by Amanda Daul
“You need rest. I’ll keep watch and wake you when Landon returns,” he told her as he helped her to where he had arranged the thin mats they used for sleeping on. She didn’t resist or object his help. Truthfully, she was beginning to feel sick and lying down again to relax was suddenly the only thing she longed for. Being in the Varkland Mountains kept her constantly on edge, but this time was different. She wasn’t alone and she trusted Trax completely.
Somehow, in a mixture of feeling as if her mind was spinning and the soothing comfort of knowing Trax was leaning against a tree only inches away from her, she dozed off only a few minutes later, her hand still gripping tightly to Trax’s as if using him as an anchor.
It only felt like a moment, but when she opened her eyes again, the sun was much lower than it had been, but still shining brightly. Trax wasn’t where he had been and when she hurriedly looked around, she was surprised and a bit concerned to see he wasn’t anywhere in sight. Even when she called his name, there was no reply.
The short rest had eased her tension and dizziness remarkably, but now the familiar sudden sense of urgency was strong as she jumped too her feet, shoving away the last thread of vertigo. Being alone didn’t bother her, but she knew first hand of the dangers that riddled this mountain range. Scenarios were already flying through her thoughts, until she noticed two horses still tied under the shelter of the trees. Landon’s mare was still gone.
If Trax left, it was on foot and he wouldn’t go far without her. But where was he?
She couldn’t stay here and wait for either of them to return. Something had to be wrong for Trax to abandon camp and leave her behind.
Arissa snatched her dagger that lay beside her, obviously set there by Trax before leaving. Paranoia urged her to move quickly, scanning the deep ground to see clear footprints leading into the trees. She almost expected for them to be joined by other tracks, if he had been misleading a band of soldiers or anything else, but they remained single and shallow, not hurried at all. Worry grew as she progressed, rushing between trees for minutes until the ground shifted from soft dirt to grass and the tracks vanished immediately.
Sighing heavily and anxiously under her breath, she whipped her head back and forth, examining each direction. There was a slight decline from where she was standing and to her surprise, she saw the side of a weathered building. She moved a bit closer, crouching behind a tree to inspect it closer. It was literally falling apart, with huge gaps in the walls where rotted boards had fallen and the roof was nearly caved in. From the short distance, Arissa could make out the shape of rusted chains hanging from the walls and ceiling and immediately understood what it was. It was an old borstal that had been used years ago. Before the huge reformatories had been build in Vailwood, there had been smaller confinement buildings scattered throughout the land where hunters could bring criminals without having to travel too great of distances.
Bored by the useless building, Arissa was about to switch directions when she suddenly heard a voice. It was distant and the words couldn’t be understood, but it was a voice.
Slowly, she inched her way down the incline, hiding behind trees as she went until she was parallel with the dilapidated borstal and the voices had become clearer. She was about to jump behind the next tree when her eyes suddenly caught sight of the speaker.
Two men stood a short distance away from the borstal, just within earshot of Arissa. Her fingernails gripped the bark of the tree as she bit down on her lip as if bracing herself against the tree made her less noticeable. Straining to listen didn’t help make the words audible, so she peered around the tree trunk just enough to see the men again. Instantly, her heart dropped into her stomach with a sharp, consuming pain.
The General was standing before her. Just close enough to recognize him, her pulse doubled in the same moment, jumping back to be hidden behind the tree again.
Why was he here? She had only seen his days ago, miles away in the opposite direction. What had made him come exactly to the same place she was? Peering around the tree again, she saw he didn’t seem upset. He talked slow and patiently, yet completely enveloped by what the other man was saying, his back turned toward Arissa as he spoke intensely to the General. They were within an arm’s reach, obviously comfortable with each other. Perhaps this was the Lieutenant.
She had to leave and find Trax. They had to track down Landon and get the hell off this mountain as quickly as possible. The chance to be this close to the General was rare, but they weren’t ready by themselves. She could kill him with a single shot or blade, but it wouldn’t solve anything. Trax had been right when he said they needed to make his death bigger if it was going to have any impact on the impending war. Not on a mountainside with no witnesses.
Arissa was about to begin creeping her way back up the hill to retreat to their camp when she froze. The second, unknown man shifted slightly, still talking. Sheer curiosity held Arissa in position for an extra moment, but then a cold wave of fear washed over her. She blinked hard and stared closer, feeling her jaw go slack and her heart beat raggedly. It felt like everything holding up the universe had just crashed down on her in the one instant when the second man turned, bringing his face into clear view. He was still conversing with the man she loathed above everything else, calmly, completely unaware of her presence.
It was Trax.
Chapter Twenty-Three
She couldn’t breathe. Not from the silent, aching tears that streamed steadily down her face, but from the sickening weight of realization sinking through her stomach. For the first time in her life, she was scared.
He lied to her. Everything he had said to her, every promise, every touch was a lie. All he had been doing was using her. Too much was whirling through her brain to fully grasp what this meant.
Trax had betrayed her. He had known about the General all along, probably relaying every bit of information they had to him. All this time, he had known about the rogue soldiers, the hidden training camp and everything else they had worked so hard to gather.
Arissa still leaned against the same tree, pressing her back against the bark, too shaken and upset to even think about moving. If it hadn’t been for the ringing in her ears, she would still have been able to hear them talking. She wanted to leave and run, leaving Trax behind, but she wasn’t entirely certain she would be able to slip away without being noticed now. Even her hands were trembling.
When he had declared his devotion to her, successfully convincing her to tear down every inhibition she had, it had changed something in her, bringing life to a much-needed part of her that she had long given up for dead. Since hearing him bare his own soul to her, it had reawakened her ability to feel again, and it truly had startled her to realize just how deeply she cared for him. It had feel unreal, feeling as if he had been three completely separate personalities at the same time, all while being the one, steadfast and loyal friend she had needed for so long.
And it had all been a lie.
What was she supposed to do? Confront him? Play along? There was no way to know exactly how much he has already relayed to the General, wasting any more time could be lethal.
Suddenly, she remembered her original plan as to how to deal with Trax. Before their trip out to track down the General, she had been dead set on killing him to moment his loyalty to her wavered. He had known too much about her then, but now he was the only person in the world who knew her darkest secrets. If he had not indulged those secrets yet, he likely would and there was no way to know what extent of damage could be done by exposing them.
Since opening herself up to him, allowing herself to care for him as deeply as she did, she had never felt more attached to anything, or anyone, before in her life. From the moment Janelle was born, Arissa knew that she would have to distance herself from her own daughter in order to keep her safe. It had been different with Trax, though. She didn’t need to look out for him, he could take care of himself and it left her open to feel deeper than she thought possible af
ter having her emotions locked away and buried for so long.
And now she had to destroy the one thing she had dared to let herself love for the first time in her life. Her chest constricted by the sheer thought of it, feeling her heart breaking as she even thought the words. Miraculously, she was still on her feet, her back and palms pressed against the bark of the tree, unevenly heaving her shoulders in an effort to calm her ragged gasping and pounding heart.
She heard footsteps. Quickly, she glanced around the tree just for a moment, long enough to see the General had left and Trax was now walking towards her, alone. He moved purposefully, his head bowed as if thinking intensely, but by the angle he was leaving, he wouldn’t see Arissa.
Her mind whirled for a moment, thinking of what to do. She expected to be angry, and she was, but she felt more heartbroken and betrayed than anything. Surprisingly, in that moment, she didn’t want to inflict pain, which was her usual tactic, she just wanted the truth. Arissa was determined to get it when she stepped out from behind her tree, blocking his path only a few steps before he would have crashed into her. They were almost within reach of the decrepit borstal.
At first, he seemed perplexed, as if he didn’t fully believe she was standing there, but then he only looked defeated. No obvious show of confusion or denial, just simple and utter defeat.
“What did you do?” she asked, still breathlessly. His steely eyes drilled into hers, his jaw clenching, but didn’t bother to answer, even when she repeated it louder.
“What the hell are you doing, Trax?”
His first words were hauntingly calm, only increasing the extreme measure of worry she was feeling. “I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago.”
“How could you!” she yelled, hoarsely, unable to move away from her position. Tears already stung her eyes, only slowly gradually by her efforts to hold them back. “What does that even mean? I can’t believe this. I can’t believe that you would betray me like that!”
“Arissa...” he began, his words trailing as if thinking of how to respond. What was scaring her the most was his cool and collected composure. He didn’t appear to be the least bit startled and worried about her she was thinking, not jumping in with denials or explanations or even an excuse. He was nothing like the man who had soothed her into a peaceful rest only hours ago, or the man who had risked his life in an intense fire to save her life. It had all been an act. This man looking back at her now was a complete stranger.
“You lied to me!”
“I never lied to you, Arissa. I just never fully told you who I am because you never asked. My loyalty to you was genuine, but there is so much more to this that you don’t understand.”
“Stop lying to me!” She dropped her gaze and took a sharp breath, then gasped again when it caught in her throat, ragged and painful. Realization shook her as her mind reeled, pulling together pieces of what he was unknowingly telling her. Her heated glare flashed back up to meet his, still unchanged. “You played me. This was you. You did this! You set this up, you set this whole thing up! With the militia...you told me you started it to give us an advantage over the General and to help me defeat him because I was the only one that could!”
“I assure you, when I pulled together the soldiers, it was with full intentions of bringing down the General, not just my own benefit.”
“You really expect me to believe that? You did this to help yourself, not for me and certainly not to help my land.”
“Our land.”
Every time she had mentioned the land they were in, he stubbornly insisted it was his home just as much as hers, but suddenly, rage was making Arissa feel oddly territorial. “No, it’s not, it’s my land! You’re not from here!” In her anger, she had taken several threatening steps forward to him, forcing him back until his back was barely brushing the wall of the borstal.
Still, he didn’t make one flicker of movement that indicated he had any intentions of persuading her otherwise. Alone, it was more than enough to convince her of what she already knew.
“I wouldn’t be so quick to assume, Arissa. There is so much between the General and I that you don’t know about. That man ruined my life right before my eyes and I have since dedicated every minute to my vengeance. Everything I have done from that time on has contributed to helping me get my revenge and I will get it.”
His voice was unusually cold, his heavy accent snapping from the last syllable angrily. It was like his cold eyes weren’t even seeing her, though they were focused directly into her gaze.
“So I was just a pawn to you. You used me as a decoy just so you could set whatever this was up for yourself? This was never about me or my fight against the General. I thought...I thought you were someone I could actually depend on. After everything we went through together, everything that you said...I trusted you! Of all people, you know how hard that is for me to do, but you convinced me that you would stand by me and I was stupid enough to believe it! For a short while...I thought I may even love you.”
The dreadful silence dragged out. She felt frozen, unable to will herself to move any more than her few steps had. Trax dropped his gaze several times, actually looking bothered, sighing impatiently as if he had somewhere else to be.
Looking back up at her, he asked, anxiously, “What do you want from me?”
The words cut deeper than Arissa thought possible. It took her a moment to steady her breath, but she couldn’t stop the flood of tears that were drowning her eyes. Her voice sounded scratched, her words desperate.
“I want you to tell me I’m wrong. I want to hear you deny everything I just said. I want to believe that you’re not the man that you really are. It’s just too bad that none of that is possible. I thought you were a hero, Trax, but you’re not. All you are is a villain.”
The word seemed to bite into his reaction. “So what is it? That you want?”
Swallowing hard, Arissa didn’t think she could actually speak, but the words came spilling from her lips anyway. Even through her display of piercing heartache, she was able to conjure up the familiar and bitter tone in her voice that she had lacked lately. “I want you to suffer. I want you to know exactly what it feels like to be betrayed. To be abandoned and to lose all hope. Because what you did...is unforgivable.”
His eyes glowed fiercely at the word, fury visibly rising in his expression. Locking his terrifying and lethal expression, he began to speak when another voice suddenly spoke up from behind Arissa.
They both turned to look in the direction at the same time, only to see Landon standing behind them, his face wary and somewhat frightened. He quickly took in Trax’s murderous glare and Arissa’s tear-soaked face and immediately he was rushing toward them.
“What’s going on?” he demanded, but neither answered. Arissa was too ashamed to look at him, after the speech they had gone through earlier about Trax’s allegiance and he was far too concentrated on burning his glare into Arissa’s eyes, shifting so that his face was only inches away from hers.
His voice matched the dark, threatening rage in his eyes, disturbingly quiet and calm. “Well, Arissa...if a villain is what you want, then that is exactly what you are going to get.”
In the same instant, his hot blue eyes snapped up, training directly on Landon who had nearly reached them. Horror washed over Arissa a moment too late before she could reach out and stop Trax, he was just out of reach by the time she realized his intentions.
“Trax!” she screamed after him, but it didn’t halt his actions in the slightest. She spun around after him just in time to see the flash of a knife in his hand, the one that she knew he kept strapped to his hip at all times. His other hand flew up to smash into Landon’s jaw, knocking him off balance just enough for Trax to catch his shoulder, holding him solidly while he plunged the knife into his chest in one smooth motion.
If she screamed, she didn’t hear it past the deafening roar of the hammering heartbeat in her ears. Her stomach clenched hard enough to make her retch if
she had bothered to eat anything in the last day. Landon was doubled over against Trax, frozen by the shock and obvious pain and for one horrifying moment, there was no sound in the forest at all except the gasp that ripped through her throat, her mouth still hung open in horror.
He wasted no time in pulling the blade free, dripping and coated in the sickly crimson blood, before burying it to the hilt in Landon’s stomach, the final blow that made him slump lifelessly to the ground at his feet. Trax stepped back casually, sated, and simply watched Arissa’s reaction.
Her eyes never left Landon as she struggled to propel herself to his side, her knees colliding on the ground hard. Quickly, she shoved against his shoulder, moving him onto his back so she could cradle his shoulders in her lap, but his empty expression only made her shake and scream even more. Her hands were everywhere, already covered in blood and tears, trying to do something, but knowing that nothing would help. She was too late. Tears and sobs mixed with desperate cries and pleas, but her torment was the only sound to be heard until she heard Trax take one menacing step close to her, locking onto her traumatized eyes again. He looked neither victorious nor remorseful, just simply angry beyond description.
“That is what unforgivable looks like,” he declared harshly, casting her one last, cold glare before turning and walking away.
She couldn’t control herself. Her body was heaving and convulsing more severely than she ever had before, her vision beginning to black out from her erratic breathing.
Trax had done this. Trax had killed Landon in front of her. Trax had been working with the General all along.
Arissa was sure that this would only be the first catastrophe to happen now that he was aware she knew of his betrayal. She couldn’t go back to the camp or Daer or anywhere else. He had put her in a position that made it impossible for her to even consider escaping. Every ally she thought she had was now her enemy.
Her eyes still wandered over Landon’s motionless form, her face still contorted into frantic sobs as she smoothed his hair away from his face. Bleary and distorted, she finally ripped her gaze away a few minutes later, and the first thing she saw was the rusted set of chains hanging on the outer wall of the borstal in front of her.
