“Don’t mind me, just grabbing a bottle of water then I’m gonna get some work done in the office.”
Lily followed me around with her eyes, I could feel them burning into my back. “Not spending time with Philly?”
Catching my tongue between my teeth, I inwardly flinched at the hurt in her voice. She knew damn well I hadn’t brought Liam in because of my need to spend time with Philly. We both knew it was to put some much-needed distance between us before it became too hard for me not to touch her, or taste that smile on her lips, or to devour the laugh as it left her mouth. My hands fisted when I found my thoughts lingering back to the kiss last night. Jesus, it had consumed me. The taste of her had already buried deep within me and taken root, leaving me greedy for so much more.
“Later,” was all I replied before I stalked from the room.
My mood had plummeted since I’d met with Jimmy and now it had become even darker knowing I’d upset Lily. But, honestly, I was doing this so I didn’t hurt her.
Bringing up Lily’s case file again, I made a note of the interviewing officer's name and then obtained his details from the database. Chief Inspector Mike Reynolds didn’t appear to have any strikes against his career in the force, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t bent. According to his record, he’d been personally chosen by Kuznetsov on many occasions to manage numerous tasks, and the DAC couldn’t praise him enough for the way he handled each assignment.
The day went from bad to worse after Ann texted me arranging to meet. I would be the greatest prick on the planet if I declined, but it wasn’t because I wanted to see her – far from it.
After scouring the internet once again for the video of Lily – the absence of it the only good thing since I’d woken with the shittiest hangover ever, I shut down the laptop and reluctantly made my way to see Ann.
Eighteen
Lily
“He’s strange,” Hayley remarked quietly in my ear, peering sceptically at Liam who was stood soundlessly watching everyone at Bulk’s birthday barbeque.
I liked Liam, he was reserved but considerate of my need for privacy, and I knew undoubtedly that he would be able to protect me if anything were to happen. Nevertheless, I got what troubled Hayley about him. Liam had a way of making you feel a little intimidated by the cold and sinister look in his eyes. The permanent aggression that inhabited Harrison’s glare was nothing on Liam’s broodiness and animosity. It was almost as if he was disturbed, like something inside him wasn’t ‘right’. Yet, Liam seemed comfortable with that part of himself, and he didn’t hide it from anyone. Still, he could hold a good conversation, and although his sense of humour would be deemed ‘sick’ by some, I found his dry wit hilarious. At least he had a funny side, unlike Harrison.
“He’s okay when you get chatting with him,” I expressed.
I’d already had way too much to drink, still, when Kit handed me another Grey Goose, I took it from her with a big grin.
“At least you get a free ride home,” Bec said, smiling coyly at Liam when his dark gaze moved her way. She shivered, and I raised an eyebrow at Hayley who smirked. “Plus, he’s bloody hot!”
Snorting, I placed a hand on her arm. “Go and talk to him. Honestly, he’s an okay guy.”
She looked a little cautious but plucking up some courage and downing the pink shot she held in her hand, she boldly made her way towards him.
“She is so damn drunk she’d think Quasimodo was hot,” Kit chuckled.
“Well I have no worries about her safety with Liam,” I divulged, “He’s one of Harrison’s men, and God forbid that man could get it wrong.”
A silent pause and a furtive look between my friends had me sighing and making my way towards Boss before they could comment on the obvious animosity I felt where Harrison was concerned.
“Babe!” Boss declared, draping his arm over my shoulder to guide me over to a quiet corner of the garden. “I think we should do some tequila! Hopefully, you haven’t inherited your mother’s immunity from the effects of it.”
That would be quite hard considering I didn’t have Eve Cooper’s DNA in my bloodstream. Still, I didn’t say that to him, he had trouble grasping common sense as it was.
Boss settled at an empty table and lined up a few shots of tequila. “How you doing, kid?” he asked as he handed me the salt.
“I’m okay.”
He downed his own shot, wincing when he sucked on the piece of lime. “Don’t fib. I’ve known you all your life, I know when you’re lying. Is your wound giving you some grief?”
Shaking my head, I drank down my own shot and shuddered at the bitterness of the citrus fruit. “Honestly.”
He snorted and leaned forward across the table to take my hand and give it a quick squeeze. “And does your mother know you’re cutting yourself?”
Mortification made his face blur when my vision swam. I couldn’t answer him, only stare with wide eyes into his sad ones.
Taking the salt from me, he proceeded to down his next shot before saying quietly, “When your mother used to self-harm, it broke me. I couldn’t heal her. That was something she had to do herself. Still, it didn’t mean I couldn’t help her through it. But, when she finally overcame her demons and got help, I wasn’t there for her. And that fact still haunts me to this day.”
Tears shimmered in his eyes, his deep love for my mother granting him that extra piece of my own heart.
“I won’t make that mistake again, Lily. You need me, whether it’s to accompany you wherever the fuck you need to go, or even just to shout at, or throw things at, then I’m here.”
The lump in my throat hurt my chest and I rubbed it with my fist.
“And,” he continued, “until you’re ready to tell your parents, then this remains with me.”
“Thank you.” The overwhelming gratitude inside me made my voice squeaky and broken but giving me a huge grin, Boss winked and poured more shots.
“Time to get pissed, Lily Cooper.”
“Works for me.”
***
I barely saw her when I exited Liam’s car; only her leg was visible as it hung out of the taxi door before it disappeared, and the door closed. I would recognise those legs anywhere – they belonged to the blond that Harrison had been talking to in the pub.
I stood and watched the taxi pull out of the driveway, closely followed by Liam. A heaviness in my chest tugged at my heart and I winced at the feeling. I’d never felt like this before. I didn’t do jealousy; I’d never experienced it before, nor did I ever want to again.
The lump in my throat made it hard to fill my lungs and I forced myself to swallow it away before I walked into the house
The lights were dim and the downstairs floor appeared to be empty. That was almost certainly because Harrison was still in his bedroom, laid naked on his bed after having the best sex of his life. Jealousy turned to hurt, and I chewed my lip, trying to push the ache away.
There’d always been something in the depths of Harrison’s eyes that called out to me, a reflection of my own sadness. Something had happened to him that had made him cold and distant to all those around him. I’d once been like that. Except, now, I had to wonder if I was finally ready to start dating. The feelings I had about Harrison and the acceptance of Mark’s invitation to go out on a date were all new to me, yet I hoped it was because I was at last ready to move forward.
I was slightly drunk – okay, maybe a little more than slightly - and I wobbled into the kitchen, holding onto the wall to hold myself up.
Downing an entire pint of water from the tap, I flopped into the kitchen chair and dropped my head back. Closing my eyes to stop the room from spinning around me, I blew out a long breath to ease the surge of nausea that suddenly churned in my belly. “Urgh.”
“Looks like someone had a good night.”
I cracked one eye open and looked towards Harrison who was leant against the doorframe watching me. I couldn’t work out if he was mad or not. The tone of his voice was harsh
but quiet and his eyes were narrow, although his stare was warm.
“It was okay.”
He nodded and made his way over to the fridge. The light hurt my eyes when he opened it and reached in for the milk. I watched, his frame encompassed by just the light of the fridge as he gulped down the whole carton. His throat bobbed, and I gritted my teeth when the sight of him doing something so simple turned me on. It was then that I realised he was fully clothed. His remarkable body was dressed in grey suit trousers and a fitted crisp white shirt. A navy blue thin tie was fastened tight around his neck and hung down. It was strange to see him in something other than his sharp black suit, or the light blue denim that I fantasised about popping each button slowly until his cock was mine for the taking.
I shivered, ridding those illusions from my mind, and frowned. “Looks like you’ve also been out. Good night?” I had to fight the urge to instead snap, “Good shag?”
Undoubtedly catching onto my indication that I knew he’d been out with the busty blond, he quirked an eyebrow at me. “Clearly better than yours going on your mood.”
“Oh, fuck you!” I snapped as I pushed up and stormed out of the room.
His hand caught my wrist and he spun me around. Every fibre of my body ceased to exist when his mouth slammed against mine, and I sagged into him, using his body for support. His kiss was brutal, gruelling, leaving me unable to breathe beneath the power of it. His fingers twisted painfully into my hair as he wrapped the length of it around his hand and tugged my head back to give him a better angle to own the kiss.
I moaned loudly, my body alert with a sensation I couldn’t control. I wanted him to be as brutal with my body as he was my mouth. I wanted his cock slamming into me over and over until all I could feel was him. I wanted his cruel fingers digging into my flesh until all I could sense was him, and I wanted his kiss to reign over me until all I could think about was him.
I needed him to touch me more than I needed to breathe, and plucking some courage from somewhere, I reached up and slid the buttons of my blouse through each of its holes. Pushing the material away from me, I pressed my breasts into his chest, the firmness of his pecs hard against my pert nipples.
He gasped, and I swallowed it whole when I twisted my tongue around his. His cock bulged in his trousers, the hardness pushing into my stomach. Reaching down, I encased it in my palm. His loud groan urged me on, making me rub harder.
I wasn’t aware of anything but him. My belly throbbed almost painfully, and the slick heat between my legs was becoming torturously unbearable.
Fumbling, I found the belt of his trousers and my fingers worked furiously at the buckle. Arousal made my hands tremble, and I growled when I couldn’t slip the prong through the hole.
I wasn’t sure if Harrison took my clumsiness as a sign that I was unsure whether I wanted to have sex with him, or that I was silly and inexperienced, but either way, he suddenly shook himself and stepped back.
Growling, he screwed up his face and turned his back on me as he ran his fingers through his hair irritably.
I didn’t want to look foolish, or naive. I didn’t want him to think of me that way. I wanted to be bold, to make him see that I wanted this more than anything. I knew he wanted me, his enormous erection, and the way he had so ferociously kissed me was proof of that. But I couldn’t understand why he, once again, refused to allow the chemistry that was evident between us take us to the pleasure we both knew we could give each other.
Unbuttoning the button on my jeans, I pushed them down my legs and pulled them free.
Hearing the swish of the denim, Harrison turned around.
The chill in the room made me shiver, and goosebumps rushed over my skin as I reached behind me and unhooked my bra. My breasts tumbled free and my nipples hardened with the cold.
“I want you,” I whispered, the slight quiver in my voice not because of nerves, but due to the desire cursing me. “So much.”
Harrison’s gaze painstakingly journeyed down my body, his cold blue eyes swirling with a blaze of silver. I didn’t move; I couldn’t move.
His muscular chest lifted, the cotton of his shirt tightening against every contour deliciously. His throat moved with every one of his deep swallows, and he reached up, loosening his tie as his eyes journeyed back up to my face.
Surprisingly, anger lit his eyes and his nostrils flared as he lifted his chin. “I won’t do this.” His voice was hoarse, the gravelly tone making my body shudder when he stepped forward and held my jaw in a firm pinch. “You have no idea who I am, Lily Cooper. What I am.”
Hesitantly, I stepped forward and lifted my hand to his, covering his fingers with my trembling ones. My mouth was so dry that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to say the words. “I do know who you are, Harrison Cole. I see it every time you look at me. Every time you take a breath, I see you a little more.”
His eyes darkened as he took another step towards me. His heated breath brushed across my face. He was so close that I could practically feel his lips touching mine. “And what am I? Tell me. What – am - I?”
His fury choked me, but I swallowed it, lifting my chin defiantly. “You’re broken,” I whispered.
His eyes widened, and he froze when I reached up and touched his lips with my fingers.
“Let me in, Harrison,” I begged as I inclined forwards, my fingers the only thing between our mouths. “Let me mend you.”
“You can’t.”
Frustrated, I shook my head angrily. “Why are you so scared to let me see you?”
His jaw clenched tightly, before he growled, “Because I don’t want to blind you with the bitterness that chokes me every second of every day. Because I don’t want to bruise your soul when the ugliness that lives inside me chews it up. But, most of all,” he took a long breath, “I refuse to let you see what I don’t want to see.”
I stared at his back as he stormed from the room, and then the door when it slammed closed behind him. His cryptic words hung heavy in the air and my heart. The coldness in the room couldn’t chill me as much as Harrison’s words had, the marrow of my bones shuddering, not with the temperature but with sadness.
Dejectedly, I picked up my disgrace from where it lay on the floor beside my feet with Harrison’s rejection, along with my clothes, and went in search of a form of nirvana I could only get from the slice of a blade.
Nineteen
Lily
Harrison was already gone and out of the house before I had even risen the next morning. It didn’t surprise me. I’d embarrassed him. Shit, I’d more than embarrassed myself. I had genuinely thought that I’d felt some sort of attraction between us. Then again, who was I to know what chemistry between two human beings was supposed to feel like? Maybe I’d just mistaken the tension between us as genuine conflict on his part.
Liam gave me his sombre smile when I walked into the kitchen. “Morning, poppet.” He never failed to make me smile. He was so miserable, but hearing his endearment just made me chuckle to myself.
“Good morning.”
He quirked an eyebrow at my happy greeting. “No one should be that cheerful before eight A.M. And especially not before coffee.”
I bit back the need to ask him why, when he actually took his first-morning coffee in the morning, was he was still miserable after four pm. In the end, I just shrugged and smiled wider. That’s how it went with me, the more I hurt inside, the bigger the smile I planted on my face.
“I’m always happy me. Especially when I know I get to spend the day with such a bubbly individual like you.”
He snorted and gulped at his coffee, ignoring my sarcasm. “What’s your plans for the day?”
“I take it Harrison is busy and you’re designated to me all day.”
“Mm-hmm.”
Why didn’t that surprise me?
“I have some shopping to do. I need an outfit for tonight.”
“Tonight?”
I grinned and took a greedy sip of tea, the hot liquid scolding
my throat on its way into my tummy. “I have a date.”
Liam appeared stumped for a moment, his eyes widening as he tilted his head slightly. “Harry never mentioned it. Does he know?”
“Yeah. I wouldn’t think it would bother Harrison anyway. He’s probably glad to get rid of me for the night so he can bump uglies with Miss World 2017.”
Blinking at the bitter tone of my voice, Liam twisted his lips and, wisely, refrained from commenting. “So, shopping it is.” He didn’t look too enthralled, and who could blame him. I hated shopping, and if it weren't for the date with Mark that night, I’d have curled up in bed with chocolate and nursed my wounded ego. However, perhaps seeing Mark would give my confidence the boost it needed after Harrison had so horribly spurned my less than fantastic first go at seduction.
***
Liam screwed up his face and shook his head. “Nope. I prefer the purple one, suits your figure better.”
Liam had surprised me. He was quite good at this shopping lark. In fact, he’d been more constructive than Rebecca, Hayley or Kit ever had been on previous shopping trips. The girls usually pulled every item of clothing in my size off the rack and then pried me into every single outfit. Liam, however, had chosen just a few pieces for me to try on and then given me his honest opinion about each one, a purple halter-neck jumpsuit and some silver ankle boots being his favourites.
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