Jordi laughed. “I guess it feels good, but I never see myself as a hero. I’m just happy to help out.”
I threw my arm around his shoulders. “Maybe it’s time to aim higher my friend. You have talent. I think the coaches are starting to take notice. I think it’s better than even money that you’re starting next season.”
He said, “I’m just happy to be on the same team as you.”
14
Lucas
With three suitcases packed up, and a large box of fragile art supplies on its way to Sophie and Jerry, I was ready for my American adventure. I had a small furnished efficiency apartment waiting for me in Chicago. It was just three blocks away from Sophie and Jerry, and it was an easy walking distance from my new job.
Anna got together with my Amsterdam friends to throw a big going away bash in our favorite local pub. They celebrated with multiple rounds of drinks, and I got roped into singing karaoke. Anna and I won the contest singing old Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell duets. We substituted “ocean” for “river” in the “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” lyrics.
As I walked her home after the celebration, Anna said, “I’m going to miss you so much, Lucas. You’re not just a great friend. You are like the brother I don’t have. It feels like a family member is going across the ocean.”
I asked, “Will you come and visit me? I was serious when I said you would love hanging out with Sophie, and she would be ecstatic about having the company.”
Anna hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. She said, “I’ll be there.”
When I moved out of my parents’ house, it was easy to go back home and retrieve all of the things I realized I forgot to pack up. It’s a little more complicated when you move across the ocean. Jerry stared at me in disbelief and said, “Why do you need a particular shirt that you left back in Amsterdam? We do have stores here in Chicago.”
I said, “Because it fits, and I’m sentimental.”
He said, “C’mon, Lucas. I’ll hop in the car and take you shopping. We can get you whatever you forgot, and it will probably be cheaper than what you would have to pay to have it shipped here.”
I turned to Sophie for help. She asked Jerry, “What about that old half-deflated basketball in the corner of our bedroom closet?”
Jerry held up a hand and said, “Whoa, now wait. That’s a different kind of thing. That basketball went through the hoop when we won the semi-final game in our conference. I had my hands on it just before it cleared the basket.”
I said, “But it’s just a basketball. We can go shopping and buy you a new one.”
Jerry threw his hands in the air. “Obviously, I’m not going to win this one!”
Before I left Amsterdam, I packed up the belongings I didn’t plan to take with me and arranged them in a rented storage unit. At Anna’s suggestion, I drew a map of the unit and made a list of what was where. I left the spare key for the unit with her. It was easy to make a list of the items I forgot to bring with me and feel confident that she could find them.
We finished the moving process three days before I was scheduled to teach my first class. I invited Sophie and Jerry over to my apartment and cooked a quick dinner for all of us.
I was excited to shop at Chicago’s South Loop Farmer’s Market. They had all the produce I needed and a lot of varieties I’d never seen before. I also found sausages and ground beef that I brought home for my home-cooked meals.
I used the fresh vegetables I brought home from the market to make my own version of Dutch stamppot. Jerry stuck his nose in the air when he walked through the front door and said, “That smells delicious. Who knew that Sophie’s little brother could cook? You didn’t do that when you visited and stayed at our place.”
I laughed and said, “I didn’t want to get in Sophie’s way. She loves her kitchen.”
She hugged me and said, “He was on vacation. Now, he’s getting ready to go to work. This is real life, and you have to cook, or you don’t eat. That’s what our mother always said.”
“Or you eat out of a microwave oven,” said Jerry. “That’s what I learned to do.”
We spent a fantastic evening together. The food was as good as I hoped, and Jerry suggested that I join forces with Sophie sometime for a Sunday evening meal. I laughed when Sophie said, “Maybe we can join forces and teach you how to cook.”
He said, “Now, any handyman job you have, I can do that. I’ll fix electrical outlets, give the refrigerator a swift kick when it needs it, and hang the new shower curtain. Cooking is outside of my skill set, and it can stay there. Two is company in the kitchen, but three’s a crowd.”
The furnishings in my apartment weren’t luxurious, but they were adequate. I had a large sofa, and Sophie cuddled with Jerry at one end. I sat at the opposite end and pulled my legs up toward my chest while we watched a movie on the TV set that I purchased at a Chicago electronics store. I knew that it would be a hassle to transport one from Amsterdam, and I didn’t have a sentimental connection to my TV.
When the movie came to an end, Jerry spoke up in his loud, gruff voice and said, “Lucas, you need to figure out how to meet people other than your sister and me. You’re a young, handsome guy, and I’m sure there are plenty of other young guys out there waiting for someone like you.”
Sophie patted Jerry’s cheek and said, “We don’t need to rush him. He hasn’t settled in yet, and you already want to send him out to the wolves.”
I tried to focus on the conversation and not think about James. I also attempted to come up with internal ideas of other guys I might find attractive instead of feeling like I would go out hunting for a carbon copy of him.
Jerry said, “He’s a big boy, and he can find friends. I’m sure there’s a group of young faculty that head out for drinks, too. It’s a big city with a lot of people. You just need to put yourself out there.”
I didn’t want to think hard about how to develop a social life in a new country. I raised my arms above my head and began to yawn. I said, “This has been a fantastic night. Thank you, guys, but I’m getting tired, and I have to stop by the college and fill out paperwork tomorrow.”
With a loud laugh, Jerry said, “I think we’re getting thrown out, Sophie.” He stood up from the couch and offered his hand to help her up. “Thank you for dinner, Lucas. It was great, and you know how to cook. I’m not going to remember what you call that dish, but I’ll remember that it tasted awesome.”
Sophie and I said in unison, “Stamppot.”
Sophie added, “We had it a lot for Sunday dinner growing up.” Speaking directly to Jerry, she said, “Honey, why don’t you go ahead, and I’ll meet you in the lobby. I want to talk to Lucas for a moment in private.”
He nodded and gave me a final wave. Sophie pushed the apartment door closed, and I raised an eyebrow wondering what she had to say. I asked, “Is something wrong.”
“No, but I had a question I didn’t want to ask in front of Jerry. I thought it might be easier for you to talk one-on-one with me.”
I said, “It sounds serious. I’ll do my best to answer.”
“I’m curious about James, the hockey player. Have you been in touch with him?”
I shook my head. “No, I think I told you. We broke up a long time ago.”
She said, “Yes, but now you are so much closer to him. I didn’t know if you thought about that.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess it would be impossible not to think about it, but I try and push it out of my mind. I think Jerry is right that I need to try meeting other guys. This feels like a golden opportunity. Chicago is huge. There has to be a good guy out there for me.”
Sophie reached her arms around me and hugged me tightly. She said, “I’m so happy that we’re here together. I missed you when you were back home.”
We both jumped slightly when my cell phone chimed. It was the middle of the night at home in Amsterdam. I saw the look of worry on Sophie’s face, and I think we were both concerned something was happenin
g with our mother and father.
I pulled the phone from my pocket and looked at the screen. It was James.
15
James
Summer back home in Minnesota was good, but it was also a little dull. I interned at an architecture firm. I tried to get in with a company that worked on renovating older buildings including warehouses, churches, and movie theaters. Unfortunately, the lead architect explained that his firm hit a rough patch six months earlier, and they were trying to recover. New projects slowed to a trickle, and he was in the process of laying off architects with ten years of history at the firm. He didn’t have the time or energy to devote to a summer of working with an intern.
Instead, I found a company that designed domestic architecture. That meant they worked on houses for mostly upper middle-class customers. I looked at some of the designs, and they were underwhelming, but I wanted to see an operating architecture firm firsthand, and it was the best option in my area.
I spent some time with the architects, but I ended up with paperwork, filing, and cleaning out old offices for most of my work time. The drudgery gave me more incentive to focus on my summer hockey training. I began to see the NHL as a ticket out of boredom and a path to financial security.
A week after I arrived home, Jordi gave me a phone call. He asked, “Are you doing any of those speed skating exercises I showed you?”
I tried to incorporate them in with my other workouts, but I admitted that I was slacking off. Jordi asked if I wanted to be workout partners, and I responded with an enthusiastic, “Yes.” We developed a pattern of reporting to each other through email each night before going to bed. I was happy to have someone keeping me on track.
On weekends, I started taking long bicycle rides. It was only a ten-minute ride to get out of town and begin exploring country roads. I started challenging myself with sprints and hard uphill climbs. By midway through the summer, my leg muscles were getting noticeably stronger and thicker. I could feel the difference when I wore my jeans.
All of the speed skating work made me think of Lucas. I remembered when we first met, and I noticed how his thighs filled out his jeans. I remembered the sense of gliding when I was at his side as we skated around the ribbon in Chicago.
One evening, I was settled in on the end of the leather sofa in our rec room watching a Minnesota Twins baseball game with Michael. My thoughts drifted off in Lucas’ direction. I wondered if he ever thought about me.
I didn’t hear Michael get up from his end of the couch. I didn’t notice he had moved until he was waving a hand in front of my face. He asked, “Earth to James. Are you there, brother? Who’s winning the baseball game?”
I snapped to attention and guessed, “the Twins?”
“You didn’t hear me moaning and groaning over there. They were ahead last inning until that three-run home run.”
“Damn! Did I miss that?”
Michael said, “Yep, you were somewhere else alright. I hope it’s not about your job. I know it kind of sucks, but you should relax when you’re away from it.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s not that.”
“Hockey?” asked Michael.
“James.”
“Who is…oh shit! The Dutch guy? I thought he was ancient news. You’re not still hung up on him, are you? This is not the kind of example I should be following.”
I sighed. “No, you shouldn’t. This sucks, and I wouldn’t wish it on you.”
Michael held up a hand. “Hey, hold that thought. I’m heading out to the kitchen to grab another Coke and some of those chips and nacho dip. Can I get anything for you?”
I wanted a beer, but my parents kept it out of the house since Michael was still underage. I said, “Bring me a Coke, too, and a plate. I’m not hungry right now, but maybe I’ll have a few chips a little later.”
While Michael was gone, I began to think I was slightly insane for my fixation on Lucas. It was almost six months since I last heard from him. It was possible that he moved on and found another guy the weekend after I pissed him off. I reached up, raked my fingers through my hair, gripped tight, and I wanted to scream. Fortunately, Michael walked back into the room.
He handed me a small plastic plate and a can of Coke. The cold sensation against my hand was soothing. I flipped the tab and listened to the familiar hiss of the carbonation. Michael said, “What about him is so compelling? I want to know so I can avoid any girls that might be like him.”
I laughed and said, “I think I do know what it is. It’s the fact that James disappeared. He never contacted me again. I pissed him off, and then it was like he never existed in my life.”
Michael said, “I hate to ask stupid questions, but I guess I need to ask them. Also, I’m no counselor. I went to that one when we were kids, but that’s it.”
I grumbled, “Go ahead and ask your stupid question.”
“Did you try and contact him?”
“No.”
Michael crunched on one of the chips, and he said, “And there’s my stupid answer. I’m not following that example either.”
He was right, but I didn’t like the insinuation that I was stupid. Michael put me on the defensive, and I said, “Why would I contact him when I pissed him off, and he never said anything else again?”
Michael threw up his hands in a grand, mocking gesture. “How the hell would I know? To show that you care about the guy? Even if somebody pisses me off royally, sometimes I appreciate the fact that they are making an effort to have it be better. I think I’ve apologized fifty million times to Scott. He’s usually the asshole, but I apologize anyway.”
I think Scott Andrews became best friends with Michael when they were both still in the womb. It seemed that way. Scott’s family lived next door to us until we moved across town after Meredith was gone. I remembered the many times Michael came home shouting that he would never ever ever speak to Scott again when he was in elementary school. I always shrugged it off. I don’t know how many times I said, “He’s ba-ack” when Scott showed up again at our door.
I listened to Michael’s words and processed them. I remembered the apologies, too. I watched one time when they both said, “I’m sorry,” through clenched teeth, and it was enough to bring them back together. I said, “But you and Scott…”
Michael interrupted me. “No buts, James. Do something about it. Six months is enough. Do something or let it go. Remember, you’re setting an example for your little brother, and I’m counting on you.”
I watched as he sat back down on his end of the sofa, reached for the remote control, and turned up the volume on the TV. He said, “Now let’s see if the Twins can put on their big-boy pants and pull themselves out of the hole they dug in the second inning.” He crunched the next chip with a vengeance.
After staring blankly at the TV screen for a few minutes, I slowly slipped my phone out of my jeans pocket. I looked at the screen. It was 9:00 p.m. That meant that it was 4:00 a.m. in Amsterdam.
I started to tell myself that it wasn’t fair to wake Lucas up in the middle of the night. I began slipping the phone into my pocket, and then I glanced at Michael. He was still crunching chips and had his eyes glued to the screen. I yanked the phone back out.
Staring down at the screen, I typed in a simple message. It read:
“Lucas, are you there?”
16
Lucas
Sophie grabbed my arm. “What is it? You turned white. What’s going on? Did something happen to Mother or Father?”
She was starting to panic. I struggled to piece together words and finally said, “It’s James.”
The panic mode didn’t dissipate immediately. Sophie gripped my arm tighter and asked, “Is he okay? Did something happen? What’s going on?”
I turned the phone around so she could read the message. I said, “I don’t know.”
Sophie and I both looked up and stared into each other’s eyes. She asked, “Are you going to answer? Is this out of the blue?”
&n
bsp; “Yeah, I haven’t heard anything from him. I don’t know why he’s contacting me. I would hate myself if I don’t answer, but I’m worried I’ll hate myself if I do.”
Sophie spontaneously reached out to hug me again. “You’re a good man, Lucas. You’ll figure out the right thing to do. Should I go? Jerry is waiting. I think you should talk to James. It’s apparent that he hasn’t done any better at forgetting you than you’ve done at forgetting him. He didn’t delete your phone number.”
A small smile teased at the corners of my mouth. Sophie was right. He wouldn’t send a message if I weren’t on his mind, and if he intended to end everything, he would have deleted my number. It made me feel warm in the pit of my stomach to know that James was thinking about me. I said, “Yes, go to Jerry. I need to talk to James. I have to answer him.”
Sophie poked at my chest and said, “And you tell me what happens. If I don’t hear from you by 8:00 a.m., I’m calling.”
I laughed softly and said, “Thank you. Hug Jerry for me. You two are the best.”
She left, and I was alone in the apartment with my phone and James somewhere on the other end. I didn’t answer immediately. I needed to calm my nerves first. I found my way to the kitchen and made myself a mug of cinnamon tea. I put music on and sat back down on the sofa.
With my fingers shaking, I typed back:
“Hi. I’m here.”
I didn’t know if I would hear anything back, but I sat in dim light, singing along to the music and sipping my cinnamon tea to wait. I closed my eyes and remembered skating at James’ side. The phone interrupted my thoughts with another chime. I gazed at the screen as I read:
Built for Speed Page 9
