She nodded, happily. Finn glanced back from the wheel, smiling at her. Then he looked at me. Lilah’s joy seemed to infect both of us, and we smiled at each other. It held a little too long for my liking, so I looked away quickly, staring out the window at the waves gently crashing on the shoreline.
We were almost there. Finn’s beachside mansion in Portsea, where all the wealthy Melbournians holidayed. It was less than an hour’s drive from the house in Toorak, and I had been enjoying it up until now. It had given me time to think.
I still didn’t know what was happening between Finn and I, but I felt honour bound to continue in the arrangement. We had signed a contract, after all. He had called the Morgan’s in the States and told them the happy news. They seemed to accept it, extending congratulations and backing off on any custody battle. For now.
The engagement notice had been put in the papers. It was real. Well, as real as a fake engagement could be. I tried to wrestle with my conflicting feelings. In my mind, I knew it was a business arrangement – nothing more. But there were other feelings that had surfaced since he kissed me that night in the restaurant. And then later that night as well.
Desire, pure and simple. I frowned. Could it ever be simple? And what were his feelings about it?
Nothing at all, judging by the way he had acted since then. It had all been business as usual. He hadn’t kissed me again. And then he had suddenly announced that we were heading to the Portsea house for the weekend. We were going to see his parents, as well as entertain his best friend Bryce Harrison, another billionaire, and his new girlfriend.
The thought of it made me so nervous I started tapping my fingers on the car dash. Finn glanced at me, but didn’t comment.
I had called my best friend Cara in the States last night, steeling myself. She had squealed with delight when I told her. “Are you shitting me? You’re suddenly engaged to your boss?” I heard her voice raise an octave on the line. “Oh my God, Amber! That is amazing! Tell me all the details.”
I took a deep breath. “Well, we have been seeing each other about a month, and he popped the question just this week. We’re engaged.”
“Wow, so sudden! You haven’t mentioned anything about it in your emails.”
“I know,” I replied. “I wasn’t sure where it was heading, whether he was serious or not. But turns out he is.”
“So… have you done it?” I could hear her catching her breath, waiting for a reply.
Jesus! This was getting complicated. “Not yet. We’ve decided to wait.”
“Wait for what?” Cara sounded impatient. “If you guys are in love and getting married, what’s to wait for? And you know as well as I do that you need to, Amber. You have held on to that virginity of yours for so long, waiting for the right guy. Well, seems like he has arrived.”
“It’s more complicated than that,” I hedged. “Yeah, I know I’ve been waiting, but I still want to. It has to be really special.”
I heard a sigh. “Well, it’s your life, kiddo. I guess you’ve waited so long, a little longer won’t hurt.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Cara seemed to have bought it. I pictured her on the other end of the phone, racing around her little flat in San Francisco as we talked. Cara never sat still. She was like a ball of energy, flitting from her part time job as a waitress to her studies in medicine at the University of California, Berkeley. We had been friends forever, since the first day of junior high when she had sat next to me in math.
Crazy Cara. We had not seen each other much these past few years, with me taking this position in Australia, and before that studying on the east coast. But when we spoke, it was like no time had passed at all. I missed her. And I hated lying to her. Another downside of this arrangement.
“Here we are.”
I jumped. How could I not have noticed we had arrived at the house?
I looked up at it. It was a feat of architectural brilliance, all angles and ceiling to floor windows, with a huge wraparound balcony to take advantage of that sea view. I had been here before, of course, but not since Erin had died. And certainly, not in the position I was now – as the new fiancée.
Butterflies sprang to life in my stomach as I thought of greeting Finn’s parents, and his best friend. Pretending to be the so- in- love new fiancée. It had been one thing pretending on the phone to Cara. It would be quite another to have to look people in the eye and carry on a performance for a long time.
I took a deep breath, then stepped out of the car.
Show time.
***
“More wine, dear?”
I plastered a fake smile on my face, turning to Finn’s mother. “Oh yes, thank you. It’s quite lovely.” Anna Ormond smiled back, her eyes flitting over me. Quietly assessing.
She had met me before, of course, but that had been in my nanny capacity. She had been pleasant, but distant. I was only the hired help, after all. She was used to nannies coming and going, he had had a few for Finn, apparently.
But now, I was the fiancée. Not only that, but I was the nanny turned fiancée – a strange hybrid. Plus, I was stepping into the shoes of Erin, who had played the role of billionaire’s consort to perfection.
No wonder I was sweating. I could feel rivulets trickling down my neck. I just hoped I didn’t reek of perspiration. Anna filled the glass, carefully measuring it. “This is one of the best wines in Australia. Frank and I have cases of it. We discovered it a year ago, and loved it so much we bought the vineyard!” She laughed.
I laughed, too. But inside I thought what a strange world these people live in. So rich they can have anything – and buy anything – on a whim. It was so far removed from my experience of growing up. I tried not to feel inadequate, but it was hard.
We were on the balcony of the beach house, enjoying pre-dinner drinks. Finn’s parents had arrived about half an hour ago. I had been overcome with anxiety, so much so I had unconsciously started pacing the floor before they arrived. Finn had looked at me.
“Calm down,” he had said. “It’s okay. My parents are wonderful people. They aren’t going to eat you alive.”
I had laughed weakly at that. Hell hath no fury like a mother-in-law if she doesn’t like you, I thought darkly. I could see Finn out of the corner of my eye now, watching me as I chatted with his mother. Was I saying the right things? Was my performance working?
He was standing with his father, Frank Ormond, by the barbeque. They had wine glasses in hand as they flipped the meat on the grill. It was one thing I had noticed since I had been in Australia – they loved their bbq. Any chance, any excuse.
The smell of marinated chicken wings and steak started wafting toward me, making my stomach growl.
“Honey, we’re almost ready,” Finn called out to me. “Can you get the salads on the table?”
“Sure,” I said, inwardly shocked by the endearment. Get used to it, I told myself.
Anna smiled. “I’ll help you, dear.”
We walked back into the house towards the kitchen. I started getting the salads out of the fridge, putting them on the bench. Anna took them to the table. Eventually everything was set. Finn and his father came in with two platters of barbecued meat and set them in the middle of the table. I called Lilah over from the television, and we all sat down for the meal.
“So.” Frank Ormond, Finn’s father, was serving up the meat onto our plates. “Amber. Where are you from in the States?”
“San Francisco,” I replied, swallowing heavily. All eyes were on me. “But I haven’t lived there for a few years. I was studying at Harvard Law.”
Frank nodded, approvingly. “And your parents? What do they do?”
Here we go, I thought. “My dad’s in construction, and my mom works in administration.” I thought I had made their jobs sound pretty good.
“Your father owns a construction company?” Frank took a sip of his wine, looking at me.
“Well, no,” I said. “He works for a company.” I sipped my wine, too
, sorely tempted to drain the whole glass. Steady, I told myself. You don’t want to make a fool of yourself in front of these people.
“Lovely,” said Anna, in a patronising voice.
I wanted the ground to open and swallow me. I wasn’t ashamed of my parents, far from it. They had worked hard their whole lives to provide for me and my brother. But it was hard when confronted with people from such privileged backgrounds. They existed in their own bubble, not really understanding how life worked for most people.
“Yes, isn’t it?” I said. “My family is pretty modest, but we have the most important thing in the world – love.” I raised my head slightly. I had to stop feeling intimidated by these people.
“That’s what makes a family,” said Finn, looking at me, intensely. I stared down at my plate. Would he think I was being too assertive with his parents?
“Have you two set a wedding date?” Anna asked, as she dished up some potato salad.
Oh, no. I looked at Finn for guidance, a bit desperately.
“Not yet,” said Finn smoothly. “We think we want a long engagement. No need to rush these things.”
“Of course not,” said Anna. “Especially after what has happened.” She looked at Finn, pointedly. There it was. The ghost of Erin, laid on the table.
“It has only been six months,” continued Anna. “Out of respect for Erin, maybe it would be good to slow things down. Really get to know each other.” She looked at me.
“What will you do about your studies?”
I took a deep breath. “Oh, I haven’t really thought it through,” I answered, vaguely. What could I say? Another thing I hadn’t prepared an answer for.
“There’s very good law schools in Australia,” Frank said. “If you want to continue, that is. It might be hard, as the wife of Finn. He has such a demanding role, and his wife must support that. Erin found it hard running her little business on the side.”
Little business? I bristled a bit at that. I knew positively that Erin had loved working, and was very proud of her boutique. But Frank was dismissing it as if it was a hobby she had dabbled in, like needlepoint or flower arranging.
The message was loud and clear: I would be expected to play second fiddle to my very important husband. There were rules in these social circles, after all.
I tried to stop feeling so affronted. It wouldn’t ever be an issue, anyway. It was a fake engagement – it wasn’t as if I was actually going to marry Finn. Get a grip, I told myself.
Eventually, the evening ended. Frank and Anna departed. Anna air kissed me before she left.
“So nice to meet you, dear,” she said.
Meet me? She had met me quite a few times before tonight. But I suppose, in one sense, it had been the first time. As the help, she probably hadn’t even known what I looked like. I felt dispirited as I cleaned up, stacking the dishwasher slowly. Finn had just put Lilah to bed and wondered into the kitchen.
“What did you think?” he asked, pouring us both another wine.
“They’re lovely,” I said, through gritted teeth.
He looked at me. “You don’t have to lie, Amber. I could see you struggling a bit. My parents have old-fashioned views on how marriage should work.” He took a drink of his wine. “My mother has never worked a day in her life. She has her society functions, and it’s always been enough for her.”
“So she says,” I retaliated. “What choice has she ever had? I think your father made his point loud and clear that he expects the little wifey to be cleaning his shoes and baking his cakes while he brings home the bacon.” I slammed the dishwasher door closed.
Finn looked at me. “Why are you so upset? They’re from a different generation.”
“It just irks me,” I said. “Don’t mind me. It’s been a long day. I’m finding playing a role harder than I expected, that’s all.”
“You play it very well,” he said, looking at me. “Stop cleaning. Pick up your wine, and come out onto the balcony with me.”
Yes, sir, I thought to myself, sourly. Once a boss, always a boss.
We could see the lights from ships blinking over the water, and a crystal clear full moon hung in the sky. I relaxed back in my chair, sipping the wine. I was being stupid. It didn’t matter what attitudes Finn’s parents had. They weren’t really going to be my parents-in-law. I had to remember that.
“You are looking beautiful tonight.” Finn’s voice was low and intense. I turned my head around, looking at him.
“Thank you,” I said, not sure how to respond.
“Amber…” He trailed off, raking a hand through his hair. “I have to admit…I’m finding you really attractive. But I know that if we do anything, it might jeopardise our arrangement. How do you feel about it?”
I blushed, not knowing how to answer. “I find you attractive, too,” I admitted, eventually. “But I agree. It would complicate an already very complicated situation.”
He nodded, as if he had come to a decision. “Yes, it’s for the best.” He drained his wine, standing up. “Bed time, I think. We are going yachting tomorrow with Bryce and his new girl – it will be an early start.”
He stood over me, holding out his hand. I took it, and he pulled me up.
And then suddenly, we were kissing.
Finn wrapped his arms around me, pulling my head back as he passionately kissed me. I couldn’t even breathe. It was like a fire had leapt up in my stomach. It was consuming me.
He kissed my neck feverishly, working his way downward, kneading my breasts in a circular motion. Oh God, I didn’t want him to stop.
He pulled one of my breast out of my top, looking at it for a second, then taking it into his mouth, nipping and pulling. My nipple was so erect it felt like it was about to explode.
“Shall we go to the bedroom?” He breathed, the nipple popping out of his mouth as he looked up at me.
Common sense suddenly hit me like a rock.
“Finn.” My voice was ragged. “We just said it wasn’t a good idea.” I roughly pulled my top up, stumbling back into the house.
“Amber,” he called after me, but I ignored him. I raced to my bedroom, closing the door behind me. My heart was beating a fierce tattoo in my chest.
This was insane. How can two people calmly talk about how they shouldn’t do anything, then the next minute, be in each other’s arms?
I didn’t know anything, anymore.
Just that this was a dangerous situation, one that I would have to think seriously about. Did I want it to continue?
Finn
I watched her walking along the pier ahead of me, her ass swaying in the tight white jeans she wore. I couldn’t stop looking at it.
I had been trying not to think of her all last night and this morning, but the sight of her in those pants undid me. I couldn’t deny it a second longer. I wanted to be inside her. The lust had been building like a slow fire, and now it was just exploding around me. I could barely think of anything else.
I knew that it was unadvisable. I knew that it was unprofessional. I knew that it would only complicate the situation. But it was like my will had been completely taken out of it. I felt like one of those cartoon characters with their eyes on stalks and tongues rolling to the floor like red carpets every time she passed me, or I caught a whiff of her perfume.
It was just as well we were spending today with Bryce and his latest squeeze. I didn’t know if I could trust myself around her if we were by ourselves. And it was a stroke of luck that Lilah was spending the day with my parents.
“Hey!” I called out to her. “Wait up!” I ran so that I was alongside her.
“You’re in a hurry today,” I said.
She looked up at me, surprised. “Am I?” She laughed, nervously. “I sometimes go a little fast if I’m nervous.”
“There’s nothing to be nervous about.”
“Really?” She glanced at me sharply. “This is your best friend we’re meeting today, isn’t it?”
“Sure is,”
I said. “Bryce. We were at school together, have worked in the same finance firm for years. He’s practically a brother to me.”
“Well, he’s probably going to be pretty hard on me, then.”
“Why?”
“You really don’t get it, do you?” Her voice raised slightly. “I am your nanny. Which means I am below you on the so called social ladder. And let’s not forget that your wife just recently passed away. How can you not see that people close to you would be judging me?”
I hadn’t thought of it like that. I could see her point. Not that I thought anyone would be too judgmental with her; my family and friends were down to earth people. If anything, they would probably be judging me more than Amber. Shocked at how quickly I had moved on from Erin? Especially with the hot nanny.
I shook my head. “Amber, relax. No one’s judging you, and if they did, I’m sure you would be happy with the conclusions that they draw.” I stared at her. “You’re pretty awesome.” She blushed. I was just about to take her hand, when I heard a shout.
“Finn!”
There they were, running slightly to catch up with us. Good old Bryce, dressed in his casual yachting gear, as always. He was pulling along a woman who was definitely not dressed for yachting: tight black dress, black stilettos, and a fake fur coat, no less. This must be Bryce’s new girl, Mandy. Why wasn’t I surprised?
“Bryce, slow down,” she said, as he dragged her along.
“My man!” I grabbed Bryce in a bear hug. Then we turned, and introduced the ladies.
“Well, time to get on this yacht and get things moving!” I said, looking to the sky. “We don’t want the weather to change on us.”
An hour later we were heading out into Port Phillip Bay, the wind in our hair. Bryce and I were old hands at yachting, having been brought up with the sport. Well, it was the leisure choice of many with mansions at Portsea, and both my family and Bryce’s had been coming here forever.
Bryce and I were busy side by side, which was good. It gave me a chance to talk to him without the girls.
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