“You know, I always wondered what it was like to really live there, Crosby. That neighborhood and those schools…”
“What about it?”
“Was it bad?”
“To be fair, I really didn’t do much of the going to school thing.”
“Of course you didn’t,” she said with a smile.
“I was helping with my sister and trying to learn how to play guitar. Which is basically your fault.”
“My fault?” Josie asked.
“Yeah. I wanted to get good at guitar to impress the pretty girl next door. You were a mystery to me, Josie. Never seeing you outside the house. Never seeing you in school. I actually went to school extra just to look for you. And I thought…” I laughed and shook my head.
“What?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
Josie was already done with her smoke. She clutched my sweaty shirt with both hands, her eyes going extra wide. Something about her screamed wild to me. The kind of woman that could ease my troubled heart while making it race. Dangerous yet soothing to me. And me the same to her.
“Come on, Crosby,” she pleaded.
“Tell me something about yourself first,” I said. “If I’m going to embarrass myself a little, you need to do the same.”
She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Fine. My niece is smarter than me. She’s beautiful, fearless and fierce. And when she talks to me, she’s right. Everything she says is right… and secretly, I don’t give a shit what she has to say. I like the way I look… well, that’s a lie. But I like what I do. And I like to smoke. Even if I have to hide like I did when I was a teenager.”
I nodded slowly. “Wow. So, you’re taking orders from a kid?”
“More or less trying to keep the balance in the house. I try to make it known to her that life is a little more real than what she sees at home.”
“You’re the fun aunt.”
“I don’t know what kind of aunt I am.”
“Pretty works,” I said.
“That’s cheesy.”
“You’re holding my shirt pretty tight, Josie. All to hear about me wanting to kiss you.”
“What?” she asked, her cheeks flushing again.
I touched her hands and peeled them away from my shirt.
“I played guitar and drank warm beer that I stole from my mother to try and impress you, Josie. I was hoping someday I’d get the chance to see you outside that house. And I’d have my guitar slung over my back like this outlaw musician. And you’d be this dorky painter girl and we’d look at each other and you’d ask me to save you. Then I’d kiss you.”
Josie swallowed hard. “Then what?”
“I don’t know. I was a kid then. My mind didn’t go anywhere but there. Kissing was it back then.”
Josie giggled. “I think you were the dork, Crosby.”
“Probably,” I said. “And you’re the bad ass, Josie. Breaking the rules now. And then. Kicked out of your house. Now you’re defying your hippie sister-in-law and your niece.”
“But the question is… do you still want to kiss me?”
“To be fair, you said this was a date,” I said. “And all the other times we met up right here, those were dates too.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“No,” I said. I reached up and touched her cheek, but only for a quick second. “Not at all.”
“You should go on that trip, Crosby.”
“Why?”
“If it’s for important…”
“I won’t see you for a little while then. Can you live without me?”
“I’ll get by,” she said and rolled her eyes again.
I liked when she rolled her eyes. And I had no idea why I was throwing cheesy one-liners at her.
And I wasn’t exactly done yet.
I inched closer and said, “Maybe this will get you by, Josie…”
My lips touched hers. I didn’t kiss her at first though. I just wanted to feel those lips. When I did kiss her, she made a quick move, pushing at me, wanting more. I turned my head just enough to kiss her again, my lips gently parting hers, and that’s where I stopped the kiss, leaving her hanging.
But believe me, the real torture was happening inside me.
“Don’t forget my keychain,” she whispered, getting that last shot in at me.
“Never would,” I said.
I turned and started to run again, taking deep breaths as though I had run a marathon.
I looked back and she was already gone. Not lingering, staring at my ass. Not lingering, biting her bottom lip, wishing I’d run back and throw her into the back seat of her car.
Whatever her story was… it was something wild.
And so was mine.
I had no idea what the hell was happening with Josie.
But I was going to miss her while I was gone on this trip with Jonny.
“Cheers, asshole,” Jonny said to me.
He was drunk.
He slammed his glass so hard against mine, beer spilled everywhere. He laughed, and everyone around us laughed too.
I was perfectly fine in the back corner of the quiet and private bar, watching this new breakout band up on a small stage, playing the songs Jonny and I wrote.
Jackie sat at the table next to us, by himself, wearing a fancy suit. What was left of his hair was slicked back. His phone hadn’t stopped going off since we landed and met up with him. He was living a busy life of music and money. And he knew he needed me and Jonny to keep that life going. More than anything else, he wanted to convince me to sign a deal and write music for myself. Which I obviously had no intention of ever doing.
Buying me all the drinks I wanted and paying for my hotel didn’t even spark any interest in me. Taking me to a couple of well-known studios and letting me mess around… that was fun, but it didn’t do much for me either.
In other words, Jackie was a little pissed off at me at the moment.
The lead singer of this band was named Jett. His last name was Fortune or something like it. They still didn’t have a name for these guys yet either. Meaning it was just Jett and his brother playing acoustic shows along the strip to keep their names and voices in people’s minds.
Jett wore ripped clothes that probably cost a lot to buy that way. It made me laugh because when I was younger, I earned my ripped clothes through living with no money.
“This is great,” Jonny said to me. “These assholes are going to break big and we’re going to get paid a lot for it. We can be their permanent writers, man.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Just watch the gig.”
Jonny had indulged himself quite a bit. His routine was normal to go from the bottle to the toilet, sleep for a few hours, and then do it all again. Not that I could blame him. He wasn’t exactly the best-looking guy in the world, so being here in this environment as some kind of musical mastermind, he garnered a lot of attention.
“We have one more to play for you all,” Jett said.
For you all were the record execs and critics invited to listen to the music. Jackie’s goal was to create a buzz that would go viral and make people horny for these punks, as he put it. Jackie had also been recording parts of the gig, which I assumed he was going to post for everyone on social media to help create that buzz.
“This last one is the most important song,” Jett said. “We’re supposed to play it a certain way, but when we heard the recording of this as an acoustic only… that’s how I want you to hear it and remember it.”
Jett ran a hand through his blond hair and smiled.
“He’s good,” I said, leaning toward Jackie.
“He’s too good,” Jackie said. “Need to keep him clean long enough to make some money.”
“You’re vicious.”
“I’m greedy,” he said.
“This is going to get me into some heat, but I want the guy who wrote this song to come up here and sing it with me,” Jett said.
“Ah, fuck,” I growled under my breath.
/> “Don’t you fucking move,” Jackie ordered me.
I looked at Jett and he stared right back at me. The younger version of myself. If I had just chased that dream down and forgotten everyone else in my life. I didn’t chase the dream because I didn’t want to lose what little I had… yet in some fucked up twist, I lost it all anyway.
“What do you say, Crosby?” Jett asked.
Now I had everyone looking at me.
Jackie had a hand on my arm.
He didn’t want me up there, messing with the image of Jett and the band.
So just to keep my reputation intact, I stood up.
I grabbed my glass of beer and shook Jackie’s hold away. I glanced back at Jonny, who sat with his mouth open in shock.
Strange enough, all those miles away from her, Josie popped into my head. Part of me wished she was there to see how much better I was at guitar.
I swore to myself I would never sing again in front of people. And I would never get up on stage and pretend to be something I wasn’t.
Halfway toward the stage, I stopped.
I pointed to Jett and lifted my glass.
I gave a head nod and stood there.
Fucking frozen in place.
“It’s your song now,” I called out.
I gave a whistle and got some of the people there to clap.
That took the attention off me.
Jett strummed the first chord and I made a line for the door.
Outside, I stood in the cool air and felt my chest heaving with deep breaths.
I walked around to the side of the private bar, the black building blending so perfectly into the dark night. My mind wanted nothing more than to hear Josie’s voice. Have her say something silly to me. Or have me say something flirty that she would have a response to in a second. But I didn’t have her number. I couldn’t call her. I couldn’t text her. I was stuck outside that bar, alone, a beer in my hand.
“Fuck you,” I whispered.
I wound up and threw the glass against the side of the building.
That didn’t do much to help me.
So, I did the only thing that actually did help.
I went for a run.
I kicked at Jonny’s new cowboy boots and he jumped up in his seat.
He let out a groan and grabbed for his head.
We were next to a giant window at the airport that overlooked all the terminals.
“You ready?” I asked him.
He looked up at me with bloodshot eyes. “No.”
“I told you to be careful,” I said. “You were a rockstar, man.”
“And where were you?” he asked. “Huh? You’ve been a ghost since that night at the bar.”
“I saw what I came to see,” I said.
“They all love us, Cros. Jackie said we should move here. Set up shop right here.”
“You can do that, Jonny.”
Jonny wrestled with the metal arms of the chair as he forced himself to stand. He was still trying to get the hang of wearing the cowboy boots. Funny how he came to Nashville wearing white shoes and now he thought he was some rough and tough rockstar cowboy.
“I don’t get it,” he said. “What keeps you there?”
“My house.”
“No, that’s not it. Is it your sister?”
“I’m going to let that one slide,” I said. “You’re still half drunk. They’re boarding us in five minutes. We get to go on first, courtesy of Jackie.”
“Upgraded?”
“Because I didn’t get up on stage and sing with Jett,” I said. “He said that would have ruined the brand and the launch.”
“You were damn close though,” Jonny said. “That would have been worth anything.”
A voice blared over the loudspeaker, saying it was time to start boarding.
Jonny groaned and shut his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.
I slapped his shoulder and laughed. “You really left your heart and mind back there, didn’t you?”
“Worth every second,” he said, still not opening his eyes.
When he finally opened them, I was walking away.
“Where are you going? We have to board soon.”
“I forgot something,” I said.
I walked into a small corner store right there in the airport and my eyes stopped on the first thing they saw.
A stupid cliché keychain. A guitar keychain.
I shook my head as I bought the damn thing.
Truthfully, I couldn’t wait to give it to Josie.
11
DON’T SAY GOODBYE…
THEN
Josie
When they all started drinking, that’s when I left.
It seemed backwards to be getting drunk at the funeral of someone who died because he drove drunk. But they all wanted to honor their friend, their brother, their whatever.
As I walked to my car, a hand touched my wrist.
Please don’t be his mother. I don’t want to hear anything else about what could have been.
“Where are you going?”
I turned and saw Corey standing a few inches away.
“Corey,” I whispered.
“I had to come. Hope you don’t mind.”
“Why would I mind?”
“I don’t know. I don’t like this kind of thing.”
“Neither do I,” I said. “That’s why I’m leaving.”
“I’m really sorry, sis. I know the situation is fucked up. But I’m really sorry.”
I nodded, fresh tears making their appearance.
Corey pulled me close and hugged me.
It was a short-lived hug though.
If I stood there too long, crying, someone would see me and want me to come and join their after the funeral celebration or whatever the hell they called it.
There were truths that would never be known now. Unless I spoke them, of course. But speaking them out loud with the other person unable to speak for himself made it feel wrong.
“I’m going to follow you back to your place,” Corey said. “And you’re going to pack a bag and come home with me.”
“No,” I said. “I’m not going to do that, Corey. I’m not bringing this to your house.”
“Kait is expecting you.”
“I don’t care what she’s expecting. She can light all the fancy candles in the world to help my troubled soul, but it won’t work.”
Corey laughed. “You’re such a bitch when you’re depressed.”
“Fuck off, little brother,” I said.
“I’m coming to your place still,” he said.
“Fine.”
I got into my car and drove away, wishing I could ditch Corey, but it wouldn’t matter because he knew where I lived.
Where I lived with Denny.
Where we lived.
But now it was just me.
I was… alone.
Alone.
That didn’t scare me as much as everyone thought it did.
It wasn’t the alone factor that bothered me about Denny dying.
Hell, no.
What nobody knew but me, was that I had several bags packed and ready to go in the back of my closet. Because I had a fucking plan that was going to be perfectly executed. I was going to be the one to get away from it all and stand tall on my own.
Instead, he took the limelight and I was left to be some kind of grieving person.
When I got home, I wasted no time in lighting up a cigarette as I stood on the porch.
Corey walked up the steps slowly, looking at me with a cocky grin on his face.
“What?” I asked.
“You’re smoking in such a bitchy way,” he said. “Like you’re so defiant with it.”
“So what?”
“You’ve always been tough, Josie. Stronger than anyone else I know.”
“Even Kait?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Mind if I have a cigarette with you?”
“What?” I asked.
“I want t
o try one.”
“No, you don’t. Stop trying to be cool, Corey.”
He laughed. “See? We know our places in this family.”
“Yeah. You’re the hero. I’m the zero.”
“That’s cute you know how to rhyme.”
“You realize what just happened today?” I asked. “That Denny is now in a small box and nothing but ashes? And you’re here acting like this?”
Corey got closer to me and gently nudged me with his elbow. “You know how I handle these things. I’m a total loser with it.”
“So why are you here?”
“Because I’m your brother. I love you. You lost someone you loved.”
I looked at Corey and nodded. “Thanks.”
“You never had it easy with that guy though, Josie,” he said.
“What?”
“I think in some way everyone tolerated him because you appeared to be happy. I’m not going to push and pry at you, Josie, but if you were happy, then this situation sucks. And I’m sorry. And I’m here. If you weren’t happy, then I don’t know what this means. Is it good? Is it still bad? I have no clue. Either way, I know that someone you cared about is no longer here. And it was for a reason that I assume was a problem…”
“Wow,” I said. “My little brother all grown up and making adult thoughts.”
Corey laughed. “And look, I didn’t even try lighting any candles.”
I snorted and covered my mouth. “Stop.”
“No way,” he said. “You pick on Kait all the time. I get my turn.”
“You love her.”
“With all my heart.”
“You probably let her light all those hippie candles… especially in the bedroom…”
“You really want to go there?” Corey asked. “You want to hear about the things we do?”
“God, no,” I said and laughed again.
Corey turned and leaned against the railing.
He had a subtle way of wiggling his way into making me laugh. It was annoying, but I appreciated it.
“So, what are you going to do now?” he asked. “I know, wrong time to ask, but I’m your brother. I get to ask things nobody else can.”
“I don’t know, Corey,” I said. “It’s been a strange time leading up to this. And now it’s quiet. It’s so fucking quiet. I’m so fucking free of everything too. The good. The bad. The everything. And I feel numb.”
“It’s okay to feel that way,” he said. “Why don’t you come home with me, Josie? Just for a night or two?”
Getting Over You Page 8
