"You're not listening to me." He scrubbed his face with his hands. "There's a picture. A picture of dad when hegraduated high school. He looks just like that kid." He dropped his hand to his sides. "That's why she's here," hespoke his thoughts out loud as if they made better sense that way, when in reality, they made no sense at all. "Totell me about him"
"This is crazy. He's fifteen."
Yes. It was crazy. Crazy as hell to think he had a fifteen-year-old son. A son he'd never known about becausehe'd never been told. "I'm right, Billy."
Billy stepped in front of him and looked him in the eye. "You better make damn sure you're right before you gograbbing that kid and scaring him again. You don't know for sure he's yours, but even if he is, he might notknow it."
Billy was right. "I didn't mean to scare him."
Movement beyond Billy caught Jack's attention and he looked through the open doorway at Penny.
He pushed by his brother and said on his way past the secretary, "I'm going out for a while."
He walked out the back of the garage, across the driveway, to his house. He went straight to a spare room thatused to belong to Billy and he opened the closet crammed with boxes. He pulled out one after the other anddumped them on the floor. Old trophies and magazines, keepsakes from his and Billy's childhood that theirmother had carefully packed away, fell everywhere.
"What are we looking for?" Billy asked as he picked up a box.
Jack hadn't even realized Billy had followed. "Mom and Dad's old wedding album. The picture is in theirwedding album."
They found the album in the fifth box they opened. The outside was covered in lace and silk flowers, the girlystuff his mother had favored. The lace had yellowed, the flowers flattened; Jack flipped it open. Inside, thepages had lost their slickness and the photographs behind the loose cellophane slid together. The picture Jacksearched for fell at his feet, and he knelt to pick up the black-and-white photo of his father at the age ofseventeen. In one corner of the picture, his father had written in faded black ink, To my favorite girl Carolee,Love Ray.
Jack stood and stared at the photo. He hadn't imagined it. Give his father hedgehog hair and a lip ring, and he'dlook a hell of a lot like Nathan Monroe. Only he wasn't Nathan Monroe. He was a Parrish.
Billy came to stand behind Jack and he looked over his shoulder. His low whistle sounded louder than usual inthe empty room. "Do you think Steven knew?" Jack shrugged. She'd been three months pregnant at some point Steven had to have known. He walked out of the bedroom and down the hail into the kitchen. He opened a cabinet and pulled Steven's letter from where he'd place it Saturday. With the photograph of his father still in one hand, he tore open the envelope and read: "Jack, Please excuse my handwriting and misspellings As my illness progresses it gets more difficult for me toconcentrate. It is my hope that you never see this letter That I beat this disease and tell you these things inperson once I am well again. If not, I want to write down my thoughts before I am unable.
Let me begin by saying simply that I have missed you, Jack. I don't know if you have missed me orforgiven me but I have missed my buddy. There have been many times in the past fifteen years when I havewanted to call and talk to you. Many times I have laughed by myself thinking of the things we used to do. Theother day I saw two boys riding their bikes in the rain and I remembered the many times we used to ride ourbikes in real toad-stranglers Riding around Lovette, finding the deepest puddles to ride through. Or the timessitting on my mother's sofa, watching the old Andy Griffith shows, and laughing our asses off when Barneylocked himself in jail. I think that is when I miss you the most when I laugh alone. And I know it is my fault.
There have been many times I have felt the loneliness of losing you, my friendI have never forgotten the last time we saw each other and the horrible things we said. I married Daisy, and youloved her. But I loved her too, Jack I still do. After all these years I love her as much as the day I married her. Iknow she loves me. I know she has always loved me and yet some times she gets a very far away look in hereyes, and I wonder if she is thinking about you. I wonder if she is thinking that she is sorry she chose to comewith me to Seattle. I wonder if she thinks what her life might have been like with you, and I wonder if she stillloves you like she did. If is any consolation, then know that I have suffered a bit hell because I know how muchshe loved you once and perhaps still does.
The night we left Lovette, Daisy was three months pregnant with your child. She's no doubt told you all ofthis by now when she came to me and told me she was carrying your baby, she was very afraid and believedthat you didn't love her any longer. I let her believe it even though I knew it probably wasn't true. She believednot telling you about the baby was for the best. She didn't think you could handle the pressure of having a childat that time in your life. I let her believe that too. I told her that she was right, that you couldn't, but I knew itwasn't true. I knew you could do anything you set your mind to doing. So I married her and took her away fromyou. I know that I should regret what I did, but I can't. I don't regret one day that I spent with her and Nathan.
But I do regret the way in which things were done and not telling you about Nathan sooner.
Nathan is a good boy. He is a lot like you. Fearless and inpatient and buries everything deep. I know thatDaisy will do her absolute to raise him, but I believe he needs you. It has been my pleasure to raise him, and ofall my regrets in this life, and there are many, I regret that I will not get to see him grow into a man. I wouldhave liked to have seen that.
In closing, I ask that you forgive me, Jack. I know that is perhaps asking too much of you, but I'm aski9nganyway. I am asking so you can let go the bitterness and go on with your life. On a purely selfish level, I amasking with the hope that you will forgive me so that I can die with a clearer conscience. And so that when I seeyou on the other side, we can embrace as fiends once more. If you can't forgive me, I understand. I don't knowthat I could ever forgive you if I were in your place. I took a lot from you, Jack. But maybe you can occasionallylook back and laugh at the good times we had together.
StevenThe letter and photograph of his father fell to the counter as Jack struggled to catch his breath. His insides feltsliced up, just as they had fifteen years ago.
"Is he yours?"
Jack nodded.
"That's goddamn evil," Billy said. "She's a damn evil bitch."For years he'd felt betrayal because his best buddy had married his girlfriend. He hadn't even known the half ofit. It had never occurred to him that when they left, they'd taken his child. It had not occurred to him that thebetrayal ran so deep.
"What are you going to do?"
He unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it from the waistband of his pants. "Talk to Daisy."
"I thought you just said she was an evil bitch.""She is. I'm not even going to ask you if you want to be a part of Nathan's life, because I know You. I knowhow you are. I know that you're hurt and angry, and you have every damn right to feel that way. But she's hismama and she could just pack him up and take him away."For years he'd pushed it back and locked it away. He'd walled up all the pain and anger. Since Daisy had beenback, it had seeped out a little. But nothing like this morning. This morning the walls he'd built were blown allto hell.
"Jack, promise you won't go medieval?"
He wasn't promising a damn thing.
Chapter Twelve
Daisy laid Pippen on her mother's bed and partially closed the door behind her. His little world was chaotic andhe'd been so tired and cranky for the past few days. Daisy had taken him to the hospital to see Lily this morning,and he hadn't wanted to leave. He was scared and upset and had cried all the way home, finally falling asleep asthey pulled into the driveway. Her mother was still at the hospital with Lily, waiting for news from the doctorsas to when Lily might come home.
Daisy changed into her dark green tank top and khaki shorts. She swept her hair up off the back of her neck andsecured it with a big black claw. She was exhausted and in serious need of
caffeine. She might have curled upbeside Pippen, but Nathan wasn't home and she didn't want to be asleep when he returned.
She moved down the stairs to the kitchen and grabbed a Coke out of the refrigerator. Nathan had stuck a note tothe refrigerator door with a little magnet in the shape of Texas. He wrote that he was out riding his skateboard.
The note didn't say when he'd be back, though. She had wanted to remind him that he needed to estimate whenhe'd be back, so she wouldn't worry so much.
This was Lovett, she reminded herself. There really wasn't that much to worry about. There weren't that manyplaces he could get into trouble, but if there was one thing she'd learned from having a boy, it was that if therewasn't trouble, they'd invent it. If there was a puddle, they'd jump in the middle of it. A rock, they'd throw it. ACoke can, they'd smash it. A bird, they'd pretend to shoot it. A handrail on a set of five or more cement steps,they'd ride it on a skateboard, fall and need stitches.
The doorbell rang as Daisy popped the top to her Coke. She took a long drink as she moved through the livingroom. A bowl of glass fruit sat on a wooden end table and she placed the can next to it. She opened the door andhalf expected to see Nathan playing a silly joke by making her answer the door. He was like that sometimes.
Wanting to be treated as an adult, yet at times acting like her little boy. But it wasn't her son.
Jack stood on her mother's porch, sunlight overhead. The shadow of his straw cowboy hat concealed the tophalf of his face. A little flutter tickled her chest and before she could think better of it, the corners of her lipsturned up. "Hey there."
"Are you alone?" he asked, and her smile fell at the flat tone in his voice and grim line of his mouth.
He knows, was her first thought, but just as quickly she dismissed the thought. He couldn't know. "Pippen's herebut he's asleep."
"Where is Nathan?"
Oh, God. The fluttering in her chest picked up a notch or two. "He's riding his skateboard."
He didn't wait for her to invite him in. "No. He's not," he said as he walked into the house, bringing with himthe scent of a warm Texas morning on his skin. He handed her Nathan's board as he passed.
She took it from him and held it against her breasts. A ribbed T-shirt hugged the muscles of Jack's arms andchest and made him appear bigger and badder than usual. "Where is he?"
He turned and looked at her for several nerve-racking moments before he said, "I don't know."
"How did you get this?"
"He came to see me this morning."
"He did?" Nathan's going to the garage wasn't a coincidence. It was a surprise, but not a real shock. Nathan wasthe kind of kid who jumped into things first and thought later. A lot like Jack had been.
"He left the board on his way out."
She didn't think that he'd said anything to Jack about being his biological child. Of course, it hadn't occurred toher that he'd ever show up at the garage on his own either. "What did he say?"
"He talked about Steven and about 'Monster Garage.'"
Maybe he doesn't know. Maybe he was being a hard-ass for a totally different reason. This was Jack, after all.
The king of hard-asses. "That's it?"
"I think he really came by to get a good look at me." He pushed up the brim of his straw hat and she got a goodlook at him. If the glittering rage in his green eyes hadn't removed all doubt about what he knew or suspected,the next words out of his mouth did. "I read Steven's letter."
Now she was shocked. "How did you get Steven's letter?"
"You left it Saturday."
Had she? She didn't remember. A lot had happened Saturday. "You just read it today?"
"I didn't want to read it at all." His voice was deadly calm when he said, "Tell me, Daisy. I want to hear you sayit. After all these years."
His veneer of calm did not fool her for a second. His anger rolled off him like heat waves rolling across asphalt.
Her speeding heart fell right to the pit of her stomach. She'd waited fifteen years for this moment. Knew it hadto happen at some point, and there was no other way to say it but, "He's your son, Jack."
His expression didn't change. "Does he know?"
"Yes. He's known most of his life."
"So, I'm the only one who wasn't told."
"Yes."
"Do you have any idea," he said in that same awful calm tone, "what I'd like to do to you?"
Yes, she had a pretty good idea. She didn't think Jack would hurt her, but she took a step back. "I was going totell you."
"Is that so?" One brow lifted up his forehead. "When?"
"The first night I saw you. I came to your house to tell you, but Gina was there. I told you I needed to speakwith you about something important. I told you that night and the night of Shay's wedding, and at the pizzaplace, and at Slims." Her face felt hot, and she took another step back and tossed the skateboard on her mother'sblue floral couch. "I came to the garage to tell you Saturday, but then ... Lily ran her car into Ronnie's livingroom. Which is why I guess I forgot all about leaving Steven's letter." She pulled the claw from the back of herhair and took a deep breath. He had a right to his anger. She should have told him years ago. She was a coward.
"That's why I'm in town. I'm here to tell you that you have a son."
His gaze locked with her. "He's fifteen."
She swept her hair back up, twisted it, and secured it once more. "Yes, he is."
"You're telling me fifteen years too goddamn late. You should have told me when you missed your first period."
He thought a moment then added, "Unless you didn't know whose it was back then."
"I knew." Now he was just being mean. "You were the first person I was ever with. How could you think such ahorrible thing?"
"Maybe because up until a few days before you married my best friend, you were having sex with me. How do Iknow that you weren't doing us both at the same time?"
"You know I wasn't. You're just being ugly now."
"You don't know ugly," he said and his temper finally rose to the surface. He took a step toward her and stareddown into her face. His eyes narrowed and the line of his jaw hardened. "You did the lowest thing a womancan do to a man. You had my child and kept him from me. I should have been there when he was born. I shouldhave been there to see hint To see him take his first steps and ride his first bike. I should have been there to hearhis first words, but I wasn't. Steven was, though. Steven got to hear him say Daddy, not me." He was deadserious when he added, "It's a good thing you're not a man, because I'd beat the hell out of you. I'd enjoy it, too."
One of the hardest things she'd ever done was stand there toe-to-toe with Jack and not take another step back orlook away from his angry eyes. "You have to understand that we never meant to hurt you. We both loved you."
"Bullshit."
"It's the truth."
"If that's what you do to people you love, I can't imagine what you have in store for people you hate."
Her head began to pound and she put a hand to her brow, but she didn't remove her gaze from his. "You have toremember what it was like between you and me back then. We were fighting and making up all the time. Thatfirst month, I was so scared, and I told myself I was just late. Then the second month I told myself not to thinkabout it, but by the third month, I had to face it." She dropped her hand. "Your parents had just died and youwere going through such a bad time. The night I came to tell you I was pregnant, you said you needed a breakfrom me. I didn't think you loved me anymore. I didn't know what to do." The backs of her eyes stung but sherefused to give in to tears. "I didn't have anyone to talk to about it but Steven. I went to him and he asked me tomarry him. He said he'd take care of me and my baby."
"You keep forgetting that the baby was mine. That I should have been told about it before the two of you ran offto Seattle."
"We talked about telling you, but we thought that if you knew, you'd want to marry me out of obligation, butJack, you were in no position to take care of me and a b
aby. You were only eighteen and already dealing withso much. It seemed like the only solution."
"No, it was the easy way out for you. Steven had money and I had nothing."
"That's not why I married him. You know that I always loved Steven. If you weren't so angry, you'd rememberthat you loved him too." She placed her hands on his bare arms. Jack might never forgive her, but she had tomake him understand. "I married him because I was scared. You didn't love me anymore, and I didn't knowwhat to do."
"How did it feel, Daisy?" His voice lowered, got rough and smooth at the same time. "How did it feel to getback at me for not loving you? Did taking my child make you feel good? Did it satisfy your revenge?"
"It wasn't about revenge."
He grabbed her wrists and removed her hands from his arms. "Did lying with Steven Monroe get me out of yourhead. Your heart? When you were with him, were you thinking of me??
"No!"
"Remembering how it used to be between us?" His voice lowered even further and he pinned her wrists behindher back. "How good it was." He pulled her up against his body and said against her temple, "How good it stillis."
The brim of his hat touched the top of her head. "Stop it, Jack."
"All those years, were the two of you laughing it up over what you'd done to me?"
"No, Jack. It wasn't like that. No one was laughing." Her heart knocked in her chest and she swallowed hard.
"Believe me. I know I should have told you sooner."
His voice got real quiet next to her ear when he asked, "Who's listed as daddy on that boy's birth certificate?"
"Steven."
He pulled back far enough to look into her face. "Goddamn you, Daisy."
"We thought it would be easier for him in school. I'm sorry"
"I don't give a flying fuck how sorry you are. Because it's not half as sorry as you're going to be."
"What do you mean?"
He set her back on her heels and slid his hands to her shoulders. "All those years ago when you chose Stevenover me because I was just a poor kid with grease on my hands, working in my daddy's garage that's not howthings are now. I'm not poor anymore, Daisy I can afford a real good lawyer, and if I have to, I'll fight you."
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