“Her entire life she's had people fawning over her, coddling her, telling her how special she was, how amazing. Everyone's been so scared she's going to die that nobody corrects her, nobody helps her learn anything. All they ever do is wait on her hand and foot, praise her, promise her that everything's going to be okay. Even when they know it's not, that she's going to die, my parents just glaze over it.” He bit at his lip, worrying away a scab until a touch of fresh blood bloomed there. “I don't talk about it either. All I ever do is get mad at her, but I think that's why she likes to spend so much time with me.”
“Because you get angry?” I asked, confused.
“Because I'm the only one that treats her like a person instead of a charity case. And I don't think she'll ever admit it, but having all of these people hate her … I think she likes it. She wants them to hate her. I don't know if it's just because she's tired of being doted on or because she's mad at herself or whatever.” He threw the wig in the sand, but only for a second, snatching it back up and tucking it into his lap. “That little shell,” he began, and I didn't have to ask what he was talking about. I knew right away. “I picked it up on a beach outside one of the hospitals we traveled to.” He paused. “I really have no idea why I gave it to you.”
“Do you want it back?” I asked softly, hoping he wasn't going to say yes. I turned towards the parking lot and saw that Julie was already there, sitting on the hood of Casper's car, staring at the ocean.
“Hell no,” he said and we both laughed. “It's yours now. All I'm saying is, things are kind of messed up right now.” He frowned and glared at the tide pool like it was somehow responsible for all of the crap that was going on in his life.
“Aren't they always?” I asked, stretching my legs out straight in front of me. “I keep thinking that at some point, life will slow down and everything will click into place, that there'll be this aha moment.” I shook my head, thinking of my plans for the summer. I wasn't going to be able to do what I'd originally planned, but maybe I could come up with something else? That's what life was about anyway. Trying to find all the detours, getting past the dead-ends, and discovering the vista points along the way. “But I don't think there really is. I think there's always turmoil. Sometimes are worse than others, but … ” I swallowed and reached over, brushing my hand across his, feeling the rough lines of scratches and scabs. I liked the texture of his skin, not the injuries of course, but the way his fingers were dry and warm when they curled around mine. My boyfriend freshman year had always had sweaty hands. Not that that was a bad thing necessarily, but I'd always hated how desperate I'd been to wipe my hands after I'd hung out with him. I knew that we would never work then. If he really bad been for me, I wouldn't have minded that so much I don't think. “If you want to try another date, we could give it a go again.” I paused. “I mean, you did come over to my house and kiss me last night.”
Casper laughed and reached up with his opposite hand to brush his hair back.
“Even though you kissed another dude,” he said, and I think he was only half joking. At least he was smiling. “I'm in.”
Heidi was listening to Cobra Starship when I stopped by her house. Bad sign. Whenever she was in a bad mood, she put on “Hot Mess” and pretended to pole dance with the corner post of her canopy bed.
“Heidi!” I called, rapping my knuckles against the pale pink of her door. “I know you're in there. Your mom said you were here.” The door flew open a second later and there was my friend, swinging her blonde hair around in circles, shaking her hips and mouthing the words to the song into the handle of a hairbrush.
“Shut the door!” she shouted at me over the pulsing beat. “My sodding mum is out for blood today. She's looking for any excuse to get on my case.” I closed the door and pressed the lock in, turning back around and leaning against the purple wall by Heidi's desk.
Her makeup was flawless as usual, and she was wearing a pair of black heels and a blue dress I didn't think I'd ever seen before.
“Going out?” I asked as she shook her way over to the bathroom and started running her hands through her hair, biting her lower lip and closing her eyes as she rocked to the music like I wasn't even there. I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday, but she had refused to answer her phone, and now she wasn't even looking at me.
“Justin's taking me to a fancy lunch at the pier,” she yelled, leaning forward and pouting her lips at her own reflection. I watched as she brushed out her hair, waiting for her to acknowledge something about yesterday's fiasco. But just like yesterday, she was trying to pretend nothing bad had happened. “He's paying, of course, so I think I'm going to break my diet and order a fatty steak, something rare and ridiculously bloody.”
“Heidi!” I called out, gesturing at the computer. I knew better than to turn her music down myself. Might as well release a wild tiger into the room. She'd tear my face off. With a roll of her eyes, she danced her way over and nudged the volume down a smidgen, just enough that we could talk without having to scream.
“What?” she snapped back at me, pausing the music when a honk sounded from outside. Leaning over the window seat, we both caught a glimpse of Justin in the driveway, rap music shaking the glass with its blaring bass. I didn't know how Heidi sat in there with him. I know I couldn't do it. “Gotta go,” she told me, twisting her hair on top of her head and clipping it up with a black barrette. “Talk later?”
“No,” I told her, trailing along behind her as she grabbed her purse and slung it over her shoulder. “We need to talk now. About Justin. About you. About the attempted murder that took place at the boardwalk last night.” Heidi paused and looked over her shoulder at me like she felt sorry for me, like I just wasn't getting it.
“Chloe,” she said, enunciating her words carefully so there wasn't even a trace of her accent. She sounded just like all the other girls at school. There was something really sad about that. “The Outcast got what she deserved. And don't,” she said before I could respond. Heidi held up a finger and put it in my face. I slapped her hand away and glared. “Be such a drama queen. There was a bit of rough housing and maybe things got out of control, but murder was hardly on the menu.”
“Casper got the crap beat out of him,” I growled at her as she pushed open her door and turned towards me, hip popped out to the side, hand resting on the door frame.
“Boys will be boys,” she said, and for a second, I couldn't recognize her. There was something in her face that wasn't the Heidi I'd always known. Things had been weird between us since Justin entered the picture, and I didn't like it. My best friend since seventh grade, Heidi and I had hardly ever fought. Now … It was constant.
The horn sounded again from the driveway, and something flashed across my friend's face, something like fear. It was too quick for me to be sure, but letting her go out with Justin made my stomach feel tight.
“I have to go,” she said, shrugging her skinny shoulders and turning towards the stairs. “I'll call you later, okay?” I followed after her anyway, pounding down the steps as she swung around the landing and made for the door. Justin's horn blaring was coming more and more frequently. Hadn't the guy ever heard of greeting his date at the door?
“No,” I said, projecting my voice, making sure she knew I was serious. “I'm not waiting until later. This will only take a second. Justin can wait.” Heidi sighed and paused with her hand on the doorknob, pink fingernails clicking against the brass. I touched a hand to my nose. “The fight with Cage,” I began, noticing that her eyes didn't change at all. They were glassy, like she was already in that car with Justin, like she wasn't even here anymore. That was just one of the problems I'd been having with her lately. Heidi had always had boyfriends. She was one of those girls who thrived on knowing she was with somebody. No amount of reassurance from me or anybody else could convince her that was okay to be single, that she didn't need a boyfriend to be happy.
Justin Haldeman, however, was an entirely different ballgame.
He had consumed her everything. She lived, ate and breathed for him. I hated to admit it, but my friend was taking her interest in Justin to an unhealthy level. I'd brought it up before, and our discussions hadn't gone well. Unfortunately, the events of the last few days were impossible to ignore, even in the name of peace.
“Don't you want to know why it happened?” I asked her, moving down the last step and pausing with my flats on the hardwood floor. After the beach, I'd headed home and changed into yet another sundress, promising myself that today was the last day I'd be wearing one for a good, long while. My plan was to hit up the Trashes to Treasures expo on the north side of town, at the old fairgrounds. I'd been hoping to bring Heidi along with me. They always had good clothes there and even she had to admit that it was worth going. Not everything was used, there were some great discount designer clothes available, stuff from last season, or things that had small, almost unnoticeable errors, like a missing button or a crooked seam. I'd even seen Cage's mom there with some of her employees, scouting out good deals for the store.
“I already know why it happened,” she said, and she didn't sugarcoat her words like I thought she would. When it came to Justin, Heidi was hardly ever honest with me anymore. It took her three weeks to admit that she'd lost her virginity to him and even then, I didn't get any details. When she had her first make-out session in seventh grade, I couldn't get her to stop describing the slimy, rough texture of Angelo Tornero's tongue. I could respect it if she just wanted privacy, but that wasn't Heidi's style. That wasn't like her at all. It was hard to understand if you didn't know her like I did. “Cage has some psycho idea that Justin killed Tatiana because he thinks he saw his car that night.” She paused and turned around, raising her skinny blonde brows all the way up to her hairline. “If you ask me, I think Cage is the one that should be explaining himself. Look, I know you like him and all, and even I thought he was a good catch, but after what Justin told me last night, I don't think you should be seeing him anymore. You'd be better off with emo boy, what's-his-name.”
“Casper,” I said, letting my hand fall from the banister to hang limply by my side. “His name is Casper Alice and his sister's name is Julie, the very same sister you watched get beat up yesterday.” I moved forward and watched as Heidi shrank back on herself. It wasn't a motion I was used to seeing. She was always standing tall, head high, chin up. Something was wrong with her, I could tell. “You just stood there, Heidi. And Justin, he was cheering.” I paused and licked my lip, listening to Heidi's bichon frise, Puddles, yapping away inside her mom's room upstairs. I hope she wasn't listening in on any of this. “Besides, he punched me in the freaking face, and he didn't even apologize for it.” Heidi rolled her turquoise eyes.
“Is that what this is about?” she snapped, turning the doorknob and throwing the door open. “I'm coming!” she shrieked at Justin, pulling her blue dress down in the back so that it covered her butt (just barely). She spun back to face me, eyes narrowed, lips tight. This was not going to end well, just like the rest of our conversations. “You want an apology from him? Fine. I'll tell him how important that is to you, but you know what. Maybe you should be asking Cage why they were fighting in the first place. Did Cage tell you about his little love affair with Tatiana?” My eyes got so big I felt like they were going to fall out of my face.
“What?”
Heidi smirked and the expression turned her pretty face ugly for a split second.
“Yeah. That's right. You're always harping on me for dating Justin when he was with Tati, but you know what? Justin told me she was having an affair with Cage. There, I said it. And don't forget, at the time he was also dating Shayla.” Another smirk from her as I felt my face blanch and my fingers curl tight, nails digging into my palms. “Occasionally, school gossip can come in handy.” Justin slammed his palm down on the horn and gestured wildly at Heidi. I think I even saw him flip her off. She looked back from the car and focused her gaze on my face. “Look, I know this a lot to take in, and I'm sorry. I was going to tell you tomorrow, but … ” She trailed off and didn't finish her sentence. Puddles' yaps turned into all-out howling. His nails scrabbled at the door and echoed down the stairs, filling the room with tiny scratching sounds, like a plague of rats. “I just don't want you to think Justin's a bad guy, okay? Things aren't always what they seem, you know?” She shrugged and even though I was knocked flat by her words, I was happy to see a glimmer of the old Heidi in the gesture. “I'm sorry about Kyle and his sister, okay? I didn't want to see them get hurt, but I mean, there wasn't really anything I could do.”
“It's Casper,” I said, trying not to snap at her. Instead, my voice just came out flat and monotone. Heidi smiled.
“He is kinda cute, for a Goth kid.” And then she tossed a wink my way and spun out the door, her dress riding up her thighs as she moved down the steps of the porch and climbed into Justin's car. I watched her wave at me as they pulled out of the driveway and sped off down the street before slumping against the banister and sliding down until I was sitting on the step. I didn't know who or what to believe at that moment because when your best friend tells you something, you listen, even if it's not her words you're listening to, but the tone of her voice or the look in her eyes.
Something was wrong with Heidi.
I ended up heading to the Trashes to Treasures by myself. It wasn't what I had planned, but it was better than sitting home, closing my blinds and praying that nobody tried to break into my house like they had Tatiana's last year. None of them ever tried to hurt her, but I can only imagine that waking up to a strange guy standing over your bed would be a pretty trying experience.
Julie, at least, if not Casper, would've probably liked to come, but I didn't want to invite either of them, just in case. My chances at running into someone from The Assignment were low, but it wasn't out of the question. And then I thought about Cage. He called me today and left a message, but I hadn't listened to it yet. I didn't know how to feel after last night. He'd been great, the only person in the mass standing up for Casper and Julie, and he was gorgeous and his kiss was amazing, but … I couldn't shake what Heidi had said. Besides, her story coincided with his. He'd been with Shayla the night he saw supposedly saw Justin's car. How had I missed the fact that they'd dated before? That explained her attitude towards him – she wanted to get back together and he didn't. But she sure as heck didn't have to take it out on everybody else.
I sighed.
Since when did things get so complicated? Guess I'd gotten my wish for an interesting summer. My life definitely wasn't boring anymore.
I flicked on the turn signal for my exit when I noticed the string of cars behind me. One or two people getting off on the same exit wasn't unusual, but … I counted quickly in the rearview mirror. Twelve … no, thirteen cars had turned their signal on at the exact same moment I had. My heart started to pump, and I forced myself to take slow breaths. It could easily be a coincidence. This expo was pretty popular in the So Cal area. Lots of people drove from all over to come shopping here. There were more than a hundred booths, all selling different things. Nothing was predictable and everything was unusual, so why shouldn't there be a crowd gathering tonight? I swallowed hard and followed the signs towards the fairground area.
All thirteen cars joined me.
“Crap,” I whispered to myself, wishing I had just gone back home. I mean, if it was some guys from The Assignment, I couldn't really be surprised. I managed to avoid them all morning. Really, it was only a matter of time until they found me. “Crap, crap, crap.” I debated turning around and heading back when I noticed that the car behind me was actually familiar. It was Cage's.
I pulled into the lot and chose the closest space to the door that I could find, grabbing my purse and sliding my phone out of the zippered pocket. There were people everywhere, streaming in and out of the open doors on either side of the massive building, so I wasn't in any danger. The only thing liable to happen to me at this point was having to suff
er through a group of drooling boys and false promises, fake smiles and ridiculous poetry. For a second there, I almost wondered if I'd be better off as Outcast.
Cage had left me a text message: not stalking u. jst trying to help.
I dropped my phone back in my purse and climbed out, searching for him in the parking lot. He was easy to spot, definitely the most handsome face there. He smiled when he caught sight of me and moved quickly between the rows of parked cars, pausing next to the trunk with his hands in his pockets.
“I know what you're probably thinking,” he said, and I raised an eyebrow, not at him but at the cluster of disappointed faces over his shoulders. A group of teenage guys stood clutching boxes of chocolate and heart-shaped cards, bouquets of flowers and even jewelry boxes. They were milling nervously around, unable to approach me in the presence of one of our royal highnesses. I didn't want to use Cage as a shield all summer, but I was glad he was there. Or at least I would be as soon as he explained himself.
“And what's that?” I asked him, shrugging my purse strap onto my shoulder and making sure I locked the doors to the car. That wouldn't stop the boys from piling gifts on the hood, but at least it would keep them from doing anything else.
“That I really am a stalker, that I have no life, that I,” he put a hand to his chest. He was wearing an old gray T-shirt. It had paint splatters on the front and a collection of tiny holes near the left armpit. It was definitely not something I'd have expected to see Cage Lawrence appearing out in public in. His jeans were old, too, stained with green on the knees, just like the shoes he was wearing. It seemed like he'd been caught off guard. “Might be acting a little impetuously here.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It wasn't styled like a magazine ad today. Instead it was a little messy. I could tell he definitely hadn't planned on being here tonight. “But there's a … ” Cage paused for a moment and pursed his lips together. “An online group dedicated to keeping track of your whereabouts.” My eyes got big again, probably even bigger than they had when Heidi had spat her revelations out at me.
Crushing Summer Page 14
