by Lexy Timms
In fact, when Leslie hailed a cab and headed for the office, it truly felt like she was living a new life.
“We both know that’s never going to happen.” She smiled politely.
It was coming up on a year since Michael had died, and it was hard to believe that it had all happened such a short while ago. It was a month after Michael’s passing that Leslie contacted her friend Tessa in New York, asking if she was looking for a roommate or if she had any connections for a real estate agent who was really good at their job. It was a hard decision, but it was an inevitable one that hadn’t really caught anyone off guard when she told her parents and Michael’s parents.
Clearing out the house had been difficult, but in the end she knew she had to move on. After all, by the time Michael died she was already in the process of moving on, whether she liked it or not. There was nothing she wanted more than to have Michael back, but he was gone. It was time for her to find a new world; shaking off the sorrows of her old house, she sought out her new home.
She’d cried a lot the past eleven months. It was hard when she was alone, with just a glass of wine and music which only made the tears flow more easily. The freely falling tears were something that made it impossible for her to really focus on what she was doing. Moving gave her the chance to run away, to be alone with the right to be miserable without having to hide it for her friends and family.
On the far side of the country, it was hard to let that get to her anymore. She, of course, had her box of memories; things that she wanted to keep forever that reminded her of how much she loved Michael and how great they had been together. To her, his death was a long time coming and this new move was just what she had needed to get some energy back into her veins.
So she started writing again.
Her agent was so happy to have her in New York City finally, and the thin-crust pizza-lover inside of her was just as glad to be in New York as well, but she was still lonely. It was something she couldn’t shake, regardless of how many events she was invited to or how many new friends she made… Ones who didn’t know about Michael, or about her alter ego.
Her identity was something she guarded closely, so whenever she showed up to a book signing or a launch party, she always would lie and say that she was just a friend of Grant’s. While her identity was kept a secret, it was one of the things the media forever pressed and wondered about. No one knew, and it heated social media on the mystery.
She had gone with Grant to one of the release parties and then a few more. He’d introduced her as a new editor of a publishing house. She was the beautiful new girl, but when she had nothing even be remotely interesting about herself to share, they gave up asking questions. After all, beautiful and successful women were all over New York, and people were always quick to move to the next hottest thing. When they found out that she wasn’t that next hot thing, they gave up on her.
It was funny how people always made the excuses that were relatively the same. They needed to get another drink, had to go to the bathroom, or that they saw someone they knew. In the end, Leslie had taken in the experience, something that only writers really know how to do. It was a skill that was required for anyone interested in transcending the normal. It was a talent all writers honed and found themselves amused by. It was the art of observing people around them, and Leslie was often left alone, watching people at the parties more than actually getting in there and enjoying them.
No matter how many friends of hers tried to get her out there to enjoy and become part of the life that she was given an opportunity to enjoy, Leslie always found herself drifting along the edges of the life she thought she wanted. Without Michael, it seemed so lonely and so empty. She missed him, the things he would say in those kinds of events and situations. She missed his wry wit and his sarcastic narration of everything around him.
So, that brought her to the moment she was finally sitting in Grant’s office. For an entire year, she had drifted through New York, going to parties and events, taking in the local atmosphere, and eating at all the places that would actually give her a reservation. There were a handful of people in the writing community who knew her secret identity who had taken her to places and restaurants that she couldn’t get to in her wildest dreams even. All of this had done nothing for her, and in the end, she would end up at home in a lonely, empty apartment that was just large enough for her and her computer.
It was in those lonely, quiet places that she would turn on Spotify and she would begin to work her magic, the kind of magic that was black gold to her agent and Grant loved her for. In the past year she had written seven novels, all of them coming without hesitation or without difficulty. When they asked for a revision or an edit, she would get it to them by the end of the week. Sometimes, Leslie would vanish completely and no one would know where she’d gone or if she’d even survived. Amber and Josie, who had introduced themselves as her neighbors, quickly became friends with her and were greatly concerned about these reclusive tendencies that their new friend would develop.
Sometimes, they would catch her rushing down to Gustavo’s Pizzeria for slices in her yoga pants and sweatshirt and try to stage a micro intervention. In the end, they might end up at one of their apartments, watching Netflix all night, but that was the extent of the success any of the interventions would have.
Ultimately Leslie was a writer, and that meant that she was going to spend her life writing and that when she had an emotional stimulus, she was going to use it to her maximum advantage. Without Michael in her life, there was a barren emptiness that could not be filled by any amount of pizza, partying, booze, or friends. When you lose your best friend, everything else in the world is hollow and void of any meaning or purpose. The only solace she had was in her writing.
Leslie focused back on the present, staring at the strange cubic giraffe statue in the corner of Grant’s office. It was an artistic piece that looked like it was made by someone who really didn’t care about making people comfortable with his creations.
Grant looked up at her and smiled, then stared back down at the contract he was going over. “How many of this series do you have in the works? Two? Three?”
“Seven,” she answered, looking at him with a solemn, somber look on her face. She couldn’t stop writing even if she wanted to. She had developed a system and a plan of writing as much and as well as she possibly could in the time she had been given. It was just how she lived her life now. Maybe it was a writer thing, but she knew Grant wouldn’t understand.
“At this caliber?” he asked, tapping on the manuscript next to him.
She wasn’t sure what that meant. She didn’t think of herself as having a caliber of writing. She knew she was popular and that she had an extraordinarily large fan base, but she didn’t think of herself as being overly poignant or powerful. She was just a writer, and she just wrote what she thought she would love to tell people. It was never anything more than that. She nodded and he shook his head as he laughed. He had this strange sort of growling laughter that made her wonder how a person naturally developed that kind of a laugh.
“You don’t feel like you’re burning out?”
“Nope,” she said honestly. She was certain that eventually she would find something that would take her mind off of hating life, but for now writing did. And she was more than comfortable catering to that drive. If things stayed the same, she would just end up having an enormous canon for her fans to read for generations to come.
“Well, if you keep them coming, I’ll make sure that the publishers keep getting them out—for a pretty penny in your pocket, of course.” He smiled. “There’s talk about turning the series into a movie or screen writing it to television.” He shot her a happy grin and when she didn’t smile back, he straightened in his seat. “They’ll want to stagger the releases, but I’ll make sure you have nice signing bonus for each book. I’ll take care of you. So will Harper-Collins.”
She had more money than she would ever need. “Whatever
is fair. That’s why I pay you the big bucks to be my agent.”
Grant smiled. “You are one of the wealthiest, most reclusive authors in the world. How you live so simply and easily…” He shook his head. “Money is something you are never going to have an issue with.”
She had more money collectively than she was ever going to need. She couldn’t spend all the money that she had, even if she wanted to. It was a joke to think that she would ever need more of it. Besides, what did she have to spend money on right now? Most people traveled and ate at fine restaurants, but when you don’t have the person you love with you all of that just seemed kind of meaningless. So, the money in her bank account stagnated and waited for there to be any kind of reason or purpose for her to spend it, beyond donating anonymously to charities and going to cheap movies or cheap dinners. Of course, there was also the occasional binge she would go on at the numerous bookstores where she would sometimes whittle hours away.
“Anything else you need?” she asked him, feeling like her time here was wearing a bit thin. She knew Grant worried about her, but she wasn’t fragile anymore. Sure, she had been devastated and distraught by the loss of Michael, but time had slowly moved forward, taking her along with it.
“How are you, Leslie? You moving on?”
“Excuse me?”
Grant pointed to the new MS on his desk. “You’re writing fantastic! I love it! Are you hiding away or are you beginning to embrace life again?”
“I’m not drowning in a world of sorrow and regret, if that’s what you’re asking.” She stared at him and pressed her lips tight, knowing that answer wasn’t enough for her agent. “The truth is, hanging on to that past is like having an oasis in the middle of the desert. To get anywhere else, you have to go through the scorched hell of the desert first. No one looks forward to that. It’s easier just to linger for a while. It’s easier just to give in to the pain and the sorrow and just be present in those lost memories for a while.”
He nodded. “Damn, girl. You know how say shit.”
She laughed. Grant liked dollars, but he did have a sweet side somewhere inside him. “So you still haven’t found the oasis?”
“I’m close.” For nearly two years she had been grieving the loss of her husband, even when he was still alive. It wouldn’t be long now before she was ready to start building a new life with substance again. Of course, she told herself this same story a thousand times before, but maybe this time it would actually be true.
“So, we’re good for now,” he said with a smile on his face. He was a charming guy when he needed to be. That’s what made him so good at his job.
“Thanks, Grant,” she said, returning the smile.
Leaving his office, she was greeted by a few people who knew her secret, all of them smart enough to keep the secret quiet—they loved their jobs too much to give it away. They simply smiled at Leslie, and went back to whatever it was that they were doing. It was nice not to have to deal with the fame she’d seen other authors endure. It just wasn’t for her. She’d never liked the spotlight. It was just something she loved to do that happened to be extremely profitable.
When Grant first informed Leslie that she was going to be a huge hit, her initial instinct was to run and hide under a boulder and pray that everyone forgot that there was a writer behind it all. When she’d approached him about the secret identity and pen name, he’d been hesitant until he realized how the mystery would get readers, papers and social media talking. Nobody ever dug deep enough, and the mystery turned into something fun for readers.
She stepped outside and felt the sun find its way between the tall buildings and onto her face. She inhaled deeply. If she gave it a chance, she believed New York City could be a place she could fall in love with. Well, maybe not love—she was never going to experience that again. NYC was a city where you could just sink into the background and watch the world interact in the most magical and mysterious ways that there were. It was like the entire world converged on New York City, and it all blended together. The rich and poor, native and foreigners, the seen and the unseen. It had everything a people-watcher could want. Enough to find ideas for her stories and characters. It was perfect even though she probably wasn’t taking full advantage of everything it had to offer. She was just interested in living her life, doing what she loved, and continuing on with everything that she had always been doing. Was that such a bad thing? She didn’t think so.
She headed back to her apartment building, a decent place that was smashed between two other apartment buildings, the bottom floor a Chinese restaurant where she ordered take-out from on a regular basis and just three blocks from a gym that she loved. There was nothing inherently wrong with her apathy toward the entire idea of exploring the city, but she usually only did it in small doses. She knew where everything she needed was in just a seven-block radius of her apartment, and she loved it that way.
Unlocking the front door with her code, she walked down the narrow corridor and up the flight of stairs, avoiding the horrifying elevator she was certain was going to plummet and kill everyone the moment she stepped foot inside of it. Besides, taking the stairs was something good for the body. Walking up them, she ran into the other fairly reclusive and quiet neighbors she shared the building with. They would offer blank stares or soft smiles as they continued on their way. None of them were overly interesting, but all of them were unique in their own special way. There was little-dog-woman and hat-guy whom she saw on a regular basis. They were also fellow stair-dwellers as well. She liked that she had begun to recognize them.
On the fourth floor, she headed down the short hallway and passed the three doors to her little section of the apartment building. The door before hers belonged to Mr. Vargas, the grumpy, quiet old man who would stand out on the small balcony that he had and glare at everything. She didn’t know if he was maybe sensitive to the sun, but he’d just squint at everything, hunched over in his faded, mustard house-robe. The other room across the hallway belonged to Amber and Josie, who were sharing their little apartment with each other as they pursued their various careers with a rather haphazard approach.
Amber was a blonde goddess who worked at a club, tending at a bar that brought her hundreds of dollars in tips that she usually paid rent with, then partied the rest away. How a woman as beautiful, seductive, and personable as Amber was always without money always boggled Leslie’s mind. As for Josie, she was a struggling artist who refused to give up on the dream that one day she would make it famous. Until then she worked as a customer service representative at a call center, which let her come and go whenever she wanted and paid her just enough to contribute to rent and pay the bills. All in all they were fun, and Leslie loved living next door to them. They never asked her about her past or her future.
They’d developed a sort of open-door policy where they would meander into each other’s apartments without much concern to modesty or class. If they were drunk, coming home off of a particularly fun night, they always felt inclined to see what Leslie was doing. Since she was usually up writing or watching some sappy, sad movie on Netflix, they’d drop onto her sofa or raid her fridge as they regaled her with their stories, always vowing to take her out with them next time. She never pressed.
By the time she had her key in the door, she could hear movement across the hall and knew she wouldn’t be alone for long. As far as they were concerned, Leslie worked as a struggling cookbook writer and freelance article writer who just barely made enough for her apartment’s rent. But she suspected that Josie was beginning to question that, because though her apartment was small and it was in a pretty lame apartment building, it was still nicely furnished and she was always able to buy dinner, or lunch, or brunch, or a late night snack. None of them woke up early enough for breakfast. That was beyond question.
“Leslie!” Amber shrieked from her door, like she was calling to a long lost pet that had finally returned.
Leslie smiled and tossed her keys onto a small table
that was sitting near the entryway. “Hey, Amber!”
Her apartment was minimal and tight. Immediately walking in, she passed her closet and was given the option of walking straight to her tiny living room/dining area or turning left into her kitchen that was small enough that she couldn’t do anything really fancy, even if she actually wanted to. Her bedroom and bathroom were accessible off of the living room, and were small enough that there really wasn’t much she could do with it. But, thanks to the gods of Pinterest and sheer boredom, she had made it her own and drawn the attention of Amber and Josie.
“Leslie!” Josie called out, excitedly rushing through their apartment and heading across the hallway to follow Amber into Leslie’s apartment. “So, how was it?”
“How was what?” Leslie asked, furrowing her brow and looking over her shoulder at Josie and Amber who were already raiding the wine she had and grabbing glasses.
“You’re all dressed up,” Amber added. Clearly they had been conspiring about what could possibly have drawn Leslie out of the apartment so well dressed. It was fairly common that Leslie, though she had a phenomenally toned body, only believed in wearing things she referred to as comfy clothes. There were always exceptions to this new-found rule in her life and that was when she went to the gym. For Amber to make the money she did in tips, she needed to be irresistible to the men at the club, so she would frequently go with Leslie to the gym, dragging along Josie, who thought of exercise as something torturous to someone like her who was given the glorious gift of a high metabolism. All in all, Leslie had simply dressed as she always had once upon a time, and this was obviously a cause of note for the two spies across the hall. “Was it a date? An interview? Oh shit, are you moving out?” Amber’s mind darted to a million scenarios.
“No,” Leslie laughed. “Just taking care of some business.”
“I’m not buying it,” Josie said with certainty in her voice. “Who is he? Is he that cute Asian guy from the gym?”
