I storm out of the living room. Liza sobs as I walk away, and I stop. I want to go to her, but I can’t seem to move. I stand and listen to her crying before heading into the kitchen. I hear the faint sounds of her car starting and her tires squealing. Then the silence surrounds me.
I’ve done it again. I fucked up the one thing that was most important to me.
I can’t believe I let this happen. I can’t believe I couldn’t be honest with her from the beginning. I should’ve known she wouldn’t be able to deal with me keeping secrets, that I’d be pushing her away. I should’ve known how unfair of me it was to expect her to wait for the truth.
“Fuck!” I yell. I hit the back of my head again and again against the stainless steel door. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
“Hey, man.” Marco walks into the kitchen. “You okay?”
I look up at Marco and glare. “Liza’s gone. She’s not coming back.”
He crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head. “Don’t start with that shit.”
“What shit?” I snap back.
“You don’t get to do this. You brought it on yourself. Now you need to deal with the consequences.”
My throat is dry. I push myself up so I sit straighter against the refrigerator. “Just leave me alone.”
“Come on.” Marco holds a hand out to me.
I bat it away.
“You need to sleep it off…figure out how to fix it in the morning.”
“There’s no fixing it, Marco. She’s done.” I sound defeated.
He takes another step toward me and the tip of his boot pushes against my leg. “Listen up, lover boy: This is your fault. You could’ve prevented this from ever happening if you would’ve just been honest with Liza. You don’t get to cry. You don’t get to be angry. You don’t get to do this woe is me bullshit. I told you this would happen, and did you listen? No, because you’re an ass who thinks he knows everything.”
“Real helpful. Thanks for that.”
“Here’s something helpful: Deal with it.”
“I am dealing with it.” On the floor in the kitchen. Doing nothing.
“Looks like it. I’m going to bed.” He ambles away. “Remember: it’s your fault.”
What an asshole.
I fall asleep sitting up against the refrigerator.
CHAPTER EIGHT
I WOULD HAVE BEEN LATE THIS MORNING if it hadn’t been for Marco. Being the boss, I don’t have to be in the office at any given time. But I like to set a good example, and today is my first full day back at the agency since the trial began, but now that it’s over, there’s a lot of work to be done on the overseas office.
So I let Marco drag me out of my bed. I’m already missing the scent of Liza that clings to the sheets. But I force myself to go.
The weather in Longport matches my mood this morning: gray and dim. The sky is cloudy, and the air is thick with moisture, a sign that rain is coming. I dread the drive downtown and make it as quickly as I can. The longer I sit in the car, the more chance I have to let yesterday sink in, and the more chance I have of turning the car around. The best cure for a heartache will be to keep myself busy, though I’m not sure that is entirely true. Denial doesn’t make anything go away. But I also can’t dwell on my mistakes, I can’t let it affect my work, and I can’t let it drag me down.
No matter how much I want it to.
At least there’s something other than Liza to focus on.
The skyscraper that houses Harder’s Literary Agency comes into view. I turn into the parking garage, park the car and sit in silence for a moment. I’m preparing myself for a full day of work. I’ll be staying late at the office tonight to catch up everything that’s fallen behind… and to avoid the emptiness at home.
I take the private elevator up to the office.
Liza.
I’m thinking about her already. That was quick.
I shake my head and try to get far away from any memories that include her. Which is easier said than done. The majority of my good memories are of her.
The doors open and my personal time comes to an end.
“Great to have you back in the office, boss,” Derek, my assistant, greets me with a full schedule. Derek came to work for me not long after Liza caught me in a very compromising position with my last assistant. I was innocent, despite what Liza thought. She came on to me, not the other way around. So I replaced her with Derek, fresh out of college. Despite his overly-relaxed personality and shaggy hair, he’s good at his job. I’m glad I took a chance on him.
“You have a meeting at nine to go over the expansion plans,” he says as he walks beside me. “Followed by…”
I zone out, too caught up in the movie reel playing in my head to hear what he says. Everything reminds me of Liza—especially being at work, heading into the office…the very same one where I met her for the first time. When she turned my world upside down…in a good way, that time.
“…also your uncle wants to talk to you after this morning’s meeting,” Derek says, pulling me back into the moment as he departs.
I nod and continue to walk across the open space. My new office takes up most of the top floor and has more space than I know what to do with. Two of the walls are made up of windows, not providing much privacy from prying eyes in other buildings. My first order of business is to invest in blinds. The only things in the office are the ridiculously large glass desk my uncle left for me and his chair. Other than those, the room is barren.
I sit in the oversized leather chair and stare out the panel of windows, lost in thought again. I make a mental note to ask Derek to look into hiring someone to come in and redecorate the office. Liza was supposed to help me with that once we came back to work. Pretty sure that isn’t going to happen now.
I find a thick manila envelope on top of my desk. Another manuscript. In this business, it’s endless. The intercom on the desk phone beeps and Derek’s voice cuts through the air. “Reid, your mother is on line one. Says it’s about Liza…”
My mother calling me first thing in the morning isn’t good. I’m going to kill Marco. I know he’s the one who called her. Her cancer is in remission; she’s supposed to take it easy. A phone call only means one thing. She’s pissed. I cringe, knowing I am about to get an earful and prepare myself for the verbal assault.
“What the hell did you do?” My mother’s voice slices through the phone before I even speak.
“Good morning to you too, Mom,” I say.
“I’m not even sure I want to know what you did to mess this up,” she says, ignoring my greeting. “You need to fix this, and fix it now. Liza is the kind of woman you don’t let slip out of your fingers, and you’re going to regret that you did.”
“You’re right.”
She ignores that, too. “There is supposed to be a wedding in less than two months, and if there isn’t, there will be hell to pay. So whatever you need to do, do it.”
“I don’t think I can fix it this time, Mom.” There’s no anger in my voice. There’s only defeat.
I know by her response that it carries through. “Oh, honey… what did you do?”
“I tried to protect her from Rhett. You can thank him for the fallout.”
“Don’t put your troubles on your brother.” Her voice is stern, but still soft. “He can’t possibly be the only reason Liza packed her bags and called off the wedding.”
“No…he’s not all of it. He’s most of it, though.” I know I am treading on dangerous water with my mother right now, but I have to tell her. “Lily and Ollie are alive.” I say it so softly, I’m not sure she hears me.
My mother sighs. “No, they aren’t, Reid. What happened to them was beyond tragic. But it’s been eight years. You have to let them go. You can’t let this affect your life anymore, especially not your relationship with Liza.”
She isn’t hearing me. “This isn’t wishful think, Mom. They’re alive— Lily and your grandson are alive. And Rhett knows about it. He sent m
e photos of them.”
My mother voice is hoarse as she cries. “How can you be sure?”
“Marco used photo recognition software. The new photo matched Lily’s photo one hundred percent.”
“But why hasn’t she come to see me? And Ollie…” I can hear the pain in her voice. I know what she is feeling because I feel the same way. There are so many questions without any answers. “And your brother…my God, your brother is the one who discovered them, isn’t he?” She doesn’t give me a chance to respond. “Reid, you have to do something. You have to warn her. You have to keep them safe. I’ve lost them once. I can’t go through that pain again. All this time…it’s all been wasted.”
I don’t know what to say to make her feel better, not when I am feeling the same way about the news.
“You have to help them.” She says nothing more. I know from the silence that she understands how Rhett is, what he’s capable of. She’s drawn the same conclusion Marco and I have.
“I know.” I feel helpless, but I know she’s right. “I will.
“This is why Liza left you? Because you won’t tell her the truth?”
I sigh. “Yes, it is.”
My mother goes stoic. “If you really love her, Reid—if you intend not to lose her—you’ll tell her. Everything. She’s too important to let get away. You have to tell her.”
I rub my face. I’m exhausted and confused, and I have no answers. “I don’t know if I can,” I tell her.
“You have no choice now,” she says quietly. “Do you?”
She’s right, and I know it.
CHAPTER NINE
THE REST OF MY DAY IS UNEVENTFUL. My thoughts are with Liza, Lily, and Ollie, and what I can do to keep Rhett away from all of them. My brother is going to reach them one way or another. Me standing between him and Lily will only anger him and make him go after Liza harder. I need to figure out how to stop him without any of them getting hurt.
I call Liza once an hour, but she doesn’t answer. I leave a message each time and follow up with a text which says simply, “I’m sorry.” She never responds to any of it. I can’t say I blame her. Maybe Liza leaving me is the best way to keep her safe.
The sun has already begun to set on the horizon, casting a warm glow through the windows. I sit at my desk finalizing the last bit of expansion paperwork. My uncle agrees with my ideas and has given me the go ahead to set things in motion. First order of business is to find someone to watch over the company overseas. Liza would be the perfect candidate. Her work ethic is unbelievable for someone her age; she has leadership qualities that are perfect for the job. But I’m too selfish to even consider her.
I stare at the neatly stacked papers on my desk and I’m ready to call it a day. It’s a lot sooner than I originally planned, but my mind is too bogged down to think straight. Besides, I’m sure Derek would like to leave at a decent hour. He’s still young enough to have plans for the night.
“Hey, boss.” Derek’s voice comes through the intercom. “There’s someone here to see you.”
My first thought is that my silent prayers have been answered, that Liza has come to talk things out. A million things I want to say run through my head. Starting with telling her again how sorry I am, but in person this time. “Send them in.”
I stand by the window as I wait I hear the door open. My body begs me to turn around, to see Liza walk through the door and to sweep her into my arms. I don’t move. I wait until I hear the door close and listen to the footsteps as she walks across the office. My skin prickles again, but not way it does when I sense her. My heart drops to the pit of my stomach. I regret not asking Derek who was here to see me, and why they’re here after business hours. The footsteps stop. I take a few deep breaths before turning around.
I turn, and I see her. My legs can hardly hold me.
I should have stayed in the chair.
“Lily?” I walk toward her. She stands by the desk, her hands smoothing the front of her navy blue dress. Her hair is the same natural blonde I remember, not the color it is in the photos. She looks just like the last time I saw her. Her eyes still are still the color of the sky on a clear day. Her cheeks are the natural rosy shade I always teased her about for years. Her smile is as beautiful as it was eight years ago.
“Hello, Reid.” I stop on my side of the desk and stare at her. “It’s been a while.”
“A while?” I’m torn between happiness and anger. How can she just stand there acting so calm? “Try eight years…eight long years that we all thought you were dead.”
Lily’s smile drops. Her hands fidget with her purse. “I know,” she says softly. “And I’m sorry.”
I laugh. Loudly. “Sorry? Sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it.” All these years I’ve spent mourning the first woman I loved, and she stands in front of me apologizing as if we’d broken up.
“You’re right…you’re absolutely right.” Her gaze meets mine, and I am enraptured. Drawn into her stare as I was so many years ago. “We need to talk. Is there someplace we can go? Somewhere we won’t been seen?”
I can’t wait to hear what she has to say. “I know a place.”
Lily nods. I just stare at her for a while before rounding the desk. My steps falter when I get close to her and I can see the fear etched across her face.
Without warning, I pull her into my arms.
Lily gasps. Her body tenses. After a few moments, she relaxes in my arms. I am hit by the familiar scent of citrus, and I breathe it in deeply. “I never thought I’d get to see you again,” I whisper.
Her body stiffens against mine and she pulls away. “We should get going.”
I hold out my arm, urging her forward, and I follow her as she starts to cross the office. I open the door for her and wait for her to step out first. “Done for the night, Derek,” I say, not responding to his wide- eyed stare. “You’re free to go.”
“Sure thing, boss. Have a good night.”
I steer Lily toward the private elevator. Neither of us say anything as we wait for the doors to open. We step inside the elevator and begin our descent. Lily stands as far away from me as possible, her body rigid and tense. The doors open and I wait for her to step off the elevator first. She looks around, waiting for me to join her. I slip my arm around her waist. She jumps at the touch, but doesn’t pull away as I lead her toward my car.
I hear footsteps clicking across the parking garage. Lily looks ready to bolt at a moment’s notice. There is no doubt in my mind that she’s worried about being here. I offer her a smile to reassure her. We near my car and the footsteps grow, faster as they approach. For the first time I take my eyes off Lily, and meet the cold, hard stare of Liza. Her gaze passes between us. Her face pales and tears begin to form in her eyes.
“Liza…”
“I guess this tells me everything I need to know,” she says. She turns and takes off before I have a chance to explain. I know I should go after her, but I’m afraid if I do, Lily won’t be here when I get back.
If she ever speaks to me again, I’ll have even more explaining to do. It kills me to think this, but right now the most important woman in my life is Lily.
I have to know what happened.
I click the locks open. Lily moves around to the other side of the car and climbs in without saying a word.
***
The drive to Backyard Barbeque is quiet. It’s a hole in the wall restaurant Lily and I use to go to all the time, but under much happier circumstances. This time, the air is thick and full of tension, though I see a hint of a smile when she realizes where I’ve brought her. I don’t exit the car right away. There are so many questions I want to ask her, but I don’t even know where to begin. I wait patiently for her to say something, as I’ve done the whole drive. She says nothing. So I pop the door and jump out of the car.
Lily doesn’t wait for me to come around to help her get out.
When she was pregnant with Ollie, she craved their baby back ribs and sweet bread rolls so mu
ch that we came here almost every day. I never understood her fascination with the place; the food is not up to my standards. But I never told her no.
The condition of the restaurant tonight is identical to what it was the last time I was here, if not worse. It’s run down and falling apart; the sign on the roof is missing a few letters; the paint on the outside is fading and peeling, and the foundation isn’t level anymore. I open the front door with ease, praying that I don’t accidentally pull it off the hinges. There is no hostess to greet us or seat us at a table. Lily walks toward the table in the furthest corner and slides across the torn leather seat. It’s our usual place. The memory of it is heady.
I sit across from her and wait for her to talk.
She finally breaks her silence. “I don’t know where to begin.”
I take a deep breath. “The fire might be a good place. Right?” It sounds caustic.
Her brow creases. “Before I tell you what happened, I want you to know how sorry I am about everything. I can only imagine the grief I’ve put you through, and your poor mother…it wasn’t fair for me to do that.”
“You can tell her yourself. She knows you’re alive…just like I did.”
“You what?” She had no idea that I knew.
“Oh yes…your dear husband sent me pictures the other day.” Lily raises an eyebrow and stares at me curiously. “I didn’t believe it was true until I had Marco confirm it.”
“I’m sorry you found out that way.” She’s doing a lot of apologizing.
But I’ve been doing the same, with Liza.
Suddenly, the truth falls on the table between us. “The whole thing was a set up. It wasn’t your brother who set the house on fire, and it wasn’t our bodies they found…obviously.” She pauses, but I have nothing to interject. “I was desperate, Reid. I had to get out of there and I didn’t know where else to turn.”
If I Say No (Say Something #2) Page 6
