by Jaden Skye
Just then Mattheus drove up to the front of the hotel in a red convertible car he’d rented, and waved at Cindy to jump in. It was perfect. Cindy ran to the curb and popped in beside him. Then she threw her head back on the seat, her face up to the blustery sky.
“I love this, it’s great,” said Cindy, thrilled to be taking a drive.
Mattheus laughed. “I thought you’d like it,” he said. “And you’ll like the National Park even better. It’s famous for owls, land crabs and rattlesnakes.”
Cindy shivered.
“Don’t worry, it’s safe, it’s beautiful,” he smiled. “And besides, what can go wrong? We’ll be together every step of the way.”
CHAPTER 14
Mattheus was in a light hearted move as the car left the hotel and began its way to one of the most famous spots to visit in Aruba.
“It’s high time we had some fun here,” he said as they breezed along. “The police are talking to Sean as we speak, and I’ll do more investigating when we return. But for now, let’s enjoy. It’s probably cause to celebrate. I’m sure we got our man.”
Cindy didn’t want to stir up a discussion about it at the moment and said nothing as they breezed along.
“You’re unusually quiet,” Mattheus seemed surprised. “I was expecting to get an argument.”
“No arguments needed,” Cindy said quietly as the car breezed along the roads. “I just need some fresh air now and time to let everything settle.”
Mattheus turned his head quickly and looked over at her. “Good,” he said, “the words of a wise woman. It must have been quite an interview with Kate’s dad to quiet you down like this.”
“It was,” said Cindy, lightly, “now let’s just chill.”
Mattheus turned on the radio, and popular music filled the air as the car wended its way towards the park.
“We’re on the way to Arikok National Park,” Mattheus chimed in as the car picked up speed. “The park takes up about 18 per cent of the island. Once we go in, we’ll get a taste of old Aruba. There are amazing geological, cultural and historical sites, along with incredible hiking trails, caves and natural pools. It’s fabulous, it’s beautiful.”
“You sound like a tour guide,” said Cindy smiling.
“I’ve researched it a lot,” Mattheus said, “always wanted to see this place. The park’s got the Aruba lava formation and a quartz and limestone formation that have influenced the way the island was settled. And, inside the park are some of the oldest Arawak paintings. There are also several reptile species which live only on this island, including two snake and bird species.”
Cindy shuddered, and Mattheus laughed.
“They’re magnificent,” he said, “the whiptail lizard, Baker’s cat eyed snake and the burrowing owl and Aruban parakeet. I hope we see some of them. I brought my camera.”
Cindy was happy that he had. This was a wonderful rest and distraction from all they’d been dealing with. And, the park would be bursting with life. There would be no loneliness or gloom there. The creatures that populated this place, didn’t rebel against their surroundings, or long to die. It was a wonderful antidote to what they were dealing with. Cindy didn’t like even considering the possibility of suicide. Everything about it seemed against nature’s way.
We deserve some time here, anyway, don’t we?” asked Mattheus.
“Absolutely,” said Cindy, “I’m so glad we’re here.” And she meant it. The strange interview with Kate’s dad had made every moment so much more precious. Cindy was thrilled to share this place with Mattheus. She was delighted he was so excited about it.
She reached out and stroked Mattheus’s arm, “Thanks for planning something so wonderful,” she said softly.
“Thanks for being willing to enjoy it with me,” Mattheus replied.
When they arrived, they parked the car and then quickly entered a hiking trail. There were all kinds of trails which covered the terrains, from hills to gold mines and even plantation ruins. The trail they chose rose to the highest point in the place so they could enjoy incredible views.
As they walked Cindy heard the sound of the odd birds and passed through intense foliage. It felt like a journey through another land, and she was enjoying every moment of it.
As they got closer to the top Mattheus stopped suddenly and pointed to a rock formation, where they could sit and take a break. After walking around a bit and taking photos, he stopped and sat down next to Cindy.
“We need time like this,” he said, throwing his head back, looking up at the sky, “we need souvenirs and photos of wonderful moments together.”
“Agreed,” said Cindy simply.
Mattheus turned and looked at her. “I think it’s time we talked about our relationship,” he said as though he’d been planning this for a while.
Cindy shivered a bit. His voice deepened and sounded serious. She was frightened of what could be coming next.
“We need each other, Cindy,” Mattheus went on.
“I realize that,” she responded. Cindy didn’t like the idea of needing Mattheus, though. She preferred choosing him out of wholeness and strength.
“I know you realize it,” Mattheus went on. “But not only do we need each other, we also need stability. Do you agree?”
“Of course stability is good,” Cindy replied, “especially living in an unstable world like ours.”
“But?” Mattheus asked, sitting straighter.
“I didn’t say but,” said Cindy.
“But I hear it underneath your comment. Sure, stability is good, but do you really want it? Do you want someone you can count on to be at your side?”
“Doesn’t everybody want that?” asked Cindy.
“I’m not sure,” said Mattheus. And I didn’t ask about everybody, I asked about you.”
“I don’t like the idea of needing someone,” Cindy suddenly replied. “I like the idea of choosing each other from a sense of strength.”
“It’s not weak to need someone,” Mattheus responded. “It actually takes a lot of strength to admit it.”
Cindy thought of Kate then and her desperate need for Sean. She thought of the loneliness that had gripped Kate’s life and the tragedy of her early death. Was that what love was based on?
“The way you say it makes it feel like desperation,” Cindy said softly.
“You’re mixing me up with the people in our cases,” said Mattheus, irritated. “The cases have affected your emotional outlook.”
“They’ve taught me a lot,” said Cindy.
“Not always in good ways,” Mattheus replied.
Cindy took exception to that and was about to answer as a burrowing owl flew down beside them and stared.
“Look at that incredible bird,” Cindy said to Mattheus.
“Let’s stay on topic,” Mattheus replied, suddenly uninterested in anything but the discussion.
A sense of heaviness fell down upon Cindy, as though bloated clouds had descended upon them, promising rain.
“Can’t we just enjoy our time here together?” Cindy asked, wanting to be free to explore the beautiful scenery and let heavy discussions rest.
“How can we enjoy our time when things are so unsettled?” asked Mattheus. “I’m ready for a life partner, someone to commit to for the rest of my life. I want someone I can count on, who wants to be with me all the time. Is it you? Do you want that as well, Cindy?”
Cindy had to take a deep moment to reflect. She looked out over the craggy hills, through the limestone formations, between the incredible trees that grew naturally, without any demands.
“Everyone wants to love and be loved,” said Cindy. “But even when you love, you may not want to be with that person all the time. You may not be able to give them all they need from you. Life brings all kinds of moments, sudden changes, storms, unexpected winds.”
“What are saying?” Mattheus’s jaw was working.
“I’m not sure exactly,” said Cindy.
“But I am,” said Mattheus. “You
’re saying you don’t really love me.”
Cindy stood up and felt her feet planted on the magnificent earth.
“No, I’m not saying that,” she was suddenly sure of it. “I do love you Mattheus, very much. But I don’t want to disappoint or hurt you. And I also need to be who I am.”
“And who are you, Cindy, really? Who?” Mattheus responded.
The longer they spoke, the louder the owl began hooting, the sound echoing above their heads.
“Love is commitment, love is giving,” Mattheus continued fiercely above the din. “Love is being sure.”
Mattheus had so many rules for everything. Cindy felt exhausted by them.
“Did we come here to talk about our relationship or to take a hike in the park?” she asked.
“Both,” said Mattheus. “I’ve bought you a surprise, but I’m not sure I should give it to you now.”
Cindy felt a wave of sorrow wash over her. Their discussions often took such a difficult turn, twisting them both into heartache, instead of the happiness they’d hoped to find.
“Probably better to wait for a happier moment,” said Cindy.
Mattheus’s fists clenched. “Maybe you’re right,” he grumbled, “and who knows when that will come, or how long it will last?”
The hike back down was quieter. Cindy and Mattheus made their way to the car without saying much. When the silence began to become oppressive, Cindy hummed a bit and Mattheus asked a few questions about the case.
“How was the interview with Kate’s dad?” he asked as they turned down a hill.
Cindy was relieved to focus on something else other than their relationship.
“Kate’s dad is convinced her death was suicide,” said Cindy off handedly.
Mattheus seemed startled. “You say that so casually as if it doesn’t mean anything?”
Mattheus’s reaction jarred Cindy. “Not at all,” she said, “it’s just his view. I don’t necessarily agree with it. Kate’s father is a sad guy. He’s had a lot of tragedy in his life. Both his sister and mother committed suicide.”
“My God,” said Mattheus, “that’s horrible.”
“Very horrible,” Cindy echoed. “I can only imagine how awful this has to be for him. First he said he thought it was something in the family genes. Then he told me he’d sensed this would happen to Kate from the time she was young. Basically, he’s decided it all has to do with fate, that it was written in the stars.”
“Written in the stars?” Mattheus mused.
“As if there were nothing that could have been done about it,” said Cindy.
“And maybe there’s something to that, for all we know?” Mattheus replied.
Cindy looked at him, amazed. That kind of comment was the last thing she’d ever expect from him. Above all Mattheus had always been practical.
“After all, it’s true, isn’t that, that no matter how hard we may try for something it doesn’t happen,” said Mattheus, “and then other things just happen by themselves.”
“Yes, it’s true,” said Cindy quietly.
“Could be Kate’s dad is onto something,” he murmured. “What a relief it would be to believe it’s all written in the stars.”
*
When they returned to the hotel, Mattheus decided to use the computers at the police station to investigate Sean further, and Cindy decided to take a walk alone through the winding trail at the back of the hotel, that led to a natural pond that was hidden out of sight. There were beautiful trees surrounding the pond, and Cindy wanted to spend time there alone, resting.
The heat of the day had intensified along with the humidity and Cindy was eager to be in the shade. She walked slowly, feeling every step, and watching little lizards scurrying around. As she approached the pond, the sound of frogs croaking got louder and she also saw a large shadow lurking beneath a tree. Cindy turned towards the shadow and to her amazement, there was Clay sitting hunched over, staring at his computer, entranced.
Cindy took a step closer carefully. “Clay?” she said softly.
He did not hear her, or respond in anyway, just kept staring at the screen.
“Clay?” Cindy called out louder, trying to break the spell he seemed to be under.
His head shot up quickly, and when he saw Cindy, Clay’s eyes opened wide.
“What are you doing here?” he asked nervously. “Is there more news? Have they found someone? Do they know what happened to Kate?”
Cindy moved closer him to calm him. “May I join you here, Clay?” she asked.
“Of course, sit down,” his eyes were fluttering. “What brings you here? Tell me, what?”
“It’s okay,” said Cindy as she sat down on the grass beside him.
“Why is it okay? What happened?” Clay turned and looked at her through his azure eyes.
“Nothing happened,” Cindy said softly. “I was just taking a walk and I saw you here. I wondered what you were doing?”
“I’m spending time with Kate,” Clay said quietly, “quality time, the two of us alone together. I’m looking over the emails we wrote to each other. Reading them again and again. They were beautiful emails.”
“I’m sure they were,” murmured Cindy.
Clay liked that. “Kate loved me tremendously,” his voice deepened. “It’s all over these emails. Here, take a look.”
Cindy sidled a little closer. “I’d love to see them,” she said.
He turned the computer towards her so she could read.
Clay, I can’t tell you what it means to have found you. Frankly, I have no idea how I’d get through the days without you. You make everything better, I can’t wait to get the next email from you. Thank you for being you and thank you for being there. Kate.
Beneath that email was an answer from Clay.
Kate, the minute I saw your picture, it was all over for me. I knew you, I recognized you, I realized that you and I belonged together. These past weeks of emailing have changed my life for good. I’ll never go back to the way it used to be. I just can’t wait to get up there to Long Island and meet you. And I know you feel the same way, too.
Yes, I do, said Kate, simply.
You do what? Clay wrote back. You can’t wait to see me, or you feel the same way I do? Tell me, I love to hear. You also recognized immediately that I was the One?
I do feel so much better when I hear from you, Clay, Kate replied simply.
I knew it, I knew you felt the same way I did,” Clay wrote back ecstatically. I think about seeing you every day. I’m even beginning to plan the trip to your home.
Wow, Kate answered.
That made me smile, Kate, Clay continued. I love the way you say Wow. I can just picture your pretty face crinkling up in a beautiful smile. I can just imagine how new and surprising this is for you, too. It is surprising, isn’t it Kate?
Very surprising, she wrote.
And I know I’m the first man you’ve ever felt this way about, Clay continued. I can’t imagine you’ve ever experienced anything quite like this. Have you?
Nothing quite like this, Kate answered.
Kate’s comments seemed brief and cryptic to Cindy.
“She doesn’t say much does she?” Cindy remarked.
“What do you mean?” asked Clay, offended. “She answers each email immediately. Do you notice the times between them?”
Cindy hadn’t paid attention to that.
“It’s extremely important to notice the times between emails,” Clay went on emphatically. “Did she make me wait to hear back? Did she dangle me on a string?”
“Did she?” asked Cindy.
“Absolutely not,” said Clay. “If you look at the times of her emails you’ll see that she was kind, thoughtful, empathic. Almost as soon as I sent an email I got a response in return. No time in-between. That speaks volumes, doesn’t it? Obviously, Kate was sitting at her computer waiting for me. She couldn’t wait to hear and answered instantly.”
Cindy hadn’t thought of it that way. �
��Does she actually say she loves you?” she asked.
Clay’s eyes opened wider and his stare suddenly grew icy.
“What exactly are you implying?” he asked.
“Did Kate invite you to her home, or did you invite yourself? Did she say she loved you, or did you believe it was so?”
Cindy felt Clay freeze as she questioned him. He grabbed the computer from her then and quickly scrolled further down through another string of emails between them and then another. Finally he found what he was looking for.
“Read this,” he said, jutting the computer into Cindy’s hands.
I can’t wait to see you, I really can’t. I love you too, Clay, more than anyone. Even more than my Uncle Carl, who never really understood me. Not like you do. I’ve been so alone all my life, until I met you. Kate
This time Cindy checked to see when the email had been written. It was just before they were headed down to Aruba.
“She wrote this after the two of you had met up in Long Island,” Cindy remarked.
“Now you’re getting the point. We’d had a few dates in person by then,” Clay filled her in. “We were coming down here for the big week-end. See, Kate did actually say she loved me. Not only that, other women also care about me. They realize what I’m worth. Look at these emails I got from Riva the past few days.”
Clay, I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this. It’s awful. Riva.
Thanks, said Clay, that’s nice of you.
I know what it’s like to lose someone you care for, Riva’s next email said. If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.
That’s kind of you, Riva, said Clay.
You’re worth it, Clay, Riva answered. You don’t deserve something like this.
“See, Clay went on more strongly, “even Riva knows I’m worth it. And it’s nothing compared to how Kate felt. She absolutely loved me.”
Cindy breathed a long sigh. Love meant so many different things to so many people. What had Kate really meant by it? Was she grateful she’d had someone to help her get through the breakup with Sean? Obviously, Clay was totally smitten, even before they met.
“The minute you saw Kate you had such strong feelings,” Cindy decided to probe.
