Worth Every Risk

by Laine, Terri E.

  Checking the time, I notice it’s around nine. My plan is to shower, grab some breakfast, and then go find my girl. I have no idea if she’ll be home. It’s New Year’s Day, and who knows what she’s up to. Maybe she had a date. Or worse, what if she’s involved? My gut is razored as I conjure up a million unpleasant possibilities. At this point, food isn’t even appetizing. Liquid courage is more of what I need.

  As I shower, I clear my head of everything. It’s a tactic I use before a game. If I don’t do this, I’ll be on the first plane out of Chicago and lose my chance with Andi forever. Then I head out of this place and find the first breakfast joint I can. I force a strong cup of coffee and a bagel down the hatch and then I take off in the direction of her apartment. It’s game time and the winner takes all. If she takes me back, we’ll both end up winners of this match.

  Five

  Andi

  Using my knuckles, I knock lightly on my neighbor, Owen Kazynski’s, door who lives down the hall. When he opens it, his smile warms the hallway.

  He studies my face before asking, “Hey, you. Did you get enough sleep?”

  He’s an attractive man with a kind soul. We quickly bonded as friends after our first meeting.

  Sheepishly, I smile back. “Thanks for helping me out.”

  He swings the door wide and I enter his apartment, which is a mirror of mine. We stop at the kitchen space to the left of the hall.

  “Are you hungry?”

  My stomach gives out a shout. I tilt my head to the side in a half-shrug. “Sure.”

  He moves to the microwave and pulls out a covered plate. “I saved some breakfast for you.”

  He’s a blessing and a godsend. Sometimes I wonder if he’s not an angel in disguise. “You’re too good to me.”

  He’s always doing little things like this. We look out for each other and have since he moved in a few years back. His wife died of cervical cancer, leaving him a single dad. With mounting bills for her failed treatments, he’d been forced to sell their house and move here.

  “I was cooking anyway. Not too hard to add a portion for another person.”

  I take the plate and sit at his small table to dig in.

  “What are your big plans for your day off?”

  Holidays are pooled each year. I’d worked Christmas, and for that, I got New Year’s Day off.

  “I don’t know. What about you?” I ask between bites.

  “My in-laws have offered to babysit.”

  My eyes widen. Since his wife’s death, they haven’t exactly been close. “You should totally take advantage.”

  I think about my parents and how much I miss them. It’s been over two years since I’ve been home. Owen can read me well and is quick to ask about them.

  “Have you told them yet?”

  Guilt assaults me. I slump, putting my chin in my palm as I rest my elbow on the counter. “My brother, Mark, is furious with me. He says I’m making Mom cry. He’s even offered to pay for my flight if that’s what it takes to get me home.”

  “So go.” He makes it sound easy with his cheerfulness.

  “How can I have him pay for my flight when I’m using money to pay a private detective to find my birth mom?”

  Though my search isn’t the primary reason why I’m staying away from home. I cover my face with my hands, willing myself not to cry. I’m torn between my parents and searching for a part of me I need to know.

  “Andi.”

  Owen’s patience is like a smoothing balm, but my soul has been in chaos these past few years.

  “No, I’m such a bad daughter. How can I keep secrets from them?” My voice comes out soft and muffled as I speak more into my hand than to him.

  “So tell them the truth.” He pulls my hands from my face and I stare into his earnest one. “From all you’ve said, they’ll forgive you.”

  I nod. “They will after I endure their disappointment in me. Besides, Mark forced my hand by giving me an open-ended ticket to come home as a Christmas present. And with Ryder and Gina’s wedding soon, I’ll have to go back and face the music anyway.”

  “Who will you take as your plus one?”

  “No one, I guess.”

  There has only ever been one guy.

  “What about that guy, Chase?”

  Hearing his name makes my heart grow tight in my chest.

  “No, he’s getting married.” I gaze into space a second before blinking. “And I should be happy about that.”

  As I stare a hole in the wall, wondering if I could go to Chase’s wedding, Owen cuts into my thoughts.

  “You know what? You and I should go out and have drinks.”

  I’m about to answer when Holly comes tearing around the corner to her dad.

  “Daddy, Vilet doesn’t know where Clay Park is.”

  Holly has yet to master saying Violet’s name. Owen’s amusement reminds me what’s important, and it’s not despairing over a guy I gave up. He gives his daughter a concerned look to mirror her own. “Let’s go and help her find it.”

  He stands and takes Holly’s hand. I follow, hearing Dora the Explorer playing in the background. Just around the corner, another doll-faced girl stares at the TV. Dark brown ringlets crown her head. She turns when Owen sits on the sectional. Holly joins him on his lap. Violet beams at me and runs over with her thumb in her mouth while pointing at the screen.

  “Clay Park?” It sounds reasonable, like the words if you’ve mastered two-year-old speak.

  Owen launches into questions about the story and the girls answer him eagerly. For a second, I allow myself to wonder what it would be like if Owen and I became a couple. It’s so easy to be with him, talk to him, and bonus—he cooks. What more can a girl ask for?

  Only we are just friends. He hasn’t exactly gotten over his wife yet. And I haven’t exactly gotten over Chase.

  I let those thoughts drift away as we search with Dora to find Clay Park. The girls giggle when we learn we must cross Troll Bridge first. Eventually, the Dora episode ends. Go, Diego, Go! comes on next before Barney. Before you know it, our morning has dissolved in animated conversation with toddlers and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  Later, after I make lunch for us all, my phone rings.

  “Mom,” I say into the receiver after holding up a finger to Owen and excusing myself to step in the hallway.

  “Andi, honey, how are you? You never call.”

  I sigh. I have to give her credit. She hadn’t given me the third degree when I didn’t come for Christmas.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. I’ve been busy.”

  “I get that you’re an adult and you have your own life but, sweetheart, we miss you. Have we done something to upset you?”

  There’s no condemnation in her voice, only a deep-seated sadness.

  “No.” I want to blurt out the truth and beg for her forgiveness. “Look, I’m coming for Ryder’s wedding. I need to tell you both something.”

  “Can’t you tell me over the phone?”

  This is the kind of news better said face to face.

  “It’s better if I explain in person. I hope you’ll keep an open mind and maybe eventually forgive me.”

  Dammit, Andi, if that doesn’t sound ominous.

  But Mom being Mom only says, “Andi, there is nothing you can do to make us not love you. We miss you and want to share a part of your life at least occasionally.”

  Tears well up in my eyes as my voice cracks into a million pieces. “I miss you too. And I’m sorry.”

  “There’s nothing to be sorry about, sweetheart. I’m glad you’re coming home. You’re going to stay with us, right?”

  “Yes, please.”

  “Let me get your dad. He’ll be thrilled to hear you’re coming home.”

  Just like that, I resolve to confess everything to my parents. Though they will still love me, what I have to say won’t go over easily. That much I know. I’m just not sure how Chase will feel when he learns the truth.

  After I
talk to my dad, I walk back to Owen’s. Violet comes running over to me.

  “Mama, outside and play.”

  Her steel gray eyes are so much like her father’s.

  “It’s cold outside. Maybe we should stay in.”

  Her head moves side to side, curls bouncing along.

  “Holly, me are ’plorers,” she says, pointing to her chest and then in the direction of her friend.

  The last word she said might have been a little hard to understand for anyone else, but a year or so of baby talk and I’m fluent.

  “Okay, but we can’t stay long.”

  The girls squeal in delight and Owen says, “Let me get our coats.”

  I nod and say, “I’ll grab Violet’s and meet you in the hall.”

  He agrees, and for the second time, I wonder how easy it would be for Owen and me to become a family. We are halfway there, considering we have keys to each other’s apartments. He trusts me with his most precious possession—his daughter. I trust him with mine.

  Once the kids are all bundled up, we head outside to the park conveniently located across the street. It’s one of the million reasons I picked this place. Owen guides me with a hand at the small of my back. Even though he’s never given me the vibe that he’s into me, I search for my reaction from his touch. There aren’t any electric currents, no butterflies in my belly, and I wonder how disappointed this makes me. Only one man has ever made me feel like a live wire.

  Chase.

  Until I can let him go from my heart, no other man stands a chance.

  Six

  Chase

  Breakfast has long passed and I’ve tried to eat lunch. I manage a few bites, but I’m edgy as hell. I’m sitting when Mom calls.

  “Honey, what’s this I hear about an engagement?”

  Just when I think my gut’s settling down, bile flares up again.

  “It’s not what you think. There is no engagement.”

  “But, Chase, your father and I saw Lucia on the news and she said—”

  “I know what she said, Mom, but it’s not true. We stopped seeing each other a while ago. She’s not listening to anything I tell her and insists we’re still together. But we were never really close like that to begin with.”

  It was even less than that, but I can’t tell my mom she was only an occasional fuck.

  She snaps into momma bear mode.

  “Good Lord. What are you going to do?”

  “Max is handling it.”

  “Handling it? How?”

  I explain Max’s plan, leaving out the most sordid of details. “Honestly, I think she needs help.”

  “Oh, honey, that’s awful. It sounds like she does. You didn’t do anything to warrant that behavior, did you?”

  “No, Mom. I swear I didn’t. I told her from the start that there was never a chance of anything permanent with us. When I told her I didn’t want to see her anymore, she sort of went crazy. She just won’t leave me alone.”

  “Your brother had trouble like that until he settled down with Cassidy. When are you going to settle down?”

  I want to blurt out that I’m in Chicago to do that very thing.

  “Mom.”

  “Okay, I’ll let it be. Maybe Max can persuade Lucia to seek counseling.”

  “I hope so. She needs it.” Personally, I think she needs more than counseling, but I hold my tongue.

  “So where are you now, honey?”

  Shit. I was hoping she wouldn’t ask me that. “I’m in Chicago.”

  “Oh? What are you doing there? Are you planning to visit your aunt and uncle? Or your cousins, Kaycee and Landon, while you’re there?”

  “No, I’m just getting away from it all. I needed a breather. I’m not planning on staying long.”

  “At least call them. They’ll be so disappointed you didn’t stop by. And, honey, if you need a break, you can always come back home to the mountains. Dad and I would love to have you.”

  “I know. And I’ll get there soon. I promise.”

  “Okay. I love you, Chase. Keep us posted on how things go. And call your brother and Cassie. They’re worried about you. They heard this news too and were wondering about it.”

  “I will, Mom. Tell Dad I said hi and I love you both.”

  My parents are the greatest. They’ve always been supportive of both my brother and me. If I ever needed them for anything, they would drop whatever it was they were doing and catch the next flight out to be by my side. I sit and think about what she said. Getting Lucia into counseling is a joke. She doesn’t think anything’s wrong with her.

  It’s a relief that after another round of messages to my agent after Mom’s urging, Max finally calls and tells me he has Lucia under control. I can finally breathe easier. I won’t be fully satisfied until she makes her statement and I witness it myself.

  Though I’ve made it to town, I find myself sitting in a local bar, not too far from Andi’s, imagining what she’s doing today. Is she alone, or with someone? God, the thought of that makes me fucking insane. If she’s with someone, I have no damn idea how I’ll handle that. Probably get on the first plane out of here. Where the hell would I go? Back to Italy? And face the paparazzi and Lucia? No, back to the mountains in North Carolina is where I’d head. Mom and Dad would be the perfect antidote for me. Grabbing the bartender’s attention, I order a beer. Maybe this will calm me the fuck down.

  Then I think back to all the time … all the wasted time I’ve spent doing nothing but this. Thinking. And look where it’s gotten me. Sitting alone, in a bar, practically stalking the girl I’ve loved for as long as I can remember. What the hell is wrong with me? Why didn’t I just pick up the goddamn phone, call her, and spill my guts? Even if she had told me to kiss her ass, what difference would it have made? At least I could’ve moved on and not been this miserable fuck all this time.

  When I go to toss back my beer, I notice the bottle is empty. Motioning to the bartender, I have him bring me another. This is my last one, and then I’ll steel my balls to make my move. I didn’t come all this way to sit in a bar and get plastered. If I’m honest, this isn’t making me feel better either. It’s only bringing me down. After I settle my tab, I head out the door into the cold January air.

  The sky is dark gray and I briefly wonder if it’s going to snow. There are a couple of inches on the ground already, and the sidewalks are slick with patches of ice. I’m not much of a fan of this kind of weather, which is why I love living in Rome. Right as I think this, my feet go flying and I nearly land on my ass. Luckily, my quick action saves me and I skip over the ice to safety, almost as if I’m dribbling the ball downfield.

  As I round the corner on the block where her apartment is, I check my phone to look up the address. There’s a park across the street where several people are playing with their kids. That’s when I notice her. She’s just as I remember her from the last time I saw her, or maybe more beautiful. I also observe she’s not alone. She’s there with a man and two children. My feet momentarily freeze to the sidewalk as I watch them make a snowman, or try to, with the little amount of the white stuff that remains on the ground. I’m close enough to overhear.

  “We need some sticks for his arms,” one of the kids says.

  “He doesn’t have much of a body to put the sticks on,” the dad says. In truth, the thing is lopsided and really only one giant blob of snow.

  “Yes, he does, Daddy,” the same kid says. “We can make him a head now.”

  Andi laughs as she plasters more snow on the thing. The smaller child doesn’t speak a word, except runs around and around in circles. I almost get dizzy watching her, but can’t help it when the corners of my mouth turn up. They can’t be Andi’s kids. Mark would’ve mentioned them to me. She must be dating that guy and those are his. Realizing I’m still rooted to the concrete, I propel myself into action.

  First small, then larger steps land me almost right next to them. There’s something surreal about this, almost as though it should be
me in the middle of it and not that dude. How would it feel? Would I want to be him? A father? This is uncharted territory for me. I’ve never put a lot of thought into it. Hell, my brother’s kid seems like an alien. Besides, my schedule is so booked up with practice, games, and appearances, not to mention endorsements, how would I ever work being a father in? But seeing Andi with these kids opens a door I never imagined existed.

  Even though it can’t be more than twenty degrees, I’m not cold. In fact, I’m the opposite. My bones are filled with heat and it dives all the way down to my soul. Just seeing her infuses my heart with joy and makes me want to do things … crazy things, like tell her I love her. Only I know that’s not possible yet. Considering the scene in front of me, she may never be mine to have.

  Focusing my gaze on her, it’s hard not to see how much enjoyment she’s getting out of this snowman thing. Perhaps I should turn around and leave. Go away and leave her to the life she’s built. However, fate has different plans—plans that need to be settled. Right then, she looks up and our eyes connect. The hand that was smashing more snow on the blobby snowman stills and she drops the little pile.

  “Andi? Are you okay?” the lucky bastard with her says.

  She doesn’t answer him. She stands and walks toward me. Slowly at first, but then faster until there’s less than a foot of space that separates us.

  “Chase? What are you doing here?”

  I blink a few times because my fantasy of seeing her again has come true.