Tonight, my restaurant manager had once again scheduled too many servers for the Sunday night shift so I’d only had a couple tables all night. I needed to start looking for another waitressing job because I couldn’t afford to continue losing out on tips. Even so, once my shift was over I was extremely happy to be headed home. I was exhausted and a quiet night at home sounded good.
I pulled into my parking space and saw Brad’s truck in his spot. I was a little shocked to see it there. I sort of thought he would have taken Stella to his parents’ house and gone out for the evening. I had been anticipating a text while still at work telling me to pick her up over there.
It was a little after nine so I expected Stella to be in bed. While my world revolved around my little girl and I loved everything about being a mom, I wasn’t going to be upset if I didn’t have to deal with the bedtime routine tonight.
When I walked into the apartment, the living room was completely dark. Brad wasn’t sitting on the couch playing video games like usual. Assuming he was still putting Stella down, I slipped past her closed door as quietly as I could so I wouldn’t disturb them or risk waking her up.
As I reached out to turn the knob on my bedroom door, I heard an odd sound coming from the other side. Maybe Stella was already asleep and Brad was getting ready to settle in for the night? Suddenly a hot shower and my pajamas sounded like a wonderful idea.
I pushed the door open, still being quiet so I wouldn’t wake our daughter. I saw Brad sitting on the edge of our bed facing away from me. I was just about to call out to him when I was stopped dead in my tracks.
“Oh, yeah, baby, keep going just like that,” Brad moaned.
It took a second for those words to register in my brain. They made no sense; Brad was just sitting there. It wasn’t until I took a couple steps in his direction that I saw a woman kneeling between his legs.
I was frozen to the spot right there on the carpet. Brad still had no idea I was in the room.
“What the fuck?” I asked so quietly I wasn’t sure anyone could hear me. As everything started to sink in I yelled, “Seriously! What. The. Fuck?”
Both Brad and the woman on the floor turned to look at me. It was then that I recognized the other woman as Tiffany, the auto shop’s receptionist.
Suddenly, the loud crying of a toddler took my attention away from the humiliating scene in front of me. I rushed out of my bedroom and into Stella’s. She was standing in her crib and crying at the top of her lungs, no doubt, angry over being woken up by my yelling.
“It’s okay, baby girl, mama’s here,” I said, picking her up and snuggling her against my chest. I stayed in her room gently rocking her back and forth. I wasn’t sure who was comforting whom in that moment.
As I sat in the rocking chair with my daughter, it hit me that Brad may have actually planned this. He knew my schedule at work, and there was a routine set in place for when he went out. He’d wanted me to see them… to see it all. For him to be that cruel, to purposefully hurt me, shocked me. Brad had gone to a level that surpassed even his usual standards of reprehensible behavior. I felt dizzy, trying to process everything. It was all so overwhelming. Stella fussed a little at my tight hold on her but almost seemed to understand I needed her and she settled into me. I was drawing strength from my daughter to do what I needed to, what had been a long time coming.
I could hear voices moving down the hall, but I didn’t care what they were saying to each other or what they were doing. Part of me wanted Brad to leave while I was distracted with our daughter, but another part of me wanted him to stay so he could hear everything I had to say, once and for all.
After another fifteen minutes of rocking Stella, she had calmed down and fallen back asleep. I made sure to give her the stuffed animal she had been sleeping with since birth and tucked her in with her favorite purple, fuzzy blanket. I turned off the light and moved through the door, shutting it quietly behind me.
Inhaling deeply through my nose and exhaling through my mouth, I took several more deep breaths in an effort to calm myself down. I don’t know what possessed me to, but instead of going directly to the living room where I assumed Brad was waiting for me, I walked into my bedroom. I knew there might be things I didn’t want to see in there but I still felt an uncontrollable urge to look. I looked at his side of the bed and could see the indent of where he had been sitting in the blankets. It acted as proof that he had actually been there. I was about to turn around when something on the nightstand caught my eye. I walked over to get a closer look and was completely shocked by what I saw. Lying on top of the dark wood was a small mirror with two lines of coke on it and a rolled bill that looked like it had already been used. Of course, right next to the drugs was a strip of condoms.
So that’s where all our money had been going. On fucking drugs?! And he was probably spending money on his sidepiece, too. It explained why he was always on his phone; he could have been arranging to meet his drug dealer or Tiffany. Memories of dealing with my drug addicted parents and the night Brad and I met floated to the surface.
The first night Brad and I hooked up, both of us had experimented with cocaine. At the time, I was an impulsive nineteen-year-old who saw sex as a way to form the connections I was so desperately craving. When Brad showed the slightest bit of interest I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I’d let him charm me into trying coke. It was the stupidest thing I’d ever done considering I knew the kind of damage drugs could do. I had absolutely no desire to ever do it again. Brad had told me at the time that he didn’t use it very often, but now I had to wonder if that was the truth. Drug use could explain some of the recent changes in his behavior. And I couldn’t believe that he had been doing drugs while he was responsible for our daughter! That was what had my jaw clenched, hands balled into fists and ready to hit something—or someone. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears with how fast my heart was beating.
I felt my eyes sting but I wasn’t going to cry. I was tired of crying. Not too long ago, I had feared that I was repeating my childhood. Turned out, I was, and that’s what made this even more devastating and infuriating. I hadn’t learned from my past but now, I had a choice, a chance to correct things before it went too far.
Before I walked out to the living room, I looked dispassionately around my bedroom that no longer felt like my space anymore. I shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was. Brad and I didn’t really share a life together. We were nothing more than acquaintances thrown together by circumstance.
Walking out to Brad, the only thing I knew for sure was this night was definitely the end of my marriage. I had desperately wanted to provide Stella with the family I never had, so desperate, in fact, I had ignored the lack of love and affection in our relationship. I never wanted Stella to feel unwanted, but even I couldn’t pretend any longer that this was a healthy environment for her. By protecting myself, I was, in essence, protecting her as well. I needed to teach her that accepting this sort of treatment was not an option for her. I wouldn’t want her to be in a relationship like this, which in turn meant I shouldn’t be in one like it, either.
I had no idea what to expect but I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty. I had never felt this much anger before, not even with my parents and growing up in the system. I was so furious that every part of my body was shaking. I looked around, making sure Tiffany was actually gone.
“Simone,” Brad started the moment I walked into the living room.
He was fully dressed and seated but ceased speaking when I put my hand up to stop him from saying anything else. “No, don’t even start. You don’t get to say anything right now. It’s my turn to talk,” I said, livid.
He must have realized how serious and enraged I was, or I had shocked him by shutting him down, because he didn’t continue. Whatever he had to say, I didn’t want to hear it unless he was answering my questions.
“How long have you been using drugs?” That was the first question I needed an answer to. It made me s
ick to my stomach thinking of all the times he had been alone with Stella and could have potentially been high.
“Huh? What are you talking about?” he asked, trying to sound confused but I could tell he was just playing games.
I threw both my hands in the air, exasperated by his answer. “We are not doing this! You aren’t going to sit there and treat me like I’m an idiot. I want real answers.”
“It was just this one time, I swear,” he answered. I didn’t know if he was telling the truth, but I sure as hell hoped he was.
“How long have you been having sex with other people?” As soon as I looked into his eyes I knew it wasn’t the first time.
“Do you really need an answer to that?” he scoffed.
“Of course I need an answer!” I hissed. My nails dug into my palms as my hands fisted tighter. “I’m your wife. I deserve to know.”
He jumped up and started pacing the living room when he finally said, “Damn it, Simone, I never wanted this!”
I stood there waiting for him to elaborate. My anger had cooled but not my decision. This was me seeking closure.
“C’mon, it’s not like we got married because we wanted to. I felt pressured to do right by you and you were so preoccupied with your ridiculous idea of a perfect family,” he exclaimed. I could tell it was the drugs making him high-strung and, surprisingly, truthful. Any other time he would have deemed it beneath him to explain himself. “If you’d never gotten pregnant our relationship wouldn’t have gone past the occasional hookup. We definitely didn’t get married because we were in love and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Did you really think this was going to be some sort of happily ever after?”
“Get out,” I seethed. I wanted to yell at him but I didn’t want to wake Stella.
“Fine! I’ll leave tonight but you and Stella are going to need to find another place soon because this is my apartment,” he informed me callously. He headed to our bedroom without a backward glance. A few moments later, he came back out with a bag and left without a word or a look my way.
I sunk down onto the couch replaying what Brad had said. There was no denying the truth he’d spoken because he’d finally said the words I’d been thinking for weeks, and for once, we actually agreed on something. Two years ago, when he said we should get married, I knew it was because I was pregnant, not because he loved me. I wouldn’t be lying, though, if I said a part of me back then had hoped our marriage could grow into love and that we could be happy together. I had also naïvely thought that he’d honor our vows, but once a cheater, always a cheater. Lesson learned, and one I’d never forget.
The way he treated me proved what I had always known, that he didn’t care for or respect me—and never had. And while I was extremely angry with him, I was also angry with myself for tolerating his behavior for so long. I’d been living in a dream while Brad had always been living in reality.
I knew I needed a divorce; but I would need help navigating the process. And thankfully, I knew who to turn to for help.
*****
The next morning, I was barely functional having tossed and turned on the couch after Brad had left. I had no desire to sleep in our bed given what I had seen. I only slept about 2 hours total but Stella was ready to start her day so I was up.
I didn’t have to work today, which was good because I had a lot to figure out and only today to do it. I had no doubt Brad would make good on his word and force me and Stella to find another place to live soon.
After fixing a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast, I decided a walk to the park would do both Stella and me some good. I had been so happy to move into this apartment when Brad and I decided to get married. It was in a nice neighborhood where I felt safe taking Stella outside. I was worried I was going to have to move back to a place like I had before.
I pushed those depressing thoughts aside and tried to be happy for Stella’s sake. She had no idea her life was about to be turned upside down. It was a beautiful spring day and I was going to enjoy the calm before the storm hit. There was a cool breeze and the trees and flowers were in full bloom. The sunshine and fresh air helped clear my head a little bit. I knew I had a lot of things to do and decisions to make, but I wanted to enjoy this small bit of time where I could play with my daughter and not think of anything else.
As soon as we returned to the apartment my anxiety levels shot back up. I didn’t know how long Brad was going to stay away and I wasn’t ready to face him. I started to think of the logistics of splitting our household. We each had our own bank accounts. He took care of the rent and utilities from his paycheck while I took care of anything Stella needed and groceries from mine. There was rarely anything left over so I didn’t have the funds to get my own place yet and I knew I’d get no help from Brad.
It was about ten when I put Stella down for a nap. I knew her days of taking two naps were coming to an end but I was grateful today for the chance to make a phone call I had never planned on making.
“Thompson Law Firm. This is Linda. How may I help you?” a sweet voice on the other end answered.
Trying to gather strength, I took a deep breath. “Um, yes, I was hoping to speak with Kyle O’Neill,” I replied.
“May I ask who is calling?”
I dreaded this question. I was taking a huge risk by calling my father-in-law’s law firm, but I was hopeful Kyle could help me. I wasn’t ready to tell any of Brad’s family that I was planning on divorcing him quite yet. I didn’t want to lose the only family I’d ever had, however, after last night it had become evident divorce was my only option. I could only cross my fingers that Kyle would be willing to keep my secret for now.
As a family law attorney, I knew he had experience in handling divorce cases. I’d heard Jim and Trent chat about the law firm enough times to know that Kyle was more than capable of handling this.
“Um, my name is Simone.” I paused. If I told her my last name she might have been able to connect the dots. Simone wasn’t a very common name and sharing a last name with two of the attorneys might be a dead giveaway. “He’ll know who I am,” I explained.
“Okay,” the woman said, a little uncertain, “hold please.”
I held the phone to my ear for what felt like a long time but was probably only a minute.
“Simone?” I heard the deep baritone of Kyle’s voice come across the line.
Just hearing him say my name was enough to set off my tears. I was really doing this. I was going to divorce Brad.
“Simone, are you okay?” Kyle asked, his tone laced with concern. He must have been able to hear my sobs through the phone.
I cleared my throat, trying to control myself. I wasn’t the hysterical type, I just felt all over the place and scatterbrained. “Not really. I was hoping to talk to you about what it would take to get a…” I couldn’t force the word ‘divorce’ out of my mouth.
Kyle sensing my hesitancy, gently prodded, “Simone, what do you need help with?” He was speaking to me in a quiet, gentle voice that immediately made me feel calmer.
“I need a divorce,” I finally blurted out.
There was no response for so long that I thought I might have lost our connection.
“Okay…” I heard him exhale loudly. “Are you sure I’m the one you want to get advice from?” he asked, carefully.
“If you aren’t comfortable talking to me… I’ll understand. I just didn’t know where to start and honestly you were the first person that came to mind. Could you please do me a favor and not tell anyone that I called you?” I asked hastily, ready to hang up.
“Simone, wait,” he implored. “Simone?”
Slowly, I brought the phone back to my ear. “Yes?” I whispered, my nerves getting to me. I was hot all over and sweating. How could a phone call freak me out that bad?
“I’m more than happy to talk to you; I just wanted to warn you that there could be a perceived conflict of interest,” he explained, his voice smooth and businesslike. Somehow his to
ne calmed me and I eased my grip on my cell phone. “Do you want to come down to the office today so we can talk?”
That spooked me and I shook my head vigorously a few times but realized he couldn’t see me. “I’m not really comfortable coming into the office. Could we meet somewhere else? Please?” I asked, almost begging. I hated how I sounded, but Kyle really was my only hope.
“How about if we meet for lunch,” he suggested, “around one. Would that work for you?”
“Yes that will work,” I said, not hiding the relief in my voice.
“Let’s meet at the diner down on Aspen Street.”
“Sounds good. Thanks, Kyle… Bye.”
“Bye, Simone,” he said. Even if Kyle wasn’t comfortable being my lawyer, I was hoping he could point me in the right direction so I could do this on my own. How I would pay for lawyer fees, on top of finding a new place to live, had me nearly in tears but I held them back. Stella needed me to be stronger than ever before. I had no time to break down.
I took advantage of Stella napping and grabbed a quick shower. Looking at myself in the mirror, I gasped at the dark circles under my red, puffy eyes. I decided I definitely needed a little makeup help before I left the house. After some concealer, I added some mascara and lip-gloss to complete my simple look that slightly reduced my zombie-like appearance. I pulled my hair into a low ponytail and went to the bedroom to pick out my clothes. Being in that room caused a strong wave of nausea to roll over me. When I looked at the bed, all I could see was Brad’s betrayal. If I could burn the bed, I would have, but that probably wouldn’t look good if I wanted sole custody of Stella and child support from my soon-to-be ex-husband.
Once I was dressed I moved quietly into Stella’s room and packed a bag for her day at the beach with her grandparents. I didn’t have to take much over there since they had almost anything she could possibly need. Today was going to work out perfectly because I had a babysitter for Stella yet I wouldn’t have to explain to them where I was going since their trip had been planned for a few days.
Falling for the Unexpected (Life Unexpected Book 1) Page 8
