“I still can’t believe it,” Lauren said as she poked at the crust with her fork.
“The part where I got in the water or the rest of it?” Kayla could still taste it no matter how many cups of black coffee she downed.
She’d tried to block out the pieces and the words. Mostly, she wanted to call back the things she said to Matthias. Her coldness. She blamed the shock, but the pain that flashed in his eyes had been all too real. So was the fact he left town as soon as it was all over . . . just as she feared.
Her emotions rode a wild roller-coaster ride. Her relief at knowing Garrett was okay got trampled when Matthias got in his car and left. The anger and loss swept over her. So did the reality that he didn’t want to stay and fight for them. To talk it out.
She could rebuild, go to school, find another place to live. Those were all on her list. But not seeing him, not being able to hold his hand and talk her confusion through ripped her apart. A choking despair settled over her. She didn’t want to eat and couldn’t sleep.
She’d spent most of the night on Lauren’s sofa bed just staring at the ceiling. Now she dragged through the day, knowing the cycle would keep repeating if she didn’t track him down and deal with this.
She’d told him to leave and maybe she meant it in that moment, but not really. Without him her insides shredded and every minute dulled. And the fact she looked up, hoping he’d walk through the door, every time that stupid bell dinged made her want to tear it down.
She had no idea how she was going to get through this day, let alone this week. After a lifetime of being alone and trying to be fine with that, she hated her own company. She missed him, ached to see him. Wanted to punch him for not sticking around and fighting for them.
“Your life, that idiot Elliot, the water. The fact Matthias left without saying goodbye.” Lauren shook her head. “You’ve had a shit time of it.”
“I threw up on him.” Between the water and the shock of losing him so fast it was amazing she’d stopped throwing up.
“On Matthias? Oh, please. He’s tougher than that.”
“I also had a momentary lapse where I questioned the truth of the story about the money and him being in on it.” She’d relived that conversation a million times and wished she could call it all back.
“That was a mistake.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
Lauren threw down her fork. “Jesus, Kayla. You’re human. We do dumb things and then fix them. It’s part of the DNA.”
Sure, that sounded reasonable, but nothing about what happened fit into a nice little box like that. But her already shaky life careened out of control in those minutes in the boat shed. The gun and the look on Matthias’s face. It was like she’d slapped him.
The way the men battled and her frantic search under the water for Garrett. It all raced back at her. Every word and all that fear.
Her hands shook and her heartbeat thumped in her ears. She turned around and pretended to fiddle with the coffeepot handle. Anything to hide the panic crushing her as she remembered how close Matthias came to getting shot again.
“I can imagine that conversation. ‘Gee, I’m sorry I believed you hired someone to kill me.’ I bet that would go over well.” She tried to make a joke but the café behind her had gone silent. She’d somehow managed to nearly shout the sentence into a room that didn’t know the specifics.
This day sucked.
“You could just tell me you don’t believe it.” Matthias’s voice carried from one end of the dining room to the other.
She spun around and there he was. Tall and dangerous in his dark DC suit. He no longer wore the sling, but he held his arm bent at an odd angle, almost cradling it.
She took it all in. The confidence and the . . . weariness. He looked tired. She could see the exhaustion around his eyes and flat mouth. He still stole her breath. She looked at him and a part of her danced with excitement.
The door . . . she hadn’t heard the bell. Hadn’t been prepared for the full force of seeing him again. “Matthias.”
Wren stepped around Matthias and gave the crowd a little wave. Everyone was watching. No one even pretended to eat.
“Good morning, all. Hello, ladies.” Wren looked at his watch. “Maybe we’ve slipped into afternoon. Either way, I’m going to go over here.”
He pointed to a table just a few feet away. One of the few that wasn’t taken. The café had a steady crowd today. Lauren told Kayla it was a show of community support. People nearby wanted her to know they believed in her. They did it by coming in and getting pie. Kayla loved that about this town.
Lauren picked up her plate and joined Wren. “I’ll sit with you.”
People moved around and some whispered. She saw more than one older woman smile at another. Everyone seemed mesmerized by the man standing in the middle of the café looking about as out of place as any person ever had.
“Why are you here?” Her words came out as a whisper.
He answered in his usual booming voice, not even trying to hide their conversation. “To apologize.”
Longing hit her. That was the only way she could describe it. She wanted to jump over the counter and rush to him. She wasn’t the big-romantic-gesture type. She was barely the dating type. But she saw him and wanted it all.
“You saved me.” In so many ways. This went past the boat shed and handling Paul and Mary. Matthias had brought her out of the shadows and made her feel again. Made her want things and no longer be satisfied just to survive.
“But I still shouldn’t have left without explaining.”
“That was a crappy thing to do.” She heard some laughter and ignored it. Blocked everyone out but him.
“I was messed up from the Mary stuff. The whole thing had me turned around and doubting my judgment.” He blew out a long, haggard breath. “When I realized what she’d done I broke every law to get to you in time.”
“I knew you would come.” Kayla did. Through all the lies and confusion, she’d believed he would storm in.
He gave a quick look around and hesitated before he just started talking. “I didn’t know about the money. I gave it to her for something else and she used it for . . . well, you know.”
“I do.” She put down the coffeepot and started to slip around the edge of the counter. “That’s not who you are. You didn’t know.”
“I should have.”
She knew he was going to say that but she hadn’t expected to hear such pain in his voice. “You’re human, Matthias. You get to make mistakes. We both do.”
“You don’t hate me?”
“God, no.” Anything but that. The opposite of that.
“Then why are we living in two different cities?” His voice broke on the words. “I don’t understand why I’m sleeping alone.”
She went to him then. Stepped in front of him and took his hands in hers. “I think I was giving us both time. I needed to think and you needed space. Maybe I wanted you to miss me. I don’t know.”
She didn’t need a grand gesture, but she’d wanted him to come back and he had. She had needed to know that she wasn’t an assignment he could walk away from, that she meant something to him. And now she knew. She could see the devastation in every line of his body and hear it in the sadness in his voice.
“I miss you every fucking hour.” He winced as he did a quick look around the café. “Sorry.”
“Wow, he’s got it bad,” Wren said.
Lauren smiled. “It’s cute.”
Matthias didn’t spare them a glance. “Shut up.”
Wren just laughed. “But we need to work on his people skills.”
Through all the chatter and laughter in the café, Kayla only saw Matthias. People mumbled and a few said something. She missed it all as she looked into those intense dark eyes and for the first in a long time felt hope.
He gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. “I love you.”
She almost fell over. “Whoa.”
“Okay, wait.” His word
s rushed and ran together as he talked. “That’s not what I intended to say. Look, I—”
No, she would not let him backtrack now. She stepped right up against him and put her hands on his chest. “But do you mean it?”
“Yes.” His arms came around her in a crushing hold. “It’s new and confusing and I’m not sure what to do about it, but it’s not going away. So, I can wait for you to catch up. Try to win you over . . . maybe there’s a how-to guide I can read.”
Light flooded through her, wiping out the panic and doubts. He wasn’t saying flowery nonsense. He was being honest. He loved her and she could see it stunned him. She wasn’t offended because she felt exactly the same way. “Good.”
“I don’t understand how or when. I just know losing you was like being plunged into darkness.” He put a hand over hers and opened his mouth as if he was going to say more. Then he closed it again. “Did you say good?”
“I love you, too.” Nothing had ever felt so right or so freeing.
He made a face. “God, why?”
The whole café laughed that time.
“Because you’re everything I could want. You make me feel beautiful and protected. With you, I matter.” That was it. In so many ways, he’d brought her back to life. “I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to live and enjoy and not look over my shoulder every two minutes.”
He shot her a big sexy grin. “You’re more important to me than work.”
Happiness bubbled up inside her. That was his ultimate statement of commitment, and she knew it. “That’s big.”
“You have no idea.”
“We’ll figure it out. Take our time.”
He leaned in a little closer. “We’re still going to have sex, right?”
Yeah, he was predictable. “Not right here, but yes.”
“Okay.” He nodded. “I can live with that.”
“How’s the arm?” She brushed her hand over it, careful not to press too hard.
He slipped his hand behind her neck and brought her in closer, until their mouths almost touched. “Want to come to check in to the inn and take a look at it?”
He kissed her then. It was demanded and all-consuming. He had her brain scrambled and her knees going weak.
The clapping registered first. Then came the cheers. She lifted her head and glanced around the café. Ignored the heat rising in her cheeks as she looked at him. “I want it all.”
“You got it.”
Chapter 31
Kayla really might kill him this time.
His breath left his chest and excitement welled deep inside him. Matthias threw his good arm behind him and grabbed the headboard for balance. He needed to hold on while her body lifted over his. While his body cried out for more.
He watched her skin flush and her mouth drop open. She was so sexy and alive.
They’d been back together for three days and still had barely ventured from the inn. Her boss came into town, and she got some time off. He ignored work, which never happened except when she was involved. He wanted to go back home and take her with him, but he wanted this more.
The intimacy. The connection. The mind-blowing sex.
She dug her fingernails into his shoulders as her breasts skimmed across his bare chest. From the tightening of her thighs against his hips to the way her body shuddered over him, he knew she was close to finding release. She would move around until she found it. The way she knew her body and what she needed was the hottest thing ever.
She was not alone in being ready. He was a second from takeoff. His body begged for release, but he held back. He wanted her with him. Satisfied and panting.
She lifted her body again, almost separating from him. He flexed his hips and brought her in closer. Made sure they stayed joined. When she plunged down again, he slipped his finger against her, against the spot guaranteed to drive her wild. Touched her, caressed her, until she moaned.
Her head fell back and her breath punched out in hard gasps. She clenched around his length, pushing his body right to the edge. And he didn’t fight it. His hips pushed forward and he started to come. Without any command from his brain, his body bucked and his chest ached from holding back. But now he let go.
One more swipe of his finger against her clit and she came with him. Heat filled the room and the smell of sex wound around them. Her body started to pulse and her shoulders fell forward as she came. She moved up and down and her shoulders shifted and her legs clamped down harder against his sides.
The orgasm drew out for what felt like minutes. Then her elbows gave out and she fell against him. They were both spent and exhausted and neither of them moved.
He let his arm fall back down and wrapped it around her. He could hear her breathing and feel it blow across his chest.
Their bodies were wrapped together and entangled, just the way he liked it. She fit against him in a way that made every cell in his body jump to attention.
He loved to touch her, smell her, kiss her.
He just plain loved her.
“Who needs two good arms?” He lifted his sore shoulder, ignoring the pang. It would heal eventually, but not quite yet. But that didn’t mean he planned to hold her one-handed for the next four weeks. Hell, no. He vowed to have both hands all over her, all the time.
“I admit I wasn’t really thinking about your arms just then.” She mumbled the words into his chest.
He was humbled and grateful that she thought of him at all. This amazing woman, so sexy and smart. A resourceful survivor. Fearless in so many ways and so perfectly human in others. “That’s what I like to hear.”
“I do love you, you know.” She lifted her head and stared at him with wide eyes, clear of any haunted pain from the past. “It hit me when I wasn’t expecting it and it keeps getting bigger and stronger as I find out more about you.”
He felt the same way and it stunned him. He’d never been about relationships or bought into the idea of having one person to spend time with to the exclusion of everyone else. He worked, he had sex when he got the urge and he relied on a few people now and then. That summed up his entire life before her. Now everything felt bigger. More complete.
“Not seeing you for days made me grumpy as hell.” He’d been stomping around and ready to rip down his office walls with his bare hands. “I actually pitied the people who work for me.”
“Speaking of which, how’s Garrett?”
He didn’t bother to deny the work relationship. Garrett might work for Wren, but Matthias was happy to claim him. “Demanding a raise, so he’s fine.”
Kayla traced a finger over Matthias’s mouth. “And Mary?”
He caught her hand and placed a long, lingering kiss on her palm. “I don’t want to talk about her.”
“We’ll have to.” She cuddled in closer. “Eventually.”
“I know.” He hated that she was right, but she was. But today was not the day. Wren was working on her case. The attorney Matthias paid for had stepped in. There was talk of her getting a psychological assessment. Through it all, Kayla said she’d refuse to testify if that provided Mary with an incentive to get the help she needed.
“Then know that you’re not her.” Kayla put both her hands on his cheeks and forced him to look straight at her. “What she did? That’s her sin, not yours.”
She’d said that numerous times. Wren said it. Garrett said it. Even Lauren said it. He heard the words but he wasn’t prepared to believe them yet. “I’d be lying if I said I bought that line completely.”
“I know it will take time.” She gave him a quick sweet kiss. “Just understand that I’m here for you no matter what.”
“I like hearing that.” Because she understood. She knew what it was like to stare into the abyss. He didn’t have to talk about how hating Mary made him hate a piece of himself. How he blamed himself for so much, even the things he had no power over like not being there to save Nick.
Through it all—the pain and confusion—Kayla supported and loved him. F
or a guy who hadn’t known a lot of luck and very little love in the first twenty years of life, he embraced it now.
She was everything to him.
“Okay.” She winced. “There’s one more thing.”
That unsure tone spelled trouble. “I’m going to hate this.”
“Oh, yeah.”
Then it was better to get it out and over with. He was done hiding and shading the truth, or avoiding it all together. No more. “Go ahead.”
“I need to talk with Paul. Or Ben.” She waved a hand in front of her face. “Whatever name he goes by these days.”
The sudden emptiness in his stomach scared him. “About what?”
“He needs to know the truth.”
God, she couldn’t possibly mean . . . “About the murders only, right?”
She eased back just a little on Matthias’s lap. Her hands rested on his chest and her eyes filled with the confidence he loved so much. “I can’t be responsible for him spending his entire life searching for Doug. That’s a hollowness I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”
He could try to fix that somehow. Nothing came to him but he could get Wren involved. Anything to keep her out of the press and out of jail. She deserved privacy and to be happy, and her proposal threatened both. “If you tell him, he’ll go to the police.”
“If he does I’ll face it. I’m not a frightened guilt-ridden twenty-year-old anymore.”
She acted like this wasn’t the biggest decision in her life next to killing Doug in the first place. There was nothing light or unimportant about this.
He put his hands on either side of her waist. “Jesus, Kayla. You don’t want that much heat.”
“Maybe I won’t be able to go through with it when the time comes but don’t you see that I have to try?”
She really was determined to kill him. “I want us to be together.”
The thought of losing her, of watching her go through a trial, shredded him. He couldn’t think and the arguments refused to come to him. “That requires neither of us to be in jail. Talk about putting pressure on a new relationship.”
The Enforcer Page 26
