodded at Rachel, and they said at the same time, “No more waffles.” This laugh was even more relaxed. “Exactly. So I have to really think about and decide what hill I want to die on. Just how bad do I want those waffles?”
“That is so true.” Rachel was now paging without really offering any suggestions. “I think this is the part I’m going to really stink at, you know it?”
Looking over, Dani’s curiosity came up. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I’m supposed to be the one to help people design the interiors, and this is not what I’m good at. Give me an 800-pound handrail to sand and refinish any day.” She turned the next page. “I think I’m going to be way too practical to be too designy about it. Like this.” Holding up the book, she shook her head. “Seriously. Who would think this was a good idea?”
“Same one that created five-inch heels and convinced us we look fabulous in them. Have you ever tried to wear a five-inch heel anywhere? It’s insane.”
“I haven’t worn heels since college, and when the kids showed up, forget fashion. I’ll take sweats and a T-shirt for $300, Alex.”
“Haha. I hear you. I think my mom nearly disowned me when she visited me at my apartment in college. I had this unreasonable idea that because I was on my own, I could do things the way I wanted. Yeah, that didn’t go over very well.”
Rachel tipped her head. “Your mom? She’s Ms. P’s daughter?”
“Yes, but you’d never know it by looking at them. Night and day those two. Not that I know my grandma very well, but Mama always said her mom had the fashion sense of someone who got dressed in the dark. I really think that’s one reason we never came back to visit much.” She shrugged and kept her gaze down. “If you want to know the real truth, I think my mom was embarrassed about where she came from. I know one thing, she sure was against me coming back and working on Attabury.”
“Oh, really? Why?”
Half wishing she hadn’t said anything, Dani shook her head. “I remember the things Mama and Daddy would say about Ridgemount when I was younger. Backwoods. Low-rent. Hole-in-the-wall. They hated coming back, and eventually, so did I. Mom especially. I think she did everything she could to get out of here, and once she was out, she had no desire to ever come back.”
“But you did?” Rachel asked. “How’d she take that?”
“Not great. And Dad’s worse.” Dani dragged in a breath and let it out. “Sometimes I’m not even sure why it’s so important. But…” Her ears picked up on Jaden and the kids playing. “I just don’t want any ghosts hanging around Jaden’s future like they did mine.”
Rachel tipped her head. “Ghosts?”
Why did she keep saying things she really shouldn’t? “Just how Mrs. Attabury was to my family. How they were before.”
“Slaves?” Rachel asked slowly, reluctantly, and Dani nodded.
“My grandma was a servant in that house until the day she died. She gave her life for that family, so they could act all high-and-mighty to everyone. I want something better for Jaden, something with dignity and hope.”
“Like your mom gave you by leaving?”
Dani frowned. “I don’t know. Part of me always felt like we were play-acting that role. My dad’s family, yes. They had money. They grew up with money. But my mom’s family was as poor as a church mouse or worse. She always said the best decision of her life was to marry Daddy and get out of here.” She shrugged. “Not that she’d say that anymore with the divorce and all.”
Slowly Rachel nodded. “I totally understand the wanting to get out of here thing. It’s what I did out of high school too. But now looking back, it had more to do with me and who I was, or wasn’t, in here.” She put the edge of her hand on her chest. “I was so broken inside, I thought if I fixed out there, it would fix this. Boy was I wrong about that.”
For a long minute Dani questioned the sanity of asking for an explanation. “So what does? What changes in here?”
The answer didn’t come instantly, and when it did, it was soft almost wary. “Giving yourself the grace to realize what you’re doing isn’t working, and being brave enough to try something new.”
Turned out there was very little to save of the front porch. Some of the planks came up. Some just splintered into a bazillion pieces. Along with Caleb and Luke, Eric hacked and carried, ripped and pried until he was sure he would need a gallon of muscle cream by morning.
“Whew,” he said, leaning on the waste bin and wiping his forehead. “This manual labor deal is rough.”
From the porch, Caleb laughed. “Give me manual labor any day versus sitting at a desk.”
“Yep.” Luke pried a nail up and yanked on the board. “Paperwork gives me hives.”
“I’m going to be glad to see my desk come Monday,” Eric said. “I will never complain about having to work at one again. I can guarantee you that.”
He wasn’t wrong. When he made it back to Derek and Jaycee’s, Eric could hardly move. Every inch made muscles he had no idea he had scream in pain. “Oh. Ow.”
Carefully he sat down at the table, pretty sure he might never get up again.
“Daddy!” Jaden came running from the other room and jumped in his lap.
He fought not to show the grimace of soul-crushing pain. “Hey, there baby girl. What’ve you been up to all day?”
“You’re back awful late,” Dani said, coming in from the living room as well. “I was wondering if you’d forgotten how to get out here.”
“No. I didn’t forget.” Eric gave Jaden a hug and helped her hop down. “We just got close on the porch and decided to finish framing it up.”
“Oh, so you got it done?”
“Not done-done. They’ll plank it on Monday.” He started to move and remembered why that was a bad idea. “Aaahhh.” The sound came through his breathing, and at the end of it, he laughed because if he didn’t, he would surely cry.
From where she was leaning on the cabinet, her eyebrows went up in amused concern. “You look awful.”
“Heh. Yeah. I feel awful. Wow am I sore.” He held and rolled his shoulder as he laughed again. “Ow.”
A moment and with more concerned amusement on her face, she shook her head. “Why don’t you go take a shower, and I’ll put something on for supper?”
“I would,” he said after a minute, “but I don’t think I can move.”
She actually laughed at that. “You poor thing. You want some help?” Without waiting for an answer, she came over to him and put out her hand. “Jaden, you push. I’ll pull.”
Their daughter clearly found this extremely funny as she went behind Eric and started pushing him up out of the chair. It really was a good thing for their help because getting up proved to be more difficult than he had imagined doing that simple thing could be. Hunched over like a 90-year-old man, he took a step. “This is why I got an engineering degree. Ow. I should’ve been smart enough to stick to that.”
“Good luck,” Dani called, and he heard the lilt of laughter loud and clear.
“Thanks. I’m going to need it.”
During supper, Dani explained the myth of designing the perfect home. “I always thought this would be the fun part, you know? Designing our own place, but let me just say, this is not in my field of doable. I don’t know what color goes with what stain. I thought that just all… happened.”
“Rachel couldn’t help?”
“I think she’s as clueless as I am.”
“I thought she was supposed to be the designer.”
Dani shook her head. “I think she got thrown into the deep end without swim lessons. We went through books and books and wallpaper books and paint samples until I didn’t know Desert Sand from Cactus Needle Brown. I’m telling you, it’s nuts. Rachel sai
d Jaycee and Derek are probably coming back out next weekend. They’re in Buffalo, I think? Or maybe it’s Missouri? I don’t know. One of those two I think. Anyway, they’re going to fly in next weekend to check up on things. She said they’re whizzes at this stuff. Derek especially, I think.”
“Sounds good,” Eric said, “because I’m not going to be any help in that department at all.”
A wicked smile crossed her face. “You can stick to doing porches.”
“Gee thanks.”
Dani could feel things changing. She didn’t really know how or why they were, but she could feel it just the same. On Monday night their washer stopped filling with water, and when she mentioned that she was going to have to call a repairman for it, Eric said he would take a look at it… and he actually did. She had told him, repeatedly, that he didn’t have to. It was okay. She would get someone. But after supper Tuesday night, he went back there and spent two hours diagnosing the problem and fixing the thing.
She did feel bad about it because he was still sore and trying to crawl behind the washer was not the easiest task in the world. However, when she turned the washer on to do a load Wednesday evening and it worked perfectly, she had to admit he had done good.
Each night at supper they talked, and on Thursday he actually told her she didn’t have to worry about supper because he and Jaden were making something special. Something special turned out to be chicken and dumpling soup, and it was delicious. After supper, they told her to go on up and they would do dishes. When she said she had laundry to fold, they said not to worry about it, they would get it.
Not much about this new existence was making sense, but she was trying not to question it too much. She figured in a week or two things would go back to normal until then, she would enjoy this little side trip through it-can-never-last. On Thursday night as she sat at her vanity, she pulled the little hardback diary out to read a couple pieces of it. She still wasn’t sure what she thought about it, but reading a little bit wouldn’t hurt anything.
Raising Attabury: A Contemporary Christian Epic-Novel (The Grace Series Book 5) Page 21
