by Chloe Mayer
At least she didn’t feel too sick.
She sat up and looked at her alarm clock, which was never used for its true purpose, and saw it was eleven o’clock. Her resolve last night to make things up with Hans suddenly materialised again in her head, and she remembered the cake she’d made him.
She hurried downstairs to have some tea to wake herself up properly; she usually visited him in the mornings and left him later on in the day, when Dawson or other customers were more likely to show up. There had only been a couple of times when they’d heard someone coming towards the glade from the farmyard side, and she’d had to hurry off towards the woods.
Upstairs, she bathed and held two dresses against herself in front of the mirror to see what colour suited her that day. Her pretty yellow dress made her look sallow, so she picked the pink one instead.
She hadn’t bought or made any new clothes, but she was wearing dresses she hadn’t tried on for years. She was choosing brighter colours and more daring styles. During her worst times, that first year after the boy’s birth, she had gone for days without getting dressed if she had no reason to leave the house.
But all that was behind her now.
She put on a pair of pearl earrings and the silver heart locket. Her perfume was running dangerously low, but she sprayed a generous squirt of Vol de Nuit across her neck anyway. He had told her he loved the scent.
In the kitchen, she wrapped some slices of cake in a tea towel, placed them at the bottom of her trolley and then left for the orchard.
But on the walk, she began to feel afraid. What if he didn’t want her back?
‘Forgive me,’ she said simply, when she came upon him in the glen. Her voice was hoarse. She noticed her hands were shaking so gripped the handle of her trolley.
‘No. It was me – I’m sorry.’
She shook her head, relieved.
‘Really, Annie. I’m sorry. I am. I don’t want to stop things.’
‘You don’t?’
They were facing each other, a few feet apart.
‘No. But …’
He crossed the distance between them and put his hands on her shoulders to look at her. But she stepped into him and he wrapped his arms around her instead. She remembered the cake in the trolley and was about to suggest they eat it to celebrate when he interrupted her thoughts.
‘I’m thinking …’ he said into her hair.
‘What?’
‘You said it yourself. You want us to be together. I’m thinking … I’m thinking we have to go away.’
She was so startled she laughed and stepped out of his embrace. ‘Go away? You mean run away?’
‘Yes.’
She stared at him and couldn’t think what to say.
‘Remember I gave you our possibilities once, and said none of them was good? Well, there is another possibility that I have thought of.’
‘But Hans! Where would we go?’
She couldn’t pretend she hadn’t dreamed about running away with him. Running-away fantasies had been a part of her adult life for as long as she could remember. But unlike her earlier fantasies, which had started around the time the child was born, it was not the act of running that fascinated her. No, her recent daydreams involving Hans skipped over the actual running, and revolved instead around setting up home together.
‘Where would we go?’ she asked again. Horrified, hopeful.
He didn’t reply; he seemed to be thinking. She thought about Reggie. The boy. Maybe they’d be better off without her?
She waited for his answer. His English was excellent, but he was undeniably German and anyone would know it as soon as he opened his mouth. They couldn’t run away and pass for a normal couple.
‘I might be able to find some of my father’s friends in Liver-pool. I think I know someone who would help us get away. Maybe we could get to Switzerland after that.’
‘Switzerland!’
‘It’s our only good possibility!’
‘But Switzerland!’
‘Just think about it. Just think! We love each other. We can be together, we can be happy! I know you haven’t been happy for a very long time.’
‘I know, but … Hans!’ She let out a strangled little laugh again, but he didn’t laugh along with her. ‘But … how could we?’
‘There’s things you’d have to do. Plans. You’d have to—’
‘Wait, wait a minute! I can’t talk about that yet, let me just think for a minute.’ She took another step back and began fiddling with the handle of her trolley. ‘Tell me … tell me how it would be.’
Finally, he smiled at her. He stepped forward and gathered up her hands in his.
‘We would have our own house, not pretend like over there!’ He gestured with his head back towards the little shed. ‘We would be together, we would have a normal life.’
‘Yes …’
‘We can walk away from the war and leave everything behind us. I know I will make you happy.’
‘Happy?’
‘Yes. And I can teach you German or we can both learn French and we can live wherever we like. Together. We can have a home and it will be just you and me. Think how nice it is when we are together in a dirty old shed; now imagine we have a real home together.’
‘It does sound so …’
‘I know you don’t like talking about bad things, Annie, but I think we have to make this decision soon. I am very frightened something will happen, like what happened to Erik.’
She looked away. ‘Don’t say that.’
‘If you want, I could go first to make sure you are not in any danger. If you could just help me get to Liverpool I think I could get to Switzerland by myself. Then I could write to you and you could come when everything is ready and perfect.’
‘I … I … do wish we could be together.’
He squeezed her hands and waited for her to look back into his handsome face.
‘I know you think this is a difficult decision. But we keep saying our problem is difficult, oh, it’s so difficult … But, when I think about it – then actually … No. It’s not so difficult at all, Annie. The answer is very simple.’
20
‘I will set you three tasks, and if you can perform them all, you shall become my daughter’s husband and master …’
From The Six Servants
I was the keeper of a powerful secret. I knew about their kisses and what they did inside the cabin and what they talked about when they thought they were alone.
But I had another secret as well; Hansel wasn’t really a woodcutter. I knew that now. It had gradually become clear to me that he was far too special for that. Not just a magical woodcutter; he was also a prince. Yes. An enchanted prince under a spell. He was trapped – that much was obvious – condemned to hack away at apple trees all day and spend his nights locked up under guard and key.
I didn’t want my mother to be the one who broke the spell. I wanted to be the one who would help him escape. And if I helped him get away, then he’d leave her behind.
Ever since she’d met him, it was like she was disappearing in front of my eyes. Sometimes she didn’t even want to read to me, and I knew how much she loved that.
I’d heard him speak to her of Liverpool and Switzerland, and I couldn’t let him take her away. She mustn’t be allowed to try to leave me. Not again.
There had been a terrible moment, several weeks ago, when I was watching them through my spyhole. They were naked on the floor and what they’d done had been frightening to watch because it wasn’t soft like that first kiss. They made sounds like they were in pain and I was just thinking about running in through the door at the front to make them stop hurting each other when they stopped. But the really terrible moment happened when they were just lying there, smoking and talking. She told him how she nearly ran away from me. When I was three. And my breathing stopped, just like that, and it was like the time I found that letter from Daddy.
So, no. Much as I loved him, I couldn’t l
et my woodchopper-prince take her away with him back to his kingdom. He’d have to go by himself.
And really, it would be for the best. It would be the best thing for Hansel to return home, and it would be the best thing for my mother, even if she was sad at first. She wouldn’t know what part I’d played. And she would turn to me for comfort. She would call me her Darling.
I wasn’t a watcher, a listener, of the story any more. I had my own role, and it was a very important part to play.
So while Hansel never said the words as such to me, I knew what it was he needed.
He needed to escape, and it would be me – not her – who would help him.
We were lying down. We’d just been chatting in a lazy sort of way about this and that – my life in the village, what people were saying about the PoWs, what I’d heard on the wireless about how the war would soon be over, my best subjects at school, my favourite fairy stories. We hadn’t played any games that day. It was very hot and Hansel said he was too tired.
He was chewing a blade of grass, and the end shot forward into the air like a beanstalk trying to grow into the sky. My head was resting on my bent arm, and I was curled towards him, watching his eyes. They were closed, but still I looked for a clue as to what he could be thinking about.
‘I think …’ I began, ‘you’re going need some money, aren’t you? To … get away.’
Hansel didn’t open his eyes and didn’t say anything.
‘Some money. And, maybe, some food for the, er … the journey.’
I didn’t want him to open his eyes now. This made things easier. I felt very awkward.
I tried to slowly turn my body away so I was lying on my back beside him, mirroring his position. I didn’t want to be caught staring at him as I revealed my role as saviour to him. I copied the shape of his body so I looked as casual as he did.
‘And … maps.’ I stopped for the first time. Why wasn’t he saying anything? ‘I – I’ll try my best,’ I finished with a strange sort of nervous gulp, so that the last word was swallowed up by my throat.
He started to sit up so I quickly closed my eyes. I wished I’d thought to put a piece of grass into my mouth too.
‘Did your mother tell you to speak to me of this?’
My eyes snapped open as I laughed in disbelief. ‘She won’t help you escape! She doesn’t want you to go away! And, and, well, she definitely doesn’t want to go away either.’ I closed my eyes again and tried to look relaxed. ‘No, no, my Daddy’s coming home. What would he do if he came back and she was gone?’ I laughed again, although it sounded a bit shakier this time. ‘He’s coming back here. And Mother and I live here. Together. Here.’
I heard him sigh.
‘I’m very, very tired,’ he said. ‘Maybe work and playtime is over for today. Mr Dawson asked me to help him on the farm this afternoon. Yes, I will finish here now.’
I felt a crumpled breeze as he stood up and his shadow made the red light behind my eyelids turn to black. ‘I think you should go home.’
I sink you shud go hom.
Then I was up and brushing down my short trousers as I made for the fence without looking at him.
‘Daniel!’
I wasn’t going to turn around, even though I had stopped walking. I wanted him to say it to my back. But I did turn round. Of course I did. I wanted to see his face.
‘You don’t understand. What you are saying …’
I nodded. My throat was tight and I knew I wouldn’t be able to speak any more. He looked serious, with a tight little frown.
‘What you are saying – about getting me maps, and food and money … These three tasks are very dangerous.’
Three tasks.
I hadn’t even thought about it like that, but of course it all made perfect sense.
There were always three tasks, and they were always dangerous.
I fought the urge to run over to hug him. He had given me the gift of his permission. I wanted to thank him, but I could sense that wouldn’t be quite the right thing to do. Instead, I simply nodded a manly, knowing kind of nod, and turned and walked towards the forest.
I spent a lot of time in the woods over the next couple of weeks, trying to find the best escape route during a series of secret missions. I kept half an eye out for the Troll all the while as I experimented with different trails. Hansel wanted me to take him to the train station in Densford. When we got there, he’d stay hidden in the woods while I went to buy a ticket from the station master, which he’d then use to make his way to Liverpool.
So I had a lot of work to do to find the best way through the forest to the station. When I returned home from one such scouting mission, I took the county maps that Daddy kept in the bureau in the dining room up to my bedroom, spread them out across my bed and lay face-down, almost on top of them, so I could pore over the legends.
I turned over onto my back and pulled the maps onto my chest, willing them to give up their secrets to me.
Today was a glorious day and it was a shame to be inside, but this was important work and had to be done. I hadn’t seen or heard Mother in the house so she must be out, with him in the orchard, or perhaps just running errands in the village.
I felt a shiver as I realised they could escape now – right this minute – and I’d be none the wiser. She’d just be gone, as though she’d never existed. But she was terrible at making decisions, and I’d heard her telling him she was still thinking about the best course of action to take. She kept telling him she needed more time, just a little more time. I was glad about that. Clearly it showed she didn’t want to leave me. Because I was her Darling.
I let the maps fall on the floor and got up to open my window. Leaning out into the summer sun, I looked out across our front garden and turned to look down the lane. The other cottages were all peaceful, no sign of anyone about.
The petals had long gone from our magnolia tree and something about the burnt orangey glow to the early-afternoon light reminded me that autumn was on its way.
Buying a train ticket at Densford seemed like it might be a bit difficult, now I thought about it. I’d never bought a train ticket before. I didn’t even know where Liverpool was. And despite all my time in the woods, I still hadn’t found the trail that led to the station. Maybe I should forget about that part of the plan for now. I should probably just concentrate on finding a place where Hansel could hide for a while first. Maybe we could make a secret camp in the woods that only the two of us would know about.
He could build a little one-room wooden cabin there, a new woodchopper’s hut, and I could bring him food and blankets. This solution fixed another problem too; I’d been worried about missing Hansel once he’d gone away, but this plan gave me the excitement of pulling off a daring escape mission and all the time I’d want with him. I’d have him – and Mother – all to myself.
I smiled as I turned my face up to the almost cloudless sky. I hoped he’d stay there for a long time. It would be like having a secret pet to look after, and it was the excitement of the secret, rather than the glare of the sun, that made my eyes water.
I thought I’d really hit on something there. After all, my plan to build escape funds for the train ticket wasn’t really working. I had gathered a few shillings found hidden in cluttered drawers, or under the furniture, and had once taken some from Mother’s purse. I scanned the streets for dropped change, but people picked up their pennies when they fell, or picked up somebody else’s, so I never found any.
Pulling myself out of my daydreams, I ducked back inside my bedroom and returned the maps to the bureau downstairs.
I thought of what else I had to do as I left the house, heading to the orchard to spy on them if they were together, or play with Hansel if he was alone.
Gradually, I would start pilfering food from the larder and cupboards, and make a secret stash of cans of soup or tins of pilchards or vegetables. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d given food to Hansel. I wanted to show him how important to
him I was, and prove I was just as capable as Mother at providing what he needed.
Of course, I wanted to help Hansel because I loved him and wanted him to be free. But, well, it wouldn’t be a bad thing if he was out of the way so Mother could get back to thinking about me a bit more.
I couldn’t remember a time when she’d seemed more cheerful – and she was terribly keen to make sure that I was having a nice time. Why, she was always sending me out to play – not in an irritated way, liked she used to do, but in a happy carefree way. Now she was bright and gay – we’d even made a cake together that time – and it would be good to have life be about just the two of us now she was so jolly.
As I headed into the woods, steering clear of the path in case I ran into my Mother but watching out for the Troll, I thought perhaps it wouldn’t be a good idea to tell Hansel about my plan for setting up a hideout camp just yet.
I knew he’d want to catch a train straight away, so he could travel to wherever Liverpool was. It would mean he’d have to take his chances on the Skeleton Service, but Hansel was brave and strong and that wouldn’t frighten him. He wouldn’t realise he’d be much better off living in the forest – with me to help him and visit him. I thought again about how wonderful it would be for him to a build a new woodchopper’s hut that only I knew about. He didn’t need to go to Liverpool. I’d go along with the idea of helping him get to Densford Station for now, and then – when we were in the woods – I could show him the beginnings of our camp in the forest. I was sure he’d come round once I explained.
Plotting this escape was the most marvellous game I’d ever played, and now I could see the game didn’t have to end. And my head filled with pictures of us together in the magic forest, until there was no room for anything else. The dreams were like spun candyfloss clouds hung across the sky; and I was just as unable to catch hold of them.
21
‘It is the prince whom I love. More than anyone. He is always in my thoughts and it’s to him I would willingly pin all my hopes of happiness …’
