by E. L. Todd
Ryan didn’t ask for the memory. He continued to eat. “I remember the first time I saw Silke too.”
Sometimes I forgot Ryan was her father. Sometimes I hogged him and forgot he didn’t just belong to me. He was my best friend and I was used to telling him everything, but I couldn’t just blurt out things about Silke because…that would be inappropriate.
“Anything else new with your life?” Ryan asked the question just to change the subject.
I thought of the woman who entered my shop and ran. “There was this weird thing…I’m not even sure how to talk about it.”
“That’s a good start,” he said sarcastically.
“This older woman walked into my shop and stood by the door for a few minutes. When I came out of the office, she blatantly stared at me without blinking. Then she took off and left the shop without saying a word. It was like she recognized me…or didn’t like the look of me.”
“Did you recognize her?”
“I’ve never seen her before in my life.” I was sure of it.
“That sounds creepy.” Ryan took a drink of his soda. “Maybe she’s scouting out the place to rob it?”
“Wouldn’t she make it less obvious than that?”
“True.” He took another drink.
“Maybe she knew one of the guys in the garage but why did she stare at me like that?”
“Judging your clothes, she must know you’re the boss. Maybe she didn’t want to get her son in trouble by bothering him at work.”
“Maybe…” I still couldn’t figure it out. “It was just eerie. I can’t explain it.”
“I get it,” Ryan said. “Sometimes things happen and they affect you in a way nothing else does. It’s just like animals in comparison to humans. We can see certain wavelengths of light and interpret them, and other animals can see more or less. We perceive the world around us in different ways, so obviously certain things have different meaning. You aren’t crazy. You saw something only you could understand.”
Ryan was a tattoo shop owner with holes in his clothes, but his wisdom and intelligence ran deep. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Don’t stress about it. But if you see her again, then start stressing.”
Chapter Thirteen
Cayson
Fuck, I was in deep shit.
What the hell was I supposed to do? I kissed another woman and now I had to tell my wife what happened. It was against my will and completely out of my control but it was still my fault.
I shouldn’t have let her share a tent with me.
I was a newlywed and I didn’t want to start off our marriage like this. How would Skye react? Would she never trust me again? Would she understand that I really was sleeping and dreaming of her when it happened? Would she believe me?
I hated Laura. Hate was a strong word but it was appropriate for the situation. She took advantage of me and violated me. I’d never felt so used and vulnerable before. She violated the holiness of my marriage and now I couldn’t get the taste of garbage out of my mouth.
I never gave her any impression that my marriage was less than perfect. I never made a move toward her or acted like Skye and I weren’t happy together. Laura just decided to take what she wanted despite whom it might hurt.
I fucking hated her.
I didn’t know what to do. Should I tell Skye? But that would make the rest of my trip tense. Skye would constantly be paranoid that something else might happen.
Of course, it wouldn’t.
Or she might be so upset she might leave me…
Fuck, what do I do?
***
When we made it to Kharkiv, the biggest city in Ukraine, I made my way to a pay phone and made a collect call. I didn’t have enough money to make a long distance phone call, but I knew he would accept the charges.
After a few rings, Slade answered. “Yo?” Hesitance was in his voice, like he wasn’t sure if he should even take the call from an unusual number.
“It’s Cayson,” I said quickly. I was in the street and people were passing behind me. I kept the phone close to my face so I could hear him and he could hear me.
“Cayson?” Unbridled excitement boomed through the phone. “Shit, how are you? What’s new with you? Man, it’s so nice to hear your voice. I had a dream about you last night—”
“Slade, are you alone?”
“Uh, I’m at the shop.”
“Can you go upstairs into your private apartment?”
“Why—”
“Just go.”
He sighed into the phone. “Hold on.” He was gone for a minute before he came back to me. “As I was saying…I had this dream about you last night. We were playing ball and—”
“Are you alone?”
Slade sounded irritated. “Dude, I’m paying like a hundred bucks for this phone call, so why don’t you let me talk?”
“Answer the question.”
“Yes, I’m alone,” he snapped. “Can we have a normal conversation now?”
“Slade, I’m in trouble.” This wasn’t a friendly phone call. I hated dropping this on him but I needed to talk to him.
Slade turned serious. “What do you need? I can get on a plane right now and come get you. Are you hurt?”
“No, it’s nothing like that…”
“Talk to me, man.” He breathed through the phone.
“I need your advice about something…and it’s bad.”
“What happened?”
I told him the story with Laura and why she was sleeping in my tent. Then I told him how her behavior had been odd ever since she saw a picture of Skye. “I was sleeping when she crawled on top of me and started kissing me. I kissed her back because I was dreaming about Skye…I don’t know how long it went on for but at least a few minutes.”
Slade was silent on his end of the phone.
“When I woke up, I pushed her off then kicked her out of the tent. Then I tossed all of her things after her. I told her off and we haven’t spoken since.”
“Shit…”
I rubbed my temple because I was starting to get a migraine.
“Fuck, that is bad.”
I just wanted this problem to go away. I wish it never happened.
Slade sighed into the phone. “But it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just sleeping when it happened. And when you realized what was happening, you threw her off and got rid of her. It wasn’t cheating.”
“But it is my fault,” I said with a voice full of melancholy. “I shouldn’t have let her in my tent to begin with. If she weren’t there, we wouldn’t have talked so much. She may not have gained interest in me.”
“If she wanted to fuck you, all she had to do was crawl into your tent. It’s not like you can lock her out.”
“But Skye won’t see it that way.”
“You still didn’t do anything wrong.”
“But I was in the situation anyway. That’s unacceptable.”
“Okay, I admit you should have been smarter about it,” Slade said. “But it still isn’t cheating. It’s negligence more than anything else. Skye can’t hold this against you.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “I’m not sure if I should tell her or not.”
Slade didn’t say anything.
“What do you think?”
Slade released another sigh. “Dude, I can’t make this decision for you.”
“Just tell me what you think.”
He was quiet for a long time. “I don’t think you should say anything.”
That wasn’t the answer I was expecting.
“Since you’re on the opposite side of the world, Skye is going to be uncomfortable the entire time. Every day she’s going to wonder if something else will happen. You’re going to stress her out for no reason. And secondly, her dad almost died. She’s barely holding it together right now. I’ve been looking after her but I can’t fix her. If you tell her…it’ll push her over the edge. Wait until you come back and then spill the beans.
At least you’ll be in the same room.”
Could I keep this to myself for that long? Would the guilt eat me alive?
“Or you could not tell her at all,” he reasoned. “It wasn’t cheating and it’ll just strain your relationship for no reason. Maybe it’s best if this goes unsaid. It’s not like Skye could ever find out. She’s not going to interact with any of the people you’re with. I’m the only other person who knows and I won’t sell you out.”
I couldn’t make a decision. It was too difficult. “This isn’t how I wanted to start my marriage…”
“I know, man.”
“I shouldn’t have left.”
“No, that’s not true,” Slade reasoned. “What happened to you was a crime. She practically raped you. It was wrong. Don’t put all the blame on yourself. She was the one who decided to be a fucking creeper and climb on top of you when you were asleep.”
“What would you do?”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“If this was you and Trinity what would you do?” I never thought I would ask Slade for marriage advice.
“Uh…” He was quiet for a long time. “I’m not sure…”
“Just think.”
He pondered my question. “It’s a tricky situation because Trinity and I are so different than you and Skye. She and I didn’t have a stable relationship in the beginning, and I feel like we’ve always been rocky until we got married. Because of that reason, I would be apprehensive to tell her. The last thing I would want to do was risk losing her. But if I did tell her, I think she would be mad at me for a really long time and might leave me. But if I didn’t tell her at all and she found out some other way…she would definitely leave me.”
I absorbed his words. “Then what’s your answer?”
“I think you should wait until you come home to tell her. If Skye found out some other way without you telling her personally, she would walk away. But if you tell her now, it would be even worse for your relationship. Skye couldn’t handle the possibility of something else happening. I know I couldn’t. Since you know nothing else will ever happen, keep it to yourself.”
That seemed like the most logical choice. I would just have to carry the guilt until I came clean to her. And I would have to steer clear of Laura for the rest of the trip. “Thanks…”
“What are you going to do?”
“What you said.”
“I think that’s the best idea.”
“Please don’t tell Trinity. You know she would run to Skye immediately.”
“Do you not know me at all?” he snapped. “I’ll carry your secrets to the grave, man.”
“Thanks…”
There was a long pause before Slade spoke. “It’ll be alright, man. Don’t stress out.”
“I hate myself for being in this situation at all. It feels like acid is burning my mouth.”
“Things happen.”
“If the situation were reversed, I would die.”
“But you wouldn’t leave her,” Slade reasoned. “Let that give you some comfort.”
I would never leave Skye no matter what she did to me, as pathetic as that sounded. “Yeah…”
“Is the girl hideous at least?” he asked. “That might make it better.”
“No, unfortunately.”
“Damn…”
“Maybe I should just come home…” Now I really wanted to leave. I loved the work I was doing but it took all my strength not to snap Laura’s neck.
“No, what you’re doing is too important. Stay put.”
I leaned against the booth and stared at the ground. “I should go. I know I’m running up your bill.”
“I don’t care about that. My wife is rich. I can afford it.”
It was so nice to talk to him. I missed our friendship. “How’s Skye doing?”
“Pretty terrible,” he said honestly. “She’s been getting bad stomachaches. Just last week I picked her up some antacids. The stress is weighing her down. Sean is home from the hospital but he’s still in a lot of pain. I know that’s killing her.”
“I wish I could be there for her…”
“Trinity and I have been keeping an eye on her. She’s never alone unless she’s sleeping.”
“Thanks, man.”
“We’ve been keeping her busy. We take her to the movies, cook dinner with her, and we went golfing the other day. She has a pretty good shot.”
“I taught her.”
“Figures…”
I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Dude, it’s going to be okay. I promise.”
There was no way he could keep a promise like that but it made me feel better anyway. “Thanks…”
“Just get through it and come home. We’re all waiting for you and we miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
I knew I needed to get off the phone but I didn’t want to sever my connection to home. I didn’t know the next time I would talk to Slade or Skye. Just hearing his voice comforted me. It reminded me of Mega Shake and our afternoons playing ball. “I need to get going…”
“I’ll talk to you soon, man.”
“Yeah…”
“Until next time.”
I hung up before the emotion became too much.
***
I didn’t speak to Laura for the next week. I didn’t even look at her. She led the journey but I always hung back in the rear. I tried to pretend she didn’t exist. When she came into my line of sight, agony burned in my stomach. I felt the pain Skye would feel when she knew what happened. Since it broke my heart, I avoided Laura like the plague.
Thankfully, Laura didn’t try to talk to me. She seemed to understand I was on the verge of slapping her hard across the face. I’d never struggled to refrain from hitting a woman, but Laura was an exception to that. She was the reason I had to hurt my wife. She was the reason my marriage might fall apart.
How could I not be pissed off?
When we camped out for the night, everyone moved around the fire and cooked their dinner. I hardly ate meat because I didn’t want to risk the chance of getting sick from not cooking it properly. The natives didn’t seem to have a problem with it. They knew what they were doing.
I ate a lot of dry food and canned goods. It was just easier that way. For dinner, I usually ate beans, greens, and corn. It wasn’t the best dinner in the world but it was better than eating nothing at all.
Laura stayed on the other side of the fire pit, a depressed look on her face. The other guys sent glances her way but no one spoke to her. She had her own tent now and she didn’t dare come near mine.
That was smart.
After I cleaned up my mess, I went into my tent. I just charged my computer in the last city we were in and I was eager to talk to Skye. But I was also dreading it. How would I look her in the eye and not tell her what happened? How would I act like everything was okay? A part of me wanted to avoid her, but another part of me knew I wouldn’t survive without looking at her beautiful face.
I set up the computer and was just about to call her when the entrance to my tent opened.
Laura crouched down and looked at me with apologetic eyes.
I wanted to choke her then leave her body in a field. “Get. Out.” The threat in my voice even made me uneasy.
“Cayson, I just wanted to talk…”
“And I don’t want to hear a word out of your mouth. Go away and don’t bother me again.” I gave her the darkest look I could muster. There was danger in my eyes, and I wouldn’t refrain from grabbing her by the elbow and pushing her back with all the strength I had. She wasn’t a woman to me anymore. She was an adulteress…and I didn’t want someone like that near me.
“I wanted to apologize,” she said with a shaky voice. “I’m sorry for what I did.”
I usually accept people’s apologies and didn’t hold a grudge. But this was different. “That doesn’t mean anything to me. Now get out.”
“I wasn’t think
ing—”
“No, you knew exactly what you were doing. You violated me and jeopardized my marriage just so you could get what you wanted. How do you think my wife is going to feel about this when I tell her?”
“You could just not tell her…”
My eyes narrowed on her face. “Walk. Away. Now.”
“I don’t want it to be like this.”
“Then you shouldn’t have kissed me when I was sleeping,” I hissed. “You’re a fucking psychopath. Who the hell does that? I told you I was married and I was happy. What gave you the right to do that?”
“I feel like we have a connection…”
“Well, we don’t.” I held up my ring finger. “The only connection I have is with my wife. That’s what this means. The moment you saw this you should have steered clear of me. I respected you and protected you, and that’s how you repay me? What the hell is wrong with you?”
Her eyes watered. “I’m sorry…”
“Get away from me and don’t speak to me again.”
She bowed her head in shame.
“Leave now or I’ll drag you.” It wasn’t an idle threat. “I don’t respect people who don’t respect me.”
She finally shut the flap and walked away.
I was too angry to call my wife. There would be no way for me to hide the ferocity in my eyes. I slammed the laptop shut then went to bed.
***
Polo, one of the translators walked up to Laura with a flower in his hand. “You’re very pretty.” His English was broken and slow, but the message still came across.
Laura eyed the flower in his hand but she didn’t seem pleased by the gesture. “Thank you, Polo.” She took it from his hand then held it in her fingertips.
He eyed her like he expected something else, something more.
She tucked the flower behind her ear. “It brings out my eyes.” Then she walked away.
I noticed this from middle of the line. We’d stopped for water and rest. Naturally, I was always looking around and making sure we weren’t in immediate danger. Nothing missed my notice.
Polo eyed her for a long time before he returned to his place in line. But the disappointment was still heavy in his eyes.
If Laura were being harassed, I would normally care. But now it didn’t make a difference to me.
