by Kat Mizera
“Hockey. My older brother plays in the NHL. Well, he did.” She sighed.
“Did?” He was going to hell; there was no doubt about it now.
“He was hurt—beaten by a group of skinheads and almost killed. They don’t know if he’ll ever play again.”
“I’m sorry. That sounds terrible.”
“It was.” She took a breath. “Anyway, I’m trying not to think about it. It gives me nightmares and my therapist said I should completely detach from everything that happened while I’m on vacation.”
“Were you with him?” he asked in surprise.
“No.” She shook her head. “But you have no idea what he looked like when we got to the hospital.” A single tear dripped down her cheek and Hawk reached out to wipe it away.
“I’m sorry—we don’t have to talk about it. Tell me about the triathlon.”
“It’s actually part of my therapy,” she said. “My doctor recommended I do something physical because it helps with anxiety, but also so I could push myself out of my comfort zone. He suggested running a marathon but that’s lame—everyone does it. I wanted to do something more, something to prove to myself, if no one else, that I’m as athletic and talented as they are. I know it sounds silly, but I can’t help it. I need to do it.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that. A triathlon is incredibly hard and would be an amazing accomplishment. You’re really going to have to get on the bike-riding part, though. You seem to have the swimming down, and we’ll see how you are when we run in the morning, but you said you don’t really have access to a bike. You need to get one.”
She nodded. “I hate asking for anything expensive, especially now, but I’m going to tell Jamie that’s what I want for Christmas. A triathlon bike.”
He was thoughtful. “What level are you doing and when is it?”
She sighed. “I haven’t signed up yet because, duh, I don’t have a bike.”
“Your brother is a professional hockey player and you’re afraid to ask him for help to buy a bike? Are you not close?”
Her eyes widened. “Oh, no! We’re super close! He’s less than a year older than I am, we’re practically twins! He would do anything for me! I just don’t want to ask. I’m 27, not 18. Asking him for money would be embarrassing!”
He shook his head. “You’re family. It would be different if you were a lazy slob who lived on your parents’ couch and constantly wanted money to buy shoes, but this is special. This is a huge life goal and those things can be costly. You should ask him. I bet it would make him proud to help you with this.”
She smiled. “Probably. He’s a good guy.”
“Sounds like it.” Hawk watched her face; she definitely lit up when she talked about Jamie. Which meant they were close and he’d kind of been holding out hope that maybe they weren’t. He was a selfish ass and he knew it, but it almost made him sick to think about how she would react once she found out who he was and what he’d purportedly done.
“How far do you run every day?” she asked.
“At home I run about five miles, depending on my work schedule. When work is light, especially in the summer, I do more. I also lift weights and bike when I can.”
“Is it about how you look, how you feel or something else?” she asked.
He took a breath, trying to formulate his answer carefully. He was a professional athlete, but since he couldn’t tell her that, he had to find a more generic tactic. “I like being physically strong. Not just muscles, but a whole-body approach to my health and fitness, with a small focus on how I look. I think everyone wants to look good, the way a woman colors her hair or goes on a diet. Men are the same, we just go about it differently and we certainly don’t admit it out loud.”
She chuckled.
“I have a personal trainer,” he said carefully. “So if you’d like, I can give you some tips for making the most of your endurance training.”
“That’d be great. I do a lot of research online but it’s always good to hear it from a person.”
“On that note, are we having dessert?”
She smiled. “Well, yeah.”
It was another early night because Maddie fell asleep on the couch again. She woke up in bed, fully clothed, and stretched lazily as she heard Garrett calling to her to get moving. Crap. They were going running. What time was it? She flipped over and grabbed her phone. 6:30. That was too early; she was still on vacation, dammit. She almost went back to sleep but the thought of running with him was too enticing. She liked spending time with him. Last night’s dinner had been so much fun. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d enjoyed a date that much, even though it wasn’t truly a date. While he hadn’t said anything, she could tell that he didn’t plan to see her again once they left Florida. She knew she was being a ridiculous girl, hoping she could change his mind, but deep down she sensed that when she got on that plane in three days, it would be the last she saw of him.
She pulled on shorts, a sports bra and T-shirt and was digging around for socks when he came into the room. “No socks,” he said. “No shoes either. We’re running barefoot on the sand.”
“Sounds like a song!” she laughed, scooping up her hair to put it in a ponytail.
He chuckled. “Well, we’ll be running barefoot in Barefoot Bay…seems fitting. But the truth is that it’s harder. You work your legs more and it’s more cardio.”
“Oh, goody,” she pretended to pout. “Up at God-awful-o’clock to work extra hard.”
“You can go back to bed,” he taunted.
“I’m coming,” she mumbled.
“Here.” He handed her a package of peanut butter crackers. “A little protein and some carbs for fuel. We can have a real breakfast when we get back.”
“All right.” She popped a cracker in her mouth as they walked outside. It wasn’t hot yet but there was still enough humidity to remind her they were in Florida.
“Ready?” he asked as they got to the edge of the sand.
She dropped into a squat and bounced on her haunches a little. “Let me just stretch out for a minute and we’ll go.”
He nodded, jogging in place as he waited.
“Okay.” She stood up and they took off down the beach. They started slow and worked up to a moderate speed; marathons weren’t about speed so much as pacing yourself. Maddie ran fairly regularly, but she’d never run on the beach before and could feel her calves straining after the first mile.
“You okay?” he asked, glancing over at her.
“Legs are putting up a bit of a protest,” she grunted. “But I’m good. I’ll settle in. Haven’t run in over a week and never on the beach, so I’m adjusting.”
“We can slow—”
“No!” She picked up the pace, pushing herself to find a comfortable rhythm. He stayed at her side, barely breaking a sweat and she couldn’t help but admire his strength. His legs were muscular like the rest of him, but when he ran she could see the distinct lines flexing in his calves and thighs. He had an easy gait, a fluidity in his stride that she didn’t feel. Swimming came easy to her, biking was harder but running was going to be the thing that did her in if she didn’t up her game.
“Don’t push so hard,” he advised softly. “You’re not going to build strength and stamina the first day. Move past the initial discomfort, but when you get to the next struggle, back off. Otherwise, you’ll overdo it and you won’t be able to run at all tomorrow.”
She nodded, knowing he was right. “Yeah, okay. But you can go on ahead when I poop out. I don’t want to ruin your workout.”
He shook his head. “I’m good. We can go for another marathon swim this afternoon, which is my weakness, and it’ll balance everything out.”
Maddie slowed down at three miles, unable to keep up with Garrett’s longer stride. If she pushed too much she would be sore and need a day to rest and she didn’t want to rest while she had someone who understood what she was doing and could share one small part of the journey with her.
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“I wish I had someone like you in my life,” she said ruefully. “I mean, someone who understands what I’m aiming for, who would run and swim with me…who gets me.” She turned to him with a strange look on her face. “I’ve known you less than three days—how come you get me?”
He slowed to a walk and fell in beside her. “I don’t know. Sometimes people just…click.”
“But we’re going our separate ways when I leave, right? We’re not even going to be friends.” Her voice was soft, without a hint of accusation; she was merely stating a fact.
He sighed. “Maddie.” He stopped walking and reached for her hands, pulling her close to him. “You’re amazing. You’re this crazy ray of sunshine with a backpack who raced past me a few days ago like a spinning top of fire, passion and light. You blew me away and every minute I spend with you, I like you more.”
“But?” Her expression was impassive as she stared deep into his eyes.
“There’s something going on in my life that’s ugly. Anyone I get involved with is going to be caught up in a shitstorm and after the year you’ve had with your brother—the nightmares and everything else—you absolutely don’t need to be caught up in my crazy.”
“Is your name really Garrett?”
He hesitated but nodded. “Swear to God.”
“But it’s not Garrett Raven.”
He sighed. “Maddie, I already feel like a jerk… Trust me when I say I’m protecting you. After you go home, you’ll figure out who I am and what I did and you’re going to be grateful I let you go. I wish I was a big enough man to go now, to leave you here to enjoy the resort while I find a room somewhere else. And if you ask me to, I will. Say the word and I’m gone; the villa’s all yours.”
She studied his face for a long time. The more she thought about it, he seemed vaguely familiar but she couldn’t place him. Rock star? Actor? She knew looking online for Garrett Raven would be a lesson in futility so she had two choices: Take him up on his offer to send him packing or spend three more days with the most amazing guy she’d ever met. It was likely she’d go home with a broken heart, but how could she live with herself knowing she gave up the chance to know him, even if she didn’t know his secrets? She firmly believed everything happened for a reason. Angelique had bailed on their trip so Maddie could meet Garrett; of that she was positive. She wasn’t going to miss out on this, whatever it was. Whether his sole purpose in her life was to give her the support to focus on her triathlon dream or to just be the man who made her forget her nightmares for a few days, she was going to find out. Her heart had been broken before; she’d get over it this time too.
Without a word, she leaned up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. The pressure was light, a whisper against his mouth as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “We have three days. Can you hold off your shitstorm until I get on the plane back to Toronto?”
Something inscrutable flashed across his face as he nodded—surprise? Concern? Delight? She had no idea, but as he slid his hands around her waist and lifted her until she wrapped her legs around him, she didn’t care.
“You sure, baby?” His voice was thick, portraying emotion she couldn’t read.
“I don’t care about your secrets, I don’t care about whatever you did—wait, you didn’t kill someone, did you?”
He shook his head solemnly. “Didn’t rape anyone or molest a child either. This is more…professional. Leave it at that, okay?”
“Then I’m sure. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and you know that saying? It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never been loved? And I’ve never felt this loved… Does that make any sense at all?”
Her words hit him like a physical blow and he almost staggered backwards. He knew exactly what she meant, because he felt the same way, he just hadn’t been able to articulate it. It wasn’t true love, of course—they barely knew each other—but if love at first sight existed, this was it. It was usually short-lived, but it was always the sweetest, most exciting kind, leaving you with memories that lasted a lifetime. She wasn’t playing a game or trying to change their circumstances; she recognized the special opportunity they had and was willing to risk getting hurt to experience what it would be like for them to be together. He fell a little in love with her just for that—her spunk, her huge heart, her willingness to jeopardize her soul for a man who’d already told her he would leave.
He found her mouth with passion he didn’t know he had. This wasn’t sex—this was a merging of destinies. Hers and his. It was a little bit ridiculous and a tiny part of him wondered if it was this good, this special, because he knew he couldn’t have her. He refused to believe it because she was special and the feelings they were already sharing were different. He’d had vacation hook-ups before and that’s not what this was. This was the stuff sappy romance novels were made of, except it didn’t feel sappy and this wasn’t fiction. He already had genuine feelings for her and he wasn’t physically capable of letting her go until it was time to put her on that plane. Until then, she was his.
Her moan of pleasure told him she thought so too, but he forced himself to lower her to the ground. “Not here,” he muttered. “When I make love to you, baby, no one will be watching but me.”
She shuddered a little, nodding up at him. “Did what I said freak you out? You know, about you loving me? I didn’t—”
“Shh.” He shook his head. “Believe it or not, I know exactly what you meant and I feel it too. I don’t understand it, but I feel it.”
“Thank goodness.” She rested her head against his chest. “As soon as I said it I felt like I made a fool of myself. Again.”
“No.” He stroked her hair. “It’s what I’ve been thinking too, but without framing it in such a thoughtful sentence.”
“But what do we do now?” she whispered. “I feel kind of silly.”
“We’re going to spend three days pretending I’m not a screw-up and that you’re going to save me from myself.”
“You already saved me from myself,” she said softly. “So it’s only fair I return the favor.”
“Damn, baby.” He pressed his lips to hers and held them there for a long time.
Chapter 5
They spent another day at the beach, baking in the sun and going for a timed, measured swim where Maddie beat him by nearly two minutes. She tried not to gloat, but she jokingly waited for him on the shore with her hands on her hips. As he got out he splashed her and they wound up having an all-out water war. It was the most fun she’d ever had with a guy, her heart growing more and more invested as they talked, laughed and held hands. He told her funny stories about growing up working in his stepfather’s repair shop and she told him all about the lawyers she worked with. She felt like she could tell him anything, like he understood her when almost no one else did. Her most trusted confidante had always been Jamie, but there was no way she could tell him he was the reason she was having nightmares and losing weight. He had enough struggles right now; she refused to add to it. It left her feeling very alone, but with Garrett she didn’t feel that way anymore.
Her phone rang as she was getting out of the shower later that afternoon and she smiled when she saw Jamie’s name flash on the screen.
“Hey!” she said, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder as she tried to towel-dry her hair.
“How’s Florida?” he asked.
“Wonderful!”
“Yeah? Mom said you switched hotels and had gotten a villa at that resort.”
“Yup.”
He paused. “Maddie… I know you can’t afford a villa there. What’s going on?”
She sighed. “Promise you won’t judge?”
“Me?!” He burst out laughing. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Some guys were trying to break into my rental car at the other hotel and this guy stepped in and stopped them.” She wouldn’t tell him about being shot at until they were together. Otherwise, she knew he’d be on the first plane to
Florida.
“And he just invited you to stay at the resort with him?!” Jamie sounded wary.
“Kinda. It’s a long story, but I promise I’m fine. Safe, happy and truly relaxed for the first time since—” She stopped abruptly.
“Since my attack.”
Her brother knew her well.
“I thought you were going to die!” she whispered harshly. “I know you’re fine, but I’ll never forget sitting next to you and hearing the doctors say they didn’t know if you were going to make it…if your kidneys would start working again…if you were going to wake up. You’re my big brother and I’d be lost without you.”
“I love you too, kiddo,” he said quietly, a catch in his voice. “And I’m sorry my situation has impacted you so strongly. But you know I’m healthy and happier than I’ve ever been. If my hair would just grow out some, I’d be peachy!”
She giggled. “You’re such a dork.”
“Back atcha.”
“So…did you call for something specific or just to check on me?”
“I wanted to make sure you were okay, get the scoop on the hotel change and say hi.”
“Well, hi! I’m better than okay, the hotel is fantastic and I appreciate you checking on me.”
“Do you need money?”
“I…” She paused. Jamie was her older brother, practically her twin, and her very best friend in the world. Why was she being stubborn?
“What is it, honey? Did you run out of money? You can tell me.”
“No. I…” She took a deep breath. “I’m training for a triathlon next year and I need a bike. I realized since I’ve been here that I’m never going to be able to afford it on my own and that my big brother probably wouldn’t mind lending me the money.”
“Lending you the money?” He laughed. “We’ll talk about it when you get home, but I’m not lending you shit—you can have anything you need. Pick out the one you want and I’ll have it delivered. Maddie, why didn’t you tell me you were training for a triathlon? That’s amazing!”
“I wasn’t sure I could do it, you know, without a bike and all the stuff I need to train…but I really, really want to try.”
