Chapter 10
Lucy looked forward to the visits from Jacob and Joe, and even though she felt like death itself, she always ensured that she looked her best. She had become friends with one of the nurses who helped her with her hair and light make-up. But today she felt less radiant. A week had passed since a partial mastectomy was performed, removing most of her left breast, and although she was able to go home, she knew that in a week's’ time she would have to start her radiotherapy. She feared that most, but if she wanted to see her son grow into a teenager she had to do what it takes to beat this.
At least she would be home, and she could take care of Jacob herself, she couldn’t expect Joe to stay longer than he already had; besides he had a life of his own to live. The idea of telling him about Jacob had also taken a back seat. The door to her room opened and Dr Moffat entered the room.
“How are you feeling today Lucy?” he asked as he stood next to her.
“Okay I guess,” she said solemnly.
“I know it’s very daunting but you’re lucky that breast cancer is often curable to a point where you won’t have to go through this again.”
“Often, doctor? That’s not exactly a guarantee,” she said bitterly.
He placed his hand on her shoulder and smiled, “If you do the treatments and you fight through this, you can beat it. I promise you. You have to find the will to survive.”
He was right, she had to fight, but how does one fight an invisible monster that threatens your very life, and tries to rob you of everything you ever lived for?
“I know, I just don’t feel all that well today,” she admitted and moved to sit up.
“You’ll have days like this, but once you’re home with your family, you’ll have a lot of support, and you’ll feel much better.”
She liked the doctor, but she also knew that doctors were trained to bullshit. They have a special class that trains them how to break news easily; although the news is everything but positive. Instead she smiled and nodded. Just then Jacob came bolting into the room.
“Mommy!” he cried out and leaped onto the bed to hug her.
Joe was quick enough to scoop him up before he threw himself against her chest.
“Easy there, your mommy has a little bit of a sore and if you hug her too tight she might get hurt.”
Lucy instantly snapped and reached for Jacob, “For heaven sake Joe, he can hug me if he wants to.”
Joe shrugged and then placed Jacob on the bed, “Fine.”
Lucy felt bad for a moment, she didn’t have to snap at him, he was just trying to help, but she didn’t feel like apologizing either. Jacob however, was much more careful this time as he gently hugged her, and she had to fight back the tears that threatened to spill.
“Are you excited that I’m coming home or has Uncle Joe been spoiling you?” she asked as she combed her fingers through her son’s messy hair.
“I’m happy, you can come teach Uncle Joe to make boiled eggs,” he said.
Joe chuckled and Lucy looked up at him, “He doesn’t know how to make boiled eggs? I find that rather hard to believe.”
“It’s all squishy and gross,” Jacob said pulling a face.
Joe shrugged, “I have no clue how long to boil them, if I boil them too long the shell cracks open and the egg leaks into the water, if I boil them too little it’s half raw. I’m afraid I’ll need a few lessons there.”
Lucy laughed and her eyes met Joe’s. For a moment there was a sizzle of anticipation between them and she saw that look in his eyes again, the same one that had her fall head over heels with him back at her brother’s wedding. She quickly averted her gaze and turned her attention to her son.
“I tell you what, the moment we’re home I’ll show you both how to cook an egg,” she offered and then slowly got off the bed.
Before this very moment, the thought of her left breast having been removed hardly troubled her, but now with Joe so close, she was mortified by the fact that her breast was practically mutilated. She kept her good side to him and pulled on her jumper and when Joe tried to give her a hand she quickly shrugged him away.
“I can do this myself… thank you,” she had no idea why she suddenly felt so agitated.
“Right champ, up you go!” he said ignoring her subtle outburst and lifted Jacob onto his shoulders, “best get to the cooking lesson.”
At the same time he picked up her bag and headed to the door and waited for her to exit. First thing she noticed were the nurses all huddling at the nurse’s station trying to appear as inconspicuous as ever but she knew right away that they were all fanning themselves over Joe, that irritated her even more. They were like a bunch of mosquitoes zeroing in on their victim. She didn’t dare look behind her, but she assumed he enjoyed the attention and was probably winking at every single one of them.
She tilted her chin and held her head high as she walked out of the ward and headed straight for the elevator. As the doors closed, she took a deep controlling breath, which was probably the biggest mistake ever. He smelled like sandalwood and soap, clean and fresh, the scent immediately assaulted her senses and she once again parted her lips to avoid breathing through her nose.
The quicker they got home, the quicker she could send him on his way and get on with her own life. He didn’t need to know about Jacob, she had kept it quiet for this long, why go and upset the whole apple cart now.
Chapter 11
Joe had made some herbal tea for Lucy and got her medication, while she put Jacob to bed. It was one thing being here with Jacob, but being here with Lucy was a real trip down memory lane. Although, what they had all those years back was a fly by night romance that would never have lasted, the scent that filled this small space was distinctly Lucy, a mix of lavender and well, lavender. He was never good with the different scents women liked and the only one he knew popped to mind.
Her door stood slightly ajar as he got to her room, “Lucy?” he warned before he stepped into her room. She was lying curled up under her blanket and her shoulders were shaking.
“Lucy, are you okay?” he asked again and placed her tea and pills next to her on the night stand.
“I-I’m fine,” she said and sniffed.
“No, you’re not fine, come, have some tea,” he said and reached out to touch her shoulder, but she shrugged him away.
“I just want to be alone,” she whimpered.
He could leave her be, and give her, her space. But something in his gut told him otherwise and without putting much thought into it, he toed his shoes off and lay down behind her, spooning her frail body, separated by a thick blanket against him. He wouldn’t even know where to begin, but if holding her was all he could do to ease her worry and her pain then so be it. At least she didn’t chase him away this time, he thought as he buried his nose in her hair. She just felt so perfect here in his arms. He never stayed over at any woman’s place, no woman ever stayed over at his, and he sure as hell didn’t cuddle after sex. But this wasn’t sex was it? It was something different, Lucy was also not his latest shag after a winning game, she was his friend, and he was doing exactly what friends would do, consoling her.
“You can talk to me, I want you to know that,” he whispered into her hair.
***
Where should she even start? She wondered as she lay in Joe’s arms. It felt so familiar, yet so strange. Why did life have to be so complicated? Telling him about Jacob could have one of two outcomes and neither of them promised anything good. He could either run because of shock or deny it, or he could accept it and the tabloids will go nuts over the gold digger from Erie who tried her luck at claiming his paternity for her illegitimate child. You have to tell him, Chris’ voice rung in her mind, reminding her that she can’t run forever, but this moment was too perfect to ruin.
“Jacob is pretty clever for a four-year-old,” he said.
She stiffened in his arms, was he fishing or was that genuine interest, “He is much more mature than some of his peer
s,” she said tentatively.
“Yeah, definitely your son there’s no doubt, thank god he got your brains, because if he got his dad’s brains it would have been an utter waste,” Joe continued.
Lucy turned unto her back and looked at him, “What do you mean by that?”
“I’m just saying, the dumbass that left without taking the responsibility of such a bright young boy, never deserved him in the first place.”
Lucy sucked in a breath and then scooted off to the other side of the bed and sat up.
“I don’t think he’s to blame,” she said and the way the muscle ticked in Joe’s jaw was obvious that he was annoyed, “Sometimes things just work out the way they do.”
Joe sat up and looked at her, “C’mon Luce, his name isn’t even on Jacob’s birth certificate; hell, if he was my kid I would have made sure my name appeared on that dotted line regardless of the state of my relationship with my child’s mother.”
Lucy threw her head back and laughed, “You? Seriously Joe, you hate the entire idea of kids, you made that quite clear that weekend...kids would never fit into your world.”
She had already said too much, fearful that he might have put one and one together, she got up and walked over to the window and peered into the brick wall opposite her bedroom window.
She felt Joe’s hands on her shoulders as he came to stand behind her, and her body sunk back against his, if only things weren’t as complicated as they were. She thought as she closed her eyes. Joe slowly pulled her back against him, and then he turned her around and hugged her against his chest and looked up into his eyes. He gently grazed her skin with the pad of his thumb and then ducked his head and looked deeply into her eyes.
“Everything will turn out fine, you’ll see.”
She nodded and looked down, averting the intensity of his gaze, but when he nudged her chin up with his knuckle, her lips parted and she inhaled sharply. He was so close; his eyes boring into her very soul and his lips paused inches from hers. The sudden spike in her pulse almost rendered her breathless, and as his mouth hovered just above her trembling lips she closed her eyes. She took a tentative breath but as she inhaled, his lips came down on hers. It was a gentle kiss at first, but as she relaxed in his embrace it became more urgent. A faint moan escaped her as the resistance she had fought so hard to keep at bay, crumbled down like a bank of eroded soil, washed away by the storm of passion that raged through her.
In one swift motion he bent his knees and tucked his hands under her bottom, lifting her effortlessly into his arms. Her legs snaked around him as if her mind had been hijacked. He gently laid her back down on the bed and once again brought his mouth to hers. His lips roamed, over her chin along the line of her jaw, devouring her. His stubble grazed the curve of her throat and her frantic heartbeat a million miles a second. She wanted to feel his skin against hers, feel his hands explore every inch of… No! She thought with a start, she’s half a woman, Joe would be horrified to see her naked. And as panic overpowered passion she shoved against him and slid out from under him.
“No! I mean we can’t,” she said trying to catch he breath and bring the erratic beat of her heart under control.
“Lucy, I…” he started dragging his fingers through his hair.
“He’s yours,” she blurted out without thinking. Anything to distract him and herself,
“What?” he asked as his brows creased together.
“Jacob, he’s yours, I should have told you,” she started but the look on his face was one of shock.
“Jacob is mine?” he asked disbelievingly.
All she could do was nod, words failed her and excuses had fled the recesses of her mind.
“I wanted…”
“You wanted to wait until he was eighteen to tell me, or wait until you were dead?” Joe ground out.
He was angry, and Lucy had no idea to handle anger other than retaliating.
“Well what did you expect me to do? You were the one who decided that baseball was more important than the people you left behind!”
“We were young, for god sakes Lucy, I hardly knew you before that weekend, and just because I thought to follow my career, now I’ve made bad choices? That’s pretty damn rich coming from someone who can’t even afford to pay her bills much less!”
She flinched and staggered backwards, “What do you know about my bills?”
He came closer and glared at her, “Everything, but you can thank your selfish ass that you won’t have to worry about a single cent anymore.”
Stumped, Lucy stood and stared at him, he had gone through her bills, what else did he come across? She watched him as he put his shoes back on, tugging violently at the shoelaces as he tied them. If she had to put their indiscretions on a scale, hers would far outweigh his. She had kept his son away from him for four years, and now that she was in a pinch, he was good enough. She had truly become a selfish wench with no regard as to how it would affect everyone else. As it stood at the moment, there would be no fixing this in a hurry.
She recoiled as the door slammed shut behind Joe, she contemplated running after him but her bravery failed her greatly, so she simply slumped down on the bed and sobbed.
Chapter 12
Two days later…
Joe was trying to be tolerant, and in this particular case, more tolerant than most. He was mad at her for never telling him about Jacob, but after he had calmed down he realized that she was right. Children and white picket fences had no place in his life. He was still pissed at her for not telling him the truth from the start, he didn’t want them to part on uncertain terms. As they walked out to his car, he felt as if he was leaving behind a part of him, which made no sense at all. He had a different life in California.
One thing that consoled him was that she had agreed to let him pay for a better daycare and to help out with Jacob’s expenses in general. He made her promise not to consider paying back a cent of the debt he had settled with her bills. But the pain and uncertainty that flooded his soul with muck, was the fact that he was leaving his son behind. They decided not to upset Jacob now, and leave things as they were.
“Thank you for helping and for understanding, I don’t know what I would have done if you…” Lucy said as she looked out into the distance.
“I would do it again in a heartbeat,” he said and swallowed at the lump that was lodged in his throat. He saw her waiver and avert her eyes, “You’ll get through this, I promise you.”
“I know, it’s just easier said than done,” she said fidgeting with her hands.
He reached for her hands and clasped them in his, “You’ve made it this far Lucy, you can fight this.”
“I guess,” she said and sighed. “I’m just sorry how things…”
“Leave it, it’s water under a bridge, and I told you, you were right, I don’t fit into this life.”
“You’re right,” she said and nodded.
And just like that the insecure and scared girl was gone, and in its place stood a determined woman. A woman he could quite easily spend the rest of his life with. But a reality check into his career and his life, kept his feet soundly grounded.
“Chris said he would come down once you start your therapy, but if he can’t, please give me a call,” he said again, he wanted to pull her into his arms so much it hurt, but a pair of little hands was tugging on his jeans.
“Soldier,” he said as he stepped away from Lucy, “remember what I told you. Use the glove as a shield to fight off those monsters, yeah?”
“I will Uncle Joe, they won’t bug me again!”
Joe chuckled and ruffled Jacob’s hair and then stood up again. When he met her gaze he saw tears pooling in her eyes, “If you need anything, if Jacob needs anything, you have my number,” he said, his fingers itching to pull her into his arms.
“No, I’ll be fine, I’m just a hormonal mess, that’s all,” she said and put on a brave smile.
“The offer stands,” he said and then turned to get into t
he rental car.
As he drove off, he looked back in his rearview mirror and a sudden sense of Deja vu shook him to the core. It was as if history was repeating itself and again he was leaving the only girl who ever made him feel complete behind, but this time he was also leaving a little boy, his own flesh and blood, whom he had grown to love. Until now he never considered a family life, or having children. He blinked his eyes rapidly a few times and then turned his attention back on the road.
***
A few days later…
“How’s Jacob doing?” Joe asked on the other end of the receiver.
“He’s doing fine. He’s been asking about you,” Lucy said as she twirled the chord around her index finger.
“Look I have to go,” Joe said, and she could hear the commotion in the background, “Tell Jacob I said hi okay?”
“Sure, will. Keep in touch.”
He didn’t say bye he just hung up and her heart broke all over again. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, her long locks nothing but a faded memory. She had lost all her hair, and she looked even worse than she did when she was first diagnosed. The chemotherapy was like the devil with his pitchfork, poking at her and punishing her for her many sins. And as long as she thought of this as her penance, she would do it gladly.
“Was that Joe?” Chris asked as he helped her up from the sofa.
“Yeah, sounded like he was at a game.”
“Bastard,” Chris mumbled under his breath as he walked her to her room, “I really thought he was better than this.”
“You can’t blame him, and may I add, I told you so,” she said and laughed softly.
Chapter 13
Joe stood to the left of the home plate, bat in hand and ready, his eyes pinned on McGregor.
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