by Sue MacKay
She was starting to get pins and needles in one leg by the time Zac moved to sit up. Broaching the subject she thought was bothering him, she said, ‘Amelia’s going to be a mess for a while.’
‘That boy will be a mess for the rest of his life.’
‘It’s going to take patience and counselling, yes, but his parents will be there for him all the way. He’ll make it. Hopefully he learned a huge lesson today.’ Though what the kid had been thinking, taking the car for a spin in a packed garage, was beyond her.
Zac leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, the glass between his hands turning back and forth. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about. I do.’
Olivia leaned closer to place her hand on his thigh, her shoulder against his upper arm. ‘Tell me.’
She said it so quietly that at first she didn’t think he’d heard, but as she was about to repeat herself he said, ‘I’ve been there.’
‘Oh, Zac.’ Her heart broke for the sadness and despair in those words.
‘My brother’s in a wheelchair. Because of me.’
She closed her eyes. The pain in Zac’s face was too much. He hurt big-time. The load of guilt he carried must crush him at times. Tonight was one of those times. Today’s event had brought back the memories in full colour. She opened her eyes and tried to eyeball him. ‘Zac, I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t give me any platitudes, CC. I couldn’t stand that.’
‘You’ve heard them all before, huh?’
‘Every last one.’ He stared into his glass, the liquid golden in the light thrown by the fire. ‘I prefer honesty and you’ve never given me anything else so please don’t change tonight. No “Mark’s doing fine, it’s okay”. No “You’re forgiven so get on with your life as though it didn’t happen”.’ The warning was issued softly, which made it all the more real.
What the heck was she supposed to say if he didn’t want to talk about it? Or did he want to say what had happened to cause his brother’s injuries but couldn’t get the words out? Had he changed his mind about telling her anything more? Her mind was a jumble of questions and emotions. She wanted to help him, but Zac wasn’t one to ask for help. Or was that what he’d done by turning up on her doorstep?
The doorbell ringing was a welcome interruption while she tried to work out where to go with this. Grabbing the money she’d put out earlier, she went to get dinner.
Zac stood up as she returned to the sitting room. ‘I’ll head away and leave you in peace.’
‘You’re welcome to share this. I never eat more than half.’ Though tonight she might’ve, considering the state her stomach was in. ‘Sit down, Zac. I’ll get some napkins and plates.’
‘You want anything stronger than tea to drink?’
Was that a Yes, I’ll stay? ‘No, thanks.’
‘You’re cautious with your drinks, aren’t you?’ Zac smiled half-heartedly. ‘Afraid of making an idiot of yourself?’
‘Absolutely.’ Rejoining him on the couch, she sighed. ‘Life when I was younger was chaotic and messy. I learned to be rigid in my dealings with my mum, school, everything. Too controlled maybe, but that’s how I manage.’
Taking her hand, Zac locked eyes with hers. ‘Yet you’re completely off the radar when it comes to sex.’
She spluttered over the mouthful she’d just bitten off her pizza.
Zac wiped her mouth with his napkin. ‘I wasn’t complaining.’ The smile he gave her was tender, turning her inside out.
‘Maybe sex is my one outlet,’ she managed, holding back from explaining it hadn’t been like that with the few other men she’d slept with.
He was very quiet for a few minutes, then blew her away with, ‘Would you come to Fiji with me if we agreed to no sex for the whole trip?’
‘What?’ she asked.
‘Think you—we—can do that?’
Talk about a challenge she couldn’t resist. Especially as she was struggling to keep refusing to go in the first place. And now that she’d heard more about what made Zac tick she wanted to spend more time with him.
*
Zac grimaced. The need to go away with Olivia just got stronger and stronger, no matter how often he told himself he was making a mistake. When he’d told her about Mark he’d very nearly continued with the whole sordid story of how his life had changed for ever but a modicum of common sense had prevailed. Fear of seeing disgust in her eyes had locked his tongue to the roof of his mouth.
But if only she’d agree to go to that resort island with him. Go and have some good, honest fun. Even if she agreed to the bizarre suggestion he’d just put out there, he’d be happy. He wouldn’t mind someone to talk to, to relax with.
He saw Olivia open her mouth, heard her say as though in slow motion, ‘I’ll go. I won’t change my mind again. I’m sorry I’ve been vacillating.’
Excitement zipped through him, temporarily drowning out the horrors of that morning’s disaster. They were going to spend time together without the pressures of work; with time to talk, to be themselves, and maybe learn more about each other. ‘Good.’
‘That’s it?’ She laughed, a tinkling sound that lightened his mood.
‘Yes.’ Relief softened him. ‘You know what? I think it’ll be great. Just the two of us.’
Olivia smiled.
It was a big, soft smile that caused him to take a risk. ‘I was driving Dad’s car.’ Swallowing hard, he continued. ‘It was late. We’d been out all day at the rugby, and stopped at a friend’s on the way home.’ His gut churned. ‘Mark was being a pain in the arse, winding me up as only he knew how, and when we drove away from that house he said one thing too many and I lost it. Slammed my foot on the accelerator. The car spun into the stone wall along the waterfront and flipped into the water. Mark’s back was broken.’ That was all there was to it.
Her expression showed no condemnation. ‘How awful for your family. Especially you. You’ve taken the blame ever since, right?’
Air huffed out of his lungs. ‘Of course. I was at fault. I lost my temper.’ Damn, but it still hurt so badly. If he never made another mistake in his life it wouldn’t be good enough.
‘You haven’t forgiven yourself. Does your brother blame you?’ When he nodded once, she continued. ‘What about your parents? Surely they don’t?’
He went for broke. ‘My parents put me in charge of my brother from very early on. They were both busy with their careers as CEOs of big businesses. We were the children to be trotted out at functions or for family photos, and they were proud of us as long as we didn’t stuff up. Which I did—monumentally.’ At least now she’d understand why he wasn’t looking for a woman to love and settle down with, that he’d always fly solo. One holiday in Fiji being the exception. ‘Of course they haven’t forgiven me. I was in charge of Mark that night.’
*
Olivia wanted to cry for him. How could parents do that? Then again, her father had left her with Mum, hadn’t he? Zac shouldn’t, mustn’t take all the blame, but he’d obviously made a lifelong habit of shouldering it. ‘So you and Mark don’t get along even now?’
‘Hardly.’ His mouth flattened. ‘He’s a successful architect, which is something to be grateful for.’
‘More than something. It says he’s moved on, hasn’t let his spinal injury hold him back.’ If only she could remove Zac’s pain. But there was only one person who could do that. Zac.
‘My parents pretty much disowned me after the accident.’ Zac’s face was bleak. ‘I continued living with them for the rest of that year but it was as though I was a stranger. Come the last day of school I was gone. I got a job in a supermarket and went to live with my grandfather. Dad gave me a generous allowance but I turned him down and paid my university fees myself. I never went back home.’
And she’d thought her life had been bad. No wonder she and Zac both balked at commitment. ‘That’s harsh.’ Actually, it was lousy. How could any parent do that? Did Zac think if he moved on, let himself stop feeling guilt,
then he’d be setting himself up for another fall? Zac was a very responsible person. That had been abundantly clear when they’d been training to become surgeons. Had that come from this accident? Or had he always been a responsible person who’d made one mistake? Now she understood his outburst over the boy who’d knocked down Amelia that morning. ‘I’m glad you have your grandfather.’
He cocked an eyebrow at her. ‘So am I. Except he died last Christmas.’ That sadness had returned to his eyes, tightened his face, more deeply, more strongly than ever.
Olivia wanted to banish it—if only for a few hours. And she only knew one way. They weren’t in Fiji yet. Standing up, she put her hand out to him. ‘Come with me.’
His hand was warm and firm as his fingers laced through hers. He didn’t say a word as she led him down the hall to her bedroom. Or when she began unbuttoning his shirt.
Running her hands over that wide expanse of muscular chest, her blood began to thrum along her veins. Her lips surrounded his nipple, her tongue caressed slowly. Then Zac’s hands were lifting her head so he could kiss her.
A long, slow kiss that had none of the urgent fire of any of their previous kisses and all the quietness of giving and sharing. It was heady stuff.
‘Olivia,’ Zac groaned against her mouth.
Without breaking the kiss, she pushed his shirt off his shoulders and down his arms, then found the stud and zip of his jeans. When Zac moved to lift her top she took his hands and placed them at his sides, and continued removing his jeans.
When she had him naked she gently shoved him backwards to sprawl across her bed. Her tummy quivered at the beautiful sight. His well-honed muscles accentuated his masculinity. Slowly she raised her top, exposing her bra-covered breasts. Next she slid her hands under the waistband of her shapeless trackies and began pushing them, oh, so slowly down to her hips, her thighs, her knees.
Zac’s gaze followed her actions, his eyes kissing her skin. Shivers of excitement touched all the exposed places of her body. Standing in her panties and bra, she suddenly felt uncomfortable. What was she doing? Then Zac’s tongue lapped his bottom lip and she relaxed. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t seen her naked, and while she mightn’t be a strip dancer she could undress seductively.
Zac put his hands behind his head and kept watching her.
Placing one foot on the bed, she undid her bra and let it fall into her hands to be twirled across the room.
Zac’s eyes widened and his tongue did another lick of his lips.
With one forefinger she began lowering her panties, never taking her eyes off his. She saw when they widened, when his chest began rising and falling faster, when his erection strained tight. Swinging a leg over his body, she hovered above him, moving so that her centre barely touched the tip of his shaft.
‘Oh, sweetheart, let me touch you.’ Those firm hands she craved on her skin covered her breasts, lifting them, caressing and gently squeezing them. His thumbs teased her nipples into hard, tight peaks.
Heat spread throughout her body like a slow burn, sending lazy flames of desire to every corner, warming her skin, drying her mouth. She began to lower herself over him, taking him deep inside.
Zac moved his hands to her buttocks, and he held her still. ‘Not yet.’
Suddenly Olivia was on her back with Zac above her, kissing every inch of her heated skin, drowning her in need and longing. Taking his time to work down her body. They’d never made love like this.
This felt like lovemaking; not hot, frantic sex.
And when Zac moved over her, claimed her, they moved in unison, a slow rhythm that built and built till finally they reached a crescendo that stole the breath out of her lungs and sent her spinning out of control.
*
Olivia woke slowly. A heavy weight lay over her waist. Zac’s arm. His breaths were soft on the back of her neck. His knees tucked in behind hers, and his stomach pushed against her lower back. Wow. This was amazing. Comfortable and cosy, warm and sexy. But mostly wonderful. Something she’d never experienced before. She snuggled nearer, closing her eyes to absorb every sensation moving through her. Warmth from that splayed hand on her stomach, from those thigh muscles behind her.
‘Morning, beautiful,’ Zac whispered against her neck.
‘Wow,’ she said. Hard to believe what she’d been missing out on. A small laugh escaped her. Slipping her fingers through Zac’s on her stomach, she admitted, ‘I’ve never had a man stay the night.’
Warm lips laid a soft kiss on her shoulder. ‘Glad I’m the chosen one.’ Another kiss. ‘It’s not something I normally do either.’
It was as though her whole body smiled. She and Zac had slept together, as in ‘closed their eyes and gone to sleep’ slept. She’d heard women talk about how good it was to sleep, spooned with their partner, and had thought they were exaggerating. Now she got it.
Careful. This was starting to feel like a relationship, as in not just about sex. Olivia tensed. Really? Damn. Just when she was beginning to enjoy things reality raised its annoying head to remind her she knew nothing about a good, solid, loving relationship between a man and a woman. Neither did Zac.
‘Hey, relax. I’m not going to bite.’ Zac’s voice sounded sleep-laden.
No, but was he going to hurt her? Not today, or next month maybe, but eventually would he realise he didn’t want to spend time with her, and walk? She had to protect herself. Wriggling free, she sat up. ‘I’m going to take a shower.’
Zac reached for her, pulled her down. ‘Come here. Let’s stay tucked up for a little longer.’
‘But…’
‘Do you have to be somewhere in a hurry?’ he asked reasonably.
‘No.’ Neither could she deny that lying in Zac’s strong arms gave her a sense of belonging. Something that had been missing most of her life. Tension began tripping up her spine. Not good. Belonging went hand in hand with a serious relationship. Squeezing her eyes shut tight, she worked at banishing the negative feeling. She’d make the most of this moment; give herself something to remember later.
*
‘I can’t believe that in less than two weeks we’ll be lying under palm trees.’ Excitement warmed Olivia as she talked to Zac on the phone the following Thursday night. ‘I’m going on holiday.’
‘Says the woman who went out of her way to avoid it.’ Zac’s laughter rolled down the phone.
‘Yeah, well, I’m glad I came to my senses. A holiday is definitely what I need. How are you getting on with sorting your surgical list?’
‘Not too bad. Because Paul’s taking over my private list I haven’t had to change too many appointments. Most patients I’ve talked to have been understanding about the change.’
Olivia grimaced. ‘I wish mine were as accepting. There’ve been a few tears and tantrums, but I think I’ve got it sorted. I’ll be working some long days leading up to our departure and will be busier than rush hour on the motorway.’
‘Wonderful,’ he groaned. ‘Are you going to sleep the whole time we’re away?’
‘Absolutely not.’ Somehow she doubted she’d sleep much at all, knowing Zac was in the same room and out of bounds. Why had he suggested that? Getting to know each other was one thing, but seriously? No sex? This would be a very interesting holiday. ‘I’m going shopping for bikinis at the weekend.’
‘Can I come?’
‘I don’t think so.’ She grinned. That so wasn’t happening.
‘What if I waited outside the shop and took you to lunch afterwards?’
‘What sort of lunch?’
‘You’d have to wait and see.’ Zac laughed again.
‘Sorry, not happening.’
‘So where do you go shopping for beach gear in the middle of winter?’
‘My favourite fashion shop has an accessories section all year round. Apparently bikinis are holiday accessories. Who’d have thought it? But, then, I haven’t owned a bikini in more years than I care to count.’ Or gone on a holiday.
�
�Don’t you go to the beach?’ Zac asked.
‘Going to the beach is a family thing, or a teen group party.’ Which had been the last time she’d gone with a crowd.
‘I think it’s time you started getting out there and living, CC. All work and no play is not healthy.’
‘Didn’t you tell me how little you do outside work?’ They were a right messed-up pair. ‘We’ll make up for it in Fiji.’
‘Can’t wait.’ A sigh filtered down the line. ‘I mean that. You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to this now that it’s real.’
‘Oh, but I do. After at first refusing to accept the trip, I now find I’m often daydreaming about being on the beach or swimming with the fishes. I don’t remember being this excited about anything since… Well, I don’t remember.’
‘We are going to have a blast.’ Now he was sounding like an excited schoolboy.
‘Sure are.’
Another voice interrupted the moment. ‘Olivia, sweetheart, where’s the tonic water?’ Her mother’s wheedling voice grated more than usual.
‘Zac, I’ve got to go. Talk to you again.’
‘Something up? Your tone changed. Is your mother there?’ He missed nothing, damn him.
‘Yes, she is.’ Sometimes her mother could be demanding and unrelenting in her quest for whatever today’s greatest need was, and other times she’d be all sweetness and light. ‘I’ve got to go.’
‘Hey, I’m here for you.’ The excitement had gone, replaced with concern. ‘We can still have that lunch.’
‘I’m good, Zac. Truly.’
‘Olivia, tonic water. Where have you hidden it?’ Mum stood in front of her, her eyes bloodshot and her tomato-red lipstick smudged on her upper lip.
‘Talk to me, CC.’ Zac was in her ear.
‘It’s complicated.’ And ugly.
‘Try me,’ he persisted.
‘Not now, Zac.’ Her mother was in her face. ‘Talk later. Bye.’ Olivia pressed the off button, dug deep for patience. No surprise. She was all out of it. ‘There’s no tonic in this house.’ There hadn’t been any gin either until her mother had arrived with a bottle an hour ago.
