“Mm-hm,” Dani murmured. She looked over at Dani. “You any good at picking locks?”
Rachel laughed and held up both hands. “I think you’re on your own with that one.”
Caleb came about six-thirty, and after eating, they sat around the living room by the fireplace discussing what came next. Derek and Jaycee were coming back in the next day. That meant Eric and Dani would spend the night with Greg and Emily again.
“So you’ll be at Bible study in the morning?” Eric asked Caleb as he leaned back on the couch, his arm around Dani.
“Planning on it.”
“You know,” Dani said to Rachel, “we’re going to have to start something.”
“Like?” Rachel asked.
“A Bible study.” She shrugged. “I don’t see why the guys get to have all the fun.”
Rachel laughed. “Tell me when and where, and I’ll be there.”
“Maybe we could do it at Attabury,” Dani said. “I wonder if there’s any room though.” She looked at Caleb who shook his head.
“Don’t even think about it,” he said.
“What?” she asked innocently. “It’s Bible study. You’d really stand in the way of us having Bible study?”
“Next Monday, you can Bible study there all you want. Until then, you need to behave yourself.”
Eric collected her next to him and kissed her head. “Yeah, good luck with that one.”
“Hey,” she said, smacking his chest but softly.
“Hey yourself,” he said with a laugh, jostling her gently.
She looked up at him with a grin. “You wouldn’t want me any other way.”
“Can’t argue with that.” And he laid his lips on hers.
Long after they had gone to bed at Greg and Emily’s Dani lay without so much as closing her eyes, her heart filled with words she wasn’t sure she should be thinking. A long moment and she swiped the blankets from her legs, fumbled for her robe, and slipped it on. Tying it, she found her slippers on the dark floor and went quietly to the door. She just needed some air and maybe a little time alone with God.
The sound of the door brought Eric out of sleep. He lay without moving for a long moment, listening for her soft breathing. When he didn’t heart it, he rolled carefully and found her side empty. Concerned, he sat up, blinked twice at the time, and ran his hand down his face. Where would she be going at this hour?
True concern flashed through him. Surely not…
It was chillier outside than she had anticipated, but Dani sat down on the little porch step just out of the back door and looked up at the panorama of stars arrayed above her. They were so bright, so close, so clear. Looking at them and knowing now Who put them there, she asked God why her own heart couldn’t be that clear, why it had to always be crowded with so many things.
What is the center? her mind whispered, and she closed her eyes. Get that right, and everything else will fall into place.
She knew now the foolishness of the things she had pursued in the past. Money, prestige, possessions. Just like her mother now knew, those things could be gone in a heartbeat. Dani thought through that. Where did she want to be when she was her mother’s age? Or her grandmother’s age?
As she considered the two, she began to see life in a way she’d never really bothered to think about before. Her grandmother had nothing, and yet, she had everything that counted. Her mother had everything by the world’s standards, and yet she was truly alone. Dani thought about that, and she couldn’t shake the thought that her grandmother had gotten the best end of the deal.
Why was clear. She had gone for the right things, the truly important things in life. A relationship with God and a life of service to those around her. In contrast, her mother had rejected that way of life, and although her outward appearance looked better, inside…
The door behind her came open, sounding only in the stillness of the night air around her, and Dani jerked backward at the sound.
“There you are,” Eric said. He came out and shut the door with nearly no noise at all. Coming over, he sat down next to her. “I was getting a little worried.”
At first anger socked into her, but it was quickly replaced by a knowing grin. “You think I was picking a lock?”
“I wouldn’t put it past you.” He laid his elbows on his knees, looked out to the night beyond for a moment and then over at her. “Can’t sleep?”
She considered the question before shaking her head. “Doing a lot of thinking.”
“About?”
Just how to answer that jammed inside her. “Life? Our lives? Where we are, where I want us to go?”
He regarded her wordlessly for several breaths. “You come up with anything?”
Dani’s gaze slipped away from his out to the night beyond. “What’s at the center of your heart, Eric?”
“The center?” he asked in confusion.
“I’ve been trying to figure out what’s at the center of mine.” She pressed her lips together and quirked them. “What’s at the center of yours?”
Eric thought about the question without answering for a long moment. “Well, I’d have to say God is now. God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, whatever you want to call Him. He wasn’t for a long time in through there, but the more I put Him first and really try to do things that are in line with His ideas, the better things are working out.” He leaned over and bumped her shoulder as a grin came to his face. “So He’s first, but you’re second. And Jaden and my mom, your family, our friends…”
“Not work?” she asked.
“No. Not anymore. Work is work, but if all I do is work, I’m going to miss all of this.”
Her training from growing up was battling for its very existence in her head and heart. “But what is all of this anyway? What does that even mean?”
“All of this, being with other people, getting to know them and love them,” he said, putting out his hands, “that’s what really matters to me. I think it always did. I just lost sight of it for a while.”
She nodded, hearing what he was saying but still wondering how deep that went, how lasting it could be. “And when Attabury’s done? What then? We go back to Raleigh and visit out here every once in a while?”
Pulling his hands back in, Eric’s gaze slipped from her and fled out to the stars. He said nothing for many heartbeats. Finally he shrugged and looked back at her. “I guess if that’s what you want.”
The exhale was so hard it took her spirit with it. “That’s just it. I mean, I know this sounds completely crazy, but… I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to live in Raleigh and visit out here once in a while. I want to live here and visit Raleigh to go shopping once in a while… if that.”
Silence descended between them, and Dani put her head down, knowing she shouldn’t have said anything. The idea was insane. They couldn’t just move. There were no jobs for either of them way out here.
“You’re serious?” he asked, his gaze digging to find hers.
Closing her eyes so she couldn’t see the destruction and disappointment she was about to cause, she nodded. Courage came into her then because she knew the damage was now done, and she looked over at him. “Crazy, right?”
Never in all his life, save for the moment she had said yes all those years before, had Eric’s spirit jumped so hard. He laughed out loud because if he didn’t, he was going to cry with joy. “I’ve been thinking the exact same thing.”
“What?” Her face collapsed into disbelief. “No you haven’t.”
However, he nodded like a Jack-in-the-box. “I promise you.” He put up both hands. “I’ve been thinking the exact same thing for a month or more. Every time I came here.” His hands fell as his gaze buried into hers. “I love it out here. I love who I am out here. I love the idea of just living rather than always trying to get ahead and feeling like I’m just getting farther and farther behind.”
“But,” she said, now clearly struggling with what came next, “is that even possible? Us moving out he
re, I mean? What about your job? Our house in Raleigh? Jaden and school?”
“There’s a school here,” he said with a laugh. One shrug and he leaned on his knees again. “It’s not like nobody ever sells a house in Raleigh. Besides, that would take us back down to one mortgage again, which would honestly be a relief, not to even mention being able to pay the Attabury one down for the equity we have built up in the Raleigh house.”
“But what about your job? What about something for me?”
He looked at her and smiled before putting his arm around her and pulling her closer to him. After only a breath, he kissed her head. “I say we pray about it and see what God decides.”
The next morning, Eric was up well before the sun, dressed, and making breakfast.
“I’m starting to get addicted to this,” Greg said, coming into the kitchen and over to the coffee pot.
“Me too,” Eric said with a laugh. “Enjoy it while it lasts.”
“Believe me, I will.”
At the pastor’s house, Eric told himself not to mention what they had talked about the night before. It was too fresh, and having happened in the middle of the night, he could well have been dreaming or she could have not been in her right mind. He took a small drink of the coffee and went over to the chair next to Caleb and Derek who sat on the couch.
“How’s the home remodeling business?” Eric asked Derek who looked at least like he was going to live this week.
“It’s going. We’ve got two more weeks in Phoenix.” Derek sighed hard. “You ever been to Iowa?”
“Can’t say that I have.” Eric took a drink. “That where you’re headed next.”
“So they tell me.”
“How’s Jaycee handling being back on the job?”
“Better than before,” Derek said, “but it’s still been rough on her. ‘Course that frustrates her to no end to not be able to keep up like she used to.”
“I hear you there,” Eric said. “Dani about drove me nuts when she was on bed rest that last three weeks before Jaden was born.”
“Oh, please. Don’t even say that,” Derek said, his eyes going wide. “Jaycee and bedrest? I wouldn’t live through that.”
“Bedrest?” Luke asked, joining them with his own coffee. “Tell me they haven’t put Jaycee on bedrest.”
“Would you all stop saying that word?” Derek pleaded. “This has been bad enough.”
Luke took a small drink. “Oh, trust me, it gets worse.”
“Good morning, everyone,” the pastor said, coming in as if he had just rolled out of bed and thrown his clothes on though Eric knew that wasn’t the case unless he was in the habit of sleeping with his doors wide open. “Sorry, I’m running a little behind.”
“No rush,” Luke said, “we were just filling Derek in on the joys of pregnancy.”
The pastor’s eyebrows went up. “Well, I’m glad I missed that one.” He looked around at the group, puzzled. “Is Greg not going to join us this morning?”
“He is,” Eric said, barely managing not to spill the coffee down his front. “He had to stop in at one of the projects they’re working on and make sure a couple things got done.”
“Oh. Okay. Well, then, if we’re ready, let’s get started.”
It was a full forty-five minutes later before Greg actually showed up, and for as pleasant as breakfast had been, his friend looked much worse for the wear since then. “Sorry I’m late.” Not even bothering to get coffee, he came over and sat in his customary seat by the window which had honestly looked a little sad and empty in his absence. “What’d I miss?”
“We were just talking again about service,” the pastor said. “What it means and where we’re finding effectiveness at it.”
“Effectiveness?” Greg asked. “Ha. Well, that might be asking a little much these days.” He seemed to realize his mouth had gone on without his head’s approval. “Sorry. Just a little stressed out I guess.”
“Oh?” the pastor asked though this was clearly off-topic.
Eric liked that about him. He had learned that the pastor often went off on what seemed to be tangents into real life, only to circle around and somehow bring them back to God and what He was doing. It fascinated him how whatever they were talking about always somehow related to God.
“It’s just this merry-go-round of young guys these days. Well, mostly guys. They come in, start a project, then find something better, and move on. I’m getting really tired of retraining people only to be stuck doing the projects myself when they up and leave.”
“That happens a lot?” the pastor asked.
“All the time,” Derek answered instead of Greg. “I think I’m on my forth or fifth electrician since the first of the year already. I thought for a while it was the pay, but I’m about to decide it’s not.”
Greg nodded. “It’s like no one can be anywhere without hyperventilating about when they can move on to the next thing. We’re a starter job for most kids coming out of college. I get that. I mean we’re not really big enough for a big benefits package or even a great resume builder. So basically they get their foot in the door with us, and before we get to know their name, they’re already giving their two weeks.” He shook his head and rubbed his fingers through his hair. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to vent like that.”
The pastor laughed. “Eh. Venting is allowed, here especially. It’s far better to vent than to hold that stuff in and let it fester and rot everything else in your life.”
Greg’s nod slowed. “I’ve been trying really hard not to bring this all home to Em. She doesn’t need to be worrying about it all the time too, but sometimes it’s tough to keep going when it feels like I’m trying to swim in quicksand.”
“Life can sure feel like that sometimes,” the pastor said. “I’m sure we’ve all been there.”
Everyone around the circle nodded.
“It’s not just you,” Eric said, shifting in his chair. “We had a guy quit the other day. I think he’d been there maybe eight months, and we’ve got the whole package, good pay, great benefits, the whole nine yards. Still wasn’t enough.”
“Enough,” the pastor said. “Funny. I think that’s the word God decided to pound me with this week. When is enough ‘enough’? Is it ever?”
“Well, I can’t speak for everybody,” Eric said, twining his hands, “but I’m starting to see how easy it is to fall into that trap and not get out again.” His gaze went around the group. “That’s always been a thing with us—what was the next goal, the next thing, the next big hill to climb. We could never just be. It was always like something out there was going to fix everything. If we could just get there… Except when we’d get there, it didn’t fix anything. A lot of times it just created more problems. We’d sell the old car to get a new one, but then we had payments we were struggling to make. So we’d work to increase the income, which was great, but about that time we’d get sick of the old furniture we bought at the secondhand store because that was all we could afford.” He shrugged. “I guess I’m kind of learning that if you can’t just stop for a while and see how blessed you are right where you are, nothing out there is ever going to satisfy that anyway.”
“I think we’re all born with holes in our hearts,” Caleb said, “and we try to fill them with stuff the world says will make it feel less empty. When it doesn’t, we think it was what we were going for that was the problem. I know before Rachel and the kids, I was like that—always living for the next great thing rather than taking the time to see where I was was okay too.”
“It’s finding that sweet spot,” Luke said. “Not resisting the growth but not being so focused on growing that you miss today.”
The others nodded.
“Tough to balance,” Derek said. “Real tough.”
“Then again, if it was easy and we could all just do it, we would,” Luke said. “I think I find the balance a lot better when I’m not trying to do it on my own.”
“That’s true,” Caleb said. “This last week
has been a real challenge. This was always the part when you’d take over.” He looked at Derek. “I’d just follow orders. This… all these details. It’s not as easy as you always made it look.”
“It was never easy. You just learn to do one thing at a time. Focus, get that done, and then move on to the next thing.”
Caleb laughed. “Only problem is how to get everything to line up.”
Derek smiled. “They never do unless you concentrate on getting them to.”
“I think that’s what I’ve got to try to do,” Greg said. “I keep worrying about what happens if someone else quits. How are we going to cover getting the projects done that we’ve got on contract? That really overwhelms me. I need to focus on what I can do rather than worrying about all the stuff I have no control over.”
“We could all stand to learn that lesson,” Luke said.
The pastor looked at his watch. “Well, gentlemen…” He smiled at them. “Shall we say a closing prayer and get on with our day?”
Reluctantly, they all agreed and bowed their heads.
“Father, God of all things, we believe You know our next step better than we even do. You know where we most need to go, the path You meant for us to trod. Please be the flame in our darkness and the cloud to guide us in the daylight. Show us the desires You have placed upon our hearts and help us always put You first no matter what the world tries to tell us should take up that sacred place in us. Help us to remember this world is temporary, but Your world, Your life, Your love for us and those we love is eternal. We pray these things in Your Holy and Most Blessed Name. Amen.”
“Amen.”
“You know,” Greg said as they all walked out into the March sunshine, “I hate to ask this, but well, you wouldn’t mind taking a look at this thing with me, would you?”
Eric was walking with him side-by-side out to their vehicles, and he shrugged.
“It won’t take long. I just really need a second set of eyes on this thing,” Greg continued.
“Uh, yeah. No problem. I think we were just going to meet over at Derek’s in an hour or so, so I’ve got some time.”
Raising Attabury: A Contemporary Christian Epic-Novel (The Grace Series Book 5) Page 47
