by Gen Phan
Such a good friend? The kind of friend that kisses you and then lies about it? The kind of friend who's been lying to you for years about how they feel?
How was I meant to tell him now?
Chapter 12 - Mike
It felt good to have my head on Maria's shoulder. She felt warm and familiar and for the first time that day, I started to feel better about things. We sat in that position, for what seem like hours, not moving. Well, other than our legs that is. Both our legs were hanging off the tree and we were swinging them together in unison. Maria was wearing her old Adidas sneakers. The once-white laces had gone brown now and the sole looked worn on the one side. Her dad could probably buy her a sneaker factory, and here she was, in the same pair of sneakers she'd been wearing for years. I bumped her foot with mine intentionally and she kicked it back. We bumped each other's feet back and forth in some kind of game that I can't figure out why I was enjoying so much.
Soon my stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten though.
"What's the time?" I asked, lifting my head off her shoulder for the first time in ages.
"Um..." Maria pulled her phone out of her bag. "One o'clock."
"Seriously, have we been sitting here for two hours?" I was shocked. Time flies when you're having fun.
Maria looked at me, her hair was strangely flat on the one side from where my head had been pushing into her. It looked totally ridiculous, but so Maria.
"Yup. Two hours." She pocketed her phone and with one swift movement swung her legs and jumped out of the tree. "I'm starving."
"Me too." Within seconds I joined her and we both started walking through the park and instinctively toward my house. When we're hungry, we always go to my house, on account of her mother's less that appetizing cooking and the fat free, fun free, taste free pantry that she has. But I didn't feel like going home.
"Let's go somewhere." I turned around to face her, walking backwards while I spoke. "I don't feel like going home."
"Giovanni's?" Maria asked, a huge smile spreading across her face.
I smiled back. It's our other favorite place. It's this dodgy pizzeria at this old crappy strip mall just a few blocks away that has seen better days. No one from our neighborhood dares to eat there, not since the Chinese restaurant next door made it into the papers for suspicion of dog meat, or cat or rat meat. I can't remember what pet it was, but that was it, instant doom for any restaurant nearby.
Maria and I have a theory about Giovanni's though. It's never full, instead there's always a group of old Italian men that sit in the corner smoking and playing cards all day. We're convinced the place is actually run by the mafia and is just used to launder money. How else would it be going if we were the only two people that ever eat there?
Brett, Maria and I went there for her birthday last year and the guy didn't think twice about plying us all with Sangria, he didn't care that we were clearly underage. After the Sangria, he brought out the Grappa and the three of us proceeded to get pissed, properly pissed for the first time in our lives. The whole place was empty, apart from the Italian card playing suspicious looking smokers. They all started toasting Maria's birthday and it suddenly got loud and rowdy and we all found ourselves pushing the tables aside and dancing all night. The memory puts a smile on my face.
"Oh my God." She buried her face in her hands. "I know what you're thinking about. Stop it."
I smiled at her playfully. "I still can't believe you danced with that guy."
I burst out laughing at the memory of Maria and that old sixty-year-old guy doing the Rumba, or whatever it was that he was trying to teach her.
"Well, it's not like there were lots of willing dance partners that night. I had to take what I could get."
"You could have danced with me." I winked at her and she stopped walking for a second and looked at me strangely again, as if she was trying to figure something out.
"What?" I stopped walking too and faced her.
"You didn't ask me to dance."
"I shouldn't have to Maria. I'm game to dance with you anytime."
"Mmmm..." She looked like she didn't believe me.
"I'll dance with your right now if you want. On the pavement, in front of the passing cars."
"Dude, you're crazy."
"My parents are getting divorced. I'm allowed to be."
Maria shook her head but before she could finish, I grabbed her by the arm and spun her as hard as I could, and then tried to dip her like they do on all those reality TV dance shows. It didn't quite work and she crashed into my chest. Hard.
Um....
A strange feeling ploughed into my chest as she did. We both stopped laughing at the same time and quickly moved away from each other.
What was that? But I didn't have time to think about it -
"Come. Lets go." And Maria was off.
**
When we finally got home that afternoon, after sharing a huge pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, Maria was in crap for bunking school. Her mother was having a rather dramatic shit fit because the school had phoned and now she was threatening to send her to that all girls boarding school again and wanted to know if she was doing drugs. Her mother has to be one of the most dramatic people that have ever existed. She's the queen of overreacting.
I felt bad, so I reluctantly told her about my parents and explained that Maria was just being a good friend- best friend. And that was it. Her eyes lit up like the th of July. Like Las Vegas at night flickering in the desert. She suddenly grabbed me and pulled me close for a hug, which was odd.
"Mike, I am so sorry. So terribly, terribly sorry." She was saying the words, but I could tell that she was secretly pretty happy. This was juicy fucking gossip. Because other then being a dramatic over reactor, she is also a gossip. And by that I mean, A GOSSIP.
She took a deep breath, looked at me with sad patronizing eyes and then her mouth opened and a million questions flew out.
I just knew that the second I left, she would be on the phone and then the whole of the suburb, city, country, galaxy would know the story. It would keep the gossip mongers busy for a while. But the thought was also painful. I didn't particularly want the news splashed around town like a headline from People magazine. The last thing I wanted was for people to start looking at me like I was some kind of basket case, and then have the school decide to send me to the guidance counselor or some crap like that.
I eventually escaped her mother's million and one questions and was just about to leave when I turned to Maria quickly.
"Hey. Remember tomorrow night," I said as I pushed the front door open and started walking out. She looked at me for a moment or two as if she was genuinely confused, or she'd forgotten. How could she forget?
"My house. You, me, Brett, Brenna and her friends. You have some snooping to do. Remember?"
Her face fell. At least I think that's what happens. Suddenly she looked distant and strange. So I flashed her a big smile.
"You have to come. My parents are getting divorced you see."
She shook her head at me sarcastically. "Pulling the sad, pathetic, my parents are getting divorced card already?"
I nodded before exiting. I was dreading going home, but I knew I had to. On the way there I pulled my phone out and send her a quick message.
Chapter 13 - Maria
I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW AND I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been so busy with a whole bunch of stuff I wish I could tell you all about. I just got and agent and a whole bunch of exciting stuff will hopefully happen soon. But I have had to do a hell of a lot of work and have not been able to do anything else. SORRY! SORRY! You have my word that I will finish this now. I rewrote some stuff in these last two chapters, added a little surprise for you all. Hope you enjoy. and again.... S O R R Y
X?
Stupid fucking X!
If only he knew what that X did to me, he wouldn't be so inclined to use it! To throw it around so 'willy-nilly', or whatever the hell that
phrase was.
He'd twirled me around and I'd fallen into his chest and in that moment something had happened. I'd felt it. But of course, he hadn't. The usual. So now I was just left feeling like a big, fat idiot - one more.
Having a secret relationship with him. Hoping and wishing secret things that would never come true. Pining for someone I could never really have. God I needed to get a life. Maybe I needed to date someone. Find someone else and fall head over heels in love and stay up all night on the phone, giggling, texting, sending each other pics.
Maybe if I could fall in love with someone else, I would get over him. I scoffed loudly, wishful thinking.
I started getting ready for bed and instinctively looked out my window. His house was also a double story, and our rooms were basically at eyelevel. We're only separated by a patch of lawn, a small fence and hedge. That's it. There's a tree that has started to obscure the view of the window slightly. When he'd first moved in, the tree was still small. But now it had grown with each passing year.
His lights were still on and I was just about to turn away when I saw a shadow slide across the wall as he walked into his bedroom. He walked straight up to the window and smiled. He gave me a small wave and then closed the curtains. I too that as a cue to close mine too and climbed into bed, but as I did my phone lit up.
Mike:
Now I know you're stalking me.
A smile broke out across my face. God, he made this so hard for me. Why does he have to make loving him so damn easy? Why does he have to be so damn-crap!
I started typing back. These late night message sessions were a regular thing, and sometimes they left me feeling giddy. I often woke up in the morning and realized with a mortifying thud that everything I'd said had been loaded with something else. I was always trying to steer the conversation towards a place it never seemed to go. How dumb is that? It's easier to hide behind something I guess, than to risk it face- to- face. But it never worked. Every time I tried to say something flirty or loaded, he just replied to me as if I was still the dude that lived next door.
Maria:
Haha! You wish.
Mike:
I do
What? My heart slammed into my ribcage. It ricocheted off it and then hit my diaphragm before shooting back into my chest where it finally settled into a gallop.
WTF did that mean?
That sounded distinctly flirty. Or was I reading too much into it? And as I was almost about to stop breathing, another message comes through.
Mike:
Accidentally pressed send... I don't think I'd be very interesting to stalk.
And now my heart just fucking exploded like a th of July effing firecracker and shattered into a million little pieces that burnt out and fell to the ground where they were incinerated and died. Dramatic! I took a deep breath and replied.
Maria:
Yeah. Ur totally boring.
Mike:
Nite.
Maria:
Nite.
I pulled my duvet over my head and closed my eyes. He was always the last thing I thought about before going to sleep, and the first thing I thought about when I woke up. I had been so prepared to tell him today. I'd psyched myself up. But with everything that was going on in his life, what the hell was I going to do now? One thing I knew for sure...I certainly wasn't going to his Sherlock Holms style party tomorrow night.
**
I woke up with a feeling of total and utter dread. The day was spread out in front of me like an ugly smear of thick, sticky strawberry jam. All I could think about was tonight and all of Brenna's friends, and how Mike was probably going to be staring at them all.
He was going to be looking expectantly at them, wondering if she could be the kisser and potentially flirting, while I stood on the sidelines like some punctured third wheel pretending that everything was a-okay. There was no way this evening could get any worse. It was always the same. Mike with some chick, or a prospective chick and me feeling like a fucktard for even being there.
But maybe I didn't need to look like that anymore? Enter Jarrod.
I caught up with him quickly in the school corridor later that day.
"Hey Jarrod?"
He swung around quickly with a look of shock plastered across his face. "Maria? Hey?"
It was no secret that Jarrod had had a crush on me. Probably the only guy at school and I'm not really sure why. Perhaps it was because in our own special way, we're both outsiders. He didn't fit in. Jarrod was some kind of whiz kid online gamer. Apparently he got paid to play online games and find if they had any weaknesses. He was that good.
We'd gotten to know each other a couple of years back when we were paired together for a science project. At the time I remember thinking that if only, if only, I could like him as much as he liked me. How much easier my life would be? I tired to force myself to think of him in the way that he thought of me and every now and again, for a moment or two it had almost worked. We landed up kissing a few times, but nothing else happened.
"What you doing tonight?" I asked.
"Uh..." He still looked shell shocked. "Nothing."
"Wanna come to this thing that Mike is having at his house?"
"A thing?"
"Yeah, couple of us getting together. Nothing hectic. Just a bunch of friends." I emphasized the word friends, just to make sure he didn't get the wrong idea and think this was a date. But what was this?
"Sure!" He almost shouted the words at me. "Sure."
"Awesome. Meet me at my place at :."
He nodded eagerly and I walked off, not really sure of what I had just done, or why?
The rest of the day was a nightmare. That feeling of dread grew with each passing hour and seemed to follow me from class to class. And the feeling only intensified as the hour hand hit : pm and it was time to start getting ready. In fact, by this stage the feeling had morphed into something that resembled a twisting, writhing ball of absolute anxiety and panic. And as the panic threatened to turn into some full blown bloody panic attack, McKenzie burst through my door. Great, just what I needed.
She slithered up to my bed and sat down, like a snake emerging from the grass.
"Where you going tonight?" I looked at her. This strange person that looked exactly like me, but was absolutely nothing like me at all. We used to be so close growing up, and I don't know what happened. We'd done everything together when we were younger, but as we grew up and the years passed, we just seemed to grow further and further apart until it was as if we didn't even know each other.
"Mike is having a thing at his house," I said dismissively, pulling my shirt over my head. "Brenna is bringing her friends and-"
My sister interrupted me, "Why she inviting those skanks?"
I rolled my eyes. "They're not skanks. You think everyone is a skank."
I hated how my sister talked . So clichéd.
"Whateves," she said, (even more clichéd)
"Are you going to be wearing that?" She looked me up and down like I was some big, smelly pile of dog shit and my stench was making her nauseous.
"What's wrong with this?"
"Please Maria...Welcome to Bermuda. With a palm tree and a coconut and a big orange sunset. Really, Maria."
She got up and started walking to the door. "He's never going to notice you if you keep dressing like a boy, by the way." She exited and closed the door behind her and I thought I heard a small chuckle.
I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. I was wearing a pair of skinny jeans, my sneakers and the shirt that my aunt had sent me when they went to Bermuda.
He's never going to notice you if you dress like a boy.
The words ran through my mind over and over again. But I wasn't sure I knew any other way of dressing. Besides, he probably wouldn't notice me if I dressed differently anyway.
I glanced at my table, my mother had added to the mascara. It's her less than subtle attempt at telling me I'm not pretty enough, and I think she's still
obsessed with the idea that I might be a lesbian. I sat at the table and picked the stuff up; lip-gloss, a pencil, a few brushes, some shimmery stuff. What the hell was I supposed to do with this stuff anyway?
I opened my computer and search YouTube for one of those lame make-up tutorials that has a million and one hits. But after a few minutes of watching some bimbo with big boobs talk about cheek contouring, I slammed it shut. I was just going to improvise. I wasn't that clueless... surly?
So I slapped some gloss on my lips, attempt the whole mascara thing again, splashed a dollop of bronze shimmery stuff on my cheeks and ran a brush through my hair. It flopped into its usual position almost immediately. That kind of non-descript thing it did, it's wasn't really a hairstyle, it was more of a statement.
I walked over to my cupboard and started scrounging through my pile of shirts and found that one of Mackenzie's strappy top things has made its way into my clothing pile. I held it up and looked at it like it was infected with the plague. It wasn't one of her usual items that screams do me, I'm a slag. It was a simple white tank top, but still way to low in the front for me, and far to tight. Oh well, what the hell hey? I tried it on and then I almost did a double take...
I had boobs. Seriously, when the hell had that happen?
I was so transfixed by the mounds on my chest that I barely registered the door bell. It was only when my sisters shrill and mocking voice floated up the stairs that I even remembered that Jarrod was coming with me tonight. A stab of regret hit me. I wished I hadn't invited him. Not that he was a bad guy but....
"Maria, you're dates here!" My sister's mocking voice slammed into my room and I cringed. She'd just used the word date, I didn't want to give Jarrod the wrong idea here.
I rushed downstairs before my sister could do more damage by throwing words like "date" around. But when I reached the front door and saw the smile of Jarrod's face, I knew that her evil work had done its trick. He smiled up at me with such expectation that I felt completely bad!
"Hey!" I gave him a quick nod and he smiled even more. From behind me I heared McKenzie give a patronizing sounding "ooohhh". She was such a bitch.
