by Shey Stahl
“We have plans tonight,” Parker clipped, handing me my helmet. “See you around.” His tone was harsh and to the point. It was evident he was done with the conversation as he threw a leg over his bike and straddled the seat. His right foot pulled back, kicking up the stand, as he reached down turning the fuel on. Leaning over to the left, his foot raised to kick-start the bike. His left hand twisted the throttle a few times giving it some gas. I did the same, watching Dusty shake his head before roosting up rocks towards Parker.
I didn’t know it yet, but I had a feeling Parker didn’t like Dusty.
We returned from the ride around three that afternoon. Justin and Addy weren’t back yet so we made ourselves some sandwiches and then played around in the pool. I was nervous slipping into a bikini in front of him. Parker seemed to share the same nerves about seeing me half naked. He was right about being shy; he could be shy at times and then other times he was completely different.
It took all of ten minutes and the shyness went out the door once we were inside the pool. His hands were focused, determined, and just what I wanted that night. Parker had a way of making me feel like I was the only girl. I may have very well been the only girl that summer, or ever, but I still remembered the feeling of being wrapped in his arms that night in the pool and looking into those blue eyes that told me what I wanted. His arms comforted me the way I needed.
Parker’s hands pulled me closer while we were under the water, his mouth wet and hungry against my neck, shoulders, and lips. Thoughts of last night swirled around my mind, and it suddenly dawned on me. What if he wanted more tonight?
He sensed the change in me, pulling back to look at me with sweet, soft eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, maybe…what?”
He chuckled, looking pleased, but nodded like he understood my confusion. “Am I making you nervous?” We were separated by about a foot when his arms moved to my waist, securely holding me against him.
I didn’t answer right away, but when his head dipped and his eyes went to the pink strings of my bikini, I answered. “You make me nervous…” His eyes closed when I spoke.
“I’m sorry—”
“Don’t be. It’s nervous in a good way.” And it was. Though it scared me, I loved the excitement I felt with each touch and the insecurities I didn’t feel. Instead, I felt a swirling in my tummy when he spoke my name, and my breath caught in my throat when he looked at me. I loved it all.
“A good way?” A low laugh shook his chest and he smiled.
“Yeah, you make me feel normal,” I told him, looking back down at the water instead of his eyes, afraid of the emotion I might see.
Two long fingers swept under my chin, and even then, I didn’t look at him until he lowered his head to catch my glance.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he mumbled before his lips crashed on mine. That was Parker’s way of covering up any fear he had…he kissed me, like kissing would end the uncertainty he felt.
Around six, we decided to get cleaned up and get some dinner. We went to that same Mexican restaurant we went to that first night. Parker smiled a lot, bought my dinner, and told me he’d never been on a date before.
“Have you?”
“No.” I stole a glance at him when I spoke. “This is my first date.”
He seemed pleased by my response.
Conversations flowed easily when we were alone. I told him what happened to my mom. He talked a lot about Jack and his wife, Michelle, whom he adored. You could hear the respect in his voice when he would say Jack’s name and the love he had for Michelle. He said Michelle hadn’t missed a race in four years and seemed sad this past winter and spring when he wasn’t racing. This was the first season that he had missed, and it wasn’t easy on any of them, especially Parker.
“You never dated anyone before I got there?”
“Nope.” I let a small laugh escape because he kept going back to who I dated. He seemed genuinely interested. “When did you notice me?”
Parker shook his head slowly and chuckled under his breath before whispering, “Noticed you?” He paused, his eyes finding mine. “I noticed you right away. I went to Rick the day I got to Shelton, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to work there with you right outside the shop. Believe me...” he raised his eyebrows at me “...I considered finding something else for work just so I didn’t have the distraction.”
“At least I wasn’t the only one distracted then.” I wanted to know why, if he was interested, hadn’t he said anything until now. I knew why I hadn’t. I was afraid he wasn’t interested in me in that way. When he first arrived in Shelton, he seemed focused on riding only. Now, I wasn’t sure that was his only interest there. “If you were interested in me, how come you never asked me out?”
“I was afraid you would turn me down,” he replied, paying more attention to his water glass than me. “Are you ready to go?” Parker motioned with a nod to the door after he paid for our meal.
I nodded and stood only to have him reach for my hand. It was nice. It was my first date and now I was holding hands. Fist pumping the air was almost required.
When went back inside the condo, we saw a string of clothing leading from the front steps to the back sliding glass door in the living room and then out towards the pool.
“What the fuck are they doing?” I asked, looking over at Justin striping of his clothes and Addy already in the water. “Oh God, please tell me they’re not…oh man…they’re really doing that, aren’t they?”
“Yep,” was Parker’s amused response. “Come on, let’s hurry. I’ve got no desire to see my brother naked again.” He pulled me away from the window and up the stairs to his room.
“You’ve seen Justin—”
His fingers silenced me, his back against the door. He reached one hand behind him to open the door before pushing it open with his foot. “Don’t ask.”
“Not asking.” I giggled, following him inside.
When we got inside, he smiled, wrapping his arms around me. “You on the other hand, I’ve got a desire to see naked.”
Shy party, your table is ready under the sheets. Oh, yes, that’s me.
This was another moment when embarrassment was an understatement. My cheeks flushed along with every other part of my body. I wanted to do things with Parker I had never imagined, and now here he was and those things were within reach.
Parker wasn’t entirely thinking, at least not with his brain. He was distracted and his desire was taking over.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you today,” he whispered huskily in my ear when we fell back against his bed. He was on his side, pulling me closer as his hands roamed over my body. I couldn’t think clearly enough to respond to his actions. I was drowning in the scent of him and began growing dizzy and out of breath just thinking of what I should be doing.
Parker seemed to sense this and pulled back to look at me.
I panicked thinking he would stop, so I leaned in bringing his lips to mine. My right leg moved up around his waist, and his left hand immediately pulled it higher.
His lips synched with my own perfectly, and it wasn’t long after that I felt his tongue rake across my bottom lip. The taste of him ran across my taste buds, and I nearly moaned, but I was glad when I stopped myself from doing so. His eyes opened when he realized I pulled away. I could stay there for hours, just looking into those eyes and be perfectly content with life. They were like a mirror, and I could imagine anything in them, see anything I wanted to see. We had another long staring contest before Parker lifted me on top of him.
Our kiss started to grow urgent and filled with desire. I felt his tongue lightly trace my lower lip, and I opened my mouth more for him as he slid his tongue in my mouth once again. I exhaled noisily, close to a moan.
Parker groaned and moved his hands to grab my hips, pushing me down on his hips, never breaking the contact between our lips. He took my lower lip into his mouth and sucked on it, causing me to shiver. His hands were s
till at my hips, and they started circling the band of my shorts. He moved me closer to him, his breathing heavy. Judging by the bulge I was sitting on, he was obviously getting carried away, and I wanted to get carried away. I pushed down harder, grinding my hips into him, searching for friction, making us both groan.
His fingers ran over the button of my shorts.
Please, God, let him take them off. PLEASE!
There were so many things that I wanted to do with Parker and had wanted to do for a while. I had been stalking him since January and damn it if I didn’t have some pent up hormones to unleash on this boy. There was no way I was going to miss my chance with him. It may not have made sense, and it might have even been crazy, but I would take this opportunity to show his shy ass a thing or two.
My mind gave up and my want for him took over as I tilted my mouth back in Parker’s direction and invited him to kiss me again. My fingers worked their way into the hair at his temples, reveling in how soft and light it felt as I pulled him back to me.
My breath caught when he got the button undone. Suddenly he froze.
Damn.
“Rowan, maybe we shouldn’t do this,” he said hesitantly, looking sad, lost, and angry all at the same time.
“Why not?” I was shocked. I thought we both wanted this after the flirting and touching all day. I did…parts of him obviously did. We were all alone. What was the problem?
“I just…you don’t think it’s too soon?” He sighed, moving me off his lap and placing me beside him. “Maybe we should slow down?”
Don’t most guys want to move faster?
“I don’t want us to rush into this. I want this to be special for you, for us. Not something where we get caught up in the heat of the moment and give into our desires.” He leaned his head back against the pillow, his eyes focused on the ceiling.
“Desires?” I questioned, hoping he would tell me what he was thinking for once.
“Rowan,” he groaned, running his hands through his mess of hair. “You have no idea how bad I want this. How bad I’ve always wanted this.” He gently placed his hand under my chin making me look at him. “I’ve wanted you since the first day I saw you standing in that coffee shop with your hair pulled back, white tank top, and those cut off shorts...” he spoke softly, kissing my forehead. “I want you to think about this and I want you to want to be with me too. I don’t want you to feel rushed,” Parker said softly.
It was reassuring to know that all those times that I watched him from afar, he felt the same way and made me feel less like a stalker and more like the average teenager.
“I do believe you stopped me, not the other way around,” I pointed out. “So I would be the one rushing you.”
He laughed and ruffled my hair a little. I sat back into his arms and leaned my head against his chest.
“I’m curious now though. Have you…?” His voice trailed off and I knew exactly what he was asking.
“No. Never,” I mumbled against him.
Though he said nothing, he seemed relieved as he rested his chin on my head and took a deep shaky breath.
“Have you?”
“No.”
“You never did it with anyone in California?” I knew he didn’t in Washington, at least I didn’t think he did. He was always at the shop working, aside from Sundays. And Sunday’s, he rode his dirt bike. I knew this because they always rode out from our property.
Guess who waited next to the window every morning to watch him?
Me.
Parker looked confused. “What?” His brow furrowed as he contemplated what I asked him, like I was stupid for asking.
“I just thought…well…I thought with being a professional rider that you…” My voice started to fade as his expression changed from confused to amused in mere seconds.
He gasped and coughed a little. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know after the look on his face.
“No. Never,” he said, shaking his head. Then he started laughing again. “I was fourteen at the time, so...well...I mean when I got into that series I was fourteen. That wasn’t really on my mind.”
I laughed. I had a cousin that was fourteen and knew Parker was full of shit now.
“I mean, yeah, it was on my mind,” he corrected, “but I didn’t have time for that. Besides, those girls…they only want one thing.”
“Money?”
“Exactly. That’s all any of them care about.” He nodded, rubbing his jaw with his right hand. My eyes went to his fingers wanting them back on me. “It’s all about what you can do for them.”
“You seem to know this well. Have you had…” twisting the blanket between my fingers, I kept my expression at bay “...experience with these girls?”
“I’ve known a few, yes, but I’ve never had a girlfriend or anything like that.”
Well, now I feel stupid.
“Oh,” I said, nodding my head a little. That truly surprised me. Aside from being shy, Parker had a confident side to him that was attractive, and I knew damn well other girls saw that, especially the ones that hung out at the tracks.
“You and Joey never did?”
I knew that was coming. Joey acted like I was his, but we had always been just friends. “No, we’re just friends.”
“I just thought, well...” Parker shrugged, his eyes narrowing a bit “...he may have said something.”
“No,” I stated firmly.
This wasn’t the first time Joey said we were together. In the third grade, he bought me a dozen long stem roses on Valentine’s Day and everyone thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend when all I did was share my peanut butter and jelly sandwich with him. “I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”
Parker shifted so he was sitting up against the headboard. “Do you want to have sex?”
Did I want to?
Yes, I did. I wanted to have sex with Parker in the worst way. Looking down at my jean shorts with the button still undone, it was even more apparent to me that I wanted to.
“I do,” I said to him, watching his reaction closely.
“Me too,” he said with a light burn to his cheeks. “But not tonight, okay?”
Nodding, I felt a twinge of rejection, but I also had enough nerve to keep me from arguing. I didn’t know why, but up until then, I never thought Parker O’Neil would want to have sex with me. He was a seventeen-year-old boy. Of course he wanted to have sex.
Don’t get me wrong, I imagined it a time or two when watching him handle tools in the shop and the way his muscles flexed when he would lift an engine. Yeah, I imagined it all right. But thinking he would want to have sex with me, Rowan Jensen, his boss’ daughter? Nah, those thoughts were distant.
July 2, 1997
A lot happened that summer. It was mostly a blur, but as the Utah sun heated up, so did Parker and I. It was rare that we weren’t together.
We spent many nights hanging out by the pool getting to know each other. Under the secure blanket of moonlight, we opened up to one another. He told me about his dad and his memories of his mother. I told him about my mom and her accident and why I felt like my parent’s needed me around. We understood each other, even if we had completely different backgrounds, we came together. I had an entirely different view on Parker after just a week there. The boy I stalked was just a figment of my imagination. There was so much more to Parker as a person than I ever realized.
He was smart, scary smart. I was convinced he was some sort of encyclopedia. He could rattle off strange facts you wouldn’t think a kid that spent his childhood straddling a bike would know.
He was sensitive. He cared deeply for Justin and his grandmother, Elizabeth, his only living family on his mom’s side. And then there was his love for Motocross.
That summer turned out to be one of the best summers of my entire seventeen years. Of course it didn’t have much competition, but any time I spent with Parker was great.
Even after our summer, and the times I saw him throughout the last five years, an
y time I was with Parker, alone, was memorable to me.
I remembered every touch, every kiss, and every unspoken word he told me with just a look.
I remembered the real Parker.
It was Wednesday afternoon, and we were on our way back from a ride when we ran into Dusty and another guy named Wesley Cameron. While Parker seemed to tolerate Wesley, he wouldn’t give Dusty very much. Dusty tried but it seemed the more Parker saw Dusty, the more he shut down around him.
Justin, who was with us that day, noticed as well. Leaning forward on the bike, he shut it off and hung his head when their conversation shifted. “Have you ever seen Parker in a fight before?” Justin asked, taking his helmet off to set it in front of him.
Addy stayed at the condo today, something about too much sand in her hair.
“No…why?”
Justin winked and leaned back on the bike like he was stretching. “If Dusty doesn’t stop now, you’re about to see one.”
“Will Parker actually fight Dusty?” I went to take my helmet off but Justin stopped me. “I thought they were friends.”
“Keep that on.” His hand moved from my helmet to rest on his in front of him as he leaned forward appearing relaxed. My heart that had started pounding at the mention of a fight began to calm with his relaxed appearance. “They used to be friends.”
“What do you mean used to be? And why were they friendly at the restaurant that one day?”
Justin kept a close eye on Parker and Dusty as they talked about ten feet away, near the edge of the trail. “It’s really not my place to say.”
“Justin,” I begged. “Just tell me.”
“Dusty is just bad news. He said some things that weren’t true after our dad died and then fed Parker’s sponsor lies. Never underestimate Parker. That’s your only rule to understanding him. Remember that.”
I nodded, wondering what that meant when I heard the faint noises of voices intensifying.
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Parker growled, stepping closer to Dusty who’d just swung a leg over his bike.
We couldn’t hear what Dusty said to him, but whatever it was, Parker didn’t agree with him and pushed him off his bike. He stood over him, threatening, waiting for his response when Dusty abruptly stood. “Fuck you, O’Neil!” He took off down the trail, throwing sand in Parker’s face.
