Worth Every Risk

by Laine, Terri E.

  “Yeah, well, that ship has sailed.”

  “No, it hasn’t. You and Andi should go back to the hotel and get some rest. Cassie and I can keep watch for you. Violet is mostly sleeping now anyway. There isn’t anything you can do.”

  “I can’t leave. I could never leave her side.”

  “You have to sleep or you won’t make it through this. Why don’t you and Andi do shifts? I can stay with you while she goes, and Cassie can stay with her while you go.”

  That makes a little more sense.

  “That way one of you will be with her at all times. If something were to come up, you’d only be a phone call away. And the hotel is a five-minute walk from here.”

  “Let me talk to Andi about it.”

  When I do, she agrees it will help. I have her go first. We do six-hour intervals for sleep. We decide if it works, we’ll extend it to eight.

  Andi and I hug for a long time before I promise to call if anything happens. Nothing does. The doctor makes his visit while she’s gone.

  “Okay, we’re on day minus two. One more day and we’ll be ready. I can share this news with you because your donor has you on the HIPAA agreement. As you’re aware, all of his tests checked out, so we’re a go. The day after tomorrow, day zero, he’ll report to outpatient surgery for the bone marrow extraction. That shouldn’t take long at all. They use a short-acting anesthesia and then observe him for a while. Usually, the patient is in recovery for only a couple of hours and then released. He’ll be able to go back to the hotel—not alone, of course. And then Violet will get the transfusion. Only one more day of the bad stuff. And then we monitor her for rejection and side effects.”

  “I’ll be honest. This treatment has been awful on her mother and me.”

  “It usually is. The patient has it bad, but on so many meds they don’t understand what’s going on. She’s done extremely well so far. Let’s keep our fingers crossed it holds out until she receives the bone marrow.”

  Fletcher keeps my mind occupied until Andi returns with Cassie. She looks somewhat better so maybe I’ll feel a bit better after a nap. I relay what Dr. Rosenberg said and then Fletcher and I leave.

  When I get back to the hotel, I take a long, hot shower, my first real one in days. It relaxes me so I crawl into the bed I haven’t slept in since we’ve arrived. It seems like I’ve only been asleep for a few minutes when my ringing phone awakens me.

  “Andi,” I say, alarm clinging to every pore.

  “Violet has spiked a low-grade fever. The antibiotics she’s been on should be enough to handle it, but they’re switching things up a bit.”

  “I’m on the way.”

  Forty-One

  Andi

  It’s hard to watch your child sick or hurt. I sit in a chair with my gloved hand stroking Chase’s silky hair. Exhausted as we both are, he falls asleep talking. At least I’d gotten a nap, so I don’t move where I sit in fear I’ll wake him or Violet.

  I use the back of my free hand to wipe at my silent tears. The latex doesn’t exactly do a great job of removing the moisture, but it’ll have to do since Chase and I have to wear gloves, masks, and gowns to be around Violet now that her immune system is basically nonexistent. Since they are both resting at the moment, I don’t have to be strong in front of either of them.

  We send Fletcher and Cassie home. She has a business to run and there’s nothing they can do at the moment. My parents and Chase’s are both retired. They are back at the hotel with Mark, who can work from anywhere.

  I get off the phone from telling them about Violet’s fever, which had spiked, but finally they’ve gotten it under control. I pray for nothing short of a miracle with the bone marrow transplant. I don’t want Violet to have to undergo this procedure again.

  Then I think about my baby or lack thereof, which only makes me cry harder. There hasn’t been time for Chase and me to even think about sex or another child.

  As if he hears my thoughts, he stirs.

  “Sorry,” he mutters, sitting up from where his head had rested on my shoulder.

  Then he notices my tears, and before I can wipe them away, he’s there leaning in and kissing my temple, or doing his best imitation of it through his mask.

  “She’s going to make it,” he says and uses the pads of his thumbs to remove the moisture from my face.

  His conviction is as strong as ever. I pull on a brave face and nod.

  My phone vibrates in my pocket. It’s Beth. I signal to Chase I’m going to take the call outside.

  “Hey,” I say into the phone as the door clicks shut behind me.

  “Andi, oh, girlie. I wish I could be there for you.”

  “I know, but there’s nothing you can really do.”

  There’s nothing I can do either, but I keep my feeling of helplessness to myself.

  “It’s awesome your brother is a match.”

  I don’t go into the details. I’d texted her the details about how he’s only a fifty percent match.

  “Yes, it’s like a miracle.”

  Though the odds were in our favor that a nonblood-related person would be a match, the odds of that person somehow being a part of my family was one in a million.

  “You know if you need me, I’ll drop everything and come.”

  I laugh, though it’s with little humor. “And get fired? What about Joshua?”

  “We don’t have to talk about me,” she says.

  “No, really, give me something else to think about.”

  She distracts me for five minutes with a tale that has my head spinning.

  “No way,” I say.

  “Yes.”

  Just when I think she’s about to explain, Chase pokes his head out and I hear Violet murmuring something.

  “She’s asking for you.”

  Guilt rushes in that I wasn’t there when she woke up.

  “I have to go,” I tell Beth.

  “Yes, I hear. Give her my love and call me anytime.”

  I agree and end the call, hurrying over to Violet’s side, just in time for her to throw up. I don’t get horrified. Instead, I tell her all is fine when it isn’t.

  The next few days are horrific, but the doc has cleared her for the procedure.

  “Everything looks good. We’ll take your brother back in the next hour,” the doc says before leaving the room.

  “I’m going to go talk to him.”

  Chase nods and I lightly kiss Violet’s cheek through the mask I’m required to wear before leaving. She’s out at the moment and it’s a good time for me to sneak off and talk to my brother.

  He lies in bed with Mom and Dad huddled nearby. I take his hand and remember all the times my big brother took care of me, and here he is doing it again.

  “Mark, there are no words for what this means to Chase and me.”

  He squeezes my hand. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, sis, and especially for my niece.”

  I lean in and hug him. For so long, I felt lost, like not knowing who my biological parents were mattered. In the end, it hasn’t. They gave me the greatest gift, a family: one who loves me unconditionally.

  “I love you so much, big brother. I always have, even when I’m pissed at you.”

  He grins and the door opens. I turn to see Riley, who looks flushed like she’s been running.

  “You’re here.”

  She and I had talked the night before. She’d sworn me to secrecy that she was coming in case she didn’t make it in time because of her tournament.

  “Hey,” my brother says with moon eyes at the woman I suspect he’s loved since they were little. “I didn’t think you could come.”

  I give her a quick hug and step away so he can have time with her. When she leans in to kiss him, I indicate to him and my parents that I’m leaving.

  The procedure is free of a lot of risks, I tell myself. I have nothing to worry about. Mark will be fine.

  A couple of hours later, a nurse comes into Violet’s room and hangs the ba
g filled with Mark’s precious gift of bone marrow. Chase and I watch as it runs down the line into her port where the engraftment will begin.

  I turn in his arms and a sob escapes me. His hold tightens and silently we take comfort in each other.

  “Oh, sorry.”

  I glance up to see Riley poke her head into the room. Chase lets go of me and hugs his cousin. “Thank you for coming,” he murmurs through the open door.

  “I just wish there was more I could do,” she says.

  He nods. “Is Mark awake?”

  “He is. I had to know he was okay before …”

  I walk over to the door.

  “I’m glad you were there. I couldn’t be in two places at once.”

  We were both torn between two people we love.

  “They’re both strong. And Violet’s getting his marrow that will make her even stronger.”

  Overcome with emotion, I walk over and hug her. When we pull apart, Chase says, “Do you mind staying with Andi for a few minutes? I’d like to talk to Mark.”

  We watch him walk away. Riley enters the room and goes through the procedure of putting on gloves, mask, and gown. Her mask moves and I’m not sure what she’s going to say. “You know I’m hopelessly and utterly in love with your brother.”

  The giggle that escapes me is a sure indication that I need this respite from all the worries I have.

  “I know. When you would come for the holidays, I caught you both sneaking glances at each other. At first, Chase and I thought it was so gross, especially when we caught his brother and Cassie making out.”

  She laughs. “It was never the right time. When he finally made that first move, we were moving to California. Then when I came back, he was with someone or I was.”

  “You didn’t miss much.” I point my finger to my mouth and mime gagging. “Those girls were …” I roll my eyes and we both giggle again. Then I sober. “I’ll let you in on a little secret.”

  Her face is alight with humor. “What’s that?”

  “Never once have I seen him look at someone like he looks at you.”

  Her hand moves over her heart. “He’s amazing.”

  I nod. “He is. He’s one of the best guys I know. And I’m glad you two found each other.”

  She takes my hand. “And you … Chase. I’ve never seen him so happy.”

  We laugh. “Isn’t it funny how everything worked out? When Fletcher left and Cassie married that other guy, I thought if it couldn’t work for them, how could it work for Chase and me? She asked him to choose between his career and her and he chose football. I didn’t want to make that same mistake.”

  I can tell by the look Riley’s giving me that she knows what I’ve never admitted out loud before. “So when Chase got the chance to go play soccer.”

  “Football,” I correct.

  She grins. “Okay, football. You encouraged him to go because you were afraid he wouldn’t choose you either.”

  “Yes.” It feels like such a weight is lifted off my shoulders to admit it. “Though I have to say, I think he wanted me to go with him. But I had dreams of my own, college and nursing school.”

  Neither means anything now. All that time had been wasted when I could have had him. In the end, he and Violet have always been my choice.

  “But you found each other again, like I have your brother. Now it’s up to the both of us not to mess that up.”

  She’s right. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for either of them. Nothing. So I sit and curl my hands around the Styrofoam cup. I vaguely wonder what Chase is saying to my brother.

  Forty-Two

  Chase

  As I walk to visit Mark, I can’t help the fear that crawls up my spine. The next few weeks are going to be brutal. Only I’ll have to contain the terror that grips me because no way in hell will I ever let Andi see how frightened I am.

  The elevator dings and the doors whoosh open. I’m accompanied by a half dozen or more people. But I’ve never felt more alone than I have today. Day 0. Transplant day. I should be excited, right? I do my best to thrum it up, as I would before an important game. Except nothing happens. There is no excitement, only dread. Why do I feel like this? Is this a premonition? Is God going to steal my baby girl from me after this short period of time? Would He be that cruel?

  The elevator stops at another floor and I glance up to see which one. Unfortunately, it’s not Mark’s. I have two more to go until we get to the first floor where the outpatient center is. What would we have done without Mark and his matching Violet’s marrow? How bizarre. Maybe that is a sign from God that everything will work out. Maybe God is testing me. I’m not sure what to think anymore, other than I’d do anything to see that Violet makes it out of here alive.

  I finally get to the recovery area and ask the receptionist where I might find him. She directs me to the correct area and I see Mark’s parents and then Mark. He’s wearing a lopsided grin and looks half-looped.

  “Dude,” he yells. “I did it!”

  His parents try to shush him, but he’s too drunk on whatever they gave him for pain and it does no good.

  “You sure did, and I owe you big.” I bend over him and we man-hug.

  “Nah, you don’t owe me a thing. You’d have done the same for me if the situation were reversed.”

  “You know it. But still. This is something we will never be able to pay you back for.”

  He slashes his hand through the air. “Yeah, you will. When I see her walking out of this hospital will be payment enough. Oh, and maybe some World Cup tickets.”

  “Greedy bastard, aren’t you?”

  “You know it.”

  “When are you getting out of here?”

  “I don’t know. Mom? Dad?”

  “I think they’ll let you leave pretty soon now,” his mother says. “They were making sure he wouldn’t get sick from the anesthesia.”

  “They gave me some pretty good shit,” Mark says, winking.

  “Mark, language, please,” his mom admonishes him.

  Laughing, I say, “I can tell. You’re going to feel like you got kicked by a mule, so take it easy, man.”

  “I know, I know.”

  “The doctor was just in here giving him that lecture,” his dad says.

  “Good.” I pat his shoulder again and say, “Thanks again. You don’t know how much this means to—I …”

  “Hey, you have to stop. I did it for Violet. Got it?”

  “Okay, yeah. Sure.” I turn away so he doesn’t see me wipe the drop of water out of the corner of my eye. Using my thumb, I aim it at the ceiling. “So, I’m gonna head back on up there. I left your sister with my cousin and no telling what they’re up to.”

  “That’s true. And can you send my girl back down? I want her to tuck me in when I go back to the hotel.”

  “Oh, boy. I will not tell her that. You can.” I hug his parents before I head out the door.

  On the way back upstairs, I can’t help but feel the love of family and friends. We are so fortunate to have such a close-knit support group to surround us in our time of need. As I near Violet’s room, I pass the waiting room and see Mom and Dad as they watch the TV in there. I stop and let them know about Mark.

  “He’s great. And I’m a lucky man.”

  “Fletcher and Cass are too. He’s a great friend,” Mom adds.

  “Yeah. Hey, why don’t you two head back to the hotel and get some rest? I’ll call if anything happens.”

  “Are you sure?” Dad asks.

  “Yeah. She received the marrow and will be asleep, I’m sure. It’s all about the wait and see now.”

  They gather up their things and make me promise to call if anything happens.

  “Even if she so much as scratches her nose, Chase. I mean it,” Mom says.

  “I will. I swear.”

  When they’re gone, I walk the rest of the way to Violet’s new home for the next several weeks. I observe Andi and Riley talking and then Violet as she sleeps. The two
women are chatting away, and for the first time in weeks, I notice Andi’s eyes light up. I’m happy Riley is able to take her mind off this terrible thing, even if it’s only for a few lousy minutes. Then I remember that I’m supposed to send Riley down to Mark.

  “Psst. I hate to break up the little party but, Riley, your presence is requested by a certain someone downstairs,” I say from the doorway.

  “Oh,” Riley answers. “I guess I’d better go down and see what his Royal Highness wants.”

  “Hey, do treat him like a prince. After what he did for us, he deserves it,” Andi says.

  “Rest assured, he will be spoiled by me,” Riley answers. Then she hugs Andi and walks toward me. When she gets out of the room, she takes off her mask, gloves, and gown and hugs me.

  “We’ll see you soon. Call me if you need anything. Coffee, a sandwich, vodka. Whatever.”

  “Thanks, cuz.”

  Now it’s my turn to put the gear back on after I scrub my hands. Andi sits and waits.

  “She’s been sound asleep. The marrow is in and the nurse just came in and checked. All is well.”

  “Good. I thanked Mark. He was looped. It was damn funny.”

  “Oh, God. I can only imagine.”

  I put my arm around her. “I don’t know what we would’ve done without him.”

  “Neither do I.”

  In silence, we both sit and watch our daughter as she peacefully sleeps. Eventually, we both drift off until sometime later when a nurse comes in to check on Violet.

  “Mr. Wilde, you and Ms. James may want to open up the recliner into the bed. The sheets are in the closet there.”

  “Yeah, we know. We didn’t intend to sleep this long.” I check the clock to see it’s after eight. Andi wakes up with all the chatting.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey. Are you hungry?”

  “Yeah, are you?”

  “Starving. Why don’t I run down and get us a bite to eat?”

  “I think the cafeteria is closed.”

  “Damn. Let me call my mom. She’ll get us something.”

  “Or mine.”

  I quickly text my mom and they are actually out eating and say they’ll bring us something on their way back. I let Andi know.