JR awoke sometime before dawn. He was in a king-size bed, lying on his back. For a moment he felt disoriented. He looked to his right—Carmen was sprawled out beside him. And that’s when it hit him. Carmen was here, in his bed! It was hard to believe, but the truth was staring him in the face. What he’d dreamed of, wanted, craved, for so many years, had come to pass. He closed his eyes and gave thanks to whatever entity or twist of fate had caused it to happen.
He leaned over and kissed her ear. The swatting movement she made in her sleep made him smile. Next he licked her neck. This time she didn’t swat him, but made a little wiggling movement with her hips. His smile grew.
Last night, as unbelievably erotic as it had been, had not gone the way he would have planned their first time together. His damned shoulder had limited his movement too much. Still, this was a new day….
This time he would make love to her, drive her as insane with longing as she’d driven him. He began at her neck and worked his way down her entire body, licking and kissing and tasting every part of her. By the time he reached her abdomen, she was making little noises of pleasure and urging him lower. When he moved his mouth and tongue over her upper thigh, she spread her legs for him and he dove in, eager to taste her. She was wet and ready.
He pleasured her, as she had pleasured him last night. Made her squirm as she had made him squirm last night. Brought her to climax with his tongue once, twice. And maybe he couldn’t support himself on both arms, but after getting another condom, he lay on his right side so she could sling a leg over his hip and grant him access. He plunged into her; her cry of pleasure pleased him to no end. He worked her, teased her, slowed down when she was close, then sped up again. She was tight around him and it took all his skill to stay focused on driving Carmen wild.
Finally, he knew it was time. He quickened his pace; her hips matched his rhythm. He kissed her soundly, thoroughly, his tongue imitating the movement of their hips. Carmen emitted desperate little gasps, gripped him tightly, her nails dug into his back.
She erupted with a loud cry of ecstasy.
He felt a surge of primal male satisfaction before joining her, shouting triumphantly as he did, “Oh, Carmen! I love you!”
Chapter 7
Thoroughly sated, he was flat on his back, trying to catch his breath, holding Carmen close to him with his good arm. Her soft cheek rested on his chest; the hair on the top of her head tickled his chin. The position was familiar and yet not. It was all so new, so rich, he was moved as he had never been moved after lovemaking before.
He’d waited for her for years, and it had been worth it. Last night, he hadn’t pushed; she’d come to him, willingly. The thing he’d wanted all this time, it was—finally—his. A warm peace filled him. They lay side by side yet connected, not speaking, for quite a long time.
JR was the one to break the silence. “I can’t believe this has happened.”
“Yeah, it’s kind of weird, huh?”
He smiled. It was such a Carmen response. “I don’t think ‘weird’ is what I had in mind.”
“No?”
He squeezed her arm, leaned over and kissed her forehead, then lay back. “No. This was…special, Carm. It was the beginning of something.”
As Carmen lay against JR’s warm, strong body, she heard him but didn’t really listen. The thing was, her head was pounding. Her eyes hurt. She felt as though she could drink about a gallon of water. She’d never been a graceful drinker—or rather, a graceful morning-after person—which was why she rarely imbibed. But she had last night. Oh, yes, she most certainly had. And her head was paying for it today.
From the neck down, however, she felt amazingly relaxed and deeply contented. Making love with JR, well, it had been like nothing she’d ever experienced before. Ever.
But as the words JR spoke registered, she got the meaning behind them. Right at the end of their last bout of lovemaking, he’d said, “I love you.” And not the way one friend said it to another friend.
Just now, he’d said it was “the beginning.” She knew JR really well, and what he meant was that, in his mind, they were now at the beginning of a relationship, and all that went with it.
JR was staking his claim. On her.
And he was moving way too fast.
Still, she voiced the question, just to make sure. “Um…what exactly do you mean?”
“Do you honestly not know?”
Yes, she did know, but, boy, she didn’t want to hear it. Really, if she could have crawled under the bed and hidden there, she would have. Instead, she pulled her head out from under his embrace and lay on her back, separate and apart.
“Don’t, Carm.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t pull away.”
“I’m trying not to. But, look, we’ve always said we need to be honest with each other, right?”
“Right.”
“Then, well, if you don’t mind my saying, aren’t you kind of rushing things? This was one night. A night of great sex, mind-boggling sex. The best ever. Truly. Can’t we just, I don’t know, let that be enough for now? See what happens down the line?”
“It meant nothing else? Great sex and that’s it?”
Even though he was trying to mask it, she heard the hurt in his voice, and she felt instant guilt. “No, I don’t mean that. Of course it was more. Or, I mean, I think it was.” She flung an arm over her aching eyes and wished the world would disappear.
“I’m not quite sure what happened,” she said. “We had too much to drink, that much I know. But that’s not really it. There’s been this sense, ever since Peg Davis’s murder, that I need to live my life, well, as though each day is my last. Sorry, I know that sounds melodramatic, but it’s true. So what I’m saying is…last night was wonderful, yes, and special, yes. But I’m just not sure how real it was.”
She felt the bed shift as he propped himself on his good elbow. She moved her arm from over her eyes to above her head and forced herself to look up at him.
In the dim morning light glowing behind the curtained picture windows, she could see him gazing at her, a thoughtful expression on his face. She knew just what that look meant—his agile mind was running through various sentence constructions, trying to decide how to phrase something. “Just say it, JR. Whatever it is.”
Finally, he spoke. “Do you know how long I’ve dreamed of having you in my bed?”
Oh, God, she thought, panic rising in her chest. She really, truly, deeply did not want to know. But it looked like he was going to tell her anyway.
“From the time I knew about what men and women could do to each other, could mean to each other, it’s always been you.”
No, she groaned silently. Don’t put that on me. It’s too much responsibility. I’ll break your heart.
“Do you know how many years it’s been?” he went on. “How many times I’ve had to keep my mouth shut?”
The intensity of his feelings was overwhelming. They filled the room, like a tidal wave that would not be stopped. She felt smothered. “Don’t, JR. Please don’t tell me all this.”
“You asked for the truth.”
“Yes, but it’s too much.”
“Why?”
“Because it changes everything.”
“Why?”
“We won’t be friends anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Stop it, please. God, you’re relentless!” She scrambled out of bed and reached for the hotel robe draped across the lounge chair next to the bed. Couldn’t he see? She wasn’t in his league. He would get tired of her. It would end badly.
It would ruin their friendship.
But he just wouldn’t give up. “Why won’t we be friends anymore?”
“Well, because we’d be lovers.”
“And the two are mutually exclusive?”
She sat on the lounge, brushed her hair out of her eyes, tried to quell the sense of panic. “For me, yeah, they always have been.”
Holding
his left arm to his chest, JR moved over to the side of the bed and sat, staring at her. “You’re scared, aren’t you?”
“Terrified,” she admitted.
He seemed to relax then, offering her one of his warm, supportive smiles. “I’m not like all the other guys,” he said softly, “and that’s what scares you. You won’t be able to get rid of me so easily. This time will be different, Carm, I promise.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do,” he said, radiating truly irritating male confidence.
It worked. She was irritated. “You know, you’re talking as though something’s been settled.”
“For me, it’s been settled for a long time.”
She stuck her chin out. “And I have no say here? I’m just catching up. Think about it from my perspective, JR. This is all pretty new for me—you need to give me some time, some space.”
JR, genuinely perplexed, had no idea what to do next. Or he wanted to do way too many things at the same time. He wanted to hold her, shake her, make love to her. But Carmen was doing it again, trying to push away the truth. Couldn’t she see it? It was staring her in the face.
They were meant for each other. Why the hell was she fighting it?
He tried for calm, tried to sound reasonable. He was the lawyer here; he had control of his emotions. “Just tell me, Carm. All these years, were you completely unaware of how I felt about you? How much I loved you?”
His use of the three little words made her wince, which, he had to admit, took some of the wind out of his sails. Self-doubt began to nibble at the edges of his ego. Was he wrong about how right they were for each other?
Carmen lowered her gaze and began to pick at a thread in the lounge chair’s fabric. “Not really,” she said in a small voice. “I mean, once in a while, something would, I don’t know, flash in my brain, that the way you were acting, or a look in your eye, it was the way a man would look or act if he was in love. But I always ignored those little flashes. They made me, you know, squirmy.”
“Why?”
She jerked her head up, glared at him. “I’ve already told you. Weren’t you listening? Because you were my friend. You don’t think that way about your friend.”
He sighed. “So we’re back to that again.”
“Yes,” she said defiantly, emphatically. “We’re friends. You’re my best friend.” She clasped her hands under her chin in a position of supplication. “You mean so much to me, JR. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Why would you lose me?”
“Well, because that’s what happens. If we get physical.”
Despite the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he allowed himself a wry smile. “We already got physical.”
“You know what I mean.” Now her hands were in her lap, gripping each other. “Last night was wonderful. Truly. Mind-blowing. But we can’t do it again.”
“Excuse me?”
“If we go on the way we did last night, it’ll get all hot and heavy and it’ll keep being be wonderful…until it isn’t anymore, and then it will be over, and I’ll have lost a lover and my best friend.”
“You’re sure that will happen to us?”
“It always has. You say this time it will be different. But how do you know? Neither of us has a particularly good track record, remember?”
Deep inside, a voice was telling him to put the brakes on. To call a halt to this entire conversation. To let it go, relax, give her time, just as she had asked him to do. He’d gone for a home run when he should have gone for a single. He was blowing it, pushing her away instead of drawing her closer.
He knew it with every cell in his body.
Except…he couldn’t put the brakes on. A dam had burst inside him, and there didn’t seem to be any way to plug up the hole. “Do you truly not get why? Because this is different. This is about love. I love you and I’m in love with you.”
“Why?” she cried. “How come you love me?”
That stopped him dead, but only briefly. There it was. Of course. All that insecurity of hers, in one loaded, heartfelt question. He wanted to cry, wanted to take her in his arms and tell her how special, how loveable she was. He’d been doing that their entire lives.
But he couldn’t fill in her empty spaces; it didn’t work that way. She had to get there on her own. His shoulders sagged, the left one throbbing with pain.
“Oh, Carm,” he said on a long sigh. “I’m not going to go there. I love you. That’s all. I just do. And, you may not like this, but I think you’re in love with me.”
She stared at him, her expression troubled. Then she lowered her gaze again and went back to picking at the thread. “Don’t tell me how I feel,” she said in an aggrieved little voice.
He wasn’t getting through. The woman was impossible. She’d just turned what ought to be an occasion for celebration and joy into sheer misery.
Not that he was acting too mentally healthy himself, with all his years of needing her hanging out for the entire world to see.
“You’re right,” he admitted. “Okay. Sorry.”
But Carmen was just getting started. “I mean, there you go again, taking charge. It’s like something’s been decided before I even had a chance to think about it.”
She was warped, yes. Feeling miserable about a relationship with a man was her home territory, sure. But JR knew she was right about this one—he was telling her how she felt and making decisions for her. Again. As he’d done for years.
“Dammit,” he said, more angry with himself now than at her. He lay back on the bed, expelled another breath and shook his head. “Damn,” he muttered. “This is not the way it was supposed to be.”
He closed his eyes and turned away from her, and was greeted by a searing pain across his shoulder. He’d forgotten about the damn shoulder. Idiot! He tried to grit his teeth against the pain, but a moan escaped.
Carmen was next to him in a flash. “Are you okay? What happened?”
“Nothing.” It throbbed like a son of a bitch. He rolled onto his back.
“Your shoulder. Do you want a pain pill?”
“Go away, Carmen,” he said through clenched teeth. “Just leave me alone.”
She went into the bathroom. He closed his eyes, waiting for the ache to subside. After a couple of minutes, he heard the door to the bathroom open, then a rustling noise. Then she was by his side again. “Here.”
He opened his eyes and looked at her. She was standing next to the bed. She was dressed in the only outfit she’d had with her since Friday morning—the long, dark skirt and layered tops. She had a pill in one hand and a glass of water in the other. “Take this.”
“I don’t need it.”
“Take it, JR. Stop being such a cowboy.”
He took it, drank the water then set the glass down on the table next to the bed. And watched as Carmen headed for the door to the room. “What are you doing?” he said.
“Getting out of here.”
He struggled to sit up. “No, don’t leave. It’s dangerous.”
“I’m just going to get some coffee. Lie back down, JR.”
“We can call room service.”
“I need to be alone. I won’t leave the hotel. I’ll be back soon. Rest, okay?”
And with that, she was out the door. He lay back down, thoroughly miserable, cursing himself for pushing her, cursing her for pushing him away, cursing his shoulder for hurting and cursing whatever gods were now laughing at him from above.
The sound of an electronic key card woke him up out of a drugged sleep. He opened his eyes to see a small brunette dressed in some kind of bright coral sweats walking into the room. When he retrieved his glasses from the nightstand and put them on, the brunette came into focus. It was Shannon.
“Oh, good,” she said, “you’re decent.” She was carrying two large brown grocery bags and a small suitcase, all of which she set down on the table by the picture windows. “How are you feeling?”
JR realized he was
naked under the covers, so he pulled them up even higher, then he shook his head, trying to clear it. “Like I took a pill that knocked me out. But—” he rotated his shoulder just a bit “—I think it’s loosened up a little. What time is it?”
“Noon.”
“It’s always a pleasure to see you, Shannon, of course, but what exactly are you doing here?”
“Carmen called me, told me what happened on Friday. The little attempted murder, the shoulder wound of our mutual friend. After I finished yelling at her for not telling me sooner, I told her I needed to see you both, to make sure you’re okay.”
“What’s in the bags?”
“Lox and bagels. Brunch.”
“They have room service here.” He was still groggy, but had he said something like that earlier to Carmen?
“Yeah, but Carmen made a special request for Canter’s bagels and lox, and when my sister makes a special request, especially two days after someone takes a shot at her, I’m there.” She grinned; it wasn’t the same smile as Carmen’s, but when the Coyle girls grinned, it was hard not to feel immediately happier.
He ran his tongue over his teeth. Brutal. “Where is she?”
“Browsing in the gift shop. She’ll be right up.”
She pulled open the drapes and stared out at the vista below them—the tall buildings of downtown L.A., their windows reflecting bright sunshine today; beyond were small, neat neighborhoods of one-and two-story homes, and farther on, mountains and blue sky as far as the eye could see.
“Nice,” Shannon murmured, then turned her attention back to him. She cocked her head to one side. “With my acute powers of observation, I can’t help noticing that there’s only one bed in this room.”
“Good call.”
“And that you and my sister spent the night here. And that you’re lying in said bed without, I believe, a stitch of clothing on.” Cocking her head to the other side, she offered a sly smile. “Is there something I should know?”
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