by Jo Leigh
He captured her arm before she took a second step. “Champagne?”
She nodded, her smile genuine. “You’re better. You don’t have to worry about not seeing well enough anymore. That’s cause for celebration, don’t you think?”
“You’re amazing, you know that?”
She shrugged. “I’m so happy for you.”
His smile seemed confusingly sad, or perhaps more bittersweet. “Are you really hungry?”
She shook her head.
“Come to bed with me?” He bracketed her face with gentle hands as he stared into her gaze. “I want you so much.”
“Me, too.”
“I want to make love with you. Now.”
She was still a bit shaky, but there was no way to turn that invitation down. Of course she’d make love with him. Every chance she could get, even though it wouldn’t make her decision any easier. There was simply no getting over the fact that she loved him. It might kill her in the end, but for today, she was his.
Once they were in the bedroom, Sam took her clothes off with care. He was in no rush, and while she probably should have called Stella Vita, she wouldn’t interrupt him for the world.
As her blouse parted, he kissed her chest, just under her collarbone. Slipping off her bra brought more kisses, gentle breaths and sweet lips that gave her goose bumps and made her sigh.
She ran her hands through his hair, trailed her fingers across his temples and cheeks as he unbuttoned and kissed his way down her body until she was naked. He hadn’t removed any part of his uniform, and it was deeply erotic to be bared as he rose slowly, letting his hands glide across her flesh.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he said, his voice hushed as if he’d told her a secret.
It would have been easy to roll her eyes at the hyperbole, but when she met his gaze it was clear he was telling her the truth. Of course he was. He might not have said those exact words before, but he’d shown her. With touches and kisses and smiles and looks, and she never felt anything less than beautiful when she was with him.
It was time for him to lose his clothes, because all she wanted was to be in his arms, to snuggle close, to find that perfect peace that came in the aftermath.
The thought of leaving him was as unwelcome as a splash of ice water, and she refused to entertain it for more than a second.
She didn’t have to make up her mind right now. Not even later tonight or tomorrow, and probably not the next day. She could wait and see how things would roll out. With each passing hour anything could happen. He could change his mind about flying, or not get the clearance, or find that being an instructor was more to his liking. A hundred things she had no control over, except the decision to cut herself off from the opportunity to watch it unfold.
It was also possible that she could come to terms with his choice to go back to flying.
Fumbling with his pants, he took over the job of undressing with great speed and skill. It only took them a moment to climb under the sheets, to press against each other.
He kissed her and she kissed him back. His hum returned as they took their time, and she touched him in all the places that he particularly liked.
She knew him so well, and he had memorized her in return. When he ran his flattened tongue on her neck and let it rest against her pulse point, she reached for his wrist and felt his heartbeat at the same time.
His was strong and quick and hers sped up as he slipped his knee between her thighs and pressed up tight.
When her head fell back at the pressure right there, he moved until his warm breath washed over the shell of her ear. “I can’t believe I found you again,” he whispered. “I’m such a lucky bastard. If it were mine, I’d give you the world.”
She let go of his wrist and touched his face again. “I don’t want the world,” she said. “Just you.”
* * *
THE SOUND of the garage door closing was enough to get Emma’s heart beating double time. She’d been trying to decide if they should have the discussion over dinner or after, and she’d chosen to have a pleasant meal, even if she wasn’t sure she’d be able to eat.
With that in mind, she’d made a casserole when she got home from work. Cooking had given her something to do with her hands, although it hadn’t distracted her. She was still a mess thinking about what she had to do. Tonight she would tell Sam the truth about her reaction to his becoming a flyer. That it scared her, and that it was probably going to take counseling to address her fears. But that she was also willing to do whatever it took to be with him.
Maybe wine would’ve been better than the ginger ale she’d switched to in the hope of settling her stomach.
She heard the doorknob and braced herself for a difficult evening, one in which she wouldn’t lose her courage just because Sam was in the room.
He smiled the instant he saw her, looking happier than he had all week...as if he’d just opened the best Christmas gift ever. She smiled back, reminding herself this was what she wanted, for Sam to be happy, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t come at a cost.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said, walking toward her, keeping one hand behind his back so she couldn’t see what he was holding.
“Hey, yourself.” This wasn’t just about the eye exam this morning. They’d spoken briefly, so she knew that had gone well. Something else had lit a fire in his eyes.
Sadly, she knew what it had to be. Nothing short of an imminent transfer back to a cockpit would make Sam Brody this happy. He couldn’t live without flying, and seeing him now, she wouldn’t have asked him to.
He stopped just in front of her, leaned in for a quick kiss, then held out a springtime bouquet. Carnations, pink roses, daisies and lilies.
She blinked at his offering. “What’s this for?”
“Can’t a man bring his girlfriend flowers?”
“You haven’t before.”
“I know. I realized that at the shop. I didn’t even know what kind you like or what to get. But I should... I absolutely should know something like that. It’s important.”
“They’re lovely. They really are, and you chose perfectly. But you don’t have to bring me flowers. Or anything special. Just you. That’s all I need.”
His smile wavered, then vanished altogether. “There’s something else I realized today. I could’ve kicked myself when I finally got what was going on.” He brushed the side of her cheek with gentle fingers, and she leaned into the touch even though she was completely confused.
“What on earth are you talking about?” She clutched the front of his shirt, then willed herself to relax. “Is this about your flight status? Did you get transferred already?”
Sam’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “What? No.” He shook his head. “I haven’t even submitted the paperwork.”
“But I saw a copy on your desk.”
“That’s the original,” he said. He looked somber. “Let’s sit, okay?”
She nodded, and he led her to the couch. They both sat, their thighs touching, his hand wrapped around hers.
“From the beginning all you wanted was to be friends. I pushed, I— Hell, I’d called you as soon as I got to town. I wasn’t sure if it would be uncomfortable for you. I didn’t want to open old wounds, but even when I tried talking myself out of making the call I couldn’t. As soon as I heard they were sending me here all I could think about was seeing you again.”
What was this about? Regret? Did he think contacting her had been a mistake? Was he about to deliver the whole it’s me, not you spiel? No, that wasn’t like Sam. She had to quiet her thoughts. Just listen. It wasn’t easy. “I’m so glad you made that call.”
“Me, too. But despite my best intentions, I’ve managed to do exactly that. Open old wounds.”
“What?”
; “This whole business with the surgery has been pretty uncomfortable for you.”
“I—” She stopped her argument before it got started when Sam held up his hand.
“It took me a while to realize just how uncomfortable. That first trip—I was hopping planes without a second thought, and then when I let my cell battery run out... Not hearing from me had to be difficult. It must have brought back awful memories.”
She needed to tell him he was right even though her throat was tight and she wasn’t sure she could speak, but from the way he nodded, her expression had clearly given it away. Okay, this was a good thing, his understanding what she’d been going through. It opened the door for more conversation. Difficult conversation, but critical.
After a hard swallow and a nod, she said, “If it’s any consolation, I didn’t know that would happen until you’d left that first time. I started flashing back to the day I was told about Danny. It wasn’t crippling, so I’m hoping that in time, I’ll get better. I can always go back for more counseling.”
“Wait a minute. First, it’s not your fault, and it’s not something you should have to deal with. It was a natural reaction and I should’ve seen it coming.”
“No.”
“Yes.” He shook his head, self-recrimination written all over his face. “My ego has been invested in me being a fighter pilot for a very long time. It was hard to look past that. I got it in my head that you deserved that same hotshot I used to be. It’s not an excuse, but it’s the truth.”
“Oh, sweetie, what I feel for you has nothing to do with your flight status.”
His eyes narrowed as he held her gaze. “That’s it. That’s how I feel about you.”
“I don’t understand.”
He looked so serious. “The way I feel about you is that the right thing is for me to be here for you. To do my damnedest to make sure you feel safe and cared for. I don’t ever want you to worry about me. And to bring home your favorite flowers just because,” he said, giving in to a smile that only lasted until she shook her head.
“I can’t ask you to give up flying. I love you, and I want you to be happy.”
He inhaled deeply. “You love me,” he said, as if he could hardly believe it.
She nodded. It was far too late to deny it. Not that she would. “I do. Very, very much.”
Sam leaned over and kissed her. It was a little too hard and not at all smooth, but it left no doubt that he had no objections to the sentiment. Pulling back, his smile made him look like the kid he’d been back in his academy days. “Is it any wonder I want to give you the world? Honey, you don’t have to ask me to give up flying. I want to.”
She stared at him for a long moment, trying to understand what he was saying. The offer he’d just made. It was tempting to jump all over it, make him swear, put it in writing. But she couldn’t stop being honest now. Not when so much was at stake. “Was that part of your revelation today?”
“Part of it, yeah.”
She slipped her hands from his, and curled them tightly in her own lap. “That’s not a spur-of-the-moment kind of decision. It’s wonderful, and I appreciate it, but you yourself said you’ve been invested in being a pilot your whole life. Not an instructor. That’s huge, and the last thing on earth I want is for you to regret it.”
He nodded, meeting her gaze, not flinching, not even blinking. “The day before I went for my follow-up exam, I knew my vision was good. I knew in my gut I’d qualify again. I was so sure that I filled out the transfer papers the night before I left so I could turn them in the day after I returned. But there was this woman, another passenger, on the commercial flight I took. She was hysterical, convinced she wouldn’t make it home to her family.
“I felt bad for her at first, but I let it roll off. Fear of flying is so alien to me. But I’d never seen anyone freak out like that. And then it hit me. I’d made you relive that horrible day you were told Danny was gone. It made me sick that I’d been so oblivious. That started the ball rolling.”
“Oh, Sam.” She looked into his earnest green eyes. “Wanting to do the nice thing isn’t necessarily the right thing.”
His head tilted to the right as he leaned a few inches closer. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve loved you?”
She sucked in a breath and held it. Even after he’d shown her that he felt the same way she did, to hear the words was amazing.
“Jesus, Emma, you were my best friend’s wife, and I still couldn’t stop myself from wanting you. When you told me you were going to ask Danny for a divorce, I almost felt relieved, as if that somehow absolved me.” He scrubbed at his face. “How messed up is that?”
“Stop that. Now. Neither one of us is perfect, and I had some of my own feelings that I wouldn’t have wanted Danny to know. But we both loved him.”
“In our own way.”
Emma had to grin. “You’re such a guy.”
“That’s true. But my story’s not over, so...”
She nodded, her gaze stuck on his, needing to watch him as well as hear every word.
“I was in the classroom this afternoon. Forty-two students were at their computers, and we were running through some maneuvers. This one guy, he goes to make a loop. You can’t make a loop with a Reaper, that’s not what they’re designed for. It was kind of a joke, you know, because in this well-known flight simulator video game that’s how you get out of a complicated situation, so there was a lot of laughter, and I put a stop to it, right then. There’s no room for that kind of thing, not on duty, and when you’re in the classroom, you’re on duty, and I don’t care that it’s not a real Reaper, you do not go off script, not for anything.”
“Okay,” she said, not at all sure where this was going.
“I dressed him down, but I used the opportunity to talk about the rush a pilot feels when he’s in the air, and how that’s not something he can count on with an RPA. That if that’s what he’s looking for in this gig, he should think twice. Become a cop or a paramedic or a race car driver. And then it hit me. I don’t need to get my kicks by flying jets. Not even a Raptor. Not even a damn rocket to the moon.”
He captured her right hand and held it just shy of too tightly. “I’m not that guy anymore. You know where I feel that rush? When I turn on our street. Doesn’t matter if we’re staying here or at the other house, I turn on that street and I can feel my heart start to race. I actually need to use cruise control so that I don’t speed. And when I finally see you? It takes a long time for me to settle back down, and sometimes that doesn’t happen until after we’ve made love.”
“Really?” She wanted so badly to believe him. And she did, but what if he’d been carried away by the moment? How could he compare seeing her with the exhilaration of flying Mach 2?
“Really. Honey, I’m so sorry for putting you through one second of fear. I wish I could take that away. But I’m not sorry I had the surgery. Knowing I can fly made it much clearer that I don’t need to.”
Her whole body changed, hearing, believing, what he’d just said. It was as if she’d been wearing a corset for ages and finally the cursed thing was off and she could breathe again. “Wow,” she said. “You do mean it.”
“I love you, Emma. I am crazy in love with you. I hope this doesn’t come as too much too soon, but I want us to be together forever. I want us to have kids, and to watch them grow up. I want to be with you when we’re old, and I don’t want to do it by sharing more than half my time with the air force.
“I want to keep on being an instructor. Go to work in the morning, come home in time for dinner, at least mostly. I want to be your husband first, and an officer second.”
That breath Emma had just regained had been stolen right back. Because this was too much, too close to her fantasies to be real.
His demeanor changed with a softening of his gaze and the low
ering of his shoulders. He leaned toward her so that she could see his laugh lines and how unfairly long his eyelashes were. As if he meant to kiss her, but he stopped short. “Oh, sweetheart, all I’ve done is take away my blinders. The reason it all came together like this was because the truth had been there for weeks, if not longer. I choose you, and I hope like hell you choose me.”
She felt the heat of tears come to her eyes, and she didn’t want to cry. It was so girlie and so cliché, but her body had a will of its own, and the tears came. No sobbing, thank goodness, but blinking wasn’t enough to stop the slow and steady drops. “I love you back, you insane man. I want all those things, too.”
“You’re sure now?” he asked. “I don’t want you to have any misgivings.”
Putting her hand on his cheek she said, “Not a one.”
He closed the gap between them with a kiss that brought fresh tears even as it curled her toes. A future with Sam at her side was the best thing she could imagine.
Six months later...
SAM LOOKED INCREDIBLY handsome in his service dress uniform. With his broad shoulders and long legs, he could be on a recruiting poster, but Emma was glad he wasn’t. She wanted him all to herself.
But for now, she could share him. After all, he was the best man at a very important wedding. John Devlin and Cassie O’Brien were tying the knot, and every time Emma looked at the happy couple on the makeshift platform that had been built for the ceremony, she teared up. She was so happy for her old friend, so glad to have John back in her life, and it didn’t hurt that she really liked Cassie.
The first time Emma had been to Cassie’s brother’s bar had been two days ago. She’d never have believed so much could be accomplished to transform the not-quite-dive joint into something so festive. The colors were blue and white, of course, and there were garlands and blue hydrangeas on the tables set up in the back. The wedding cake topper was a handcrafted showstopper—the groom was a captain in uniform, the bride a very good likeness of Cassie, with her curly auburn hair and beautiful smile, in a replica of her knee-length white dress, right down to the tulle crisscross neckline.
