She sinks back on the bed and I can’t help but think about how she’d looked last night, naked, riding me like a goddess out of my favorite fantasies. Damn it. No wonder I kept feeling like I knew her. That’s got to be why she felt like home. Why I’m so comfortable around her.
How didn’t I recognize her?
Because she grew up.
Her too huge eyes now fit her face. Her rounded face is more mature now, her cheekbones more defined. What was pretty then was beautiful now. She’s blossomed into a woman.
My cock is at attention again, but I know now is not the time.
“Can you give me some time?” she asks, and I nod.
“You’re going to have to face this sometime,” I tell her and she looks me dead in the eyes. There’s something in her expression that tells me she’s thinking of last night too.
Good. I want her to want me as much as I want her. I want to get through this. Together.
May
I need to get out of the house. The men are gone; I saw them ride out hours ago. Clint had studied my window, but I’d been back far enough so he couldn’t see me. With Grace at her grandparents’ house, I feel okay leaving.
And it dawns on me; I meant it when I said I’d never do anything to hurt her. I love her already.
I head to the barn. The lock is still on it, but the slack that allows the door to bang in the wind is enough for me to slip through. If I hold my breath, that is. Onside, the lights are up and I see a key hanging beside the door marked with black ink.
Spare.
Grabbing it, I use it to open the lock and the door swings open. When I turn, I see several horse heads peeking at me over stall doors and I walk around, petting faces and thinking about the animals.
Taking a saddle, I approach one of the stalls. The mare lifts her head and perks her ears. She’s got the calmest demeanor, and that’s all I need. Hanging the saddle over a sawhorse, I put the bridle hanging next to her stall on her. She accepts the bit without issue and I talk to her in a calming voice.
Taking her out of her stall, I snap her to the ring for saddling. When she’s all saddled up, the painful slamming of my heart becomes an easy beat. I can do this. I’ve got it. I’m capable. Taking her reins, I leave the barn and tie her to a post before slipping back in to lock the door again.
After a few moments of scrambling, I’m able to get in saddle. It feels like the ground is so very far away. This will clear my mind. I’ve always loved horses, and I regret not doing more with that love over the years.
Leading her back toward what looks like an established trail leading off into the desert, I suddenly feel free and happy. With a good horse under me obeying my every whim, I feel like I’m on top of the world.
Even the harsh sun feels good. It’s like I’ve been frozen to the bone for so long it’s good to just breathe and soak in the warmth. There’s a slight breeze that’s hot as can be, but it’s still heaven. There’s something so incredible about the landscape and the sensation of being out here.
Then, a wild band of mustangs spots us and they run in our direction before turning and racing into the wind like they know we’re not one of them.
But the mare I’m on takes after them like a shot. Suddenly, we’re racing over the ground and the world is flying by. There’s a flash of panic in me that I’m not in control for a moment, but it’s quickly replaced by sheer adrenaline. This is fun! We’re moving so fast it feels impossibly like flight.
Suddenly the ground is flying up at me and pain screams through every inch of me. Scrub bushes claw at me and the hot sandy dirt hardly cushions my fall. Helpless, I watch the mare I was riding race off.
Taking a moment to make sure nothing is broken, I feel along my legs, pat my ribs, feeling every point of pain to make sure it’s just an impact ache. Minor cuts and bruises, nothing feels broken.
I look over the horizon. The mare will come back, right?
With the hot desert sun beating down on me, I suddenly realize how stupid I’ve been. I told no one where I was going. I didn’t pack supplies. There’s no way anyone will find me.
And with the glaring sun overhead, I begin to plan. I need to get in the shade. I need to mark this spot so if anyone comes looking, they’ll find me. I spot a jutting rock and head toward it. It’s not far, and I’m quick to take off my over shirt. Scaling the rock, I hang the shirt on the highest point I can so it can be seen on all sides.
Sliding down on my bottom, I slip into the shade and instantly feel cooler.
But there’s a sinking sensation that has nothing to do with my motion. I’m out here, alone. Far enough from home there’s no way I can hike it. This might be it for me. Dillon couldn’t break me, no, I can do that shit all by myself.
I’m so stupid!
As I sink onto my bottom in the dirt, I feel hot tears sting my eyes. I should have left a note. I should have done something so people would know where I went. Plan! I need to plan. After dark, I could try hiking out. I could walk home.
It’ll take a long time, but it’s cooler at night.
Exhaustion fills me and I want nothing more than to just lie down and rest. With my back to the rock, I sit in the shade, my stomach sick and my heart heavy. I’m stronger than this. I’m not going to die out here in the desert. I’ve made it through so much, I can’t just give up now.
Clint’s face comes to mind and my soul aches. He’s going to blame himself. He’s going to think this is all his fault. I know he blames himself for Amanda. But Grace came out of that. A blessing out of misery. He hadn’t put the alcohol in her hand. He hadn’t told her to drive that night. She’d made her choices.
Just like I’d decided to ride out here, alone, without supplies or a backup plan.
I’m going to be the second woman in his life to pass away. And while I’m not on the same level as she was in his life, I feel like he’s going to start turning that grief inward.
Because I’m going to die out here.
Clint
“May?” The whole house seems empty, and I wonder where she might have gone. Her car is still out front. But again, that feeling that something is wrong settles in my gut.
“Boss?” Carson asks, and I shake my head.
“Something isn’t right,” I tell him and he dips his head. We both look at the front door as Shane walks in. There’s an odd look on his face. A look I know. I walk up and grab the front of his shirt before slamming him back against the door.
“What did you do to her?” I demand, seeing red. He’d fucking told Amanda to leave that night. He told her to go, to take her space. She died alone, injured and scared on the road that night. My fist balls up and I draw back, but he lifts his hands.
“Nothing! Lady is missing!” He brings his hands up to cover his face, but I let him go. Straightening my shirt, I turn to Carson.
“Get a search party together.”
“On it, boss.” Carsen says, hurrying out the door.
“Thunder is saddled, sir.” Shane’s looking at me with a mixture of anger, hate, and apologies. I nod and head toward the barn, my balled fists shaking with rage. At least, I tell myself it’s rage. I grab Thunder’s saddle and pull myself up.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Shane mount up. We say nothing, but I nod to him. His help will be appreciated. We head out, taking the only real path out of this place. It’s the most logical direction someone who doesn’t know this area would ride.
As we ride, I see Lady trotting back toward us, her saddle bare. And my blood runs cold.
Shane tosses me a glance and we both kick our horses.
***
The world flies by and I struggle to keep thoughts of losing May from my mind. I can’t lose her. I’ve lost so much. Sure, the past haunts me, but I feel I’ve found balance. The sorrow comes back in waves, but it’s less than it was. I’ll always miss Amanda. She was sweet, imperfect, and kind. She gave me the greatest gift I could have ever asked for, Grace.
The sun bears do
wn on us with the smite of a god as we ride. We’re just looking, searching, hoping we find her. She’s out here, somewhere, possibly hurt. Or worse.
A toss from a horse can kill, or injure. What if she snapped her leg? Severed an artery? Snapped her neck? The list of what-ifs racing through my mind is impossibly long and every bit of me aches as I try to put the horror of the whole situation out of my mind.
I didn’t tell her I wanted to work it out. I didn’t tell her how much she means to me. I didn’t ever tell her I wanted to make it real. What felt weird before seems less so now that I know I’ve known her for so very long. I’d been upset at myself for falling so impossibly fast. On some level I must have known who she was all along. That’s why she felt like home, why I felt like I’d known her forever. Because I had.
I don’t care what life has done to her since I saw her last. I know who she is, how pure and sweet, how loving and kind she is. She’d be a wonderful mother to Grace. She’d be an amazing wife. She’s an incredible woman.
And whatever is in her past is hers to fight. I’ll be there to support her, for her to lean on, but she doesn’t have to share with me. I’m happy being the man she leans on, comes to, and trusts. And with time, I’ll learn to trust her too. I don’t believe she lied to harm me, to hurt my feelings or to make me look like a fool.
Shane cuts away from me and I look over, wondering if he found something. Still, something tells me to stay the course. It’s the same feeling that made me cut the day short, to come home, to check on May. I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s god, maybe it’s a miracle, maybe it’s some invisible bond between our souls that keeps us coming back to one another.
She’s counting on me. She needs me. I can’t let her down.
The steady pulse of a chopper begins to register in my brain and I thank my lucky stars Carson got a group together so quickly. I’ll give huge donations to every organization involved in such a quick search and rescue.
It’s a hot day. I feel sweat dripping down my back and my eyes sting as salty dampness seeps into them. How long has she been out here? We were gone for hours. If she’s been lying in the sun somewhere, she’s going to be in trouble. Hell, she’s going to be in trouble anyway. The desert is unforgiving. She’s at risk for heatstroke, for…
I put the worry out of my mind. I need a clear head to keep an eye out for clues. And something catches my eyes. Buzzard Rock, straight ahead, looks like it’s got something on it. Something like cloth.
Letting out a whooping holler, I ride toward it at full speed, charging like I’m headed into battle. And I see her, motionless on the shade of the rock. Jumping out of the saddle, I drop to my knees and check for her pulse. Her heart is still beating strong, but she’s hot.
And those beautiful blue eyes flutter open and lock on me.
“Clint?” She whispers, before her arms come around my shoulders like I’m the only person in the world. “I knew you’d come…” she whispers as her whole body goes limp in my arms.
Shane is up on me in an instant. “Is she…?” he asks, and I shake my head.
“Passed out.” I nod to him and there’s just a flash between us. A comradery that whispers to the past, the friend I’d had for so long before he’d let me down and ruined my life.
From his belt, he pulls a flare and pops it off into the air.
May
“I’m fine,” I say, seeing the three guys hanging around the bed as the doctor echoes my words.
“You’re a lucky young lady,” The old doctor says, his bushy white eyebrows knitting together.
I know I am. And as Clint’s worried eyes meet mine, I’m doubly aware of just how lucky I am. The doctor packs up and leaves, and the other two guys, Carson and Shane, follow him out to his truck.
Leaving me alone with an intense looking Clint.
“I’m sorry,” I say, needing to put it out there.
But he’s at my side in an instant. “No, I’m sorry,” He says, looking me deep in the eyes as he takes my hand and presses my knuckles to his lips. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I want to work through this. I want you in my life, if you’ll have me. I love you, Sara May,” he says, his intense brown eyes on mine, “I always have.”
My heart beats like a drum in my chest as his words sink in. He’s always loved me. “I always loved you too,” I say, feeling shy. “Is the mare okay?” I ask, feeling terrible.
“Lady? She’s fine.” He seems perplexed that I’m asking.
“I feel terrible. I shouldn’t have put her at risk, or put myself at risk, or anything like that. I am so stupid.” The words flood out and I notice Clint is watching me carefully. “What?” I ask, and he shakes his head.
“You’re beautiful.”
I feel my eyebrows come together. Now doesn’t seem like the time for that. Shouldn’t he be mad at me for causing so much trouble, for risking his horse, for making a whole damn search party come out for me?
“I must have cost you a fortune,” I whisper, feeling humiliated. How will I ever pay him back for this? For any of it?
“You don’t owe me anything,” he says, his fingers warm in mine and his breath reassuring on my hand.
And the words have a ring of truth to them. His eyes are warm as he continues. “I was so scared I’d lost you. I’m just glad you’re home safe.”
Home safe.
Does he even know what he just said? Tears trickles down my cheeks as I draw in a ragged breath. Home. I haven’t had one of those in so long.
“Does it hurt?” he asks, and I glance at my sunburn.
“No, the stuff doc put on it helped a ton.” But I’m not totally ready to tell him why I’m such a damn mess. Then I look into his serious brown eyes once more. “I love you. I love Grace. And this feels like home. More like home than even home does.” The words flood out and with them comes an intense relief that leaves me shaken.
“I don’t know what I would have done without you. My ex was,” I suck in a shuddering breath and fight to get the words out around the tears. My voice lowers to a whisper. “He was a monster.”
And the apology follows. “I’m so sorry. He might have followed me. I was so scared, but as time went on, I realized he was too much of wimp to actually do something like chase me. He wanted me while it was convenient. When I became trouble, he just gave up. I’m sure he’s with some girl right now, treating her like he treated me.”
“Do I know him?” Clint sounds so quietly furious I feel a flutter of fear in my belly. Not fear for me, fear for Dillon.
“Dillon?” I ask, shaking my head. There’s no way he knows him. That relationship came after I ran so far from home. “But I don’t’ care about him. That’s over, it’s behind me. I feel like you’re my future,” I say, feeling the honesty of the words. It feels good to finally totally come clean to him. This was a long time coming.
And since telling him who I am wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d been scared it would be, I’m certain this will be fine too. Clint is a good man. And I haven’t had too many of those in my life. But I’m ready to have one. For good, if he is willing.
“You know how to shoot,” Clint says seriously. “If you ever see that son of a bitch, you pull the trigger, understand?” He asks, and I nod. But he’s not done.
“It’s not just you that you have to protect here,” He says, his eyes slashing back and forth over mine. “Grace needs you. She looks up to you, she trusts you.”
“I’d never let anyone hurt her,” I murmur, watching his face. I’m doing my best to convey that I’m telling the truth. She means so much to me. “I’d die first,” I whisper, and his pupils dilate with shock. “I love her too,” I whisper. She’s such a strong girl, so beautiful and kind, compassionate and sweet despite the pain life has dealt her.
But one thing is still nagging at me. “How did you find me?” I ask, curious.
Clint’s features lighten a bit and there’s a bit of boyishness I saw in him that day he’d fallen asleep. “Because
someone or something wants us to find each other. I think we were meant for more than we ever thought.” He seems thoughtful a moment, and I nod.
“I felt the same way. How did I choose this specific ranch to begin with? How as I on this road? I mean, the help wanted sign helped, but it’s so many coincidences in a row.” I trail off, wondering how everything managed to work out so perfectly.
Over Clint’s shoulder, I see a familiar face and I rise up to sit, despite the protest of the massive sunburn I’d sustained.
“Katie?” I ask, seeing her eyes are guarded. Behind her, I see Babs. My heart sinks like a stone. Katie knows. She’ll hate me forever now.
Clint
I glance back as Katie moves past me to gently hug May.
“Oh my gosh!” She says, my ever exuberant sister. “This is perfect!” She says, “My best friend and my brother getting married!” She squeals in joy and I see May’s shock. I glance back at my mother, who’s beaming at us.
“Where’s Grace?” I mouth and she motions over her shoulder. I gather that she’s with dad, and I nod.
“We’re only here for a minute,” Katie says, glancing at mom, who steps in to give me a hug, then to hug May. “But,” Katie says, her eyes sparkling as she looks at May, “You’ll have to tell me everything.”
Katie pulls me into a hug, growling in my ear that she’ll castrate me if I hurt May. “I love you too,” I say playfully and she gives me the look, the sister look that’s part amusement, part serious, but it’s all love.
They leave quickly with mom promising she’ll call, but telling me she’s keeping Grace another night. “So you two have a chance to…” Her gaze skips to May. “Recuperate.” Her eyes come back to mine and I want to shake my head at her. But her joy is unmistakable as she takes Katie’s hand and heads to the door.
I turn to May who seems stunned.
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