“Good.” He stood at the door. “Lock your doors, though. Okay?”
“I’ll lock them. I’m not going anywhere, anyway. I think something I ate made me sick.”
“You’re okay?”
“Of course. Go, Colt. I know you need to leave.”
“I really am sorry. But I’m also glad we’re talking. I think that both of us have been living in some kind of holding pattern for the last two years, not really moving forward.”
“I haven’t been waiting for you to come back.”
“I know.” But maybe he’d hoped, a little, that she wanted him back. “Oh, my mom wanted me to invite you out for Dad’s birthday party at the first of October. She also said lunch after church tomorrow.”
A party she hadn’t attended for two years. He waited, his hand on the doorknob, and she was looking out the window. For the last two years she hadn’t accepted invitations to attend family functions at the farm. He knew she missed them.
Working things out with her meant that she might let herself back into his family circle. She nodded, not looking in his direction.
“Tell your mom I’d love to go. I’ll bring my broccoli salad.”
“I’ll let her know.”
He walked out the door and a few steps away he heard the bolt click as she locked it. As he got into his Jeep, he saw her at the window, watching.
Lexi woke up Sunday morning as the sun was lighting the eastern horizon a faint pink and birds were beginning to sing in the new day. And she felt horrible. But she couldn’t be sick. She was going to the Ridgeway farm for lunch. She’d had lunch with Colt’s mom a month ago, but going to the farm—it felt special, like Christmas.
She sat up, ignoring the wave of nausea that rolled through her stomach. A cup of coffee would cure everything. She stood up, stretching to relieve the kinks from sleeping on the sofa and then she walked into the kitchen area. The sheltie’s tail thumped on the floor. Lexi filled the dog’s food and water bowls.
That reminded Lexi, she needed to call Josie about the puppies. She would let the girls work out a way to get their respective parents together, but Lexi didn’t mind greasing the wheels a little by telling Josie the puppies would soon be ready if she wanted to bring her niece over.
Lexi smiled at the tiny puppies, maybe part Border collie, and still very cute. They would be easy to get rid of. And she needed to get rid of the nausea that had hit her yesterday afternoon. She filled a cup with water and sprinkled in ginger powder. She took a sip and closed her eyes. A cool breeze wafted through the open window. So did a funny noise.
Beep, beep, beep—the faint sound caught her attention. She peeked out the window and smiled. Colt with a metal detector. She knew what he was doing. He wanted to find her wedding ring. She watched as he made steady progress, step by step across the yard, around the frame of her new home.
Her heart got stuck in some strange place between aggravation and tenderness. She watched for a minute and then she turned to the fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs. He would need breakfast. It gave her something to do, a way to think through what she felt, rather than reacting.
It wasn’t the ring. It was what it symbolized. They had lost so much, and the ring was one thing he thought he could give back. But what would it mean? She cracked eggs into a bowl and thought about having it back.
And she tried not to think about eggs. Maybe she had some donuts left?
She glanced back out the window, saw him digging in the dirt. And then tossing aside whatever he’d found. He still didn’t know she was watching.
Her heart beat a little harder and she blinked the sting from her eyes. Of all the things lost in the tornado, those rings seemed low on the list of priorities. Her marriage was already over and the rings weren’t going to fix anything.
But losing the rings had hurt more than anything else—the rings and her wedding pictures. She’d already lost Colt. Her marriage was over. The rings were more leftovers. Maybe she should have gotten rid of them sooner?
She heated butter in a skillet and poured the eggs in with a handful of chopped ham and shredded cheese. The beeping continued. The yard was full of metal.
“Hey, do you want breakfast?” She spoke through the open window. “Omelets?”
He turned; even from the distance she could see his smile.
“You don’t have to.”
“I don’t mind.”
He shrugged and headed for the house and memories flickered through her mind, him coming in for breakfast, the aroma of coffee and toast. She flipped the eggs and pretended it meant nothing.
Colt walked through the door, and her heart managed to convince her it meant everything. He shrugged out of his jacket and tossed it on a chair.
The room took on the scent of the outdoors and his cologne.
“No luck.” He poured himself a cup of coffee and refilled her cup.
This was too easy. It felt like the easy rhythm of their marriage, as if they were picking up where they left off. But Lexi couldn’t let it be that easy, not when her heart had been broken just a few years earlier.
The only thing missing was the hug. He had always walked up behind her, hugging her from behind as she cooked. And she had wanted children to fill their home. She had wanted a little toddler, sitting on her kitchen floor with bowls and wooden spoons to play with. She had wanted a little boy with blond hair, driving toy trucks through the dirt and coming in with smudges on a face with dimples.
She bit down on her lip as she slid the eggs onto a plate. Colt buttered the toast and set a second plate on the counter. No conversation to fill the silence. Lexi needed conversation.
“Are you still going to church this morning?”
“I am. After all, everyone else in town is going.”
“Don’t be sarcastic.” She turned and he had the good sense to look guilty.
“You’re right. I’m going because I want to. I’ve spent quite a few years ignoring things that bother me. Instead of confronting what happened with my dad, I got mad at God. I got a little mad at my family for still having faith. And when Gavin died, it fueled that anger. I’m working through it.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” And she didn’t want to think about what it meant to her, or the marriage that was behind him. His anger had led to their divorce. So what happened when he was no longer angry?
Was that the reason for him being here now?
She couldn’t ask. She didn’t want to hear the answers. He might say yes. But if he said no, that would make it hurt all over again.
“Do you want to eat outside?” Easier than dealing with his faith, their marriage.
“Sounds good.”
She picked up her plate and walked out the front door, to the picnic table she’d bought last week at the thrift store.
“Won’t be too many more days like this, warm enough to eat breakfast outside.” Colt sat down next to her. He looked a little scruffy, with something way past a five-o’clock shadow and the same clothes he’d had on yesterday.
“Colt, you slept in your truck last night, didn’t you?”
He shrugged and took another bite of eggs.
“You don’t have to do that.” She pushed her plate to the side, because the smell was undoing what the ginger had done for her.
“I’m not going to apologize for caring about you.” He nodded at her plate. “Why aren’t you eating?”
“I feel terrible. I mean, not so bad I can’t go to church, just not up to eating. Have you learned anything more about the ring? I’ve had another thought on that. Maybe someone put it in there thinking Jesse would be fooled and it would make him feel better. He’s lost so much. Maybe they were trying to help?”
“There are a lot of ‘could be’s.’ And let me tell you, these newly engaged couples…” He shuddered.
Lexi laughed. “A little too much romance for your old age?”
“If it’s contagious, we’re in trouble.”
“I don’t think we’ll
catch it.” She sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I think we’ve been doing too much of that. And to be honest, I like this, having you as a friend again. I don’t want to mess that up.”
“No, neither do I. But I also don’t want either of us to get the wrong ideas.”
“Can I ask you a question that Michael asked me to think about?” He turned to straddle the bench of the picnic table. “Can you be happy with someone else?”
Not a fair question. She had dated. She had endured blind dates, only to come home and wonder why she could still feel the presence of a man she was no longer married to.
“I don’t know.” She turned to face him, pulling one leg up to rest on the bench. “I can’t imagine someone else in my life. In my heart you’re still…”
My husband. She shook her head and stood up. “I have to get ready for church.”
“You didn’t eat.”
“I really don’t feel like eating.”
Colt stood and picked up their plates. “Let me drive you. I’ll pick you up in an hour?”
He was letting it go that easily? Or maybe they both had their answer. She nodded and took the plates from his hands, and hers shook. “In an hour.”
When she closed the door, she could see him still in her yard, still looking puzzled. And she had a real estate brochure for Manhattan, Kansas, that he didn’t know about.
Her mom was trying to convince her that moving on meant…moving. And maybe there was something to that. Moving away from the memories might make it easier to go on without Colt.
Lexi sat on the pew next to Colt, her hands in her lap and her head slightly bowed. He tried to listen to Michael, but couldn’t pay attention because she was so still, so pale.
As the congregation sang, he reached for her hand. It was warm.
“Pass me not, O gentle Savior, hear my humble cry, while on others thou art calling, do not pass me by…’”
Lexi’s sweet voice sang the Fanny Crosby song, and he knew that she meant it. He knew her faith, that it was as much a part of her being as the oxygen she breathed. He knew that as a child she had wanted that faith, but hadn’t understood. She had gone to church, thinking that by attending her home would be a happier place.
He sometimes wondered if she had married him because she wanted that perfect life, and she thought he was the key. He was a farm boy with a big family that shared Sunday dinners.
The congregation moved on to another song. He tried to sing along, but his attention focused on the people and their faith. So many of them were still without homes. They were rebuilding their businesses. They were rebuilding their lives.
And they had faith.
The very thing he had pushed out of his life was sustaining these people and helping them to get through. Lexi stopped singing.
Her eyes closed and she leaned against him. “Could you take me home?”
The whispered words were a surprise. “Lex?”
“I’m really sick.”
He glanced around. People were singing. No one seemed to notice. “Okay, let’s get out of here.”
He took her by the hand and slid out of the pew. She followed. A few curious glances. He smiled and nodded at a few people, but Lexi was leaning against him.
They got out the front door, and she rushed to the side of the building. He didn’t follow. When she returned, her face was pale and her eyes luminous, shimmering with moisture.
“Come on.” He wrapped an arm around her waist and led her to the Jeep. “Why didn’t you tell me you were this sick?”
“I didn’t realize. It was nausea earlier, but now it’s worse.”
“When did it start?”
“Yesterday. I think I have food poisoning. I had a chicken sandwich the other day.” She groaned. “I don’t want to talk about it. I might never eat another chicken sandwich.”
He laughed a little as he helped her into the car. She shot him a look and then she leaned. He jumped back, cringing. So much for a perfect Sunday together.
“Are you going to make it home?”
He’d seen her like this before, but he didn’t have a strong stomach. His compassion was strong, his fortitude when it came to a stomach ailment, not as much.
“You’re just worried about your car,” she teased in a weak voice as she clicked her seat belt.
“It was on my mind.” He grabbed a box of tissues out of his console. “There are some antacids in there, too.”
She shook her head. “Home, and a cup of hot peppermint tea.”
“Gotcha.”
When he got behind the wheel, she was shivering. Her eyes were closed.
“Lexi, should I take you to the hospital?”
She shook her head. “I’m fine. Last time I went to the hospital, you weren’t there.” Her eyes opened. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair.”
“It was fair.”
“I keep remembering you looking in the back of the ambulance. And I didn’t really see you again for a week.”
“I had to…”
She lifted her hand. “I know. People needed you.”
“Yes, people needed me.” And he was an idiot. “And you needed me. I’m really sorry. I always see you as so strong, so independent.”
A tear trickled down her cheek and she bit down on her lip, nodding just a little as she brushed the tissue across her face.
“I’m sick. Ignore me.”
“We’re almost home.” Her home, not his. He eased down the street and pulled into her drive. The contractor was working on her house. Electricity had been run from the main line, giving them power on the job site.
“Thank you for bringing me home.” She reached for her purse. He grabbed it first and handed it to her.
“Lexi, I’m not going to drop you off and leave.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I know you will.” He pulled the keys from the ignition. “But I’m staying.”
“I’m going to be sick,” she whispered as he parked. And then she flung the door open and ran for the house.
“I think I might be sick, too.” He shook his head and watched her run into the house.
He followed her inside and his conscience chided him. He had put her in that ambulance with nothing more than a goodbye. After six hours in the basement together, he had sent her off alone.
For the last two months he had ignored the obvious, that he wasn’t good at being there for the people who needed him. She had asked him to go with her, and he had meant to, but when they finally got out of the basement, he realized the extent of the damage, and he had made the decision to stay in town and take care of search and rescue, as well as assessment of the damage.
So many people had needed him.
She had needed him.
Colt waited outside the bathroom for Lexi. This time, he wasn’t leaving her alone.
Chapter Ten
Lexi opened her eyes and blinked a few times, trying to get her bearings. She was comfortable and safe. She was curled up on the couch, her head against Colt’s shoulder. A rerun was on TV and the puppies whined from their cage. But at her feet, Chico and Lassie. She blinked a few times and stretched, trying to remember what day it was, and if it was morning or night.
“How are you?” Colt’s deep voice vibrated against her back.
“I feel great. Please don’t mention chicken.”
“Not even soup?”
She groaned and shook her head, but that made her head ache. Lexi closed her eyes and leaned into his chest, his arm holding her close. He felt so good. She had forgotten how everything felt right in the world when he held her like this.
“No soup,” she whispered. “You should go. You’re supposed to have lunch with your mom today.”
“I called her. She said to stay with you. She also said you need to drink water—” he kissed her brow “—and you need more medicine.”
“I’m good. You really don’t have to stay.” But she wanted him to stay. She c
ouldn’t tell him that. She hadn’t been able to say it the day he’d packed his bags. Instead she had stood at the door, feeling as if her whole world was caving in around her.
She wouldn’t beg anyone to stay and love her.
He got up and walked into the kitchen. She closed her eyes, but could hear him shaking pills out of a bottle and running water into a glass.
“I’m not going anywhere, yet.” His voice sounded loud in the quiet room. “And when I leave, Jill is coming over. She can spend the night on your couch without starting a rumor.”
A hand touched her head. “Here you go.”
She opened her eyes, and he put the pills into her hand and then gave her the glass. She smiled up at him. “Thank you. You make a good nurse.”
“If being a cop doesn’t work out for me, I’ll keep that in mind.” He sat down next to her and she closed her eyes, glad that he was there. Later she could remind herself that it was a mistake.
It was a mistake because Colt couldn’t change. She didn’t want to come second behind a job.
When she woke up again, he was gone. She sat up, cold because he wasn’t there. He was at the sink, filling a glass with water. Chico sat next to him, waiting for a treat. Lassie was curled in the curve of Lexi’s knees, warm and cuddly, her pointy nose on Lexi’s legs.
“When did they see him, Junior?”
Lexi held her breath, because she hadn’t realized Colt was on the phone. He turned a little and she saw the earpiece.
“Is there anyone with him?”
She waited, knowing this was the telling time. She closed her eyes, wishing she didn’t have to hear what she knew was coming.
“I’m fifteen minutes from there.” Long pause. “I’ll be there if you need me, but if you have plenty of officers, I’m staying here with Lexi. If things don’t change, I’m taking her into Manhattan to the hospital.” Another pause. “If you need to, you can call one of my city officers.”
He ended the conversation and turned. When he saw her, he smiled a little, and she smiled back. “If you need to leave…”
Rekindled Hearts Page 12
