by Sybil Bartel
Why did I want to cry?
He grasped my hand and dragged it through the sticky release coating my stomach. “This doesn’t make you mine.” He brought my hand to his heart and held my gaze like his life depended on it. “This does.”
HER FACE FELL, HER body flinched, and she dissolved into tears.
Jesus fuck.
“Elyssia,” I demanded with more force than I intended. “Talk to me.” Goddamn it, I didn’t mean to sound like an asshole, but the second I came, she looked like she was going to fucking lose it. And now she was crying. Fuck. Fuck.
Her head hit my chest, and she quietly sobbed. It was like everything else about her, delicate and beautiful and heart-wrenching.
Guilt consumed me. “I’m sorry.” Fuck. I stroked her back, wishing I was sorry for being her first, but I fucking wasn’t. “I’m sorry, baby. Don’t cry.” Goddamn it, I didn’t want to make her cry.
My cell vibrated on the nightstand.
She swiped at her face. “You should get that.”
I glanced at the screen. Talon. “It can wait.” I gripped a handful of her hair. “Tell me why I made you cry.”
“You didn’t.” Her eyes averted, she moved to get off me, but it was careful and slow.
Feeling like an asshole all over again for taking her, I lifted her by her waist. “Careful. You hurting?”
“I’m okay.” She untangled herself from me and moved to get off the bed.
Christ, I wanted to hold her in my arms. “Stop. Lie down.” My issued commands making me sound like an asshole, I tried to tone it the fuck down. “Just relax, I’ll get you whatever you need.”
“I’m not an invalid.”
She was exactly that, and I’d taken advantage of her. Worse, my dick didn’t get the fucking memo. Still hard, wanting more of her sweet tightness, it pulsed like I was a goddamn teenager. Ignoring it, I stroked her cheek. “What do you need? Let me get it for you.”
Standing completely naked, she closed her eyes for a second and leaned into my touch, but then she reached for her borrowed T-shirt and nodded at the bathroom. “I’m going to shower.” Still graceful, she moved slower than usual, but not with the pain in her step I’d seen yesterday.
Torn between staring at her gorgeous body and the bruises marring her back, I let her get halfway to the bathroom before I moved. Intercepting her, I grasped the back of her neck, and bent to kiss her once. “I want to hold you and tell you all the ways that felt incredible.” I paused, waiting for a reaction, but I got none. “But you’re pulling away from me, and I don’t know why.”
She averted her eyes. “I’m shy.”
No she wasn’t. “You’re standing in front of me naked.”
“I’m not sure what you want from me.”
Everything. “The reason you cried is a good start.”
“I was… overwhelmed.”
“Did I hurt you?”
One of her shoulders tipped up.
Her half shrug wasn’t what I wanted. “More than taking your virginity.” I laid my hand over her heart. “Did I hurt you here?”
She sucked in a breath. A full breath. One she wouldn’t have managed yesterday, but she didn’t respond.
“I can’t address what I don’t know,” I reminded her.
Her gaze cut to mine and pain etched across her face. “Why did you push me away the first time I kissed you?”
My heart fucking stopped. Then it kicked at my chest, and my stomach bottomed out. I didn’t want to tell her why, not after how she’d reacted when I’d told her I’d been tested. But I wasn’t going to lie to her either. “I felt guilty.”
It was as if she didn’t hear me. “Why didn’t you want to… be inside me, even after I told you the timing was okay?”
What the fuck was I missing? She thought I didn’t trust her? “I didn’t want to put you in an uncompromising position.” I couldn’t say I didn’t want to get her pregnant, because I did. God help me, I did.
“Just because I’d never”—she waved at the bed—“done that, it doesn’t mean I don’t know how the timing works.”
“Elyssia.” My tone was one hundred percent warning, but I wasn’t even sure why.
She ignored it. “You pulled away when I kissed you for the same reason you wouldn’t come inside me. You don’t get close to people.” Her voice broke. “You won’t get close to me.”
Jesus fucking Christ. “You know that’s not true.”
“It is.” Sorrow clouded her features as she pulled away from me.
I gave her the ugly truth. “I’d been with someone else earlier that day.”
Hurt contorted her features, crushing me.
I soldiered on. “When you kissed me that first time, I wasn’t expecting it. I’d wanted it. I’d wanted it for so damn long I’d forgotten what it was like not to want you. But I didn’t know you were coming down to Miami. I didn’t know about Helen.” Fuck, fuck, fuck, I hated the look on her face. “If I had, I never would’ve touched another woman that day, but I did. Then you kissed me, and I felt guilty as hell.”
With a stricken look on her face, I saw her piece that night together. “The woman in the hall. The one Myles took away.”
I didn’t deny it was the groupie, but I didn’t fucking confirm it either. “That was the last time I let another woman touch me, Elyssia.”
“Touch you?”
Fuck, I didn’t want to talk about this with her. “I didn’t touch her.”
She took a stilted breath. “You didn’t… you didn’t kiss her?”
“No.” I cupped her face. “And I’m done talking about it. I’m not going to discuss my past with you. It doesn’t matter. Not for us. I only told you because I’m not letting anything get between us. I wasn’t pulling away from you last year. You need to understand that.” Jesus, she was beautiful. “Just like you need to understand that I wanted to come inside you more than anything.” My dick was fucking pulsing just thinking about it. “I was protecting you. That’s all.”
Her shoulders and her gaze dropped. Her words came out in a quiet sigh. “I don’t want that kind of protection.”
It wasn’t forgiveness, but it was close enough for my lungs to fill with air. “Then get on the pill, or marry me and we’ll have all the unprotected sex you want.”
Her head snapped up, and her eyes went wide with shock.
I didn’t fucking smile. I was dead serious. I put her initials over my heart. “I meant every word.”
The sound of my front door flying open and banging on its hinges made her jump.
“Wonderboy!” Talon bellowed. “Make sure your Wondergirl is decent. She’s gettin’ a fuckin’ house call!”
BEN’S NOSTRILS FLARED BEFORE he called out over his shoulder. “Wait for me in the living room, Talerco.”
Talon’s chuckle drifted down the hall. “If y’all are indecent, I’m comin’ to watch.”
Ben kicked the door shut before taking my face in his hands. “You okay right now?”
My heart was in overdrive, my nerves were shot, and Ben Stark had just told me to marry him if I wanted to make babies. I was far from okay. “I’m good.”
He stared at me like he could see through my lie. “Talon can wait. Do we need to talk about what I just said?”
I was so uncomfortable, but for none of the reasons I should’ve been. I wasn’t shy being naked in front of him. He made it feel so natural, so right, and like we had been doing it forever, even though every glance at his body and his tattoos made my stomach flutter. I wasn’t feeling a single ounce of regret about giving him my virginity, and I wasn’t angry with him about pulling away from our first kiss. I was uncomfortable because a five-letter word was dancing around in my head, and all I could think about was how desperately I wanted it.
Marry.
But he hadn’t proposed. Not really. And I wasn’t stupid. He was leaving for the rest of his tour. A tour where women like the one after that concert would be in abundance.
; “Elyssia?”
My hand brushed over his impossibly hard biceps. “No, it’s okay. I’m just going to take a quick shower.”
He studied me for a moment longer. Then his lips landed on mine. Gentle and so reverent, he kissed me. The slow stroke of his tongue igniting the ache in my core all over again, I wanted to fall back into bed with him.
Pulling back, he whispered against my lips, “Thank you.” His thumb stroked my face. “Thank you for giving me the best gift I’ve ever had.”
Heat flamed my cheeks and warmth spread in my belly. “You’re welcome.”
Inhaling, he stepped back like he was reluctant to let me go. “Shower. I’ll tell Talon you’ll be out in a minute.”
I grabbed the borrowed T-shirt I’d dropped, and I made my way to the bathroom, acutely aware of his eyes on me. By the time I closed the door and saw my reflection in the mirror, reality came back with a vengeance. My hair was tangled, my cheeks were flushed, and my face glowed. But my body was covered in a truth I couldn’t continue to ignore.
Sucking in a breath, I turned and looked at my back and the sides of my thighs. The bruises were more yellow today, and despite the horrible ugliness to them, I felt better. So much better than I thought I could have felt within a day’s time.
But I couldn’t ignore Marcus forever.
Resigned, I quickly showered then wrapped a towel around me and opened the bathroom door a crack. When I didn’t see Ben, I slipped into the bedroom and grabbed my cell. No new messages or voice mails. Concern and guilt threading together, I called Marcus. It rang five times and went to voice mail. I hung up and dialed again. Five more rings, and his voice came through the line.
“Leave a message because I don’t want to talk to you.”
Sitting on the bed, I hung up and switched to text.
Me: I need you to call me
I waited a couple minutes, but when he didn’t respond, I called again. This time it didn’t even ring, it went straight to voice mail. “Shoot.” I tossed my phone on the bed.
“What’s wrong?” Ben strode in carrying a plate heaped with food and a glass of orange juice.
“Marcus isn’t answering.”
With his muscles straining his fitted T-shirt, he set the plate on the nightstand and handed me the juice. “Maybe he’s not up yet.”
No, he was avoiding me. “He’s up.” I stared at the food. Scrambled eggs, thick slabs of toast with butter, and a mountain of cut-up fruit. It was more than I could eat in two meals. “Thank you.”
Ben merely nodded and handed me a fork. “I’ll call him.”
I thought about telling him not to. I thought about telling him to never say anything to Marcus ever again, but what he’d said earlier was playing in my thoughts. Ben was right. Marcus needed more help than I could give him. My eyes glued to the plate of food, I sat there holding the fork, not knowing what to do. “I should get dressed. Talon’s waiting.”
He sat down next to me and brushed my wet hair off my shoulder. “He’s on the phone. Eat something.” His lips touched my shoulder in a sweet kiss.
I shivered from his touch as I took in all the ink covering his arms. “I need to check on my brother.”
Taking the juice from my hand, he took a sip, then set it down on the nightstand and picked up the plate. “Marcus can take care of himself.” He handed me the plate.
No, he couldn’t. I set the plate back on the nightstand.
Ben exhaled. “Elyssia.” All six feet three inches of him looked irritated. “You need to eat.”
I stared at his gorgeous eyes. A darker blue outlining the lighter blue was framed by thick eyelashes. “Why do you do that?”
The crease between his eyebrows surfaced. “Do what?”
“Call me by my full name?”
His chest moved in and out with a breath. “Because that’s your name.”
“I don’t call you Benjamin.”
“Good, because that’s not my name.”
Surprise widened my eyes. “What?”
“It’s Bennett.”
I’d known him for eight years and I hadn’t known this? “You never told me.”
“You never asked.”
What did that mean? That I could ask him anything and he’d tell me? Ben was about as impenetrable as they came. I didn’t even know how his father had died. Marcus had told me years ago that he didn’t talk about his dad or being a foster kid, so I shouldn’t ask him. “What’s your middle name?”
“Abraham.”
On anyone else, I couldn’t imagine the name suiting the man, but on Ben? Bennett Abraham Stark fit him. “Strong name. Are you named after someone?”
He didn’t reply at first. His gaze drifted, and when he spoke, his voice had turned flat. “My father’s name was Abraham.”
I reached for his hand. “How did he die?”
He wove his fingers through mine. “He worked himself to death. He had a heart attack on a construction site. He was a carpenter. My mom took off when I was a kid. No one could find her after he died. He was an only child, and my grandparents were deceased, so I went into the foster system. You know the rest.” His gaze cut back to mine. “Any other questions?”
My heart breaking for him because I knew the pain of losing an only parent, I dared to ask another question. “How can you afford this place?” He’d paid off my mother’s mortgage the very next day after I’d come for him. He hadn’t told me, my mother had before she’d died. She’d said to sign some papers and not question a dying mother’s wish. Turned out, I’d signed papers that’d made the house mine. I’d never thanked Ben.
“I own it.”
I knew he’d bought it, I just didn’t know how he’d afforded it and paying off my mother’s mortgage. “It’s a beautiful condo.”
“I meant the building.”
I blinked. “The whole building?” He owned it?
“Yes.”
“Wow.” I’d underestimated how well the band was doing.
“You need to eat.”
“I’m allergic to eggs,” I absently looked around the room because I didn’t want to think about his father or my mother, or Marcus or the fact that I worked as a cashier and Ben owned an entire building.
“Since when?” He sounded angry.
“Always.” It wasn’t just four walls. The ceiling had different heights, the high baseboards had fancy rounded edges, the windows had marble windowsills. Every surface looked expensive and carefully planned.
“What else are you allergic too?” He moved the plate to his dresser.
“Peanuts, tree nuts, soy and eggs,” I rattled off the list. “This is a really nice building.”
“How serious are the egg and soy allergies?”
I glanced at my purse. “I don’t need an EpiPen for them, not like I do for the nuts.”
“How do you know?” He snatched my bag and held it up. “You carry your EpiPen in here? Should I have one for you, in case of emergencies? Can you self-inject?”
“Eggs and soy just give me hives and make me sick, but I’m not anaphylactic to them.” I took my purse and rooted through it, coming up with one of the prescriptions. “And yes, I can self-inject.”
“You have two boxes of EpiPens?”
“Yes. It’s a little overkill, but Marcus likes me to be prepared.” They cost hundreds of dollars each, and since I didn’t have health insurance, Marcus always paid for them. But he was paranoid about it. Every room of our house had one. I handed one to Ben. “Here.”
He stared at the box. “Have you had to inject yourself?”
The tone of his voice, like he was horrified, made me look up at him. “A few times.”
His eyebrows drew tight as he held the box up. “None of this is on your profile at the karate studio.”
He’d read my profile? “I don’t eat at the studio.” And I wasn’t a child. I knew how to take care of myself. My bag was never far from me, and I didn’t eat anything that I didn’t know was safe.
&nb
sp; “Jesus,” he muttered, grabbing the plate of food and storming out of the room.
I picked up my phone and dialed Marcus again because Ben had inadvertently given me an idea. It went straight to voice mail, but I left a message I knew he wouldn’t ignore. “I need a new prescription, mine is about to expire.”
It was a shitty thing to do, making him waste the money, but I needed to talk to him. I needed to know how he was doing. Not that I’d figured out what I would do if I heard any of the warning signs in his voice. I’d have to make an excuse to Ben, but now I didn’t want to be in a position where I’d have to lie to him.
I pulled some clothes out of my bag and hastily dressed. I was brushing my hair when Ben returned with a new plate.
“The melon touched the eggs, sorry.” He sat on the edge of the bed and handed me the new plate. “But the rest of this is safe. No shared equipment with nuts or anything else.”
Yogurt, strawberries, and some cut-up cheese. “Oh. Thank you.”
“I’ll stop by the store later, what do you like to eat?”
“Whatever’s easiest. Sandwiches, yogurt, I’m not picky.” I opened the yogurt, suddenly really hungry. “Is Talon still here?”
“He’s wrapping up a phone call.” Ben watched me eat a few bites, then turned his head. “I have practice today.”
I pulled the spoon out of my mouth and swallowed. “Okay.”
“I’ll be gone a few hours.” His head down, he stared at his clasped hands as his elbows rested on his knees.
I knew where he was going with this. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
His hands tightened. “I don’t want to leave you.” He said it so quietly, I almost didn’t hear him.
My stomach tightened, and I set the yogurt on the nightstand. “I’ll be fine.”
Without raising his head, he turned and looked at me. “But I don’t know that, do I?”
Alarm spread through my veins.
He didn’t wait for an answer. “I don’t know what happened to you. How can I protect you when I don’t know who I’m supposed to be protecting you from?”
