Just like she waited for her mother later that night. And waited. And waited.
But her mother had said she wouldn’t come home again if Amanda wasn’t quiet. Mother had kept her word. She drove off that night and never came back. Never would come back. All because Amanda hadn’t kept quiet.
Amanda swallowed hard at the memory and squeezed her eyes shut tight. She didn’t want her daddy or Carly or Grandad to hear her cry again. She had cried enough that next day when they told her Mother wasn’t coming home again. Had cried so hard her throat had hurt. She loved her mother, wanted her to come home. She hadn’t meant those awful words she’d yelled at her. She hadn’t!
But when she had tried to tell Grandmother and Grand- father the next day how sorry she was for saying such a terrible thing, her voice had been no more than a hoarse croak. She had tried again, and the croak had grown fainter and fainter, until no sound came out at all.
Then had come the doctors, one after the other, poking at her, prodding her, poking long, fat sticks down her throat. They all said she would talk again as soon as her throat was well. But Amanda knew better. She had been so bad, yelling at her mother like that, that she knew God wasn’t going to let her talk. Not for a long, long time. Maybe never again.
When Tyler came down from putting Amanda to bed, Carly ached at the pain she saw in his eyes. He walked to the counter, where he braced both hands and hung his head. She couldn’t stand to see him hurt. She left her seat and went to him, reached out for him.
He turned and pulled her fiercely into his arms and bur- ied his face where her neck met her shoulder. “God, how could this happen?” His voice was ragged with emotion. “How could she possibly think…”
“It happens,” Carly said softly, her arms holding him tight. It felt good, holding him against her, feeling him hold her. So good. His solid strength surrounded and supported her. Yet, in the quivering of his arms she felt his need to be held.
He turned his head and pressed his lips against her neck.
Carly felt herself grow weak with longing.
Tyler tasted and nibbled, and tasted again, unable to get enough. He wanted, needed more of her than just her arms. He wanted her mouth against his, her bare skin beneath his hands. He needed her caring, her wisdom, her patience. “Carly.”
She heard the plea as he trailed openmouthed kisses up her neck and along her jaw. She should stop him. She should pull away and put distance and sanity between them.
But when his mouth took hers so fiercely, she tasted his need and was lost. When was the last time anyone had really needed her? Right here, right now, this strong, ca- pable man made her feel essential to his very survival by the way his hands splayed possessively across her back, the way his tongue lured hers, the way he moaned, sounding desperate and needy and yearning. For her.
And she gave. With her arms and mouth and heart, she offered him everything he asked for, and more. She kept giving until he tore his mouth from hers and gasped for breath, his eyes closed, expression tortured.
Carly pressed her head against his chest. His hand came up to keep her there. He laid his head against hers and held her close. They stood that way for long moments, letting lungs and heart rates ease, letting sense return. The only sound was the low hum of the refrigerator in the corner.
Finally Tyler squeezed her once, hard, then loosened his hold and raised his head to look at her. “So what happens now? We still have no idea what it is Amanda thinks she’s done that’s so terrible.”
Carly wasn’t offended by his failure to mention what had just happened between them. Indeed, she was grateful. His pain for Amanda had brought him into her arms. She un- derstood his need to talk about his daughter, just as she had understood his need a moment ago for solace.
Carly sighed. “I know.” He was right, they still didn’t know what made Amanda believe she’d committed a ter- rible sin.
Reluctant to lose his touch, yet knowing he no longer needed her in that way, Carly stepped from his embrace. The loss of his warmth made her shiver. “Finding out what she thinks may be next to impossible.”
“Because she can’t tell us,” Tyler said flatly.
“Right. But she doesn’t have to tell us, not exactly.”
“What do you mean?”
She met his troubled gaze squarely. “All she has to do is forgive herself. It doesn’t matter if we never learn the whole truth. She has to believe she’s not as bad as she thinks she is.”
Tyler looked lost, hurt. Angry. “How do we do that?”
“Patiently,” Carly told him. “One step at a time.”
Tyler, however, was not a patient man. Amid memories of how Carly had felt in his arms, how she had tasted on his lips, the honest, generous way she had offered herself to him, he couldn’t help but think of what had driven him to her that night.
Amanda felt guilty about something. He needed to know what. The next afternoon, after Carly reported what they’d learned to Dr. Sanders, Tyler called his former in-laws and told them what had happened.
“What I want to know is, why does she think God pun- ishes bad little girls?”
“Oh, my word,” Earline Tomlinson said faintly. “Nesta.”
Tyler felt the muscles across his shoulders knot. “Who,” he said slowly, “is Nesta?”
“She was our housekeeper until shortly after Deborah… after Deborah’s accident. She was forever saying things like that.”
“Things like what?”
He heard Earline swallow. “Things like, if you don’t wash your hands before dinner, God will get you. That sort of thing.”
Tyler ground his teeth. “You let an employee talk that way to your granddaughter?”
“Oh, my word, Tyler, that was just Nesta’s way. We never, none of us, thought anything of it.”
“Well, think about it,” he snarled. “Think about what Amanda could have done that she could think was bad enough for God to never let her talk again.”
“I can’t…can’t imagine anything. She was always so good, so sweet I’ll…I’ll talk to Howard. Maybe he’ll re- member something…oh, my word, Tyler, I’m so sorry. But I’m so glad you’ve found this out. We were wrong not to get Amanda into counseling. I see that now. We just never believed it could be anything like this.”
Tyler let out a sigh of frustration.
“Wherever you found such a good therapist for her, I’m pleased. So pleased.”
Because he had no reason not to, Tyler told Earline Tom- linson about Carry. And immediately wished he hadn’t.
“Living with you? Treating Amanda? And she’s not even a doctor? Tyler, what is going on out there? Have you lost your mind?”
“Whatever is going on,” he answered, “it’s working. Amanda’s not talking yet, but she is coming out of it, Ear- line. Carly’s good for her.”
“Even so…”
He knew he’d regret it, but he asked anyway, “Even so, what?”
He listened to Earline dance around various vague ob- jections for several minutes before she finally came out with it. “And living with you? No, I can’t think that’s a good idea at all. What type of impression is that leaving with Amanda?”
“You’re way off base, Earline. I’ve got to get back to work. You and Howard see if you can remember anything Amanda might have done that she’d think was bad. If you come up with anything, give me a call.”
As quickly as possible, Tyler hung up the phone. Why hadn’t he kept his mouth shut about Carly?
With a curse, he slapped his hat on and headed out the back door. His marriage might have been short-lived, but in-laws, it seemed, were forever.
For days after that kiss in the kitchen, Carly lectured herself. It had been an isolated incident, not likely to ever be repeated. She understood that Tyler had been especially vulnerable that night. Any warm pair of arms, any set of feminine lips offering comfort would have done. It hadn’t been personal. He hadn’t needed her. She’d merely been available.
Fi
nally, slowly, her arguments started sinking into her hard skull and she was able to stop reliving that kiss.
Except, of course, for odd moments now and then. Like when she caught the sound of Tyler’s voice from some- where outside. Or when he stepped into a room where she was. Or when she closed her eyes. Or when…
Damnation, Carly Sue, just stop it. Tyler hadn’t meant anything by kissing her. They were friends, that was all, and he had needed a friend that night. She was glad she’d been there for him, but it was over.
So there.
During the second week of haying, Carly decided it was time to open her own checking account at the local Big Piney bank. If she wanted to buy something in town, she was sure the area merchants would prefer a local check rather than one from her San Francisco account. So, after feeding the men out in the field at noon. Carly and Amanda took the Blazer and headed for town.
She wasn’t worried about getting lost. The area was sim- ple to navigate. If she turned right at the end of the ranch road, she would end up in the Wyoming Mountains. If she turned left, Big Piney. Pretty simple.
Yet as Carly took in the vast openness of the sage-dotted plains around her, she couldn’t help but compare this trip to the bank with the ones she made in San Francisco. There she’d had a four-block walk down sidewalks crowded with tourists, shoppers and businesspeople rushing in and out of buildings or dashing to catch a cab or cable car.
This drive, she decided, was infinitely better than the walk had ever been.
Everything went fine at the bank. Amanda stood next to Carly’s chair while Carly filled out forms. People were po- lite, said her paperwork was in order. Until she endorsed the paychecks she’d been collecting from Tyler.
The woman behind the desk raised her brow in horror. “Good heavens. What is he paying you for?”
Carly raised a brow of her own. She supposed it was because Big Piney was a small town and most everyone knew everyone else’s business. Still, her business with Ty- ler was no one else’s business, for heaven’s sake.
“Excuse me,” the woman said. She rose from her chair and carried the Bar B checks behind the counter, where she showed them to another woman and a man.
The three huddled together over the checks and whis- pered. Occasionally one of them would look over at Carly with an odd expression, almost…disapproval.
Finally the woman waiting on Carly returned to her desk.
“Is there a problem?” Carly asked.
“None at all,” the woman answered with a breezy man- ner. “You’re the one Tyler hired to help little Amanda, aren’t you? The one living out at the Bar B. And how are you doing, you sweet thing?” she asked Amanda.
Carly might have felt more comfortable had the woman’s smile reached her eyes. In answer, she merely nodded.
“I had no idea things like that cost so much. Although I’m sure it’s none of my business.”
“I’m sure,” Carly muttered.
The minute she had her new temporary checks in hand, Carly nudged Amanda out the door and fled for the safely of the ranch.
Twice she’d been to town now, and twice she’d been the subject of whispers, the recipient of questions, of suspi- cious, sometimes hostile looks. No more. She wouldn’t go again unless forced.
When they returned to the ranch, Amanda lay down for a nap.
Carly decided to finish the filing in the office. She was looking for a misplaced receipt from the feed store, which, according to the records, should have been in the file, but wasn’t. That’s when she ran across the notebook.
It was an accident, really. If it hadn’t had several pieces of paper sticking out of it, any one of which could have been the missing receipt, she probably would never have opened the notebook.
What she found there made her slightly sick to her stom- ach. It made her feel guilty. It made her whopping mad.
She didn’t say anything to Tyler until Friday night when he went into the office to sign the checks she’d written. Since that night in the kitchen when he’d kissed her, she hadn’t exactly been throwing herself in his path. Truthfully she’d been shying away from him.
Which was silly, on her part. Not once, by word, deed, or look, had Tyler hinted he even remembered kissing her.
A devastating thought, yet not surprising.
But this was something she was not willing to put off. She followed him into the office and watched him sort through the checks she’d written.
“You forgot one,” he said.
“No, I didn’t”.
“Carly,” he said with a smile, “you forgot to pay your- self.”
She shook her head. “I’m not taking any more of your money.”
Looking bewildered, he asked, “What the devil are you talking about?”
She counted slowly to ten. Twice. “You let me assume you had money to burn, that you wouldn’t miss two thou- sand dollars a week.”
He eyed her sideways. “What’s this all about?”
“It’s about a new pickup, an enclosed horse trailer, a new bam, a champion mare for your breeding program, a whole damned list of things you’ve been saving for for years.”
Tyler’s brow arched. “What’s any of that got to do with your paycheck?”
“I told you from the beginning you were offering too much money,” she said.
“You also made it clear that money was the only reason you agreed to come.” He flipped open the checkbook and scrawled out her paycheck.
“I won’t take it,” she told him.
He tore the check loose and closed the book. “Yes, you will.” He reached across the desk and placed the check in her palm.
“No,” she said firmly, tossing the check back to him, “I won’t.”
“Dammit, Carly, just take it.” He slapped it back on her side of the desk.
“I won’t.” She shot it back at him. “And if you try to give it back to me, I’ll tear it up.”
“Why are you doing this? You can’t seriously expect me to let you work without pay.”
“You’ve already paid me plenty for a six-month job. Those things on that list are obviously important to you, to the whole ranch.”
“We’ve survived this long without them. My daughter is more important”
“Amanda isn’t the issue. You know I’m not about to leave her. I’m here, and I’m staying until she’s talking or until you throw me out. I feel like a leech, taking all that money from you.”
“That’s ridiculous. We agreed on the amount.” With his eyes narrowed and his jaw flexing, he stood and leaned over to slam the check onto the desk before her with his palm. “Take it.”
“I—” she tore the check in half “—will—” she stacked the pieces and tore them in half “—not.”
Tyler’s jaw bunched. “It’s not up for discussion.” He flipped open the checkbook and started writing again. “I’m going to pay you what we agreed on, and you’re going to take it.”
“You need that money, Tyler.”
“Damn it, Carly, Prancer can make that much money in less than one season in stud fees alone. I’ll make it up next spring. I promised this to you, and you’re going to take it.”
“What will I do with that much money?” she cried.
“What will you do without it?”
“I’ll do just fine.”
“Gonna go home and get your old job at Burger Barrel back? Just shut up and take the damned check, Carly.” He held it out to her.
She stood and backed toward the door. “No.” With that, she whirled. And ran smack into Arthur.
“What’s all this yellin’ about?” he asked.
Carly snarled at him. “Does he get all that stubborn, stiff-necked pride from you?” She didn’t wait for Arthur to answer, but fled upstairs to her room and closed the door. Firmly.
“Doesn’t want your money, huh?” Arthur stared at the empty doorway before facing Tyler. “Maybe I was wrong about that girl.”
Tyler widened his eyes and cup
ped a hand to his. ear. “What was that? I must be hearing things. I could have sworn I heard you say you were—”
“Stuff it, kid.”
Tyler chuckled, then sobered. “You’re right, though. You were wrong about her.”
“I’m glad. We need that new barn and pickup, and you’ve been pining after one of those fancy enclosed horse trailers for years. And if you don’t get your hands on Mag- nificent Cutter soon, somebody else is gonna snap her up. That’s one fine mare, I’m tellin’ ya.”
“Damn the damned mare.”
“You mean you’re still gonna pay Carly?”
Tyler leveled a look at his father. “I gave my word. Would you go back on your word?”
Arthur opened his mouth, then sighed and shut it. “No.”
“There you have it.”
“Well, hell, how you gonna pay her if she won’t take the money?”
Tyler shrugged and rose from his chair. “She opened a checking account in town this week. I’ll call the bank Mon- day and have them transfer the money directly to her.” He .stepped around his father and made for the door.
“Where you going?”
“I’m going to try to calm her down.”
Arthur gave a rueful shake of his head. “That girl does have a temper on her, I’ll say that much.”
Tyler frowned. Yes, she had a temper. She could fire up for Amanda’s sake. She could rip into him because she thought he was going to impoverish himself. Yet she’d let that witch in Union Square that day walk all over her.
On the other hand, she was the warmest, most giving woman he’d ever known. Just the memory of what she’d given him when he’d kissed her was enough to turn his knees to rubber.
Now she acted as though they’d never shared anything personal at all, that he hadn’t needed, that she hadn’t filled those needs.
He shook his head. He didn’t understand.
And he didn’t for the life of him understand what had just happened in his office, why she had been so angry.
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