I crawled along the floor and watched in horror as flames licked the walls, almost peeling them away. The smoke billowed up to the ceiling and curled into itself, pressing down, only to try and lift again, making the deadly cloud thicker by the second.
In other words, I didn’t have much time at all.
Besides the flames and the smoke, there were doors. At least four doors. And I had no idea which one was where Meadow was.
I climbed to my feet and started to run. I slammed into the first door on my right. It was like leaning against a burner on a stove. When I touched the doorknob, my hand jumped back from the instant pain. I gritted my teeth and forced my way to open the door. Smoke poured out of the room.
It was the bathroom.
I turned and ran to the next door. I wasted no time this time in slamming my shoulder against the door, blasting it open. There was smoke in the room, no fire, but it wasn’t Meadow’s room.
Even by only going down the hall a few more feet, the heat became more intense. The flames seemed to be pulling themselves along the wall, coming after me. I looked back and I could no longer see the steps that would take me downstairs and out the front door for fresh air.
My mind pleaded to go back. There was no way Meadow was still inside the house. And even so, help was on the way. People who were trained for this kind of thing would be here. They could find Meadow and help her.
I pushed through my own thoughts, the heavy smoke, and the flames that were closer and hotter than ever. There was one more door on the left I could open. After that, the rest of the hallway was already engulfed in flames.
I bumped my left shoulder into the door. I was at the point of feeling weak and tired. I needed to get air soon or else I’d end up as a victim in this situation.
The door didn’t budge.
I grabbed the doorknob and screamed as I turned it, forcing myself into the room.
The first thing I saw was a collection of toys and dolls, neatly organized in the smoke-filled room.
“Meadow?” I yelled. “Meadow, it’s Crosby.”
“Crosby?” a little voice asked.
I ran in the direction of the voice. I swore at that moment I felt the house shift. As though it were wavering and swaying. Maybe it was just me feeling dizzy. Maybe it was the second floor ready to crash down into the first floor.
When I finally reached Meadow, she was in the corner, hugging her legs.
She looked at me and a hundred questions ran through my mind.
Why didn’t you try to run? Why didn’t you open the window and climb out? Why didn’t Kait fight through the flames to get her? Why… why… why…
And that was the thing.
Thinking about a situation when you were safe was easy to do. All the planning made it make sense. But faced with it, anything could happen. For all I knew, Kait could have run up and down the hallway, checking every door or room, and just didn’t see Meadow.
“Help,” Meadow whispered and reached for me.
The smoke worked its way down my throat some more and for as bad as it was for me, it had to be at least twice as bad for Meadow.
I reached down and pulled her from the bed.
“I’ll make sure nothing happens to you,” I said to her.
All I could think about was Nicholas.
I had Meadow in my arms and made a run for it. Through the smoke, the haze, the heat, and the pounding in my heart, lungs, and head, I was moving in a way that wasn’t normal for me. I started to understand what it must have felt like to be a parent and remembered reading those stories of a mother lifting a car off a kid or something of the like.
Everything was hot. Everything hurt. My arms were weak, but I kept them strong. Meadow clutched tightly to my shirt, her face buried in my chest as she cried. She was scared out of her mind and I couldn’t blame her for it one bit. But the thing was this…
She was going to survive this.
When I felt that first breath of real air, I kept going. I let out a growling cry, not sure if it was happiness, relief, or something deep-seated inside me. I charged down the porch steps and saw the flashing lights of the firetrucks and ambulances.
A firefighter met me, his arms out, ready to take Meadow from me.
I turned and gave him the shoulder as I kept moving.
“There’s nobody else in there,” I said. “Her father is at work…”
“Meadow!” a voice screamed.
I looked up and saw Kait running toward us. She was crying hysterically as she was chased down by Josie and two paramedics. Josie was trying to get her to calm down while the paramedics were trying to get to Meadow.
“You saved her,” Kait yelled. “Ohmygod, you saved her…”
As I passed Meadow off to the paramedics, who were already yelling orders at each other, Meadow looked at me. Her eyes were young and innocent, but she was going to live to see another day. Yeah, she’d need a new house and a new room and new toys, but she would be okay.
“I didn’t know what to do,” Kait said as she stood there.
Josie stood between me and Kait, looking unsure of who to console first.
“Kait!” a voice yelled. “Kait! Meadow!”
Corey appeared from the small gathering in the middle of the street.
When he saw the flames darting out of the broken windows of his house, he froze and put both hands to his head.
“Help!” he screamed.
Josie moved to him. She threw her arms around Corey’s neck.
Kait looked at me. “I checked everywhere for her. I don’t know what happened…”
I reached for Kait’s arm. “She’s okay. She’s going to be okay.”
Corey came rushing to Kait and threw his arms around her. They both burst into tears at the same time.
“He saved her,” Kait said. “Crosby ran right into the house and saved her. I was running out. I was so scared. I checked all the rooms and she… I thought maybe she ran out. Like we always talked about doing in an emergency. But she didn’t… I left her…”
Corey pulled Kait tight to his chest.
He stared at me.
“She was curled up in the corner of her room,” I said. “Almost impossible to see.”
“You saved my daughter,” Corey said. “You saved my family…”
I backed away a few steps. “She’s in the ambulance. She’s going to be okay. I’m so sorry about this.”
“It’s just a house,” Corey said. “I have my family.”
Josie touched my arm and I jerked away before thinking. I backed away some more and then started to run.
I heard voices yelling and I felt someone grab my arm.
“You need to get checked out.”
I stopped and turned, face to face with a paramedic.
“I’m good,” I said.
“You were in that house, breathing in that smoke,” the woman said. She was tall, and she looked fierce.
“Make sure the kid is okay,” I said. “And her mother is in shock. I’m fine.”
Josie came up to me and grabbed for my hand. “What are you doing?”
“I’ve got to get out of here,” I said.
“You still need to get looked at,” the paramedic said. “I won’t leave you alone.”
She backed up, eyes on me, then turned and went back to the ambulance.
There were so many flashing lights. The rumbling of the firetrucks. The sound of the powerful hoses throwing water onto the house and the flames. It was like being in a nightmare. Just a short while ago I was running with Josie. We were next to each other, talking and flirting, enjoying a quiet and calm night.
“Cros,” Josie said. “You need to go get looked at. Just in case…”
“I’m fine,” I snapped.
My eyes looked at the house and then to the back of the ambulance. It was bright, and Corey and Kait were there with Meadow. She’d have to go to the hospital to get checked.
“Please, Cros,” Josie said. “What you just d
id…”
“Was too little too late,” I said.
“What?”
I looked down at Josie. “Is that what I’ve been doing here all along?”
“Doing what?”
“Saving you. And your family.”
“What are you talking about?”
I stepped back. “You love someone else, Josie. You always did. You probably always will. You would have married someone else if he didn’t die. Right?”
“Cros…”
“And now this. I get to play the hero now, huh? Seeing the house on fire and my instinct is to just run into the house and save everyone inside. To save your niece.”
“Because you’re an amazing person, Cros. That’s why. You put yourself in danger for someone else. Someone you barely even know. You did that for Meadow and my brother. I don’t care what anyone-”
“It’s too late,” I said. “It wasn’t what I thought.”
“What you thought?” Josie asked.
“I could save her another hundred times and it won’t matter,” I said. “It won’t fix the one I didn’t save.”
That’s when I finally captured all of Josie’s attention. “What…”
“I have to go,” I said. “I showed you that you can be loved and that you can feel love again, Josie. And I showed you and your family that I can run into a burning house to save a kid that means nothing to me.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“You all got what you wanted from me,” I said. “And Nicholas is still dead. He’s gone. And he’ll be gone forever.”
“Of course he’s…,” Josie said. “You thought by going into the house…”
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m thinking,” I said. “Go be with your family, Josie.”
“You are my family,” she said. “You are everything…”
“I’m the one who didn’t die and loved you,” I said. “And I’m the one who can now save a kid when needed.”
Josie’s mouth fell open. “You really believe all of this?”
“I couldn’t save my nephew. The kid I loved. The kid I was going to take care of. But I was able to run into a burning house and save a kid…”
“Don’t compare this to that,” Josie said. “Don’t use my family and my niece’s precious life to work against your demons. And, yeah, maybe I loved someone else and maybe I would have married him, but that’s not how it happened. I met you. I fell in love with you. And everything about you. And I gave you everything of me.”
“There you go then, Josie. You gave everything, and you survived. Your brother’s house burned down, and your niece survived.”
I turned and walked away.
Josie came after me, clutching my arm, showing her love for me.
I pulled my arm away. “I have to go. Go be with your family. Go be happy.”
She let me slide away and I felt the last few pieces of my heart crush.
I started to jog, feeling the smoke stuck to my skin. That rough, burnt smell that would take a long time to wash off my skin and get out of my nose.
I ran home and had two choices. One would be to get a bottle of something and lose the rest of the night. Two would be to get my keys…
My finger hooked around the keys and my eyes filled up with tears.
If I was really going to walk through all the fire, then there was one more place to go.
It was too late to be there.
Most of the lights were off.
Cindi always kept the light above the kitchen sink on. That was something our mother did when we were growing up and Cindi loved it. She would stand at the kitchen sink, at that light, and just feel comfortable. I never understood it, but I figured it was just some memory of our mother and how messed up our life was growing up.
I knocked on the door over and over.
I didn’t want to ring the doorbell and have to face off with Noah.
With the way I looked though, I could probably chase away the devil himself.
My clothes smelled of sweat and smoke. My hair was filthy. My lips tasted like burned wood. My tongue, throat, nose, and chest burned so badly.
I felt like I couldn’t take a full breath.
When the door finally opened, and I saw Cindi standing there, I took a deep breath and held it.
“Cros?” she asked.
“Sis,” I said.
“What the… are you okay?”
“No, I’m not okay at all,” I said.
“What happened to you?”
“I saved someone,” I said. “There was a fire and I saved someone. And I held her as I ran out of the house. I tried to fix everything…”
“Wait a second. What?”
“I couldn’t save Nicholas,” I said. “I never will. I’ll never get the chance again, Cindi. I ruined your life. I ruined my own life.”
“Christ, Crosby,” she said. “Are you drunk?”
“Not even close,” I said.
“Come here,” she said.
I stepped into the house and my sister hugged me.
I let out a weird groan sound as I choked on tears.
“I fucking ruined everything, sis,” I said. “And all I wanted to do was take care of everyone.”
“I know,” Cindi said. “I know, Cros. I know. It was… wow, you really smell bad.”
Cindi broke away from me.
“I had to see you,” I said. “I had to face it all. I…”
“It’s okay,” she said. “Oh, Cros, it’s okay.”
“But it’s not,” I whispered. “I ruined everything. Then and now.”
My sister knew nothing of Josie. She knew nothing of my life now. She knew nothing of how I hid behind music to mask my pain and regret. She knew nothing of how my pain had been pushed aside for overwhelming happiness because of Josie. She knew nothing of how I just threw that away…
“I didn’t know where else to go,” I said. “This is me, Cindi. This is all of me. Broken. Because of everything I lost too.”
“Follow me,” she said.
I walked through the house that contained the ghosts of memories of Nicholas. His playful yells. His serious cries when he would fall and bump his arm or leg. The scream of happiness on Christmas morning when he’d come charging down the stairs to see if Santa had come.
I could hear it all.
And I could feel… smell… the house…
The look on Kait’s face, confused as she stood on the steps.
The heat of the walls.
The thickness of the smoke.
Meadow in the corner of her room, frozen with shock as to what to actually do.
“Here,” Cindi said as she appeared from the pantry closet with a half empty bottle of whiskey.
“This is going to piss off Noah,” I said.
“You being here is going to piss him off,” she said.
I twisted off the cap and took a long drink.
It burned so bad and so good at the same time.
Cindi leaned against the kitchen sink, the light above it shining down on her.
“You look like hell,” she said.
“I feel like hell, sis.”
“Good… now tell me everything that’s happened to you.”
37
MAYBE TOO LATE…
THEN
Josie
It was our favorite restaurant. Way too fancy and way too expensive. But we always found a way to save up some money and treat ourselves. Especially when things got a little rough in life. We’d dress up nicely and pretend to be on a first date. We’d flirt and casually touch hands. Denny would work his magic to try and get me to go home with him. Which I was going to do anyway since we lived together.
But it was fun.
It took away the edge.
I had been working on a few paintings for a gallery and after finishing all the artwork and taking it there, I was told to leave. Some other artist from Paris was coming to town and I was bumped. Basically, I was a no name and it didn’t ma
tter. Which meant all that time and effort had gone to waste. It also meant not making any money on my artwork either. On top of that, Denny had his hours cut to part-time thanks to some kind of shut down at the building the electrical company he worked for had been working on. So that meant things were rough and were going to get rougher.
So that’s why we needed tonight.
To meet up at the restaurant and just experience the first date thing.
The whole butterflies in the belly thing.
Holding hands and walking the street, getting to know each other.
It always worked for us.
It never failed.
I didn’t have enough money to get a new dress, but I found a little black dress hidden in the back of my closet. I did my hair differently to surprise him.
And I sat there at the table in the restaurant, waiting for Denny.
The first ten minutes wasn’t a big deal to me.
The next ten I got a little nervous.
And the next ten… I tried calling and texting him, but there was no response.
The restaurant was busy and if I wasn’t going to order food, I needed to leave.
I paid for my glass of wine and left the restaurant.
I was almost in a full panic as I hurried to my car.
On the drive home, I called Denny five more times.
When I saw his truck sitting outside the house, I sighed with relief.
I took my heels off and carried them as I ran to the house.
I was already calling his name when I opened the door.
The first thing I saw was a suit jacket thrown over the back of the couch. Then there was one shoe. A second shoe. A tie thrown on the floor.
As wild as it sounded, my mind thought Denny was having an affair. That I was going to keep seeing clothing until eventually I’d see Denny. On the table, with another woman…
But that wasn’t the case at all.
Denny was at the table, but he wasn’t with another woman.
He just sat there, alone, face down, two bottles of whiskey surrounding him.
Both bottles were empty.
I hadn’t realized we had whiskey in the house.
Getting Over You Page 27
