by Mattie Hope
Jax really didn't think it was as serious as all that. She was just being a prude.
"So, I leave for Zenith next week," she said. "I'd really like it if you came to see me off."
"Sure," he said.
"Really?"
"Yeah." He could understand why she might not believe him. He'd been a flake even before they stopped speaking, and she'd had to convince him pretty hard to come out tonight. But he'd missed her so much. He hadn't realized how much until he'd seen her again. It really sucked that she was leaving so soon, actually. The least he could do was come and say goodbye.
"Thanks, Jax." She kissed him on the cheek. "I'll message you the details."
Chapter Four
Murphy was taking an overnight sleeper shuttle to Zenith, and Zheng decided to see her off after their shift. They'd been partners on the case, after all, and she was the closest thing he had to a friend on 4.
As it turned out, he wasn't the only one.
Ajax wasn't a big man in any sense—he was on the short side, only slightly taller than Murphy was, and lean. 'Wiry' was the word that came to mind. That wasn't terribly unusual for 4; people here tended toward the compact. He had a nervous energy and sharp features which, oddly enough, made Zheng think of a terrier dog, though Zheng had never actually seen one in real life; non-sentient animals were rare on the Metros, except as food or experimental subjects. The most notable thing about Ajax, though, was his hair—it was the reddest that Zheng had ever seen, even after months on 4, where red hair was more common than anywhere except the British Isles. He had pale skin which looked as if it would freckle easily if it were ever exposed to sunlight.
"Jax!" said Murphy. "You came!" She threw her arms around him.
Ajax patted her back a little awkwardly and extricated himself. "Didn't have anything else to do," he said with a little shrug.
Murphy laughed. "Nice to know you care so much."
Ajax cleared his throat and looked at Zheng. "Hey," he said.
"Hello."
"Didn't know you were gonna be here."
Zheng tilted his head. That was a lie. "A pleasant surprise, I hope."
"Sure, of course," said Ajax.
"Well," said Murphy, some significant tone in her voice that Zheng couldn't quite figure out, "I gotta go through security. Thanks for coming, you guys. Zheng, good luck on the case. Jax, remember what I told you, huh?"
She gave Ajax one last hug and a kiss on the cheek, then headed for the security gates. It was late enough that there wasn't much of a line, and she was through quickly, with one last wave over her shoulder.
"So," said Zheng. "What did she tell you?"
Ajax looked at him guardedly. Zheng watched the cogs turning as he made the decision to tell him the truth. "She told me to stay away from you."
"Is that right?" She didn't want her friend mixing with a splice? That didn't seem like Murphy. But you never knew. "And why would that be?"
"Because, uh," said Ajax, blotchy pink patches appearing on his neck and creeping upward toward his face, "it wouldn't be professional."
"What exactly is it that wouldn't be professional?" asked Zheng, starting to have fun. Ajax probably wouldn't be able to read the amusement in his tone, thanks to the synthesizer and the way it bled the expression out of everything he said. He enjoyed playing up the 'clueless splice outsider' thing. One of the only perks of being on this insular shithole of a Metro was that the humans here weren't wise to the routine yet.
"Nothing," muttered Ajax, looking away. "I shouldn't have said anything."
That was the opposite of what Zheng was going for. He took a step closer, watching with satisfaction as Ajax's gaze was pulled back toward him, starting at his feet, then moving up, lingering on the feathers at his neck, before he finally made eye contact.
"What?" Zheng asked softly.
Ajax swallowed. "If I made a move on you. And if you―"
"Took you up on it?"
Ajax nodded, clearly embarrassed.
"Well," said Zheng, "I suppose she's right."
He shouldn't sleep with the kid. He knew that. Ajax might not have been a suspect, but he was connected to the case.
Zheng could admit to himself that he'd been lonely here—on 1, there were at least other splices who shared his politics, even if they didn't always approve of him sleeping with humans. Sure, plenty of humans on 1 were bigots, but a lot of them were fine, his clashes with his superiors in the Guard notwithstanding. Maybe that was partly about him being a splice who didn't "know his place", but it could be a lot worse. They might not like his politics, but at least they tolerated his existence.
Things were different on 4. The other guards had treated him all right—probably had some kind of training before he arrived—but the civilians were another matter. A few of them hurled abuse; most averted their gaze and pretended he didn't exist. He'd thought that Ajax was the latter kind before he realized what was really going on.
Zheng couldn't deny that he was drawn to Ajax, though it was hard to say how much of that was his own attraction and how much was simply a reaction to Ajax's obvious interest in him. It was a novelty, if nothing else. He was the first human on 4 to show any inclination of the sort. 4 was conservative enough that even same-sex attraction was less than socially acceptable; cross-species attraction, it would seem, was almost unthinkable. Though clearly not for Ajax.
There were a very few female splices here, and Zheng was pretty sure he'd been propositioned by every single one of them, but he just couldn't make himself interested in them. His life would be a damn sight easier if he could, but he liked what he liked, and for his sins, what he liked was standing in front of him, stammering and blushing.
Most of all, though, Zheng didn't like anyone telling him what to do.
"But she's not here, is she?" he said.
*~*~*
"It's not as big as I thought it would be," said Ajax.
"Disappointed?" asked Zheng.
He looked around his suite. There was plenty of space, as far as he was concerned.
"Nah, just, after you saying how small Doctor Gershon's place was…"
"Only her bathroom."
Ajax nodded and shoved his hands deeply into his pockets, still looking around the room, though he must have taken in everything there was to see by now.
"You're nervous," Zheng observed. "You don't do this very often?"
"I'm not a virgin, if that's what you're asking," said Ajax. A little snippy.
"It wasn't."
"I have plenty of sex," said Ajax. "Just not―never with a splice, before."
"I see," said Zheng. "Lack of opportunity, or am I special?"
"I don't know, both? I mean, there's not a lot of splices around here, but you're…" He waved a vague hand in Zheng's direction. "Y'know."
That was the thing: Zheng didn't know. Nearly all his ideas about what was attractive had come from human culture, most of it dating back to before splices even existed. The humans he'd slept with―some of them just wanted to say they'd done it. Others genuinely wanted him, but that was about what he was, not who he was in particular. He was a splice who was willing to sleep with humans, and that was enough for them. Nothing about Ajax suggested that he was an exception.
"You have thought about it, though," said Zheng.
"Yeah," said Ajax. It came out almost breathless.
That confirmed that, then. Zheng wasn't sure why he was disappointed. It wasn't as if he were looking for romance, and who cared why someone wanted to have sex with him? Perhaps it had just been too long. Too long away from 1, too long since he'd last had sex—and too long on 4. This place was bound to drive anybody to distraction.
"You want me to talk you through it?" Zheng asked.
Ajax hesitated. "Actually…" Here it came. "Can you do something? It might sound kind of weird."
"What is it?"
Ajax opened his mouth, then closed it again, shook his head. "Forget it, it's stupid."
; "You can tell me," said Zheng. Once again, he felt a little sorry for the kid. It didn't exactly get his engines going, coaxing him through jitters, but it wasn't the first time he'd had to do it. And it was better than the people who just demanded, like he owed them something.
"Can you take off the box? I want to…I want to feel the vibrations in your neck. When you talk without it. And I want to…" He made a scrunching motion with his hands. Zheng remembered the way his gaze had lingered on Zheng's neck feathers, before.
"I can do that," said Zheng. "And how about the arm? Would you like me to take that off, too?"
Ajax nodded, lips slightly parted. He was that type, then. The type that wanted Zheng to be an animal. Fine.
"How about this," said Zheng. "I'll take off the arm, and you can take the larynx off yourself." It was actually a silent speech interface using a BCI which connected to a voice synthesizer, but 'larynx' would do. It was better than 'box,' at least.
"Fuck," Ajax whispered.
"Is that a yes?"
"Yes," said Ajax, watching hungrily as Zheng unlatched the arm, then used his beak to place it gently on its hook. He shook out his wing and automatically ducked his head to preen, then remembered himself, glancing warily up.
"Don't stop on my account," said Ajax. His pupils were huge, and his lips were damp. He wanted to watch. Fine. Zheng carried on, a little longer than he needed to, really.
"I'm ready when you are," he said when he was done.
Ajax practically stumbled over to him, arms outstretched, endearingly eager. He stopped before he could touch the larynx, though.
"What if you need to tell me something?" he asked.
Zheng stretched out his wings a little for balance, then brought up one of his feet, wrapping it lightly but firmly around Ajax's calf. "I think I can make myself understood," he said quietly.
Ajax swayed a little, hands coming up to catch himself on Zheng's shoulders. "Yeah," he said, voice wavering, "that gets the message across."
"You want it rough?" Zheng asked him.
Jax nodded.
"All right," said Zheng. "You can take it off now."
Ajax's fingers fumbled slightly unbuckling the leather strap of the larynx, but he got it off and tossed it aside. It was a little irritating, but fuck it, the thing was sturdy enough. Anyway, it was a simpler and less expensive model than the one he'd had on 1; making oneself understood in a tone language through a voice synthesizer required much more sophisticated equipment, not to mention more effort. That was one of the only advantages to being here and working in English.
"They're so soft," said Ajax, burying his hands in Zheng's neck feathers then smoothing them out again. He rested his hands lightly on either side of Zheng's throat. "Say something," he said. "Please," he added.
"Something," said Zheng, a little self-conscious, knowing it would come out as an unintelligible whistling noise.
"Wow," said Ajax softly. "That's―that's weird, that I don't know what you're saying. Feels good, though." He kept eye contact with Zheng as he slowly leaned forward, as if seeking permission, before burying his face against Zheng's neck.
"You like that, huh?" said Zheng. "Wǒ de qìdiànchuán zhuāngmǎn le mànyú." Then he laughed.
Ajax lifted his face. "What?" he said. "Are you laughing at me?"
"No, just amusing myself," said Zheng, no longer self-conscious.
Ajax ducked his head. "This is weird," he said, but he was smiling.
Zheng clicked his beak, then used it to tug a little at Ajax's shirt. That was enough stalling.
"Right," said Ajax, pulling it over his head.
*~*~*
Ajax emerged from the bathroom, where he'd been cleaning himself up, pulling on his shirt. "Your bathroom's not even that big," he said.
Zheng shrugged. He probably wouldn't have dignified that with an answer even if he'd had his larynx back on yet, which he didn't. He was still working on getting the arm reattached—he had to use his beak to get it in place, make sure that the node on the arm was properly connected to the implant node on his wing which established the neural interface, and then hold it there while he used the hand to get the straps in place. It was awkward, and not very dignified, and given the choice he wouldn't do it in front of people, but he needed the arm to get his larynx on, and literally kicking Ajax out of his apartment was probably going too far. Probably.
"Oh," said Ajax, "let me—"
Zheng thought he was going to try and help with the arm, which would just get in the way, but instead he went out into the living room to where he had carelessly tossed the larynx earlier, picking it up and bringing it back to Zheng. Then he carefully fastened it around Zheng's neck.
"Thanks," said Ajax quietly, stroking down the feathers he'd displaced.
Zheng, arm now attached, reached up and adjusted the larynx's position, making sure that the nodes connected. The implant was almost invisible underneath his feathers—Ajax hadn't seemed to notice it—but Zheng couldn't forget where it was. He could feel it every time he swallowed. He was used to it, though.
"This was—" Ajax started, hand reaching back out toward him, like he wanted to pet him.
"It's fine," Zheng cut him off, turning away. He didn't want Ajax's gratitude. It wasn't the first time a human had wanted it just like in porn—that was the price you paid for going to bed with humans, he supposed. It likely wouldn't be the last time, either. He ought to be used to it by now. He didn't know why it was bothering him so much. Perhaps he'd just been off 1 for too long, away from friends he could vent to, other splices who would understand. And perhaps it was because this was the first time he'd had sex since he came to 4.
He knew it wasn't really Ajax's fault; the kid had probably never had a conversation with a splice before Zheng, and he was raised on this hellhole. This one just got under Zheng's skin somehow.
"I get it," he added.
"Get what?" said Ajax.
"I just mean that I know what humans are looking for when they go to bed with a splice."
Ajax drew back and blinked at him. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Forget it," said Zheng, wishing he hadn't let his irritation show—he was usually much better at hiding it than this—and growing more irritable as a result.
"No," said Ajax, "I'm not gonna forget it. What are you trying to say?"
"I'm just saying," said Zheng, trying to keep a cool head, "that the type of human that wants to have sex with a splice—"
"The type of human?"
"Yes."
"I'm just a type?"
"I think you're overreacting to what I said."
Ajax turned away from him for a second, hiding his face. Zheng thought he saw it twist with misery, but when he turned back it was flushed and furious.
"Jesus, I really thought—" Ajax gritted out, then shook his head. "You really don't think a lot of me, do you? I should have known. You just think I'm some kind of dumb asshole. Well, maybe I am, not like I ever got any kind of education, but I'm trying my best. Shit. I saw the way you looked at me, that thing with the fucking―pronoun shit―"
"All I said was―"
"I could see you judging me! I'm sorry I don't know about fucking octopus pronouns. You know how many Earth species there are?"
"Do you know how many Fusion species there are?" Zheng retorted. "And very few Earth species are even sentient."
"Oh, so you know everything about every single Fusion species?"
"Not everything, but―"
"How do you even learn it, anyway? Do they have little splice schools, or do they whisper it into the test tubes?"
Zheng was so angry it took him a moment to find words. When he did, all he could say was: "Get out."
"I'm going," Ajax assured him. "I'm so sorry I put a gun to your head and forced you to have sex with such a shitty person."
He slammed the door behind him.
"Fuck you, too," said Zheng to his empty room.
Chapter Fiv
e
Jax sipped morosely at his crappy lager. How had that gone so wrong so fast? The sex had been amazing, and Zheng was so beautiful it hurt, but he was funny, too. Jax thought he liked him. And then he'd said that thing about humans, and Jax had just flown off the handle. He'd gone from feeling incredible to feeling about two inches tall. And he lashed out when he was hurt. Fuck, he couldn't believe he'd said that thing about the test tubes. Zheng was never gonna talk to him again.
He'd ended up at the strip club, half-hoping he'd run into one of his shitty friends from the old days and they'd get him so drunk he'd black out the whole night, but the place was practically deserted. And he couldn't message one of them to come and meet him; they weren't friends like that. They were shitty. And now he was trying to go halfway straight, most of them were hardly speaking to him.
He'd fucked things up with Kath when she'd joined the Guard and he'd had to choose between her and those assholes―pretty much all of them dealers and small-time crooks, the same as he was back then. And now she was gone, right when they'd started to put the pieces back together, and there wasn't one solitary person he could turn to.
"Hey, sweetie," said one of the strippers, leaning against the bar next to him and snapping him out of his zoned-out haze. "Want a dance?"
"No, thanks," said Jax.
"What, you don't like girls?" she said.
"Not really," said Jax dully.
"Oh," said the stripper. "Do you…want me to send one of the boys over?"
He looked around at the boys. One of them was dressed like an angel, complete with feathered wings. Jax wrinkled his nose. "No, thanks."
"Honey, I have to wonder what you're doing in a strip club."
"I'm trying to get drunk."
She lowered her voice. "You know, there are cheaper places to do that."
Jax rolled one shoulder lazily. "Well, that's me. King of bad choices."
"Anybody ever tell you you're kind of a downer?"
Jax snorted. "You're not the first."
She sat down across from him. "Listen," she said, "we're having a slow night. You want to talk about it?"
It was almost tempting. But Jax wasn't even sure where to start. "I just wanna get drunk," he said miserably.
