“Anyway,” I continued, “I wondered if I could take Philly along? She’d love it, and all the kids there would adore her.”
“That would be great.” His smile put me at ease once again.
I picked at my muffin, trying to avert my eyes when a silence coiled around us.
“Something’s wrong,” Harrison said after watching me for a while, his narrow eyes fixed on me with a stare. He knew me better than I knew myself sometimes.
Swallowing the lump that had grown in my throat since that morning, I reached into my bag and pulled out the small piece of paper.
“I received this this morning.”
Harry frowned and took it from me. “Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten, David Ogden Stiers.” He read the quote out loud and then looked at me with a deeper frown. “Was it hand-delivered?”
I nodded, passing him the envelope it came in. “I’m not too concerned,” I divulged. “Padraic is dead now, and it’s hardly a threat. I just don’t understand.”
He nodded and stuffed it into his inside jacket pocket. “I’ll have it tested, see if anything comes up.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s probably just a fan. Like you said, Padraic is gone now, so I’m not concerned about this.”
Another awkward silence developed and sighing loudly I looked at Harrison and bit the bullet. “Harry, what are we doing here?”
Setting his cup down, he clicked his tongue. “I can’t stop thinking about you, Lily.”
Okay, that surprised me, and I couldn’t hide the astonishment from my face as my eyes widened. “What are you saying?” I couldn’t dare to hope. Harrison had told me he couldn’t ever have a relationship with me, and I’d had to accept that.
He reached for me and linked his fingers through mine. The way he softly stroked his thumb over my knuckles took my attention, and I gazed at how his large hand swamped my tiny one.
“I want to date, Lily.”
My eyes snapped up to his and I jerked in surprise. “What? But I thought you said…”
“I know what I said. But every minute I spend without you is driving me more and more insane. I haven’t taken a real breath since you walked out of my hotel room ten days ago. You blew my mind that night, Lily. I’ve never felt such a connection with anyone before, and I know damn well I never will again. Unless I’m with you.” The words tumbled from him and I wasn’t sure if I was hearing him correctly. Had I slipped and banged my head?
He gave my hand a squeeze when I didn’t respond. “Well?”
Leaning towards him, I licked my lips and took a deep breath. “I’m not sure we’ll be any good at this. I mean, I’ve never had a relationship before, and you’re… well…”
“Moody, cantankerous, difficult,” he finished for me with a smirk.
I shrugged slightly. “Well, yes, all of the above. But you’re also some things that you don’t see.”
His brows lifted as he waited for me to finish.
“You’re fiercely protective. An amazing father. Generous, not with monetary things, but your time and affection. You’re funny.” He stared me out on that one. “And you’re super good-looking.”
Scrunching up his nose he shook his head and sighed. “One day you’ll say something that I actually fathom, Lily Cooper. So, are we dating or not?”
I couldn’t keep the grin off my face. “I guess we are.” My cheeks flushed with heat at the way his gaze darkened.
“Good,” he barked, bolting upright. “I have better cake in my fridge. Come on.”
I didn’t have a chance to argue when he snatched up my coat and pulled me out of the café.
***
I watched when Harrison slid each of my blouse buttons through its hole.
“I thought we were just dating?”
My knees wobbled when he circled around me, slipping the silk over my shoulders. “We are. But we’re dating with orgasms.”
“Dating with orgasms, huh?”
“Uh-huh.”
He trailed the tip of his finger down the length of my spine, dipping into the back of my jeans before his hands came around the front of me. He unbuttoned the denim and pulled them down my legs.
“I think I like the sound of dating with orgasms.”
“Thought you might,” he whispered when he dropped to his knees behind me.
I tried to look over my shoulder, but the more I looked, the further down he disappeared. “Harry!?” I wasn’t sure if I said his name as a statement or a question, but when he pushed me forwards, so I was bent double, my ass directly in his face, I lost the ability to say anything whatsoever.
Heat from embarrassment roared through my entire body when he hooked his thumbs through the edge of my knickers and slowly peeled them down my legs.
Trying to stand, I grumbled when he pressed his hand down on the bottom of my spine, keeping me in place. “Stay there.”
“Harry…”
Oh, dear. Jesus Christ. I had to hold onto my knees when he nuzzled his entire face between my legs and started to suckle on my clit. My legs shook – fuck that, my bones shook!
“Hold on,” Harry mumbled when I started to keel forwards.
“I can’t!... Oh, God. Yeah, that’s good. Right there… Don’t stop! Oh God, please – don’t – stop!”
He didn’t.
I came with a choked scream, my whole body rocking with the pleasure that ripped through me.
I squealed when I was picked up and thrown none too elegantly onto Harrison’s bed. But my giggles subsided when Harrison slowly started to unclothe himself.
He was cut like a God, all sharp lines and contours. He had to be super fit to do his job, and I had no doubt that he worked out mercilessly.
My eyes dropped to his cock when he removed his shorts, and I sat up on the edge of the bed.
Without any words, Harrison knew what I wanted. He strode towards me, his dark eyes fixed firmly on mine, and came to a rest between my parted legs. His cock stood proudly in front of my face, and hesitantly I lifted my hand and wrapped my fingers around it. Harry hissed, his nostrils flaring as I looked up at him and stroked my fist up and down him slowly.
“Taste me,” he ordered. His hands fisted my hair when I lightly ran the tip of my tongue around the head of him. “Carry on like that, and there’ll be no more orgasms for you.”
I cupped his balls in my hand, feeling them tighten against my palm when I sank my mouth down the length of him. Sweeping the hair from my face, Harrison held the long strands behind my head as I started an unyielding rhythm up and down his cock, my tongue pressing against the underside as I felt him swell more and more.
Pulling himself from my mouth, he lifted me with a hand under each arm and changed our positions, so he was sat on the bed, and then lining himself up with me, he lowered me onto his cock.
“Time for orgasm number two,” he stated boldly. I wasn’t going to argue with him.
I tried to get a pace on him, but my legs were too shaky. “My thighs ache like this,” I griped.
He chuckled and spun us around, pinning me underneath him.
“Much better,” I grinned up at him. “You work out, you’re much better at this than me.”
“Oh, I dunno,” he murmured as he nibbled my neck. “You seem to be doing a pretty good job so far.”
“Cheers.”
He shook his head at my beaming face but when he rammed into me hard, I gasped, and every bit of humour evaporated. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to kill me or not, but the friction he was causing was shifting me across the bed, and when my head hung off the edge, I didn’t give a flying fuck. I just needed him to keep going.
“Harder,” I growled when my entire body hummed with pleasure.
I watched his face as his own pleasure saw him biting his lip. His jawline was rigid, his features set in stone as he locked eyes with me and snarled, “Give it me!”
I soared when he rolled his hips and rubbed his pelvis over my clit. My
fingernails dug into his back when every nerve ending in my body ignited with a fire that licked every inch of me.
The rush of his cum inside me had me clinging to him as his body trembled in ecstasy and he jerked hard, forcing his cock deeper inside me like he wanted me to never forget it had been there.
“Oh,” I panted. “Wow.”
He dropped his forehead to my shoulder, his hard breathing loud in my ear. “Fuck,” was all he managed to say.
I nodded, thoroughly agreeing with him.
Rolling over, he cradled me in one of his arms and pulled me into his side. The sweat on my brow mixed with the dampness on his skin when I lay my head on him. I watched the hypnotic lift and fall of his chest, and my utterly sated body drifted into the best sleep of my life.
Thirty-three
Harrison
“You’re a good cook,” Lily mumbled around the mouthful of scrambled eggs I was hand feeding her. “This is good.”
She looked edible herself, sat cross-legged on the kitchen chair in one of my long sleeves shirts. It buried her; she’d had to roll the sleeves up three times, and half her hands still disappeared up inside them.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked, and I regarded her warily.
“Mm-hmm.”
Taking a sip of tea, she watched me carefully as she asked, “Why did you leave the service?”
I knew she’d ask one day, I just hadn’t expected it so soon. Taking a deep breath, I placed my fork down and sat back. “I made a grave error.”
She nodded but knew there was more coming, and she waited patiently.
“I made a call to enter an area I thought I’d got covered. My action resulted in the death of my partner.”
“Oh, Harry.” She slipped her hand into mine, the sadness in her eyes making the eggs churn in my stomach. “But I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.”
I nodded firmly. “Yes, it really was. Rachel had been my partner for six years.” It still hurt like fuck to talk about it, and luckily, Lily appreciating my reluctance to talk more, changed the subject.
“I need to make you my lamb tagine soon. It’s the only thing I can cook,” she laughed, settling back into her chair, and tucked back into her breakfast. “Although, I’d still up your life insurance first.”
I liked how easy she was to be around. Our sombre mood was now gone, Lily effortlessly leading the conversation back to light and carefree.
“What do you have planned for today?” I asked her as she stole a piece of bacon from my fork and popped it quickly between her luscious lips.
“Rehearsal with the guys and then a photoshoot for the magazine.”
My stomach sank in disappointment. “Shame, I thought we could spend the day together.”
She sighed and rested her hand on my cheek. “Sorry.”
“Not a problem, I could do with getting my guys to take a look at that note you received.”
“I’m sure there’s no rush, Harry. Don’t change your plans for me. Besides, aren’t you working today?”
I shook my head, finally managing to get some food into my own mouth. “Liam’s on duty until Monday.”
Her face lit up, and she grinned. “Oh, so you’re free this weekend?”
I nodded. “Yep.”
“Do you fancy getting out of here for a few days? I dunno, somewhere quiet and secluded.”
Leaning towards her, I grinned and nuzzled her ear. “So no one can hear you scream my name?”
“Or scream in general,” she answered with a quiver in her voice. She was so receptive to me and I shivered at the thought of all the great sex coming my way.
Turning her head, she pressed her lips to mine. Her kiss was soft, but the way my belly fired with heat had me deepening it. She groaned into my mouth when I caught her tongue with my own, and I pulled her across onto my lap. Slipping open the top button of her shirt, exposing her bare breasts, I peppered kisses down the centre of her neck.
She wriggled on top of me, my erection pressing against her heat when I sucked on the smooth swell of her breast. “Hungry for more than bacon, huh?” I smirked.
“I don’t know what it is that you do to me…” She was cut off when the kitchen door flew open.
And Ann stood glaring at us. Fuck!
Lily tugged the shirt closed and jumped back onto her chair.
I didn’t have time to respond when Ann flew for me, her fists beating at my chest. “You cheating bastard! I knew it!”
I grabbed her hands and held her back. “We have to be dating for me to cheat on you!”
Her eyes spat as much venom as her mouth. “So what, you just want me to raise this baby by myself, huh? You really are a selfish prick!”
Lily’s gasp had Ann and me both stilling and turning.
“Oh, let me guess!” Ann scoffed. “He didn’t tell you!”
My stomach sank at the look of hurt in Lily’s eyes when she stood mute, merely staring at me. Shaking her head slowly, a fat tear rolled over onto her cheek, and without a word, she walked from the room.
“See, you hurt every single person you come into contact with, Harry!” Ann spat. “You were supposed to meet me at the hospital this morning!”
Shit! I had completely forgotten.
She rummaged around in her bag and flung a piece of paper at me. “Meet your daughter!”
A girl.
I stared at the image of my daughter, not even noticing Ann had left. My chest swelled with pride at the first ever photograph of my little girl. Philly would be overjoyed, not that I’d told her she was going to have a sibling yet. I wasn’t sure how she’d take it, but knowing how resilient she was, I didn’t foresee a problem.
There was someone who wasn’t happy though. I winced, clenching my teeth together at the way Ann had blurted it out. It wasn’t as if I wasn’t going to tell Lily, but I’d have preferred to do it less dramatically.
As I entered the hall to take the stairs up to Lily, I stopped short in surprise when I found her opening the front door.
“Lily. Let me explain.”
Her head shook, more tears spilling down her face. “There’s nothing to explain, Harrison. I don’t do lies or secrets. I thought you’d understand that.”
“I just didn’t have time to tell you!” I argued, approaching her.
She held up her hands, warding me off, and turned her eyes away from me. “Sure you didn’t. It doesn’t matter now. This, whatever it was between us, was never going to work. And I certainly won’t be a bit on the side, Harrison!”
I stared at her incredulously. “You never will be!”
“No,” she fired back. “I won’t! Because we’re finished.”
“We’ve only just fucking started!” I bit out. “Jesus. Just let me explain.”
“I don’t want to listen to your lies.” She laughed bitterly and shook her head. “That’s what that damn note was, wasn’t it? Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten. How could I have been so stupid! At least Ann tried to warn me, at least she thought I ought to know something so important!”
Anything I tried to say to her would be a waste. She needed to calm down, and reluctantly I didn’t follow her when she slammed the door behind her.
Couldn’t anything ever run smoothly?
And when my phone lit up with Liam’s name, I just knew it was about to get a whole lot worse
Thirty-four
Lily
Knight still couldn’t look me in the eye. The feeling was mutual.
The nurse handed me some leaflets. “Please make sure you go to your first therapy appointment, Lily.”
I nodded, stuffing them into my bag. Fuck that shit. And from the way she looked at me sceptically and blew out a disappointed sigh, I knew she had read my mind. But, conceding, she gave me one last smile and allowed me to leave.
Knight simmered beside me as we walked through the hospital and out into the carpark.
“I’m sorry,” I tried when I delicately climbed into his car.
He practically threw himself into the driver’s seat and huffed, but he didn’t otherwise acknowledge my apology.
My heart was heavy as we took the short journey to my house, but the atmosphere in the car was more oppressive. I hated letting Knight down, he was one of my best friends, and I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. And although I understood his anger with me, he couldn’t ever comprehend my need to cut. Except, this time, I’d fucked up and nicked the main artery in my inner thigh. Panic had set in, and I’d done the only thing I could think of and rang Knight, but my fear hadn’t been a tenth of the worry I’d caused him. The horror on his face when he’d rushed into my bathroom last night would stay in my nightmares for a long time.
He followed me into my house, still angry, placed my bag down by the door, then walked back out. Okay.
I flicked on the kettle, hating that it was morning and severely frowned upon if I necked back some vodka.
The house was quiet, too quiet. Maybe it was time to get another cat. I missed Gerry. Although when the image of him bleeding out in my hallway filtered forbiddingly into my mind, I shuddered and decided against it.
Deciding to have my coffee strong and black, I wearily made my way upstairs and showered. The scolding water did nothing to wash away the filth that stained my soul, as hard as I scrubbed at myself. Hatred nestled deep in my bones when I looked at the state of my thighs, and I couldn’t hold back the deep sobs when they left me in waves of devastation. No wonder Harrison didn’t want me. I was fucked up, both physically and emotionally.
“So, what, you just want me to raise this baby by myself, huh?”
The woman’s words hit me over and over until I slid down the cubicle wall and curled in on myself. How stupid could I get? I’d allowed Harrison into my heart, and I had trusted him. It didn’t surprise me he’d kept such a thing as having another woman, a pregnant woman come to that, secret. I knew he thought I was too fragile to handle the truth. Maybe he had been scared that I would cut when I found out.
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