“I already did.” He stuffed his wallet back in his pocket.
“That’s your pay; you don’t work here for free.”
“Look at it as a loan then, if you want. Pay me back when the lodge is back on its feet.”
“That may be never,” she said.
He held out his hands and pulled her from the chair into his arms. “Not if I know you. Besides, the ads are running again. Use the money. I want you to.”
She looked up at him, inhaling the musky scent of him. “Anyone ever tell you you’re stubborn?”
His lips tipped in that crooked grin she loved. “Am not.”
“Are too.”
“Am not.”
“See? Stubborn.” She nuzzled his nose with her own.
“You love me that way.”
She stilled, searching his eyes. Her heart lurched madly, and she swallowed tightly. “You’re right.” She planted her message in her expression. Let him make what he wanted of that.
He opened his mouth.
She laid a finger on his lips. He’d gotten her message. She could see it in the stirring of his smoky eyes. “You don’t have to say anything.”
Her finger fell as he stared at her lips. Then he slowly lowered his face to hers.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Natalie smoothed down her dove gray suit and sped to answer the ringing phone. “Hello?”
“Hey, Nat, it’s me,” Hanna said. “I just wanted to let you know I’ll be praying for you today.”
“Thanks. I’ll need it.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”
It was tempting. But she needed to learn to rely on God, and she wanted to be strong enough to do this alone. “I’m sure, but thanks for asking.”
“I’ll be thinking about you.”
The doorbell rang, and Natalie walked toward the door. “Thanks. I’ve got to go, Hanna. Mom’s here.”
She hung up the phone and opened the door to one of her mother’s hugs. Natalie allowed herself a moment’s consolation. Her mother patted and rocked as she was known to do, and Natalie gathered strength from the embrace.
“Grandma!” Alex came running from his room.
She gave her mom last-minute instructions before grabbing her purse and slipping out the door. As she pulled from the drive, she gripped the steering wheel with both hands and drew in a shaky breath. She couldn’t believe her court date was here at last. Weeks ago, when she’d been served the papers, this day had seemed so far away.
Since that time, she’d had meetings with Carol, her attorney, and agreements with her soon-to-be ex-husband. Tensions had mounted whenever he’d come to pick up the boys for the weekend, but she had to admit he was being fair about their assets.
Still, the bitterness lingered, and she’d had to keep a tight rein on her tongue. Only once had she let the acrid emotions seep into her words, but one look at Alex’s face had stopped the flow.
Not until this mess had she realized what it was to put her children first. It meant clamping your mouth shut when you wanted to scream and curse. It meant letting your husband have visitation rights every weekend when he didn’t deserve to see the boys at all. It meant telling them their dad loved them when you wanted to tell them what he’d done to you. God had given her the courage to do what was right, but many times her thoughts sank to a level that stunned her.
Having Hanna with her today would have been comforting, but she feared her sister’s presence would have unleashed the emotions. And that was her biggest fear, that today she would weep like a baby, showing Keith her vulnerability. She wanted him to watch her and admire her strength. She wanted to conceal from him the depth of her pain.
Please, God. Maybe its pride, but please don’t let me fall apart today. She wanted to add something to the prayer. She wanted to ask God to make Keith feel all the guilt and remorse he ought to feel. But she knew her motives were wrong. And she needed to concentrate on holding herself together, not worry about how he felt.
When she reached the courthouse, she pulled into a space and walked on legs that felt as wobbly as a three-legged table. She looked anxiously for Carol, needing to see her before she saw Keith. She spotted her on a bench in the hallway.
Carol rose as she approached and took Natalie’s hand. “How are you doing?”
“So far, so good.” And it was true, she realized. Through most of the recent weeks, she’d been on the verge of tears. But today she felt a strange sense of detachment, as if she couldn’t squeeze out a tear if she wanted to.
“Are you sure you want to be present? It’s not too late; you can turn around and go back home.”
Natalie drew in a deep breath and blew it out through her mouth. “No. I need to be here.”
“All right then; let’s go over again what’s going to happen.”
Carol briefed her, but most of the words passed over Natalie without taking hold. She glanced at her watch more than once.
When Keith and his attorney entered the courthouse and took a seat down the hall, her heart hammered as it had when they’d first met. Keith saw her and quickly averted his eyes. In his presence, her new suit and French twist did little to boost her sagging confidence.
How had it all come down to this? To attorneys and courtrooms and evading glances? A deep sadness flowed through her. They were losing so much. She was losing her companion, her partner. The boys were losing their dad. And they were all losing their family, the feeling of oneness that came from knowing they belonged together.
Carol stood, and Natalie realized it was time. Her legs moved, carrying her to the seat at the front of the courtroom. She avoided looking at Keith. Though tears were nowhere near the surface, she wouldn’t push her luck.
Natalie forced herself to pay attention as they were sworn in. The judge was a small man with a balding head and ears that stuck out elfishly. Not at all what she’d expected a judge to look like.
“Do you promise to tell the truth regarding the case now in question?”
They said, “I do,” and Natalie noted the irony of the words, used both to seal their marriage and to tear it apart.
They stated their names and addresses for the record. Keith’s voice was subdued. She looked at him and noticed his eyes turned downward. She felt a moment’s vengeance at his apparent shame.
Carol read the questions, waiting after each one for Keith’s answer. As they proceeded, a numbing fog settled around her. She was vaguely aware of the sadness and anger she felt, but the emotions were hazed over, giving her a welcome reprieve.
“Are you asking the court to give you a divorce today?” Carol asked.
“Yes.” Keith’s answer echoed through the room.
“Have you and your spouse reached an agreement regarding your divorce today?”
“Yes.”
Carol handed the papers to the judge. The room grew quiet as he reviewed it. Coming to an agreement had happened fast, but it hadn’t been easy. They both knew if they didn’t reach one, they would lose money in attorney fees. And Keith, wonder of wonders, seemed to be making up for his betrayal with a generous settlement.
She kept her eyes turned forward. This is not how she had expected to feel on this day. She had expected violent emotions. She had expected to feel weepy and helpless. Instead there was numbness. Everything seemed surreal. Thank You, Jesus.
The judge asked some questions regarding their property. Keith’s attorney answered. Then the judge asked if the agreement was entered into voluntarily. Both she and Keith replied in the affirmative.
“The state of Wyoming,” the judge said, “grants me the right to order both spouses to attend classes regarding the impact of divorce on children. Because you have managed to reach an agreement without arbitration and because the agreement appears to put the children’s best interests first, I will refrain from ordering said classes.”
Natalie’s heart sped as she realized they’d reached the end of the proceedings. The end of their mar
riage.
“By the authority granted me by the state of Wyoming, I hearby grant this divorce.” He tapped his gavel on the stand.
Carol reached over and squeezed her hand. “You okay?” she whispered.
Natalie nodded her head. She was okay. Dazed and numb, but okay. She’d gotten through it without dissolving into a pathetic fit of tears.
Carol gathered her papers and stood. Natalie bent down to retrieve her purse.
When she looked up, Keith stood in front of the table. He looked at Carol, then back to Natalie.
“Can I, uh, can I talk to you a minute?”
She looked at Carol, then stood. “I guess so.”
“I’ll meet you out in the hallway,” Carol said, before she turned and left.
The judge was getting ready for the next hearing, so they walked to the back of the room. Questions flew through her mind with the speed of an F-16. What did he want? Was he going to back out of their agreement? Wasn’t it too late for that?
Pathetic hopes sprang into her heart. Had he changed his mind? Had the finalization of the divorce shaken him up? Just as quickly she smothered the thoughts. It was over.
They reached the back of the room and turned toward one another. Dark crescents underlined his eyes. She studied his face. Every feature was so familiar. The wayward eyebrow hairs, the thin upper lip, the receding hairline. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she no longer had that right. Someone else did.
“I just—I wanted to say I’m sorry.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “We’ve had our differences, but—I never meant to hurt you.”
Shame coated his features. He should be ashamed. And part of her wanted to tell him that, but she’d gotten quite good at holding her tongue.
“I appreciate your agreeing to every weekend on the visitation rights.” He rubbed his nose, a sign he was getting uncomfortable. He blinked rapidly, drawing her attention to his watery eyes. “I don’t think I could bear to—” His voice cracked.
She watched his jaw tighten and knew he was struggling to control his emotions. And she knew with equal certainty that one day he’d regret what he’d done to them.
Natalie tugged her purse strap higher on her shoulder. “Well. Let’s just continue to do what’s best for the boys.” Her stomach rolled, and her fingers trembled, but she stood straight and held her chin high.
“Yeah, well—” He looked over his shoulder at his attorney.
“I guess we’ll talk soon,” she said. “Take care.”
He mumbled something as she passed him, walking tall on quaking legs. Legs that would have to carry her through the coming years. But they would make it. She and God and her two priceless boys.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
September arrived, and business slacked off further, just as Hanna had suspected it would. Kids were in school, vacations were over, and their guests consisted mostly of retirees and young families. Ski season wouldn’t arrive until December, leaving them short of business—and cash—for just over two months. She knew it did no good to fret, but even with the ads kicking up again this month, she wondered how she could make the mortgage payment.
So far she’d seen no evidence of the continuing cancellations. Perhaps whoever had been responsible saw the lodge floundering and knew it was just a matter of time.
Hanna had kept in close contact with Natalie and was surprised at the change in her over the past few weeks. Natalie attributed the shift to a renewal of faith, but Hanna was just glad her sister seemed more hopeful and less angry.
Midway through September the temperatures dropped dramatically, and the weather forecasters began tracking a snowstorm across the Northwestern region. Micah left with two local men on an overnight climb, despite Hanna’s misgivings. The storm wasn’t expected to enter their area until the evening of their return, and he was confident they’d be back before the flurries began.
On the afternoon they were due, Hanna wished she felt as confident. In the recent past, experienced climbers had died in snowstorms on the Teton range. She stared out the window as the first snowflakes fell. They were predicting fifteen to eighteen inches of heavy snow, and all their guests had made arrangements to return home. Mrs. Eddlestein had agreed to stay with Gram while Hanna went to pick up Micah and his group.
The flurries had become thick, white specks, coming down like manna from heaven. She looked at her watch and decided to leave a few minutes early to allow for slippery roads.
“I’m leaving now, Gram.”
“Drive carefully,” she called from the kitchen.
The roads weren’t yet slick, but as she pulled into the waiting spot, the visibility worsened, and she turned the wipers on high. A glance at the dashboard clock told her she was early, so she put the van in park and nudged the heat up a notch.
She looked out the snow-speckled windshield. What if they lost their way in the thick snow? It was easy to get turned around when you couldn’t see ten feet in front of you. But Micah knew what he was doing. He always carried a compass. He’d been caught in snow before, he’d told her weeks ago. She played the reassurances in her mind. Bring them back safely, Lord.
The numbers on the digital clocked ticked away the minutes. The windows began fogging, and she turned on the defroster. It cleared slowly, but even so, it appeared that the van was sitting in the midst of a white cloud. There was no evidence of mountains or trees or even headlights from other cars. How would Micah find the car once he got near?
She flicked on her lights, knowing that would only help if he got within twenty or thirty feet. The horn. Maybe he couldn’t see her, but he would be able to hear.
She blasted three short beeps. Every few minutes she repeated the pattern. An hour later, when three snow-covered bodies emerged from the white tempest, Hanna gasped. Gathering her senses, she hit the button to unlock the doors. Stiffly, the men opened the car doors.
“Thank God! I was worried sick.” She hopped out and helped them stow their gear in the back, urging them to get in the warm van.
Micah’s lips chattered. “Good thing you were honking; that’s how we found you.”
Instead of bringing the men back to the lodge as planned, she offered to drop them at their houses, and they accepted readily. They could retrieve their belongings after the storm was over. All the while, she suppressed the urge to rail at Micah until she could do so in private. He’d given her a fright, and she wasn’t about to let him off easy.
At last they unloaded the men from the van and eased away from the curb, going as fast as the low visibility would allow. Driving absorbed most of her concentration but not all. “You should have listened to me, Micah, and not gone on that trip.”
“It worked out fine.”
“You could’ve died up there.” She spared him a glance, but even his red-tipped nose and rosy cheeks elicited sympathy. “What were you thinking?”
Micah warmed his fingers with his breath. “I was thinking we could make it back before the snow started.”
“You were wrong.” Her body began sweating under the thick coat, but she left on the heat for his sake.
“I’m sorry I made you worry.”
“You should be.”
“I’ll listen to you from now on, boss lady.”
She heard the smile in his voice and glanced his way in time to catch his wink. “You better.”
The ride to the lodge seemed interminable at the slow speed, and Hanna felt her shoulders tensing. When they finally arrived, Mr. Eddlestein took his wife home.
“Drive carefully out there.” Hanna shut the door behind them.
Micah went to warm up with a shower, and Hanna dropped her purse in the office, then went to gather wood from the stack outside. Even if the electricity didn’t go out, a nice toasty fire always seemed comforting. They fixed sandwiches for dinner, then her grandma made homemade hot chocolate, a treat usually savored only during the winter months.
Gram called the Eddlesteins to make sure they’d arrived hom
e safely, then they settled on the sofas to watch TV for a while. Every few minutes a blue bar swept across the bottom of the screen announcing the winter storm warning. The National Weather Service continued to predict a heavy snowfall with blizzardlike conditions, and they declared a snow emergency.
“Well, I guess it’ll be quiet around here for a few days,” Gram said.
Hanna rubbed her temples, trying to diminish the tension headache she’d had all evening. “Let’s just try and enjoy the reprieve.”
Gram stood. “You two sit here and enjoy it. I’m going to bed.”
They said good night, then Hanna got up to flip off the old floor-model set, pressing a hand to her temple to abate the throbbing.
“Headache?”
She nodded, and he motioned her to sit on the floor between his knees. When she leaned back, he began massaging her tense shoulder muscles. “That feels heavenly.”
He kissed her softly on top of her head. “Since I’m probably the one who stressed you out, it’s the least I could do.”
She smiled. “Good point.”
“Have you taken anything?”
She leaned her head forward while he massaged her neck. “Mm-hmm.” His strong fingers felt so good against her skin, and the heat from his hands seeped into her muscles.
By the time he finished, she felt a bit better. She stayed on the rug, leaning back against his knee while they talked for a long time. When the mantel clock struck eleven, Hanna stood up and stretched. “It’s my bedtime.”
Micah stood and gathered her to him. He rubbed her nose with his own, and she smiled at the endearing habit they’d formed. The smile left her face as his lips claimed hers, gently at first, then with controlled passion. His touch never failed to stir a fire deep within her belly. By the time they parted, her legs felt shaky, like she’d gone days without a meal.
“Night-night.” He gave her a soft peck on the lips.
“See you in the morning.” As she walked to her room and readied for bed in her warmest flannel pajamas, she was unable to wipe the giddy grin from her face.
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