by Claire Cray
After a few hours, true to his promise, Theo untied my legs. The ropes were indeed dirty, and he whined all the way through. But at last I could stretch my screaming muscles!
“Are you hungry?” he asked sweetly then.
“I will not eat from your hand.”
“Oh, fine. Remember what I said,” he warned, and bid me turn around.
As soon as I felt the laces loosen, I yearned to slap his elegant face. Lucky for him, my hands were still numb. I clumsily took a small bit of bread, though I was not at all hungry. I guessed it was well past one in the morning.
“I am bored out of my mind,” Theo sighed, lying on his back along the bench now with his knees bent to let him fit in the space.
Pity Theo wasn’t nursing a broken heart, I thought. I, for one, was sure I could occupy myself with my thoughts. They hadn’t left me alone for weeks now – there was certainly no reason they would now.
“Aren’t you curious about me?”
I looked blankly at the arrogant little twit for a moment, then reluctantly acknowledged that he was right. “How often do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Drink blood.”
“Once a night, usually. Sometimes more. Sometimes less.”
“Does it taste good?”
“When it’s good and healthy.” He smiled. “As I’m sure yours is.”
“How long have you been a vampire?”
“For about two and a half centuries.” He was watching me peacefully, evidently enjoying my questions. It was plain to see that he relished attention.
I studied him. “How did it happen?”
Theo smiled again. “When I turned eighteen, my master decided to keep me that way.”
Eighteen. My age. “So? What did he do?”
We were into the country now, and the carriage was very dark. Faint smudges of moonlight passed through the cabin every so often, but Theo’s eyes sparkled like icicles on a gray morning. They regarded me curiously now. I tried to see two centuries of wisdom in them, but gave up. As it turned out, eyes were not nearly as revealing as poets led one to believe.
“We exchanged blood,” Theo replied. “That is always the way.”
“You drank of each other?”
“Mmm-hmm.” He had a dreamy look in his eyes now. “It was a spectacular event.”
“You don’t regret it?”
Theo smiled. “Regret can be fatal.”
“Have you ever made another into a vampire?”
“Oui,” he said, stretching his back and settling back down like a cat. “Of course.”
“Of course? Then it’s a regular occurrence?”
“Quite the contrary. But it’s something most of us must do if we want to stay sane through the centuries.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know why. After a lifetime and then some, one begins to feel a bit agitated. Aimless. Re-gret-ful.” He smiled at me, a sliver of pearl in the gray darkness. “Make a mate, and the pressure abates.”
That sounded familiar. I guessed he had mentioned it in the letter. “Has Merrick done it?”
There was a beat of silence, and then Theo teased, “Jealous, Will-iam?”
“Why go to this trouble to deliver me back to him? Are you not afraid he will send me straight home?”
“I am not the least bit afraid of it.” Theo yawned. Vampires yawned? “Road travel is shit,” he sniffed. “These American carriages are a disgrace. Thank God I had the good sense to hire two drivers to speed us through this miserable journey. With luck we’ll arrive by evening.”
He pulled a small volume from his pocket. It was too dark for me to see the title, but he began to read with no apparent difficulty.
After a long while, I was so tired that I began to drift off.
The rest of the journey was uneventful. I dozed when I could, pondered my strange fate, gave the insufferable dandy dirty looks, and fantasized that Merrick would behold me with joy and relief in his eyes and pull me into his arms and crush me against his hard chest.
At last, the carriage slowed to a halt. It was dark twilight then. When we stepped out of the carriage, I saw a man dozing under a tree to which two horse stood tied. He was rousing at the noise.
“Ugh,” Theo said as he paid the driver, and then turned to me. “Tell me, Will-iam, what is the appeal of this godforsaken place?”
I looked blankly at him. “Do you expect me to get on that horse with you?”
“I do,” Theo said, and headed for the man under the tree, who was hurriedly standing up.
I turned to the drivers. “Do you realize you’ve been accomplices to an abduction?”
“Last we saw, you were strong and well,” one said easily, and bid the horses on.
By the tree, Theo was bowing to the man as he departed on one of the horses. The other was saddled and ready.
“I won’t be on that horse,” I said stubbornly. A born pragmatist, I had seen no rational choice but to accept the journey in the coach – I didn’t doubt Theo’s strength, and knew I would not have been able to escape. But I was not about to ride merrily up to Merrick’s cottage as though this were something I’d agreed to all along. Let Theo figure out what he’d do about it.
“I knew you’d say so,” Theo said, walking towards me.
His arms were about me, his teeth piercing my neck, before I knew what had happened.
“Beast!” I gasped, shoving against him. “Let…”
But I was not shoving. My hands were curled in his shirt, clinging to him, and I was breathless from the thrum of pleasure his mouth sent vibrating through my body. My knees weakened. “Bastard,” I moaned, my body arching against him. What in God’s name…
Theo lifted his head and took a sharp breath. “Ah,” he sighed, and then said something else.
It sounded like he was speaking from underwater. Or I was hearing from underwater. My body had become a cloud, humming with delightful sensations. I floated up to settle on the back of a horse.
Theo was murmuring close to my ear now, where it was easier to hear him. “Now, help me and pray he doesn’t kill me for that.”
I was the wind in the trees.
Chapter 23
I awoke to the sound of voices, and breathed a familiar smell.
“For the thousandth time,” spoke a melodic, slightly petulant voice, “I warned you.”
I opened my eyes and found Merrick’s bedroom lit by a lamp. A moment later, darkness surrounded my vision and closed in. My head swam. I gasped, startled by it.
“William.”
Merrick. My heart clenched. No. It screamed. And I could not feel my body. What was wrong with me? “Leave me alone,” I whispered.
“Do not be afraid,” he murmured.
“I’m not afraid,” I snapped, or tried to, but it came in the same soft whisper. Bastard, I thought, but I had no energy to speak.
“Merde. Silas, just do it.”
“I will not,” Merrick snarled.
“You will let him die?”
“I will set myself aflame before I…”
Their words faded from my reach, but my vision returned. I could not move my head, but I turned my eyes to the door, where Theo leaned against the wall looking bored and Merrick stood before him without his robe, fuming. Now and again one would toss an agitated gesture in my direction.
Looking that way hurt my eyes, so I turned them to the ceiling and the Indian trinkets. Mum. Poor Mum.
I heard someone calling in the distance, and strained to hear. Perhaps it was nothing.
A warm liquid touched my tongue and hit my throat. I coughed, sputtering, but swallowed what I could out of instinct. Moments later I realized the distant voice was saying my name.
I opened my eyes a sliver again to look at Merrick, who held me with one arm as he tipped the cup against my lips. Then it all went gray again.
There was shouting.
There was silence.
Chapter 24
There was th
e sound of crows.
I rolled slowly from my side to my stomach, shifting from head to toe and testing my limbs cautiously.
I stumbled a bit getting to my feet, but was just steady enough to make it to the doorway and into the main room.
Theo was in Merrick’s chair, sipping tea and reading a book. He looked up at me coldly. After a moment, he set his cup down and rose to his feet.
“Stop.”
I turned at the voice and found myself face to face with Merrick. “Sir,” I said, startled, then remembered how furious I was and scowled at the ground.
“You’re weak. Get back to bed.”
So I was to take orders from him again? I bit down on a sharp retort. But I was feeling very weak, and headed back to the bed on my own.
To my surprise, Merrick lay down beside me. I stiffened when he pulled me into his arms, and froze with surprise when he buried his face in my neck and let out a long, unsteady breath.
“I am so sorry, William,” he whispered against my skin. “I am so very sorry.”
“For what?” I whispered back, trembling. How I wanted to mold my body to his, to lie upon him and soak up his strength! How I had missed him! Tears pricked my eyes and I kept them squeezed shut.
“Everything. But especially this.”
Especially this? This was nothing compared to the morning I’d woken up alone, the night I’d slept by myself in the bed, the morning I’d left the empty cottage without a farewell. It was nothing compared to any day since then. But I was weak. “What was wrong with me?” I whispered.
“Theo drained you. You nearly died, but you will be all right.”
I closed my eyes. That wasn’t what I had meant. Why hadn’t he wanted me? And how could he hold me now, and speak so tenderly, when he had turned me away? “S-sir…”
“I will escort you back to the city myself when you are fit for travel.”
“Why…”
“You must rest.”
I was tired of him telling me what to do. I wasn’t his servant anymore. I tried to tell him as much, mumbling some remark about doing as I damned well pleased, but sleep enveloped me again.
Chapter 25
The kitchen was full of food, just like the last time I’d been drained of my blood. But this time, there were two vampires in the room. I stood holding the leather back from the doorway, staring at Theo in the corner chair. He was wearing simple blue breeches and a linen shirt, and he was glowering at me. What was his problem?
Merrick was seated at the desk, and turned when I entered. He looked extremely tired. Faint blue shadows surrounded his eyes, and he was pale as a ghost. It startled me.
“Eat well, William,” Merrick murmured. Then he turned to Theo. “Go.”
Theo closed his book and set it aside, then folded his hands. “Non.”
Merrick said nothing.
I slid into the bench as the two monsters squared off with their sparkling eyes. None of the food looked the least bit enticing. I sullenly prodded a bun.
“I need to apologize to the boy,” Theo insisted.
“So do it.”
“Will-iam…”
Why did he have to say my name like that? It was like nails on a chalkboard, like a schoolyard taunt from a girl. I shot him a dirty look.
“I’m sorry that I drank all your blood,” Theo said sweetly. “It wasn’t because I wanted to kill you. In fact, I left you just exactly alive enough. I hope you appreciate the finesse involved there. And the reason for that is—”
“That will do,” Merrick growled.
“He ought to know the truth, Silas,” Theo protested with an innocent look. “He ought to be informed so he can have a proper say in it.”
“Get out.”
Theo’s voice rose. “After all the trouble I’ve gone to?” He pounded the arm of the chair lightly with his fist. “I will not! I will not be thwarted by your damned teas and smokes! As your truest friend—”
“Enough!” Merrick shouted, standing abruptly.
I actually flinched. So did Theo. Then, shaking his head, he rose with an angry sigh and moved toward the cavern. He gave me another cold look as he passed.
My eyes went back to Merrick, who was glaring in the direction Theo had gone. Then his eyes landed on me, softening.
I said nothing as he sat across the table from me, but I studied his tired face. Even his amber eyes had lost some of their luster.
“There are no words for my regret,” he murmured at last. “I never imagined this.”
Nor had I.
“Eat, William.”
“I’m not hungry.” My voice was bitter . Good. I looked down at the table.
“I see.” Merrick was quiet for a moment. “Would you like to return to the city now?”
My face twisted. I could not keep my emotions from my face, nor could I put them to words.
“Speak to me, William.”
“Why?” I muttered.
“You are angry with me.”
My jaw worked, but still I could not speak. What would I say? My heart continued to break, tearing itself into smaller and smaller pieces. How could I tell it in words? Why would I?
Merrick had bewitched me. He had soothed and nurtured me with his gentle words, his tender touch and his patient wisdom. He had awakened unholy desires within me and coaxed them to the surface. I had given him my body, and he had consumed it, even drunk the blood from my veins.
And then he had turned me away.
I stood up, gracelessly pushing the bench back. “I think I will take my walk,” I said with a sneer that I hoped would hide the tears pooling in my eyes. When I made it to the door, I realized he was behind me.
Turning, I shoved at him. “Leave me be!”
“I cannot. You are weak, and Theo is stubborn.” And then, his voice melted to a quiet, tormented whisper. “Oh, William…”
Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I struggled weakly against him as he pulled me to his chest. “Let me go!” I shouted.
“You are not strong enough for this,” he murmured as he effortlessly pulled me back toward the bed.
“Enough of your mockery! I want nothing to do with it!”
“Mockery?” Merrick dropped me gently onto the bed and took me by the shoulders to stop me from rising.
“Must you flaunt your strength?”
“Have I mocked you, William?”
“Stop!” I cried, too weak and too wild with despair to stop the flow of my tears. “Our contract is done! You nullified it yourself! Why continue to taunt me? Disappear into your damned cave and leave me alone, like you did before!”
His face was pained. “My dear William…”
“Stop, I say!” It was a marvel I had the strength to roar, but it defied belief that I had the audacity to swing.
My fist connected with his cheek, and he turned his head with the blow. His face betrayed no effect but the same sorrow and regret it had held all morning, but he caught both my hands in his and stared straight into my eyes.
“I left,” he said quietly, “Because I could not control myself.” Searching my face for a moment as though to be sure I would let him speak, he continued even more softly. “If you had known what I felt that night, you would have fled on your own.”
“How dare you?” I muttered. “You don’t know what I might have done.”
“You are an intelligent man. Had you the vaguest conception of…” Shame flickered in his eyes, pulling at his brows for a moment. “The depth, the terrible intensity of my desire…”
“What I felt for you was not some careless fancy,” I said, my voice hot with tears.
“I know that,” he whispered, and moved his hands from mine to gently frame my face. His tired eyes reflected all the anguish in my heart. “I know it, William. And I…”
I was entirely lost by the time his forehead touched mine. Taking a long, shuddering breath, I tried to steady myself even as his touch reduced me to a soft and needful thing.
“I wish
with all my heart that I could keep you here with me,” he went on. “I want nothing more. I want nothing else.”
“Then why go to such lengths to send me away?” I demanded.
“Because it is not only my heart and soul that crave it,” he said, his voice strained. “There is a terrible need…in the darkest part of me…and it will never be satisfied until I have wrenched you from the light of the world and into the shadows with me.”
For a long, silent moment, I was conscious of the soft beat of my blood pulsing through my veins. “Do you mean you wish to make me a vampire?”
Merrick’s hands moved gently through my hair and came to a rest on my shoulders. He pulled back to lock my eyes in his haunting, mournful gaze. “It is more than a wish. It is a primal need. It is the unthinking hunger of a beast. And though I can suppress it now, I feel it growing with every passing moment.”
Merrick closed his eyes, lowering his head. “So, you see, I had no other choice but to send you away, William. I have no other choice.”
I stared at him, wide-eyed and speechless. After a long moment, during which he did not move, I asked, “Then you will forget this hunger, when I am gone?”
“You will be safe from me.”
“You will forget it?”
Merrick raised his head, but did not meet my eyes. Instead, with a tenderness that made me ache in the darkest depths of my heart, he kissed my lips. “You will be safe,” he whispered.
I wished I could say something. But my mind was reeling. Could this really be the choice at hand? Merrick could turn me into a vampire, or he could send me away? I could leave him behind forever, or I could become like him?
Were these my choices? A life without Merrick, or an eternity at his side?
Would I consider…
He was pulling away from me, rising to his feet.
“Why?” I blurted. “Why can you not reason with this desire? I do not believe it. You are too calm, too stoic, and you have lived for centuries managing your nature. Why—”
“It is a mysterious fact of this terrible existence, William.” Merrick was at the doorway now, his back to me. “None has the power to resist.”
