In some way, I was describing myself, even if I looked very different from the paintings.
“I have to get going, love,” I said. “Jonny’s at my place. We’re supposed to be writing a song.”
“You left him there?”
“I had to see you,” I said. “I just had to fucking see you.”
“Why?”
I reached for her hand but kept my distance. It was a little awkward, but that was okay with me. I kissed her hand.
“I already told you. I care about you. I care about you so fucking much. Whatever you’re thinking or going through, I can be there for you. You can trust me.”
“The same goes for you, Crosby. Whatever it is…”
“I don’t display mine like you do, Josie. You can tell me about him anytime you want.”
“Who?” she asked.
I nodded to the paintings.
Josie turned, looked, and gasped.
I slid away from her and left the guesthouse.
The sight of the yard with the swing set and the toys cut at my heart.
I caught the lump in my throat as I felt something touch my arm.
“Crosby, I have to tell you something.”
Josie was now standing in front of me.
She touched my face. “I care about you too. I don’t know what’s going on with us… but I care. And I like it. And I don’t want anything bad to happen to us.”
“If that was the truth, then we’d stay away from each other, love.”
Josie bit her bottom lip for a quick second before replying. “I know.”
And then she whispers, ‘I know’ … and I walk away feeling so low.
The streets look different, empty and quiet, all these thoughts,
like families,
running away to hide until tomorrow.
I tossed the notebook and the pen toward Jonny.
He started to cackle, one foot up on the table.
My eyes looked to the bottle of whiskey and it was bone dry.
That was just the first bottle between us.
“I’ve got nothing,” I said. “I keep writing fucking poetry, man. It’s too wordy for these assholes.”
“So, let’s make it simple,” Jonny said in a slurred voice. “Watch this.”
He took the pen and started scribbling.
Jonny had goddamn talent. His look. His vibe. Everything about him screamed the life he could have lived somewhere else. But here he was sitting in my house, writing lyrics really fast.
“There,” he said, and threw the notebook back at me.
I looked down at his shitty writing.
Then she whispers, ‘I know.’
I walk away.
We both feel so low.
Streets are empty.
Lights are dim.
Families lost.
Tomorrow, we’ll love each other again.
I put the notebook down on the table and reached for the microphone. “Let’s get it out of the way.”
“Yeah?” Jonny asked.
“I’m sure Jackie is pacing his office waiting for us,” I said.
Jonny got the song ready to go for me.
I put headphones on and shut my eyes, listening to the song Jonny wrote while I was gone earlier.
It was good.
It would fill whatever purpose it was needed for.
I sang the cheap words to the cheap song and when it was done, I told Jonny to send it off to Jackie.
That’s when I took the next bottle of whiskey outside and stood there, sipping, thinking, chasing demons in my mind until I was dizzy.
“Jackie loves it,” Jonny said in a slurred voice as he joined me outside.
“Good.”
“Something about you is different, man,” he said. “The vibe…”
“Don’t worry about me, man,” I said. “Go crash on the couch.”
“That song you refused to give up. That was a good call. That’s a really good song. For you to sing.”
I nodded.
Jonny stumbled away, and I stood there alone for a long time.
Stuck between going for a run and falling in love with Josie.
20
EVERYTHING IN THE WAY…
NOW
Josie
Meadow begged me to take her for a walk, and eventually there was just no use in arguing with her. Kait was stuck between making dinner and working on a new yoga sequence, meaning it wasn’t supposed to be strange to see a yoga mat in the middle of the kitchen while she cooked. Corey got stuck at work with some kind of dorky project that I knew nothing about and didn’t want to know anything about.
I had been painting most of the day, working on a few projects at once. A couple were for me and a couple were ideas I had to come up with and present for the mural at the park.
I made sure to put my old paintings away where they belonged. I couldn’t believe I left them out. I couldn’t believe Crosby showed up and saw them. On top of that, he called me out on the paintings and what they meant as though he could read my mind. And getting to figure out pieces of his life made me more attracted to him.
Something obviously happened between himself and his sister Cindi. She was reaching out to him and he was ignoring her. I wondered if that was why he ran so much. Something inside him made him do the things he did.
“Watch this, Aunt Josie,” Meadow said. “I’m going to jump the entire sidewalk.”
“Be careful,” I said.
Meadow stopped in her tracks. She was in a long skirt and looked super cute. Her flip-flops made it hard for her to get the speed right before she jumped. Not that anyone was judging. It was good to see a little of her innocence showing too. She wasn’t worried about me smoking. Or me dying. Or about climate change and politics. She was an eight-year-old girl trying to jump a sidewalk, probably pretending there was a giant cliff or lava or something.
She almost made it across the block of the sidewalk.
Of course, the tip of her flip-flop hit a bump and down she went.
Her knees hit hard, and she put her hands out to brace the fall.
Meadow collapsed and looked back at me, bursting into tears.
“Ah, damn,” I whispered to myself as I rushed toward her.
“My knee,” she said. “Oh, my knee.”
I dropped to my knees and touched her leg.
“Careful,” she said. “You have to support it in case there’s a fracture.”
“Meadow, you fell,” I said. “You didn’t…”
I shut my mouth.
With my luck, I’d argue and she’d end up being really hurt.
“Just start with taking a deep breath,” I said. “Then we can look at your leg.”
“You should carry me home,” she said. “Oh, my leg really hurts bad.”
“Okay,” I said, trying to stay calm and not get annoyed.
Meadow looked terrified. Gone was my eight-year-old niece trying to jump over a piece of lava on the sidewalk. And here was a panic-stricken Meadow thinking thoughts about blood flow, nerve damage, wondering if her leg would need a cast or need to be cut off.
“Meadow, look at me,” I said in a slow voice.
Her eyes glistened through her glasses. “Yeah?”
“There’s nothing to worry about. Sometimes you get hurt. Sometimes you bump your leg, arm, even your head, and it’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”
“You don’t know that. You’re not a doctor.”
“I’m not a doctor, Meadow…”
The next plan was to just go home and get Kait. She would know what to do in this situation. This was where being the cool aunt had its limits.
“Oh, what do I do?” Meadow asked.
“Do you mind if I take a look at it?” another voice asked.
Meadow looked up and I looked back.
There was Crosby, stopping by on his run.
I hadn’t fully processed everything since the last time I saw him. Feeling foolish about what I thought I
saw on his phone. Trying to understand why he was ignoring his sister when she was contacting him. Or the simple fact that he saw the paintings of Denny. These were all the toughest thoughts that just bounced off one another and I kept my distance a little until I could start to face things.
Now Crosby slowly crouched in front of Meadow.
His sleeveless shirt let his well-defined, cut arms show off with ease. The subtleness of his tattoos made me want to sigh because it reminded me of how close we were to being together. My fingertips could have been tracing lines over those tattoos. My fingertips could have been tracing lines…
“What happened?” Crosby asked in a soothing voice.
“She fell,” I said.
“I tripped,” Meadow said. “I was jumping over the sidewalk…”
“Ah, I get it,” he said. “I bet the edge of the sidewalk got you, huh?”
“Yeah,” Meadow said.
Crosby looked over at me and nodded.
“I think it might be broken,” Meadow said. “And if we move the leg…”
“Right,” Crosby said. He showed his hands. “Tell you what. How about you take a really deep breath and we have your Aunt Josie here lift up your dress just enough so we can see your leg? That way, if it’s bleeding, we can take care of that first. You don’t want to lose blood, right?”
“That’s true,” Meadow said, eyes going wide. “Blood loss…”
“So, let’s check it out,” he said.
He smiled. He kept smiling.
He was perfect with Meadow.
She locked on to him and trusted him.
“Meadow, this is my… this is Crosby,” I said.
“I promise nothing is going to happen,” Crosby said.
I pulled Meadow’s dress up to expose her knees.
“I like this dress,” Crosby said. “Wonder if they have one in my size.”
Meadow laughed and blushed. “Stop it.”
“What?” he asked. “You don’t think I can wear this dress?”
“No,” Meadow said. “Why would you wear a dress?”
As Crosby kept Meadow’s attention on him, I looked at her knees. Her right knee had a brush burn on it. And while those things stung really bad, nothing was broken, fractured, shattered, or oozing with blood.
I nudged my elbow into Crosby to get his attention.
He looked down. “Holy crap!” he yelled.
“What is it?” Meadow cried out. “Compound fracture?”
“No,” he said and smiled again. “Brush burn. You’re going to survive, kid. Just fine.”
Meadow looked down at her leg. She frowned. “It hurt so bad…”
“Of course it did,” I said. “You fell. But you got through it. You took deep breaths. You talked through the pain.”
“Come on,” Crosby said. “Let’s get you on your feet. Let’s make sure you still remember how to walk.”
“Why would I forget how to walk?” she asked. “I didn’t hit my head.”
“Good point,” Crosby said.
He stood up and offered his hand to her.
When she was back on her feet, she casually looked around and began to stretch her knee, nodding as she did so.
“Yeah, there’s damage there,” she said. “Not much. I should probably get some ice on it.”
“And bandage that up,” Crosby said. “The dress saved your fall too. That’s why I need one of those. Especially when I’m running. In case I fall.”
Meadow looked up at Crosby. He towered over her.
She scrunched her nose. “You’re a little weird. But I appreciate your help.”
Crosby offered his hand. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Meadow.”
“Okay,” Meadow said and shook his hand.
I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or get turned on.
Crosby was…
“You’d better get her home, love,” he whispered to me.
“Stay here?” I asked, knowing how desperate that sounded.
“At your car,” he said with a wink.
“Deal.”
I walked Meadow home.
The second she entered the house, she announced her arrival and told the story of her big fall. She had Kait’s personality for sure. The ability to tell big stories without stretching the truth, and a flare for the dramatic that made me want to suggest she start taking acting classes now so she’d be ready for movies in a year or two.
“… and then Aunt Josie’s tall and sweaty friend came to help me. I think he’s a doctor or something. He knew what to say and do.”
Kait looked at me. She slowly raised an eyebrow.
I shrugged my shoulders.
“So, your leg is okay?” Kait asked.
“I need ice and rest,” Meadow said. “Then we can evaluate later.”
“Okay then,” Kait said.
Kait then came right toward me. I already started to back up.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“To thank Crosby for helping. Meadow was really freaked out by tripping.”
“Crosby, huh?” Kait asked.
“I’m not doing this,” I said. “He was running by and saw what happened.”
“Right. That’s great. Maybe I should thank him too.”
“I’ll thank him for both of us.”
“Are you going to be gone for the night again?” she asked.
She had the appeal of an overbearing mother who was trying to be cool but just couldn’t pull it off.
I managed to get out of the house and jogged to my car where Crosby was waiting. Standing there so tall, shoulders round, wide, perfect arms and a perfect body. I honestly thought about finding Meadow’s dress in my size…
Because sidewalk cracks or not, seeing Crosby made me feel like I was going to really fall for him more than I already had.
“Feel like going for a run?” he asked me as he enjoyed his cigarette.
“Not today, no,” I said.
“You sure?”
“How did your song writing session go?”
“Good. We got something sent and it worked.”
“That’s good.”
“How’s the mural?” he asked.
“I have some ideas,” I said. “I’m going to present some of those ideas and see what they really want. I'm going to deliver my concepts and then take a break to clear my head.”
“Nothing wrong with that,” Crosby said.
The small chat felt awkward.
I dropped my cigarette to the street and stepped on it. “So, are we going to talk about what just happened?”
“What just happened?”
“With my niece. You were amazing.”
“Amazing?” he asked, laughing.
“Crosby, that was amazing. You were calming to her.”
“I bullshitted a kid, Josie.”
“No. You knew what to say and how to say it. That wasn’t your first time helping a kid out like that.”
“Really?” Crosby asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“So, is this your way of thanking me or what?”
“Yeah, I’m thanking you,” I said. “That was interesting. You just jumped right in there and knew what to do.”
“Do you have something you want to directly ask me?” he asked.
“I didn’t say that. Just… thank you for helping. Meadow sometimes acts three times her age but sometimes she can…”
“I get it,” he said. “Kids are kids.”
“Yeah, kids are kids,” I said. “Does your sister have kids?”
“What did you say?” Crosby asked.
“Does your sister have kids? I mean, just the way you were with Meadow…”
“I didn’t do anything, Josie,” he said. “I distracted her so you could check her leg. That was all. Any moron could have figured that out.”
“Don’t get upset.”
“I’m not upset,” he said. He flicked his cigarette to the ground, leaving it still smoking. “I’d bett
er finish up my run.”
I quickly grabbed for his arm. “Hey. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he said.
“I’m sorry I said anything, okay?”
“No, you’re not, Josie. You want to know everything. And why not? We’re getting closer, right? So, fine. Maybe I don’t talk to my sister anymore. Maybe she stopped talking to me for a while. And now she’s calling me and I’m not ready to talk. Just like you’re not ready to talk about those paintings I saw. Or why you really live in the guesthouse of your brother’s house. Do you really want to go down that road?”
“Maybe I do,” I said, swallowing hard. “The more I see you and get to know you, Crosby, the more I like you. I’ll go change into running clothes right now to run with you so we can talk.”
“No, love, that’s okay.”
“Hey, I have a crazy idea,” I said. I bit my bottom lip.
“What’s that?”
“I’m going to take a day or two off from life,” I said. “Like I already said. “Why don’t we do something together? Get away or something. An adventure that’s not breaking into someone’s house.”
Crosby just stared at me.
What the hell are you doing, Josie?
I was scrambling. It was foolish.
“What did you have in mind?” he asked.
“Why don’t we go up to the lake?” I asked. “It’s calm and peaceful. Hidden. Spend the day there. We can talk about anything, Crosby. I can tell you about the paintings. About everything el-”
“Not interested,” he said without letting me finish my sentence. “I have to go.”
Crosby turned and started to run.
I started to run too.
When I could grab his arm, I did. I sank my nails hard into his skin and pulled to get him to stop.
“Let go, Josie,” he growled.
“Why? What’s wrong right now?”
He stopped running and shook me away. “I don’t want to go anywhere with you, okay? Jesus Christ, Josie. I stop for one cigarette with you and now you want to travel or something? You want to ask questions about my fucking life? If I wanted you to know something, I’d goddamn tell you.”
I stepped back, my jaw almost hitting the ground. “Crosby…”
Getting Over You Page 15
