“Just glad you're okay, Jules,” he whispered, looking up and over at me, his green eyes boring into my skin. They looked so small in the swollen redness of his face. I know it wasn't the appropriate time, but I selfishly hurt in that moment for the loss of whatever could've been between us. That hot, little spark was gone, and I had the weirdest feeling that I'd never be able to find anything like it again.
Cage and I were the only people at the fireworks show that night. The only people.
I kept my gaze forward, focused on the dark sky over the water, trying to keep my brain from rewinding the horrible event over and over again. I didn't want to see Casper getting beat up or Julie collapsing, didn't want to see the shot piercing her flesh, or the horrible look of betrayal her brother threw my way as the two of them stumbled from The Walk. I wanted to go with them, take them home, but Casper made it pretty clear that I wasn't welcome. If I'd been worried about screwing up with him before, any chance we had of becoming friends – or more – was dead and buried.
“I don't understand,” I whispered, watching the bright explosions of color lighten up the blackness and reflect off the water. “How did this even happen? How?” Cage sighed, and when I glanced over at him, his eyes were closed and his head was resting on the back of the bench. “How did it get so out of control so fast?”
“Did you know,” Cage began, lids flickering open and gray eyes focusing on the sliver of moon above us. “That in 1999, a girl died during The Assignment. She was the Crush that year, driven from her house by a swarm of guys that broke in and tried to assault her.” When Cage turned to look at me, I'm sure the expression on my face was priceless. What? What did he just say? What?! “They found her car parked on Sea Ridge, but they didn't find her. Not for awhile anyway.”
“How? What?” I asked, thoroughly confused. How was it even possible that I didn't know this? I was certain that if something like this had happened before, I'd have heard rumors. Cage stared at me, dead serious. Besides, I didn't think this was something he'd joke about.
“They found her body, just like they found Tatiana's.” His voice dropped to a near whisper before he repeated himself. “Just like Tatiana.” I scooted a few inches closer to him, keeping my voice low. It wasn't like there was anyone around to see, but I couldn't fight the desperate need I felt for secrecy. Back there, it had been Cage, Casper, Julie, and me against the rest of student body. Not very favorable odds there.
“Why doesn't anyone talk about that?” I asked, setting one hand on top of the other. Neither of us missed the fact that they were shaking. I pressed my fingers against the splintered wood to still them.
“They don't talk about it because they refuse to believe it's true.”
“What's true?” I asked, pushing for information. Cage kept staring at me, his face shadowed and hollow, lit up every few seconds from the fireworks. Orange then red, yellow, blue. He didn't look like the most popular boy in school, the King, the real valedictorian of his graduating class. He just looked tired, worn out, frustrated.
“That bad things happen to good people, that we use The Assignment to act out our most selfish desires, even if it's to someone else's detriment.” Cage kicked the sand with his shoe and licked his lower lip. He had a nice mouth, maybe not as nice as Casper's but that was irrelevant now. Casper was never going to speak to me again. And I didn't blame him either.
“Do you think … ” I began, pulling my hands back into my lap. “That the fact that they were both the Crush was a coincidence?” I watched the lace billow around my legs, kissing my dirty, scraped up skin. That crawl across the ground hadn't been great for my knees and shins. I was hurting, I won't lie, but every time I looked at my scrapes, all I could think about were Casper's. His bruises. His blood. His heart breaking as he struggled to crawl to his sister. I squeezed back a sudden rush of tears. There might be worse injustice in the world, but I'd been fortunate enough to have never seen any. Today had been the single worst experience of my entire life. My mind drifted away, trying to catch on fantasy flats and red couches shaped like lips. My future. My dreams. I couldn't let anything stand in my way, not even The Assignment. Coming here today had been a mistake, I wouldn't be so stupid tomorrow.
“I don't know,” Cage said, shaking his head like a dog drying itself off after a bath. “But I'm trying to find out. This … crap doesn't help. It just confuses. It's like someone knows, knows that I'm starting to figure stuff out.” He turned to face me and leaned forward conspiratorially. “I think Justin killed Tatiana,” he repeated. “That night, the night that she disappeared, his car was spotted coming back from Sea Ridge.”
A little chill licked up my spine. The night was warm and the fireworks inviting, almost friendly, like a smile in the sky, but Cage's words made me feel like it was mid-winter and raining outside. Heidi was dating Justin now. If he was capable of … murder at the worst, lying at best, I couldn't let my best friend hang around with him. Not that there was any hope of her listening to me. Heidi and I had had our arguments about Justin many times before.
“How do you know that?” I asked him. Cage seemed to know a lot of things I'd never heard before. To be honest, it made me a little suspicious. “How can you possibly know that?”
“Because I was the one that saw him,” he said, surprising me. The waves sighed and murmured comforting words, swearing that my fear of water was unfounded. I knew better. “But nobody believes me, not the cops, not my parents, nobody. Justin has a solid alibi, so basically, I was told I'd imagined it, or maybe that I saw a similar car.” Cage shook his head. He seemed so sure of himself. “But I know what I saw. That was Justin's car.” Cage paused like he wasn't sure he wanted to share this next bit of information with me. Finally, he sighed like he'd given up and kept talking. “I was up on Sea Ridge, too, near the entrance where the picnic benches are. Shayla and I were hanging out.” He spit that last words out like he was ashamed to admit them. Either because of her behavior today or because of me, I'm not sure. “I saw Justin, and we all know he was already cheating on Tatiana. I don't know if he meant to kill her or if it was an accident, but he was there.” Cage took a massive breath and stood up. “Look, Chloe. I'm not trying to scare you, and I don't think tonight has anything to do with what happened, but … ” He paused, the silent space in time punctuated by the gentle boom of fireworks in the distance, a colorful show for two. “Be careful.”
“Me?” I asked him as he held out a hand and helped me to my feet. Cage pulled me close, so close that I could feel his breath on my cheeks. Absently I remembered the small kiss at the beach, the brush of his lips against my sun warmed skin. I was too focused at the time on what Casper was doing, on The Assignment and Heidi, that I hadn't really given it much thought. Did Cage like me? I still wasn't sure about that. “Is there something I should know?” Cage swallowed and dropped his hand to my waist, sending a flurry of butterflies spinning through my stomach.
“I just don't trust them,” he said, looking down at me, pale eyes reflecting the dying colors of the last firework. “Any of them. I promised I would keep everyone safe this year and already, I've failed twice.” His face flickered with emotion and then it was gone. “I don't know that anything's going on behind my back, but I wouldn't doubt it,” he said, and then he kissed me. Just flat out freaking kissed me.
I was so surprised I didn't respond at first, just stood there with my mouth gaping open, his warm lips pressed against me, his tongue gentle but firm against my own, brushing up along my teeth. Cage tasted like cigarettes and Tic Tacs, foreign but not unpleasant. I wish I could say that I hated the kiss, that I knew in that moment that Cage wasn't the guy for me, but that's not true. I found myself leaning forward, pressing my body against kiss. My eyelids fluttered close as my breath mingled with his. I felt a little guilt, about Casper and everything I'd put him through, but he wasn't an option for me anymore. I'd be lucky if he didn't TP my house after all the crap I'd put him through. I should've warned him about Assignment
Night. If it hadn't been for our date, Julie never would've been wrapped up in all of those, and he wouldn't be black and blue and worried for his sister's life.
I pushed back from Cage, sucking in a deep breath and placing my hand on his chest. His lips were moist and softly parted as he looked down at me. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words would come.
“Just be careful,” he repeated, taking my hand and pressing it against his lips. “You never know who might be out to get you.”
After Cage dropped me off at my house, I dragged myself down the stairs to my room and for once, I actually locked the door behind me. It wasn't just Cage's warning. I just felt like I could use some privacy, a moment alone to process what had happened today. My Lord of the Flies reference didn't seem so far fetched anymore. If Cage and I hadn't been there, what would've happen? What would they have done? I didn't know how far my peers would take this game, and that scared me. Everyone was always talking about Tatiana's accident, how tragic it was. But what if it wasn't really an accident at all? What if Cage was right, and Justin really did kill her?
I groaned and flopped backwards onto my bed, lying on my back with my eyes closed and my arms stretched out on either side. I felt so worn out, like I'd spent the entire day scaling Mt. Everest or something. I couldn't even imagine how Julie and Casper were doing.
“I'm sorry,” I whispered, even though there was nobody there to hear. “Maybe I should just lock myself up in my room for the rest of the summer?” It would certainly be safer that way, that's for sure. But at the same time, that was really the opposite of what I'd set out to do. I wanted to live this summer, experience things I'd never done, discover something new about myself. I wasn't going to get that sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
I rolled over and glanced at the clock on my wall. It was shaped like a tower with a red roof and gray stones. The clock face adorned the top, flashing Roman numerals at me in gold glitter. Ten o'clock. If I was going to the beach in the morning, I had to go to sleep soon or I'd never be able to drag myself out of bed. The question was, would Casper and Julie be there? Very unlikely. I thought about calling Heidi instead before I remembered.
She was at The Walk, standing behind Shayla, standing beside Justin. She didn't try to help, even though she was close. She could've stepped in there and stood up for them. I reached a hand up to my nose and cringed when my fingers met the swollen flesh. My best friend's boyfriend had socked me in the face today, and she hadn't done a thing about it. She hadn't stood up for me. I'd have stood up for her. If our positions had been switched, I would've had her back. It was a horrible sinking feeling to know that she didn't have mine.
“Chloe?” Kaitlyn asked, knocking tentatively at my door. “Are you alright?”
“Fine!” I called up, burying my face in my pillows. Thank God Kaitlyn was too young to participate in The Assignment. What if she'd been there, gotten the title of Outcast. I couldn't even imagine that. My heart sunk at the thought of her participating next year. Most likely, she'd end up as a student, but then, you never knew. My getting Crush was nothing less than a shock.
“There's someone here to see you,” she called out. Figures. I'd been home less than five minutes and the vultures were already circling. There were roses all over my driveway and stacks of love letters near the front door.
“Tell them to leave me alone,” I groaned, rolling onto my back and staring up at the ceiling. “As far as you're concerned, I'm not even here.” I didn't hear Kaitlyn move away from the door. She was hovering there, waiting. I sighed. “What is it, Kaitlyn?” I asked, the fatigue rolling down and over my body. The only good part of the whole boardwalk outing was the kiss with Cage, and I still didn't know what to think about that.
“I think you might want to come see this guy,” Kaitlyn said, voice tentative. “He's got two black eyes and a split lip.”
I sat up immediately, eyes wide and stumbled off of the bed, fixing my skirt as I went up the stairs two at a time. When I burst out of my room, I think Kaitlyn was just as shocked to see me as I was to see the pale face hovering near the front door.
“Casper?” I asked, noticing the red marks on his skin, the black and purple bruises, the crooked nose. He looked like a zombie. There wasn't a bit of exposed skin on the boy that wasn't roughed up from the fight. His arms were covered in scratches and scrapes and there were bruises all across his throat and neck.
“Chloe,” he said, voice gruff and tired. I thought of the shell downstairs on my windowsill and the flirtatious glimmer in his eyes when he'd given it to me. I wanted to see more of that. I wanted to get to know this guy. “Do you mind if I talk to you for a minute?” I nodded and without really thinking about what I was doing, I reached out and grabbed his wrist, the one with the tattoo on it. I expected to feel him stiffen up, pull away from me or something. Instead that heat, that spark that I thought had gone out at the boardwalk came roaring back as he stumbled over the welcome mat and towards the stairs down to my room. I didn't dwell on the fact that my mom and dad were upstairs or what they might think of me taking a boy into my bedroom, I just yanked Casper through the door and slammed it closed behind us.
We paused awkwardly on the landing, standing closer than even Cage and I had earlier. I figured Kaitlyn was standing there with her ear pressed to the wood, but it didn't matter. All that mattered that he was here, and I didn't know why.
“I'm sorry,” I blurted out before he could speak again. I wanted to reach out and touch his face, heal him somehow. He looked terrible, battered and bruised, like he'd been in a boxing match or something. Just knowing that I'd grown up with the fists that had pummeled him, sang in school plays with the feet that had kicked him, made me sick to my stomach. I was ashamed of San Aplastar, of the people I'd known all my life. If this was how we treated newcomers to our city, there wasn't much hope for us, was there?
Casper blinked at me with swollen eyelids.
“Sorry?” he asked, and I swallowed hard, glancing down where the toes of his Converse pressed against my bare feet. “I came here to thank you, Chloe,” he whispered and I glanced up, startled.
“Thank me?”
For the second time that night, a boy moved forward and pressed his mouth to mine, crushed my chest against his. Casper slid his fingers along my neck and pulled my face forward. His kiss was different than Cage's, less constrained, more wild. It didn't feel planned or thought out; it just was. My mind whirled back around to that moment on the beach when his lips had first touched mine. That wasn't a real kiss, but it felt like one. I could still taste the salt of the sea on his mouth and the bloom of the sunshine. His mouth was fresh, like he'd just brushed his teeth, shiny and clean.
I was too shocked to kiss him back and ended up just standing there like an idiot.
“You're not mad at me?” I asked when he pulled away, breathing hard and rubbing at his right eye like it hurt.
“You saved Julie's life,” he told me, like he was shocked I hadn't figured that out yet. “If you hadn't done what you did, she would've died.” His voice broke on the last word. He knew his sister was sick, but he wasn't ready to see her go, no matter how strong he acted, how annoyed it got with her at times.
“It was my fault she was there in the first place,” I said.
“That's a load of bull,” Casper snapped back at me. My body was still tingling from the hot heat of the kiss and the conflicting emotions that were roiling around in my gut. “We were in that situation because I have a big effing mouth, and I don't know a good thing when I see it. You're a good thing, Chloe, and I'm sorry.” I blinked stupidly at him, taking in the empty hole in his earlobe. One of his plugs was missing, and I could only assume it had gotten ripped out earlier. There was dried blood crusted on the skin, dark red like rust. “You tried to back away and I announced our presence to the whole damn park. I'm such a freaking idiot when it comes to girls.” He paused and then looked away, licking his lips like he hadn't meant to say that. When he looked b
ack at me, his green eyes were sparkling. “So, thank you. Thank you for saving Julie.”
“I … ” I had no idea what to say, so I said nothing at all, just stood there like an idiot with my hands shaking by my sides.
“Julie wants to know if we're still on for the tide pool thing in the morning,” he blurted like he wasn't sure what to say either. Casper ran a hand through his hair and winced, pulling his fingers away gently and letting his hand fall limp by his side. “And I'm sorry about the kiss,” he added, voice so low I had to learn forward to catch his words. “You don't know me, and I haven't been all that nice to you anyway. I just … felt like I should give it a try.”
“Give what a try?” I asked him, holding his gaze, forcing myself to breathe. In, out, in, out. Casper licked his swollen lips and rubbed at his T-shirt with chipped fingernails. Deep down, a spark burned slow and hot, flickering at the edges of my heart, ready to catch fire.
“This,” he said, gesturing absently between the two of us, and I smiled. It didn't matter that Kaitlyn was listening, she'd never understand what he was talking about, but somehow, I did. I understood perfectly.
When I pulled my car into the lot near the sea caves, I was shocked to see Casper's sitting two spaces away, untouched. No car paint, no slit tires, no broken windows. I guess the Students were saving all their rage for them personally. Simply trashing the Outcast's car wasn't enough anymore. My mind went spinning back to Missy Ula again and the time I found her sobbing underneath a picnic table at Sea Ridge Park. Her hair was knotted and tangled, and her eyes rimmed in runny mascara and smudged purple shadow. The way she'd looked up at me, her tears dripping down her cheeks in two dark streaks, her lower lip trembling violently, it was terrifying. There was so much fear there it was hard for me to comprehend. I left her there and didn't tell anyone about it. At the time, I felt sorry for her, but I didn't really understand what she was going through or what might've happened to her. Maybe I'll never know? If it was half as bad as what had happened to Casper and Julie though, I understood her choice to leave San Aplastar completely. There was no recovering from something like this and everyone knew it, except maybe me. How do you go back to school with someone, sit in class across from them and know you nearly killed them? You can't work together as lab partners in biology, or cheer each other on at football games. It was too late. Once that line had been crossed, there was no going back.
Crushing Summer Page 12
