by Jenika Snow
“I don’t know how to be any other way, Tristan. I don’t know how to be the man you deserve.”
She couldn’t help it. Tears pricked her eyes. “I only need you, Kash.” He crushed her body to his and ran his lips down her neck. He murmured incoherent things, and although Tristan couldn’t understand any of it, she knew they were words of endearment. How long had he gone through life alone? Was there ever a time that he had someone to care for him, to hold him? She would give that to him, all of it, for as long as he would accept it. It was then, as his lips were pressed against her pulse and his hands kept her body tight against his, that she knew there was no denying her feelings. She cared for him so deeply that she knew it had to be love. She had never loved anyone before, and the feelings swirling around inside of her were too strong to deny as being anything else. At that moment it didn’t matter what he did for a living. It didn’t matter what type of background he had. It was just her and Kash, a man and a woman, living in that one moment.
“Tristan.” He sighed her name and brought his mouth to hers. The kiss started off slow but soon picked up in intensity. Strong lips, forceful tongue, Kash knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to take it. She loved both sides of him, loved how one person would create these hurricane-like emotions within her.
Her breasts were pressed tightly against his chest and her hands gripped the hard planes of his back. He slowly moved his hands down to cup the cheeks of her ass and brought her pelvis flush with his. The feel of his cock, hard and insistent against her, had her moaning against his eager mouth. He was ready for her again, and she was more than willing to give all of herself over.
When she felt him start to lift her, she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist. A strangled groan escaped him as she ground her pussy against his erection. The next thing she realized was he was moving. His mouth never left hers as he took the stairs quickly and then entered a room, the door slamming shut behind him. When her back met the mattress all she could think about was getting naked and feeling him move inside of her. It didn’t matter that they had just been intimate moments before. The arousal and feelings swirling inside of her made it seem like she hadn’t seen him in ages, like she couldn’t get enough. He broke the kiss and took a step back. Even in the darkened room she could see his expression. Painful arousal.
“Strip for me, Tristan.”
A soft cry left her mouth as his dark words penetrated her lust-filled mind. She started to quickly undress, but he stopped her with a firm shake of his head.
“Nice and slow, baby. Strip for me and make me ache to see what you are hiding beneath all of that material.”
She did as he asked, not even daring to disobey. When she was nude beneath his gaze, he went for his zipper. He hadn’t buckled his belt after they had been together on the couch, so his fingers made quick work of the material and metal. The next few minutes were agonizingly slow for her as she watched all his hard flesh being revealed. When he was nude and his cock jutted forward from his body, he made his way toward her.
“Spread your legs.” He was between her thighs, pushing her thighs apart so that he could fit his wide shoulders between them. “You smell so sweet.”
Tristan felt self-conscious, even after everything they had done together. Already she felt like she could climax. His voice, the image of him naked, all of it plus more had her on a razor’s edge. He closed his mouth against her, sucking at her flesh, licking her hole, bringing her closer to the pleasure she desperately sought. Her body didn’t care that she had gotten off already. It was a greedy bitch that wanted more, so much more.
“Please, Kash. Oh God, please.”
“What do you want, baby? Tell me what you need.” His words were muffled against her flesh.
The vibrations from his voice sent needles of desire straight to her clit. “Please fuck me. Put it inside of me.” Her choice of words was crude at best, but she was too far gone to give a shit. The only thing she cared about was feeling him shove all those hard inches into her and fuck her roughly.
He grunted against her soaking-wet flesh and then suctioned onto her clit. Tristan arched her back and cried out as she came. As the tremors slowly left and she was somewhat conscious of what was going on around her, she glanced down at Kash. He watched her from between her legs, his tongue still stroking her slit, prolonging the pleasure. He teased her pussy hole with a thick finger before dipping it inside of her. Her legs fell all the way open of their own accord as he started to fuck her with the digit. Another one was added, and then another, until he was thrusting three fingers into her sensitive body. She was close again, so close that if he just sucked her clit a little harder she would go off. He didn’t give her time to beg, though.
He slipped the fingers from her body, and she was embarrassed that her pussy greedily sucked at the digits, refusing to let them go. With the light from the streetlamps casting a soft glow through the window, she could see her wetness glistening off his mouth and those three digits. Breath coming in short pants, he brought them to his mouth and sucked her juices off. The sight was highly erotic and caused a gush of moisture to seep from her. He chuckled deeply when he noticed her reaction to him and then bent his head to lick her clean.
“I’m going to fuck you again, Tristan.” He crawled up her body until they were face-to-face. She could feel the hot length of him press against her cleft and lifted her ass to rub against him. He growled low in his throat.
“Watch it, baby. I’m barely holding on to my control as it is.” He pushed back from her so that he could look between her legs. He gripped the base of his shaft and aligned it with the opening of her pussy. In one swift move he buried himself deep within her.
The pleasure-pain was bittersweet, and she had to grip onto the sheets beneath her to keep from bringing him closer. Her pussy was already deliciously sore, but she didn’t care. Having him inside of her again heightened the pleasure. Tristan cried out in ecstasy as her body quaked. Just the feel of him sliding into her had made her come. Slow, steady strokes were not what she was after, but before she could protest he started to move. Hard and fast, Kash was like a machine as he pistoned in and out of her body. The sting of pain from his powerful strokes coupled with the pleasure of another mounting orgasm had her thrashing her head on the pillow. His hands cupped her breasts, his fingers pinching and tugging at her nipples. The ache he caused had her pushing her chest into his seeking hands, needing more. He was skillful, masterful, everything Tristan feared, loved, and hated. He knew just the right amount of pressure, knew just the right amount of depth to send her closer and closer to Elysium.
“Yes, more, Kash.” He responded with a growl against her neck. His hips pressed faster, harder. His fingers tugged to the point of pain. When she didn’t think she could take any more, she shoved her face against the crook of his arm and bit his firm flesh as she cried out in ecstasy. His gasp of surprise fueled her pleasure even higher. The taste of blood slipped across her tongue, but she was too far gone to pay it any heed.
“I knew you’d respond like this.” His hot breath coasted against her ear, sending shivers skating down her spine. “Your body was made for me, Tristan. You’re so tight, hot, wet.” Another deep, primal growl and she whimpered in response. “I’ll never get enough, never.” He thrust into her once, twice, and on the third time he stilled and groaned deeply.
Everything around her dimmed in comparison to that one moment. She felt him swell inside of her as he filled her with his seed. The repercussions of such an irresponsible act weren’t lost on her, but she didn’t want to think about that right now or any other time. All she wanted to do was stay in that one moment, with Kash on top of her and his cock buried deep inside. She fell asleep like that, his breathing a gentle hum that lulled her to sleep.
Chapter Twenty
Tristan let her fingers run along the ridges of Kash’s abdomen. His breathing was even and slow and she knew their intense bout of sex had worn him out. She was exhauste
d herself, but a lot of things ran through her mind. It had been several weeks since the night he had confessed his life to her. It was as if he still kept a part of him distant from her. With each passing day, she was finding it harder and harder to keep her emotions in check. Already she knew her feelings for him went way beyond infatuation. She loved him. She could say that without a doubt. She kept this revelation to herself because she knew if she confessed how she felt he would shut her out even more.
There were times when he looked into her eyes and she could feel how much he cared for her, how much he wanted to express those emotions, but then something would intrude on that moment and he would once again be the stoic, powerful Kash. The perpetual crease between his eyes, as if he was always deep in thought, tugged at her heart. How many times had she wanted to run the pad of her finger between his eyes and smooth the skin? Too many to count.
He still went out every night, fighting his way through life with his fists and pain. She wanted to take that pain away but knew until he came to the realization that he was no longer that child that had to fight to stay alive, he would never stop. Tristan knew without a doubt she couldn’t just walk away from him. It didn’t matter that every night he would crawl into her bed in the middle of the night, his scuffed-up knuckles running down her arm, his lips at her throat. She would never say no to him because she knew he needed that connection. Their lovemaking was intense and fierce, just like him, but on rare occasions she glimpsed the softer side of Kash, the one that begged for someone to care for him, to protect him. It seemed foolish to think someone as strong as him would need protection, but she knew it wasn’t the physical kind of protection, but the emotional kind.
He rolled onto his side and wrapped his arms around her waist. She snuggled in closer, resting her head on the crook of his arm and running her finger over the small, copper-colored nipple on his chest.
“If you keep that up I’m going to take you again.” His voice was deep and husky, laced with sleep, but also filled with amusement. Before she could respond he had his body on top of hers, pressing her into the mattress. His lips skimmed her jaw and she closed her eyes and absorbed this softer Kash, the one that liked to touch and caress her as if she were porcelain. Oh, she enjoyed the dominance that he displayed, maybe too much, but when he was like this it was like there was no one else in the world for him but her.
“You smell so good”—he brought his nose to her neck and inhaled softly—“like vanilla.” He pulled back and looked into her eyes. There it was, that emotion that he tried to hide so much. She lifted her hand and cupped his cheek, urging him to not shut her out. She knew they had grown together, knew that there were many things that still separated them, but that they were far closer than before. Tristan could say, without a doubt, that what she felt for him went beyond all reason.
He brought his lips to hers and kissed her. It was just a fleeting kiss, so soft and tentative that when he pulled away she wondered if it had really happened. His erection prodded her thigh, but he didn’t make a move to take her, although she would have gladly let him.
“Kash.” What was she about to say? Would she really tell him she loved him? Did she really want to risk the possibility that he would reject her? He stared deeply into her eyes and then rested his forehead against hers, breathing out roughly.
“I’ll just disappoint you.” His voice was a mere whisper, filled with anguish.
“You won’t disappoint me, Kash. You don’t.” She cupped the sides of his head and lifted it away from her, hoping he could see all that she felt for him with her one look. He shook his head once and moved away from her. When he was on his back he slung his arm over his eyes, shutting her out physically and mentally once again. He was only inches from her, but the wall he had just erected separated them for miles.
“In the long run I’ll just end up hurting you.” He dropped his arm and turned his head to look at her. “How could you want someone like me, Tristan?”
She knew he wasn’t asking her why she wanted to have sex with him, but why she wanted him, the man who had revealed his weaknesses and demons to her all those weeks ago. She could tiptoe around what she really wanted to say, or she could just say it and hope he still looked at her with adoration in his eyes.
“I chose you because you are everything I have ever wanted.”
“How could you want someone with such a violent past? How could you want someone that only knows pain? I’m part of an illegal underground fighting ring, for fuck’s sake.”
“Oh, Kash.” She leaned forward and kissed him. Tears pricked her eyes because she knew this one moment would reveal a lot, for both of them. “When you touch me, I only feel pleasure. Everyone has pain and violence in them. It’s a part of life, a part of being human. I can see how lost you are at times and I wish I could wipe it away. I wish I could find you.” He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them she was looking at him, the man she loved, not the fighter that hid his emotions and only knew pain and blood. “When I’m with you there is nothing else that matters, nothing else that feels as good.” She brought her body flush with his. He was no longer hard, but this moment wasn’t about them finding pleasure physically.
“I love you, Kash. I. Love. You.” Tristan put her hand on his chest, over his heart, and felt it pound a fast, steady rhythm. He didn’t say anything, just watched her, and she felt uncertainty for expressing her feelings, for opening her heart to him. She wouldn’t be able to handle it if he rejected her. She knew her own heart wasn’t strong enough, not when it came to him.
“Oh, Tristan. My sweet, sweet Tristan.” His breath hitched as he kissed every inch of her face. “I may be the devil, but you’re my angel.” His lips pressed against hers and then there was nothing else but the two of them.
“I don’t know if I have what it takes to love someone, but I do know that what I feel for you is like nothing I have ever felt.” He crushed her to him, kissing the top of her head as he whispered, “I have a darkness inside of me, a darkness that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to be rid of. I know that if you’re by my side maybe I have a chance of seeing light.” When he pulled away, she could see the sadness reflected in his eyes. “I can’t stop fighting. I need that outlet. I need to release this evil that I have harbored inside of me for all these years.” He searched her face, for what she wasn’t sure.
He couldn’t stop fighting. Did she want him to? Was he telling her he couldn’t stop, even for her? Tristan took a deep breath. “I love you knowing what I know. I love you knowing you have to do what you need to, and I accept that. Maybe one day we can take that next step toward finding you a happiness that doesn’t include the horror, blood, and pain.” Their fingers laced together beneath the sheets. “Until that time, until you are ready, I’m here for you.” He squeezed her hand and closed his eyes. For that one moment, when his guard was down, Tristan glimpsed that little boy, the frightened, hurt child that only wanted to be loved and be held. She could do that for him. She could give him as much love as he could handle, and then she would give him more, until he was drowning in it. She wrapped her arms around him and held him. Just held him until he fell asleep in her arms and the only sound was of their mingled breathing. He had let his wall down. It may not have completely crumbled, but he showed her a glimpse into his heart. She knew the rest would come when it was right.
Chapter Twenty-One
It was just like she remembered. The noise, the scent of alcohol, sweat, and blood. Tristan looked around, seeing so many people it made her dizzy. The cement and steel walls that surrounded her should have buckled from all the excitement in the room, but it was like those inanimate objects were just as eager to see what was going to happen.
Not in a million years did Tristan ever think she would be back here. The club was right above her head, the patrons dancing and becoming intoxicated without the slightest knowledge of what was happening right below their feet. She could even smell the exchange of money. Everyone around
her wore energized expressions. It was like the idea of watching someone get the shit kicked out of them had them growing hard, aroused, and hungry for more. Even though she knew Kash’s reputation, knew that once he was there, in the arena where nothing else mattered but the pain and violence, he would succeed. She also feared for the man he was to contend with because, although Kash had never showed her the frightening look that he reserved for the ones he fought, she knew he was a force to be reckoned with. The announcer’s voice boomed all around her, and she glanced anxiously at the raised cage.
“I don’t need to boast about his prowess and raw power because we all know the Champion is a fucking machine!” The crowd went fucking crazy, deafeningly loud. “He knocks them to their asses before they know what’s coming, but tonight he may have met his match.”
Tristan’s heart thundered as she looked around. There was no need to worry about him because she had seen how he fought, but the idea of someone just as strong as him as his opponent sent shards of ice through her.
“He’s the new kid in the arena, known to have the punch that knocks them to their knees, but will it be enough to make him the victor tonight?” He raised his voice on the last part and everyone went ape-shit crazy. The walls seemed to bend in from their voices.
“Let’s welcome Adrian, the new kid to the motherfucking cage.”
Tristan stood on her toes and watched an impossibly huge man step out of the darkness, his blond hair cut short to his head and his eyes so blue and piercing she could see them even from her distance. The closer he came, the more her heart pounded behind her ribs. She didn’t think anyone could be fiercer than Kash, but this man was a fucking beast. There was a break in the crowd and Tristan moved to the front. When Adrian passed by, his eyes captured hers. Frigid coldness seeped into her from that one look. This fighter, who was to go against Kash, the man she loved, was far darker than anything she could have imagined. There was no adrenaline pumping through him like there had been with Jackson. Adrian was stone cold, calculating, and not one to fuck with.
