Hopefully.
I’ve had Seth keeping slight tabs on her by means of her best friend Mallory. I know she hates me now as well, but I’m hoping that Seth can work some of his magic and smooth the rough edges I left back at home.
********************
Here we are now, two hundred miles to go until we are back in town. Back home and back to life as I knew it. I’m really excited to see Emma. I’ve never been away from her for longer than a weekend. I know she’s in excellent hands with my mom, but damn it’s still a crazy feeling. I don’t know what I’d ever do without her. The thought of Victoria trying to take her away from me leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Like she could fucking take care of her.
Seth takes the empty seat next to me causing me to take my eyes off the boring flat landscape that I’ve been staring out the window at for the past hour.
“What are you thinking about over here?” He asks as if he has no damn clue.
I release a heavy sigh and stretch my legs out. They are getting tired from this long damn drive. “Oh you know, same shit, different day. I’m nervous as hell as to what’s going to happen when we get home.”
Seth doesn’t reply right away. Which I know means he’s in deep thought, and actually probably has some pretty fucking good ideas going on in that mind of his. He is a seriously deep dude. I love that about him. I know that he would never screw me over and that’s what’s kept me somewhat sane for the past month. But I can’t help the nerves that are growing with each mile marker we pass. They only indicate I’m getting closer by the mile to the situation that I’m going to have to dive into head first if I want to win back the woman that has my heart, even though right now I’m responsible for breaking hers. I fucking hate that.
“Don’t worry Derek, you’ll get her back. Even if I have to help, it will all work out.” He reassures me by patting my knee before he tries to lighten the mood. “You guys being together is like written in the stars or some shit anyways.”
I’ve always felt that was true, as cliché as it sounds. But sometimes there are cosmic events that happen and cause beautiful things that were maybe meant to be to all of a sudden be nonexistent. Victoria happens to be my cosmic event.
My mother had agreed to stay at our house to watch Emma while we were gone on tour. Her new military husband was away on some form of training, so she was more than happy to help and to see her granddaughter. So, I call my mom telling her we were going to be getting in late and she informs me that she let her stay the weekend with her friend because she didn’t know for sure when we’d make it back. Well, that might work out for my benefit. That is if Jesika will even let me explain. I want to tell her everything; no more secrets. It’s time she knows everything. She deserves it; I just hope she gives me the fucking time to tell her.
Who knows, by now she could have found someone else. It has been a fucking month since I have even talked to her. God, how I hate Vicky and her scandalous ways. She’s going to end up dead one day if she doesn’t change her ways, and I’m having a really hard time fucking caring if that even happens. Does that make me a bad person?
Pulling into the packed parking lot, I know that I really need a drink. I’m a fucking bundle of nerves right now, and after the two day drive home, I need to just unwind for a bit before rushing straight to Jesika.
Who am I kidding?
I already did try to fucking call her and even drove by her house when she didn’t answer. That’s the real reason why I need a drink. My mind is going crazy with all the fucking possibilities as to where she could be, or who she could be with.
I told Seth I would meet him here when we were getting ready at home. Gave him the excuse that I wanted to have my truck just in case I got a hold of Jesika or I wanted to leave before him. Which would be because I didn’t get a hold of her and would need to come home to fucking sulk like a chick about it. He knows how I feel about this woman. I think he’s just as determined to win her back for me as I am. Now that’s brotherly commitment right there. It’s probably the fact that he thinks at least one of us should be happy. He refuses to ever let himself. I hope one day someone comes into his life that opens up his senses again and shows him the gamble is worth the gain.
Seth is standing with his back against the side of the outer wall waiting for me. I’m surprised as shit that he hasn’t already made himself comfortable inside with his new found rocker status and all. That’s something I am dreading. I’m not looking forward to the flock of people that we are about to throw ourselves to. The last thing I want to do is make small talk, or act like I care what these people are going to be saying. My mind is fucking elsewhere.
“So was she home?” He asks as he pushes himself off of the wall.
“Fuck you dude.” I laugh at how well he knows me.
I open the heavy glass door to the bar with the words The Sticks stuck on it with yellow lettered stickers. “Ladies first,” I say while holding my arm out making way for him to enter ahead of me. He gladly does knowing he’s about to be the fucking center of the universe tonight. It’s been a good decade since a band from here has made it out of this town, not to mention being added on to a big tour.
Chapter Nineteen
Jesika
It’s been one month since I’ve seen Derek, since I’ve heard his sexy voice calling out to me. One month since I’ve felt his soft touch on my body, and since I’ve been hypnotized by his drums. Needless to say, a month without Derek has sucked ass.
A lot of shit can happen in a month, but not for me. The hole in my chest hasn’t shrunk any. In actuality, it feels as though it’s stretched. Maybe it’s because I keep expecting, no praying, to hear something from Derek…anything. Seeing that I always called him my prince, I half expect him to show up on my front door and sweep me off my feet. That dream is slowly fading and I’m now coming to the realization that day will never come. Maybe it’s stupid on my part to have become so attached to someone I had only known for six months. It wasn’t intentional, that’s for sure. I tried hard to guard my heart and let the feelings grow slowly, but just like everything else, when it came to Derek I had no control, the feelings just came; like they had been sitting dormant in my soul waiting for him to unlock them.
I try really hard not to think about him and what he’s doing. It usually works at work, until I catch myself day dreaming about him and the fact that no matter how hard I try, I can’t hate him. I think about all the good times we shared and the love I felt for him; the love I still feel for him but never got to express. Those feelings are what make it easier to deal with than dwelling on the pain. I’ve had enough pain the last year and a half and I realize Jaxon needs me more now than ever.
For the last month I’ve put everything in the outside world on hold. The only thing I include involves going to every football practice, followed by a game and dragging Mallory along.
We were the best cheerleaders ever, but Jaxon might disagree. Keeping him busy and his mind off of the missing link we had both gotten attached to was helping me some too. Not as much as I would like. Jax needs a mom break. He practically begged me to stay the weekend at his friend’s house and I caved instantly. A mini break for both of us will be good.
I don’t really feel like going out this weekend or mingling with the world, but I know I can’t stay alone in this house the whole time either. I text the one person I can fully count on.
Me: hey! What’s your plans for the weekend?
Mallory: Sexy Momma! I had a date with that guy I told you I met at the club two weeks ago, but he just called and cancelled, like I care. So nothing. What do you and Jax have going on?
Me: Was it the bald guy you told me about?? That’s not your type. If so, it’s a good thing he canceled. It’s not like you’re that desperate are ya? Jax is going with Tanner and his family to their lake house in Eufaula for the weekend. Think I was smothering him.
Mallory: I am that desperate. Being fb’s with Seth taught me what not to look for in a m
an I want a true relationship with. Just come over and bring some clothes to go out in.
Me: Not sure I’m ready to go out, but I’ll be there in 30mins.
As I’m locking my door, an unfamiliar car with super tinted windows pulls in my driveway behind mine. I try making out who it is as I walk to my car. God, I hope it isn’t Victoria. There’s no way I can deal with her again without clawing her eyes out. That idea puts a smile on my face. I’d actually love to get my hands on her and teach her ass a lesson. I’m not one for fighting, but dammit, sometimes people need to be taught with a good ole fashioned ass whooping of a lesson. As I’m standing on the dirt line that separates my brick walkway from my concrete driveway the car door swings open and out steps an attractive man. I’m caught off guard by this gorgeous guy. Is he here to sweep me off my feet? Because I think I’d let him.
I can’t shake the familiarity I feel as he makes his way closer to me. Holy shit, he’s changed a lot since the last time I’ve seen him. Eight years ago that is. Brushing his hand through his short brown hair, that damn contagious smile he’s always had over takes his face. My best friend. He’s back, and boy has he grown into one hell of a fine looking man. He’s not the same skinny boy I use to have Mortal Kombat marathon’s with. He’s definitely filled in nicely in the muscle department. I can tell he’s well defined by the way his shirt clings to all the right curves and how his jeans hang on his hips. He has this natural tan that makes his teeth seem extra white and perfect. Braces apparently did him good. His cheeks are dimple free, but the lips that form his playboy smile are perfectly filled. As he gets closer I can smell his cologne. It smells like one of the colognes that linger around an Abercrombie & Fitch store. It’s the whole reason you even venture into the store in the first place. That smell is contagious, and anyone who wears it you instantly want to bone. Okay, maybe that’s a little on the extreme side, but you definitely want to be all up in their personal space—inhaling them.
Yeah, that smell.
“Oh my god, Holden!” With all shyness gone, I practically run the short distance and tackle him with a hug. “Where the hell have you been stranger?”
He pats me on my back. “I’ve missed you too, Jes. You have no idea.”
Still holding on to him I stretch back far enough to look up at the man who is around six inches taller than me. “I could never get Jake to tell me where you went after me and you graduated. What happened? Why’d you leave? Where’d you go? Did you not think to even tell me bye? We were best friends for years!” I say with a huff remembering how hurt I was by his sudden disappearance.
He looks down at me, trapping me with his eyes as he wipes a stray piece of hair from my face. His hand lingers on my check longer than necessary. I find myself not minding the closeness. It’s not Derek, but damn if Holden’s touch didn’t just give me butterflies. It has to be because of how close we were. He’s still familiar territory. Even if it has been eight years.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to come and see you. I never wanted to leave, but I knew I couldn’t stick around and stay sane seeing you with Jake.” He looks away like he’s ashamed and just admitted some big secret I don’t know about. I had known Holden had a crush on me. I guess I never realized how much of one until now.
I release my hold on him putting a little space between us. “Why’d you even introduce me to him then, if it was just going to end up making you split after graduation?”
“It was the biggest mistake of my life and I have regretted it ever since. You ended up with the wrong Reynolds’ boy. Jake wasn’t good enough for you. I knew he wouldn’t treat you as good as you deserved, but I also knew there was no way I could convince you otherwise. He was the most charming guy I knew. You were instantly hooked. I saw it in your eyes. So I backed off, mainly because Jake told me to stay the hell away. Like I could compete with him anyways.” He shrugs his shoulders.
I hold up my hand to stop him from talking. I’ve met my quota this month on past truths being revealed, and I don’t think I can handle anything else Holden might have to share.
“I’m sorry Holden. It’s just that this last month has been hard enough. I don’t think I can handle anymore ghosts of Jesika’s past.” I grab his hands as I confess this hoping he understands where I’m coming from.
“Can we do some catching up this weekend? I want to know what you’ve been up to the past eight years. And what happened to my nerdy best friend. When did this guy hatch out?” I say as I check him out looking him out from top to bottom.
He laughs throwing his head back. “I take it you like what you see?”
“Mm hmm,” is the only word or noise I can form. Realizing I’m late getting to Mallory’s, I break out of the trance his body has trapped my eyes in.
“Hey, I’m heading to my best friend Mallory’s right now. I’m sure she is going to talk me into going out with her tonight even though I’m not totally up to it. Will you meet up with us later? I really want to continue this conversation.”
He places his hand on my lower back and starts leading me to my car. I lean against the touch as he opens my door and then he bends down, his cheek resting against mine. “Anywhere you want me. I’ll be there.”
He straightens himself and pulls his cell out of his front pocket. “What’s your number? I’ll just call you real quick then you can save mine.” I give him my number and he does as he says and calls it. Then bends down again and lightly kisses my cheek before turning away to his car. That boy left me feeling like flubber as I fumble with my keys to start my car and head to Mallory’s.
********************
I texted Holden on our way to the bar, letting him know which one we were going to and asked him if he needed directions. He assured me that even though he’s been gone for the past eight years that he’s still very familiar with his way around. Knowing he was going to be showing up I feel a wave of unexplainable butterflies starting to flutter around as we make our way inside. I instantly need a drink. Crap, with the way I’m feeling I needed a drink like yesterday.
I didn’t plan on doing much drinking tonight, but those damn Washington apples Mallory keeps ordering are calling for me. Plus, after being here for an hour, I just want to let loose a little. I have my best friend back that I’ve missed for the last eight years. I think that calls for a celebration.
I just want to have an awesome night with no drama, no moping around about being sad about Derek and no thinking about Derek either. Period.
Mallory was being a karaoke whore while Holden and I got to do a lot of catching up. He told me how he went into the Navy right after high school. He had placed off the charts on this unheard of test that landed him in the special weapons section. Not shooting them, but building them. Damn video games must have paid off.
Three Washington Apples later, I’m feeling really good. So good I let Mallory convince me into singing Karaoke. That’s when I know I’m hammered, which isn’t a good sign. I’ve been told I’m a good singer, but singing while drunk isn’t probably the best sight to see. Mallory has me pick out a song, and we wait for the drunken dude on stage to finish butchering a Limp Bizkit’s classic.
I have no idea what I want to sing. I’m not really into country, so that’s out. I debate on doing Vanilla Ice as I scan through the 90’s section. I almost give up until my finger slides over the last song on the page.
Perfect!
Mallory finally breaks the microphone away from the drunken idiot on stage and he was actually trying to hit on her.
Dumbass.
I tell her the song I picked. She winks at me, walks over to the DJ — who by the way has been eyeing her all night long — whispers in his ear and then takes her place.
Mallory knows her spot on the stage like there’s a giant X that marks her spot. Feeling like maybe this was a bad idea and I need three more drinks, I slowly ease up next to her before she throws a microphone in my hand.
After closing my eyes and taking a deep breath
to try and ease some of this nervousness I open my eyes to a pair of brown ones staring at me accompanied by that gorgeous smile of his. That seemed to do it because as soon as the music to En Vogue’s Never Gonna Get It hit the speakers, I let go.
My inner diva has been unleashed. I’m having so much fun on stage; all my attention is focused on Mallory. She’s an amazing singer, and I have to admit that together we sound surprisingly good. That could be the liquor talking though. I let her take the high part at the end of the song because I know I haven’t drunk enough liquid courage to pull that puppy off. I open my eyes as the song is about to end and my head instantly looks towards the bar where a pair of ice blue eyes are staring back at me.
My stomach instantly drops and I stop singing.
Those are the same eyes I haven’t seen in a month. Holy hell! How long has he been here and how long has he been staring at me? Why is he staring at me? He hasn’t given a shit enough about me to get a hold of me this past month.
Almost losing my balance, I drop the microphone and jump off the make shift stage and head straight for the bathrooms. I barely make if off the dance floor before a pair of strong arms wrap around me from behind and a head nuzzles into the crook of my neck. Knowing exactly who it is just by his smell alone, I just let him hold me. I take him in as I take deep breaths that fill my nostrils with his yummy cologne before I pull completely away from him. Without even glancing back, I leave Holden standing on the dance floor as I continue my journey to the restroom. I’m sure he sensed something was wrong and only wanted to comfort, but I needed a moment to gather my thoughts…in privacy.
I splash water on my face and the back of my neck to cool me down. It helps me gain control of my breathing as well. As I’m freshening up, I suddenly feel completely sober and worried about my appearance; the door slams open and in stumbles Mallory.
Exposed: An Anthology Page 13
