by Aubrey Skye
“I appreciate that, Austin. I like where things have gone so far. For now, why don’t you get your sexy ass dressed and take me to breakfast? I’m starving!”
He laughed and did as I asked. I sat there and enjoyed watching him put clothes on almost as much as I loved watching him take them off. He was ready in about five minutes, but not until he had doused himself with body spray. I liked how it smelled, but it still made me giggle that he took longer to get ready than I did. Weren’t cowboys supposed to be rugged and dirty?
We headed out to his truck and he helped me up and closed my door. Then he hopped in and put more of my favorite country music on his iPod. He placed his hand on my knee like we had known each other forever, and I didn’t ask him to move it. Even though I worried about getting too attached, too quickly, and about Andrea, I liked the way Austin was making me feel for now.
He drove for about 15 minutes and pulled into a diner I had passed a few times in my travels out this way. There were several cars parked outside and it smelled of bacon and coffee. After he got me out of the truck, he took my hand and led me inside. It was nice to have a man take care of things every once in a while, even if I liked my independence. Patrons could seat themselves here, so he took us to a booth in the back corner. I sat down with him across from me. The waitress took our orders, and we each had coffee and an omelet. He ate way more than I did, and we talked the whole time.
The dimples in his cheeks that appeared when he smiled made my insides mushy, and I got distracted more than once by the sight of them. He asked me a lot of questions about myself, and I was completely honest. That is, until he asked me if I wanted children, and I had to take a deep breath so I wouldn’t break down.
“Yes, I do want kids. At least two of them, maybe three. I want them sooner rather than later, too, but I don’t know if that will happen. I’m not getting any younger, you know, and being single doesn’t help. What about you?”
“Yes, I definitely want more kids. I didn’t tell you this until now, but I have a son named Jackson. He’s two, and he’s my little buddy. I try to see him as much as I can, but I have some issues to work out with his mama. She likes to use him against me. I was afraid to tell you because I didn’t want to scare you away.”
I was completely surprised to hear this, but then I remembered the pictures on his wall that I assumed were all of his nieces and nephews.
“Wow, I had no idea. That’s awesome that you have a son, but sad that you have drama with his mother. What happened?”
“I caught her in bed with one of her coworkers. In our bed. When Jackson was just a little guy. I couldn’t stand to be betrayed like that. She swore it would never happen again, but once the trust was broken, I couldn’t go back. I moved out three weeks later and she has been using Jackson to try to get me back ever since. She can’t stand to see me happy, and I’m pretty sure she talks bad about me to our son. But that little boy has my heart and I would do anything for him. It just about kills me when I have to leave him with her.”
“So I guess your heart has been broken just as badly as mine. How sad for you and Jackson. But at least you know why your relationship ended. I don’t think I will ever know. Mason just left.”
“Again, that man must have something wrong with him. It couldn’t have had anything to do with you. On another note, I’m so glad you’re not gonna run from me over this. I was really scared to tell you.”
“You can’t scare me away that easily. But I have to ask you something. What is her name?”
“Andrea. Why?”
“Because I saw the picture on your wall. And I saw her picture come up on your phone when I was getting dressed today. I wondered about it, but I figured it was none of my business.”
“Yeah, you probably thought I was in a relationship, huh? We were engaged when she got pregnant with Jackson, and we were so happy. I thought that was it for me. I guess I haven’t taken the picture down because I don’t want to forget what it felt like to be happy. And I haven’t had another woman in my house at all, so I didn’t think to hide it. I’m sorry if it upset you.”
“It didn’t upset me. It just reminded me to be extra cautious. But you don’t owe me explanations. We can walk away from each other today and be happy in the fact that we shared an amazing night that made us both forget for a while.”
His face fell when I said this, and he reached across the table to grab my hand.
“Jamie, that is not what I want at all. I don’t just take women out for sex. I don’t take women out at all. You are the first girl that has made me feel anything since Andrea. I didn’t want you for sex. That was a bonus. I feel like there is a lot more in store for us. Please don’t walk away.”
I looked into his eyes and could tell he was sincere. But my heart was still so fragile. How could I let anyone knowing that it could happen all over again?
“I don’t want to walk away, but I don’t know if I am ready for more, either. It would take a lot to prove to me that you aren’t going to up and leave with no warning.”
“That’s not the kind of man I am, Jamie, and I will prove it to you. You don’t have to promise anything now.”
He continued to hold my hand as we finished our breakfast in a silence that was full of words that needed to be said eventually. He paid the bill before I could protest and we headed to the truck. When we were both inside, he patted the spot next to him. I slid over so that he could put his arm around me, and I lay my head on his shoulder. He held me close enough to listen to his heart beating, and for the first time in a long time, I felt safe. I felt like this man could be the one to pull me back from the edge and show me how to love again.
We stayed that way and didn’t talk until he pulled into my driveway. I went to open my door and get out, but he held me there. He placed his hand on my face and looked directly into my eyes. His whole face was pleading.
“I will call you later today. Please don’t doubt me, darlin. I don’t make promises I can’t keep. I have no intention of hurting you. Will every second be easy and perfect? No. But it will be worth it. Just let yourself have a little bit of faith in me.”
He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. His kiss was full of meaning and longing, and I kissed him back with just as much want. We broke apart, but we both hesitated.
“I’m going to try my best. Bu you have to be patient with me. I’ll talk to you soon, Austin. Thanks again for last night.”
I gave him a quick kiss and got out. When I got onto the porch, I turned around and gave him a quick wave. He waved back, and he didn’t pull out of the driveway until I was safely inside.
I set my purse down but took my phone out. I realized that I had turned it off the night before, and my sister was probably sending out a search party. There were five texts from her when the phone finally came back on, ranging from teasing to worry. I quickly dialed her number.
“I was just about to file a missing person’s report! Why haven’t you answered me?”
“I was a little preoccupied. I turned my phone off so I wouldn’t have any distractions. I’m sorry.”
“Well, at least you got laid! I’m guessing that’s what you mean, anyway. How was it? Did you climb that hot piece of ass like a tree? Was he good? Did he go down on you? Where did you stay? Was he nice to you?”
“Jesus, Erin, calm down. We had sex. I stayed at his house. It was amazing. He took me out dancing last night and to breakfast this morning. He is a true gentleman, and I had a great time. I have no idea where it is going from here, if that is what you are about to ask.”
“Well, I have a million questions, but it sounds like you don’t want to answer them right now. I will grill you again later. I’m happy just knowing that he didn’t kill you and dump your body out in the middle of nowhere. Love you!”
She hung up before I could get another word in. She was insane sometimes but I loved her.
I checked my phone for more messages, but all I had was a missed call from a number I didn�
��t recognize. I figured it must have been a wrong number. I headed up to my room and lay down in my bed. My mind was full of everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. I closed my eyes and let myself think and drift off to sleep. I was woken up by the sound of my phone ringing. It was the same number that I had missed the call from earlier. I reached over in my half asleep state to answer it.
“Hello?” There was no answer. “Hello? Is anyone there?” There was still no answer.
After trying a couple more times, I hung up. Either someone was trying to prank me or it was a wrong number. I put the phone back on the nightstand and went back to sleep.
When I woke up again, it was 4:00 in the afternoon. I had slept half the day away. I figured the crying from the day before and all of the sex had taken its toll on me. Luckily it was Saturday and I didn’t have any plans. I looked at my phone again and found a text from Austin.
Hey darlin. I hope your day is going good. Is it wrong for me to say that I miss you? I came home and found that my bed smelled like you. My truck smells like you, too. Did I tell you before I left that you are so beautiful, and I’m so happy you’re in my life. I’m thinking about you…every second…
Wow, he was good. I was smiling like crazy, and I read it about five times. I got up and finally decided to change my clothes. I put on a pair of cut-off shorts and a tank top. I pulled my hair out of its knot and redid it in a long braid down my back. Since it was close to dinnertime, I headed downstairs to find something to eat. I was starving since I had skipped lunch, so I made up a plate of crackers and cheese. Then I grabbed some wine out of the fridge. As I was pouring it, there was a knock at the front door. I figured it was probably my sister, so I yelled out some profanities and told her I would be right there. But it wasn’t her at all.
When I opened the door, my heart stopped and I couldn’t breathe. This was a face that I hadn’t seen in over a year. A face I thought I may never see again. I had no words, and I didn’t know if I wanted to punch him or throw my arms around him. He looked the same as the last time I saw him, and the butterflies still swirled in my stomach. But I was frozen in place with my hand on the doorknob.
“Jamie. You are a sight for sore eyes. Even more beautiful that I remember.”
He was speaking, but he wasn’t moving. He looked just as unsure of what to do as I felt. The dark hair. The blue eyes. The tall, thin frame. I had dreamed of him so many times and planned what I would say if I ever got the chance, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. When I finally found my words, they weren’t what I had planned.
“Mason. What are you doing here?”
I felt my voice start to break, and I had wanted to put up a strong front. I didn’t want him to have the satisfaction of knowing what he did to me. I didn’t want him to see my heart breaking all over again from his mere presence on my porch.
“I missed you. I have so much to say. I was a coward for leaving and for staying away so long. Please let me in. I won’t ask you for anything. I just want to talk to you. To try to explain.”
For some reason, I stepped back and let him come in. Part of me knew I would regret it, but my body worked on its own. It worked from familiarity and memory. From so many sweet moments shared with this person who was almost a stranger at this point. I followed him into the living room, taking a big swig of my wine. We sat down across from each other.
“Why are you here now? After all this time? I waited and hoped and prayed and called. I never got a word in return. You just vanished completely. You knew what happened, and you left me to deal with it alone. I’m still scarred. I’m still sad. But I was finally ready to move on.”
“There hasn’t been a minute that I haven’t thought about you. I worried about you every day. I wanted to call or text, but I was scared. I changed my number because I knew if I heard from you, I would come running back. I couldn’t face what happened. I couldn’t get over it. I wanted it as much as you did. I figured once that part of us was lost, we would never be able to make it together. I couldn’t sit there for another second and watch you falling apart. I knew you had your sisters and that they would help you. But I couldn’t take the pain. I was an asshole. But I love you so much. I never stopped loving you, Jamie. You have my heart. No one else ever will.”
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t have left me when I needed you most. You wouldn’t have walked out of the hospital room and never come back. You would have sat there and held my hand and been there for me after the surgery. You would have cried with me instead of running. You would have gotten through it with me and we would have been stronger for it. Do you have any idea what I went through alone?”
“You weren’t alone. You had your family. I wouldn’t have left you there if I didn’t know that.”
“I never told anyone. I waited and waited for you to come take me home the next day, and when you didn’t show up, I called a cab. I couldn’t bear to tell my sisters what happened, so I pretended I had the flu and holed myself up for days. Then I closed up my heart and faced the world. I tried to get in touch with you, but my texts were returned. I asked around about you, but no one knew where you were. Or you swore them to secrecy. I’m still not sure. Either way, I am still struggling with it to this day, and you are still the only person who knows about the hell I went through. How could you leave me so broken?”
“I had no idea you didn’t tell anyone. Why did you do it alone? I ran. I was an asshole. A selfish asshole. I didn’t mean to stay away for so long. But I was mourning, and I didn’t want to face you or anyone else here. I didn’t want anyone to see me go through my grief like that. I cried every day. I still cry a lot. I had closed up my heart for so long. When I finally let you in, that was a huge step for me. When that happened, I figured it was all my fault for letting myself fall in love with you. I lost two people that day. And I lost myself too. Unfortunately, you were the one who suffered the most.”
“You have no idea, Mason! I had to go on fucking anti-depressants. I still cry more than normal people do. I heard our song the other day, and I had to pull over because I was sobbing. All I wanted was you. You were the only one who could understand my grief. I wanted to build a life with you. I wanted to marry you. We could have tried again. How could you love me and leave me? You completely broke me.”
I was sobbing again now. Angry tears of rage and hurt and love were falling down my face. What surprised me the most was looking over and seeing the same tears falling down his face. That was the last thing I expected to see.
Despite all the pain he had caused, I still wanted to go to him. I couldn’t stand to see him cry like this. He had meant everything to me and, up until yesterday, I had still been waiting for him to come back to me. Now here he was, sitting here in front of me, pouring his heart out. He was sharing his feelings like never before. But he still hadn’t told me where he had gone. Was he living alone? Did he see anyone else? Did he sleep with anyone else? I didn’t know if I could take the answers to those questions.
“I’m broken too, Jamie! I completely lost everything that day, too. I was ready to build a life with you. To start our family. But I’m not strong like you. I ran to my aunt and uncle’s farm in Pennsylvania, and I have been there this whole time. Hard work and quiet was the only way I knew how to get through this. They didn’t ask any questions, and they always have a room for me there. I worked my pain out. But when I couldn’t get the ache to dull, I knew it was because the only thing that could ever make it better was you. I need you, Jamie. I want you back. Please tell me it’s not too late.”
He was crying the whole time he spoke. In all the time I had known him, this was the only time I had seen him cry. He didn’t even cry in the hospital that day. My heart was crying out for him. But I was trying to process all of this information. Plus I had built my defenses up in preparation for his return. I couldn’t deny the fact that I was still head over heels in love with him. I was lost in my thoughts when I felt him get closer.
Mason was st
anding in front of me, and he reached down to grab my hand and pulled me up in front of him. Since I was barefoot, I only came up to his chest. That was something that I had always loved about him. Standing so close, I could smell him and feel the familiarity of the warmth of his body. He placed a finger under my chin and lifted my face so I was looking into his eyes. His face was still wet with fresh tears that matched my own. His eyes were the same blue that haunted my dreams night after night. He looked so vulnerable that I couldn’t take it anymore. Despite my pain, I got on my toes, took his face in my hands, and pressed my lips to his. The kiss immediately became heated, igniting a fire of passion, love, heartache, and desperation. His hands were wound up in my hair, and I was sucking on his bottom lip. Our bodies were pressed so tightly together that there was no air. I was so angry with him but hungry for him at the same time.
Words would have stopped this from happening, so we pulled apart in silence, and he led me upstairs to my bedroom where we had made love so many times before. We started kissing again and he reached for the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head. He reached behind me and undid my bra with one hand, letting my full breasts fall free. His hands were immediately on them, cupping them and pulling my nipples between his fingers. Then his mouth was on them, and I could feel the burning low in my belly from the movements of his tongue. My body responded to him immediately as if I had never felt the pain of his absence.
He kissed his way down to my belly button and was on his knees in front of me. He pulled down my pants and panties in one motion, and I was completely bare before him. I didn’t try to cover up because Mason already knew every curve of my body. He had touched and licked every single inch of me at some point in our relationship, and he had told me that he loved me exactly the way I was.
He continued to kiss his way down until he reached the spot just above where I needed him the most. Then he moved me backward so I was against the wall and put one of my legs on his shoulder. He didn’t keep me waiting after that. His tongue came out and licked a slow, soft circle around my clit. I cried out from the contact and rested my hands on his head to keep myself steady. One of his hands reached around behind me and kneaded my ass. Then he took one of the fingers from the other hand and pushed it up inside of me. I was already soaking wet from kissing him. It didn’t take much to get me ready for Mason.
