Worth Every Risk

by Laine, Terri E.

  “Whatever happens, good or bad, we’re going to get through this. We have a tough little girl. She’s not going to take this, Andi. She’s sassy and will fight whatever’s at war in that tiny body of hers.”

  Andi’s head bobs against mine. She’s holding on to me tighter than ever, but for once I feel secure. This is what we need—the two of us working as a team.

  “Hey.”

  She raises her head.

  “We’re Team Wilde. And Wildes don’t give up. You got that?”

  A watery smile spreads across her face. “I got it, tiger.”

  “Now put your lips here.” I point to mine so she can see.

  “Are you hitting on me?”

  “I might be.”

  “And here I thought you were helping out a damsel in distress.”

  “I’m the damsel and I’m in distress. That’s why I need your lips.”

  She rolls on top of me and presses her salty tasting lips on mine. “Thatta girl. Now put your head on my chest and close your eyes.” I massage her silky hair and she hums. Before long, the sun’s streaking through the shutters and I’m shocked we both slept like logs.

  Andi lifts her head and smiles. “This is nice.”

  “Yes, it is. Thanks for saving this damsel.”

  She giggles. Until she hears Violet cry out, and she’s out of bed in a flash with me on her heels.

  “Mama, Dada.”

  Violet is feverish, not super hot, but she doesn’t look so good. The bad news is she threw up in her bed. And it’s disgusting. I can handle a lot of shit, but puke isn’t one of them.

  I cover my mouth and gag. Andi looks at me and rolls her eyes. Then she says, “You weren’t kidding about the damsel thing.” She pulls Violet out of bed and takes her into the bathroom to get cleaned up.

  “Bath?” Violet asks.

  “Yes, honey. We have to get you cleaned up.” She looks at me and says, “You’re on sheet duty.”

  “Great,” I say with false cheeriness. Poor Violet. She can’t help throwing up. I hold my breath and tear off the offending sheets, then run them over to the washer. Thankfully, it’s on the second floor. By the time I’m done, so is Andi. Naked Violet is wrapped in a towel and Andi is hunting for some clean pajamas. I open a drawer and grab some for her.

  “Thanks.” She dresses Violet while I head to the linen closet to find clean sheets. I quickly make up the bed and Andi watches with a smirk.

  “What?”

  “You don’t do this very often, do you?”

  “When I have to.” She’s right. The maids do it. The bed looks ridiculous, but it’ll do. “I’ll take her while you shower. Take your time.”

  She gives me one of those yeah, right looks. Violet and I head down to watch some TV. Andi joins us a few minutes later with wet hair.

  “I’m not going to practice today.”

  “Yes, you are.” Andi stands with her hand on her hip.

  “Dada sick too?”

  Andi frowns. “No, he’s lazy.” Then she motions to the kitchen with her head. When I get there, she blasts me with, “We have to be as normal as we can. You staying here isn’t going to get us answers any sooner. Go. You know I’ll call if something happens.”

  “Okay! I’ll go.” I grab some things to make breakfast and sit at the island to eat.

  “Mama, hungy.”

  “Shit. I’m afraid to feed her. I really don’t want her to keep throwing up.”

  I don’t know what to say to that. “When my stomach is upset, I don’t want to eat. Maybe this is a good sign.”

  Andi frowns. “It could be the antibiotics too.”

  “Yeah. Those things have upset my stomach before.”

  She ends up making Violet a half of a waffle. “Cross your fingers on this.”

  On the way up to my room, I call Max to remind him about the security I want out here. I also need someone available for Andi in case she needs to go to the doctor. He says someone is coming at nine.

  “Can you be here for that?” I ask him.

  “Yes, I will. How is your Violet today?”

  I bring him up-to-date. He still wants to get her into a specialist. But I explain we don’t exactly know what for yet. “I need to hit the road or I’ll be late. I’ll let Andi know someone will be here at nine. And please make sure the security keeps Lucia away from here.”

  Practice is hell. My mind isn’t on the field and I miss way too many passes and opportunities to score. I turn over the ball, don’t steal it, and basically it’s a disaster.

  Coach pulls me over and wants to know if I’m ill. At his question, I practically break down. So I explain what’s going on with Violet. He walks me off the field and sits me down in his office.

  “You can do a couple of things. You know we need you out here. Until you find out what’s going on, you can keep playing and take your frustrations out on the field. Or you can give up.”

  “What? Why would I give up?”

  He shrugs. “Your attitude is that she’s already lost the battle, and you don’t even know what she has.”

  Fuck! Is that what I’m doing?

  “Chase, take your game face and use it to fight this thing. Your daughter and her mother need that part of you now. You are one of the strongest opponents I’ve ever had the opportunity to work with. You are undefeatable. Use that tactic to your advantage. Teach it to your daughter. It could save her life. But whatever you do, don’t lie down in defeat.”

  Why haven’t I thought of that? The fear of the unknown is what kills athletes. They let it fuck with their heads. I can’t let it fuck with mine when it comes to dealing with this … whatever it is. And Andi and Violet have to learn this too. We can all face this thing together, with two feet planted firmly on the ground. And we can fight it with everything we’ve got.

  Standing, I look Coach in the eye and thank him. This was the greatest thing he could’ve done for me. We return to the field, my mind focused, and I have the best practice I can remember.

  That afternoon after I get home, the doctor’s office calls with the results of the blood tests.

  “Your daughter’s iron levels are very low. She has severe anemia. It could be nothing but your average garden variety easily treated with supplements. But with everything else she’s been experiencing, I want to be cautious and send her to a doctor who specializes in the study of blood-related diseases.”

  Andi has her phone set on speaker so I can hear too. “A hematologist?” she asks.

  “Yes, a hematologist. I have taken the liberty of making that appointment for you. It’s for next week, if that is okay.”

  That’s not okay by me. So I say, “Can’t we get in any sooner?”

  “Not with Dr. Esposito. He, in my opinion, will be the best for your daughter.”

  “Okay, then next week it is.”

  Andi jots down the time and place, and I put it in my calendar as well.

  “Please make sure to allot at least three hours for your visit there, because they will want to do more tests.”

  “Yes, doctor, thank you.”

  “And best of luck to you.”

  When she hangs up, she has a pained look on her face.

  “What?”

  “It doesn’t sound good, Chase.”

  “We’ll deal with it. But at least we’ll have something to fight.”

  “At least we’ll have something to fight,” she murmurs. “But we may not have anything to fight it with.”

  Twenty-Nine

  Andi

  Later that night, I lie alone in my bed, unable to sleep. Though Violet’s doctor tried to put us at ease, he had to be worried enough he felt it necessary to send her to a specialist. I rest my forearm over my eyes, as tears spill onto my pillow.

  I’m so engrossed in my thoughts, I don’t hear Chase enter.

  He pulls my arm free and his beautiful face turns to concern.

  “What’s wrong?”

  All the hurt and anger I feel toward myse
lf pours out in a sobbing mess.

  “I’ve screwed everything up.”

  I try to turn away, ashamed of my many mistakes. He doesn’t let me.

  “What have you screwed up?”

  I almost glare at him, because he knows. That’s why up until recently he could barely stand to look at me. Still, I have no right to be mad at him.

  “You, for one.” I don’t state the obvious that I’ve ruined any sort of relationship between us. I make no allusions to our nights together. That was born out of need and grief. “What if? I mean, I took time with Violet away from you that you’ll never get back.”

  He stares at me. “You’re already assuming the worst. What do you know that I don’t?”

  It’s true that I’ve held back my fears. After Violet had gone down for the night, I’d researched until my eyes crossed.

  I shake my head. “It could be nothing, like the doctor said.”

  “But…?” he prods.

  “But, the anemia coupled with unexplained fevers can be bad.”

  I hate the worry I’ve created in him.

  “What are you saying?” His eyes hold mine. “Lay it out, Andi. I want … know I need to be prepared.”

  I lift my shoulders before letting them sag like a deflated balloon. I’d searched and found things that really scared me.

  “It could be that blood disease I told you about before. Aplastic anemia.”

  His hand comes up and wipes the tears I hadn’t known were still falling.

  “We’re not going to think that way. This is our daughter. She’s a fighter like us.”

  Unable to bear looking into his hopeful eyes, I bury my face in his chest and admit everything.

  “I’ve already lost you. I can’t bear to lose her too. She’s the best of me.”

  He strokes a hand over my hair before settling his hand on my back.

  “We’re not going to lose her. I refuse to let that happen.”

  My sob comes out choked, and it’s selfish. He hadn’t mentioned us. I suck in air and push the tears back. I wipe the back of my hand over my face and pull away from him.

  “We’re not. And thank you. I’ll be fine. You can go back to your room. I need to check on Violet.”

  He snags my hand, and that simple touch has a way of undoing me. Another cry escapes my throat.

  “Violet’s fine. I checked on her before …” Had he heard me cry and come in? “She’s good. No fever. You need to get some sleep, Andi. You’re no good to her if you’re tired.”

  Though I silently agree with a bob of my head, I know there is no way I’m sleeping anytime soon.

  “You’re not going to sleep.”

  I shake my head. “How can you be so calm?”

  “I’m not calm. Inside, I’m fighting a battle with an invisible enemy. I’m armored up, ready to do whatever Violet needs me to do so she’ll be okay. But that’s the point. Right now, there’s nothing I can do but be there for her. Me being pissed off isn’t going to solve anything.”

  I want to be brave like him, but everything I read continues to swirl in my brain.

  “I can’t seem to shut off my brain.”

  He leans in and murmurs, “Let me help you,” before he dives in for a kiss.

  His fingers skim under my nightshirt before he palms my breast. His touch sends butterflies into flight beneath my skin. I arch into his hand, enjoying the flick of his thumb over the peaks of my nipples.

  “Can I have you?”

  His question could mean for the night or forever. It doesn’t matter, because my answer would be the same.

  “Yes, it’s only ever been you.”

  He’d lowered himself as I’d answered and now hovers over my breast.

  “What are you saying?”

  “You’ve always had me, no one else.”

  His eyes widen. I bite my lower lip. “It was you in high school. Then when we got together that Christmas, I got pregnant, and I’ve dated no one else.”

  While I talked, he’d been positioning his other hand. I gasp as he slips two fingers inside me. Once again, my back leaves the bed. He sucks in a bud to take things higher.

  “You’ll always be mine, Andi.”

  I can’t ask him if I heard him right, as his mouth is back on mine while he moves to lie on top of me, wedging himself between my legs. I spread them, giving him room. I want him there. No, I need him inside me. For just these moments, I want to lose myself in sensations.

  He trails his fingers down until he finds the fabric that covers my entrance. My heartbeat kicks up several notches as his head follows. Slowly, he uncovers me until the fabric is only a memory. Then his mouth is on me. I bite a finger to hold back from crying out. Masterfully, he switches between tongue and fingers, moving in and out of me to take me to a place only he can.

  “Please,” I beg.

  “Hold on, baby.”

  I do as he asks and fist my hands in his hair, needing just a bit more before I go tumbling over the edge. I ride out my pleasure, grinding against his face as it takes me higher and higher.

  Coming down, a part of me is so limp I can’t move. But the idea of tasting him rejuvenates me. As he gets up, takes off his pants and briefs, poised to crawl back over me, I slide down, hooking an arm around to grab on his ass and taking hold of his straining cock with the other.

  I swallow him whole as best I can, my eyes tearing with the effort.

  His curses of pleasure spur me on. I work him in and out, deeper and deeper.

  “Stop,” he says. “I need to be inside you.”

  He crawls off the bed and lifts my legs from where they hang off the side. Then he maneuvers a hand to aim himself at my opening before driving in. My world narrows down to just him. I claw at his chest, needing him to be closer. Our skin becomes slick with the effort as we are both greedy for one another. He pushes himself a little farther each time, thrusting with the force of the desperation we both feel.

  I give as good as he gets, rolling my hips, enjoying the brush of his cock against that magic button, sending me to the moon and back.

  “Dammit, Andi, if you don’t stop, I’m not going to last.”

  “I want you to come, because I need to come too.”

  That spurs him on. The slaps of our flesh become erratic until I arch as my core squeezes the ever-living life out of his cock. He jerks once, twice, pumping into me like a man possessed until I feel him pulsing inside me.

  His fingers dig into my hips as he pours every drop of his seed inside me. Then his weight is there, crushing me. I find I don’t mind that at all. There’s comfort in his body covering mine. I wrap my arms around him and pretend he’s mine forever.

  This man, who’d been my first in every way, will be my last no matter what happens between us. And that thought forces moisture from my eyes.

  Not too long after, he pulls back and then he crawls back on the bed and pulls me to cradle against his chest.

  “I love you,” he whispers.

  “What?” Because I’m so not sure I’ve heard him right.

  “I’m still a little mad at you. But I’ve had enough time to see that you didn’t do what you did to hurt either of us. I just wish you trusted me enough to tell me the truth.”

  I rush to put the record straight. “The problem was, I did trust you. I knew you’d give up your dreams to take care of me.”

  “I would have with no regrets.”

  “But I would have regretted it.”

  “You could have come to Italy with me.”

  I shift my head to peer up into his eyes. “And what? Lived with you as your pregnant girlfriend?”

  “As my wife.”

  I pull away and rest my head on my hand. “And that’s why. My parents, my brother, you, have been taking care of me my whole life. I needed to stand on my own and go to school too. Though I regret not telling you. It wasn’t fair, but I couldn’t go to school in Italy and you couldn’t have played soccer here.”

  “Football, b
ut let’s not talk about that. Get some sleep, Andi. Our daughter is our priority. And she needs us at our best.”

  I lie back down and listen to his heartbeat as he plays with my hair. At some point I drift off. Still, I’m not sure where we stand. If he says he loves me, I believe him. But he hasn’t said where we would go from here.

  Thirty

  Chase

  The next week drags. In fact, time seems to halt completely as we wait for our upcoming appointment with the hematologist. Violet runs intermittent fevers, but never complains. Ignorance is bliss. Andi and I do our best to act as though everything is perfectly normal.

  I say, “Violet, let’s watch Frozen,” one evening. Even though she’ll fall asleep long before it’s over, her grin of excitement is worth the thirty minutes she’ll see. She claps her hands and says, “Owaf.” Olaf is her favorite.

  She snuggles into the curve of my body as the movie begins. Andi’s watching us instead of the TV. Her eyes droop along with the rest of her body. She’s already weary from all the stress. I can’t begin to think of the weeks ahead.

  But the words of my coach come back to me and I refuse to let this unknown opponent let defeat coat me in fear.

  “Hey, you over there.” Andi’s focus sharpens on me. “We’re Team Wilde, remember?”

  Andi says, “Team Wilde.”

  Violet glances at us. “Teem Wilde.”

  That gets a chuckle out of Andi. “You got it, firecracker.”

  “Not a firecracker. I snowman,” Violet insists.

  I rumble with laughter. “You can be whoever you want. But I’m calling you my snow cone.”

  “What a snow cone?” Violet asks, her tiny brows drawn together in curiosity.

  I ruffle her curls and answer, “It’s like an ice cream cone, only made with snow.”

  Her mouth twists up as though she just swallowed a lemon. “Icky, Dada. I wanna be ice cream cone.”

  “Okay.” With a peck to the tip of her nose, I say, “Then you’re my ice cream cone.”